and the evening passed

i know i should have had lots to ramble on about and flood this blog with entries this weekend, especially today, but the fun away from the computer was too much fun and this evening there was a lot of other distractions like watching some football with jackson and fantasy football (where i most likely won one and lost one) and facebook (where i found wonderful photos and memes to download and also fell in love a bit) and maybe tomorrow night or sometime down the road i will add links but for now i must get some sleep in my head cuz another work week starts tomorrow and i must be alive and awake and alert as it is the first day i spend with my supervisor and i think she will finally orient me to my actual tasks and show me the set up of the systems i will be stepping into, not to mention give me my office keys...

so this really ought to be the last entry for this month and i really ought to be saying nite nite so... nite nite...

winning is fun too

unfortunately, there was a conflict of game times so i had to choose and i chose to go to the afternoon games because there was a double header and the morning game (scheduled for 2pm) was not as meaningful to the season for that team... hopefully the back up pitcher there did ok and the team won, but it was one game of a 12 game season while the double header was two games in a 7 game season... last week was a double header for the early team and the coach let the back up pitcher pitch the second game and he did fine, so he can do it this week...

we won both games of the double header, 4-3 and 12-9... the first team had to forfeit when the umpire found out after an inning or two that they only had seven of their actual players and you must have eight without borrowed players... we were ahead 4-0 and finished the game as a scrimmage, though we took it very easy after that because it was sun-pounding hot and we had the second game coming up... they almost came back as they in the final inning with the tying run on second, but we held them off... the second team had a bust out 7 run fourth inning when fatigue and the heat hit us all at once and they pulled up to make it 10-9, but other than that, we shut them down pretty well and shut them out in the fifth, sixth, and seventh... most important of all was we had fun...

jackson and i stayed for one more game cuz another team was short girls and jackson subbed for them... they won too... the heat was brutal... meanwhile, the league is falling apart because of poor management and weather and at least four games were forfeits... the fields sucked because they are apparently used for an earlier in the day league and our league management does not insist on basic ground-keeping which is ridiculous when you consider it is the most expensive league in town and they don't even use asa umpires...

but anyway, yay for wins but even more, yay for fun with friends...

mysteries remain

yeah, so a shower and getting ready for softball, but the web absorbed me for hours and that did not bode well for the babbling i intended to do here and wherever so there was no massive flood of entries for the last day of the month so there will be no massive flood of page views or visits or whatever for the last day of the month so there will be a drop for the month so what, i mean, so what?...

something really grabbed my attention, but for now, jackson is home and it's out to softball...

wow, where, what?

as in wow, where did the time go, where did i go, what happened, what did i do?... i find this empty box waiting for this entry to be written and have no recollection of why... some online stuff happened i believe... some news... some facebook... but for hours?... it is a mystery...

lazy moon and kit kat

but not twinkies... lazy moon is a pizza place i like when i want thin chewy dough, lots of cheese, and herbal oregano sauce... two slices are stuffing the belly cuz they are huge... they went down seriously yummy washed down with an orange mountain dew... and then, an extra crispie kit kat was the perfect dessert... the chocolate-filled twinkie, however, tasted rancid... i might write the company, it was that bad... hopefully my cast iron stomach will not notice...

and here we are, the flood of today's entries subsiding some, and all caught up with places to go, but no ambition or energy to want to go anywhere... another night for the professors and the mental orgasms they might have inspired... tomorrow is a softball day and then another work week and i must get some rest... sleeping in at least one day a week is even healthier for my brain than social orgasms... the body, on the other hand, wishes to differ even as sleep is even more important for the organs than the orgasms... have i orgasmed enough in this entry to attract google searches?... i am such a seo whore (or something like that)...

of course you could consider me clever and come over to share some orgasms too...

snarf :)

narfenstein

so why didn't this entry get a gazillion visits, or at least more than the others, since it stood out there in the wind as the front and center entry almost 24 hours and some of the other entries that have higher stats were just blips in the time line... and if google searches were the first referral source i might accept the words being the difference but some spam ad page is the leading source and even then no single page is more than 5% of the referral sources so, go figure, or don't cuz figuring requires some numbers that follow some logical pattern and the google stats sure don't...

but i will still hope this entry gets lots of visits that lead to visits to all the pages linked in the entry i am referring you to and now i am wondering if you go there from here is the stat even counted... ah, the foibles of faulty record keeping, not to mention ignorance of how it is done, so much to amuse me tonight inside my head...

narfenstien :)

timing the yums

so i wake myself up a bit by taking happiness out for a jog/walk and then stuck a frozen eggplant parm thing into the microwave for 777 minutes or something like that cuz it was the easiest path to a taste the taste buds were interested in and as i am stumbling around half awake i sense i am not alone and there is jackson and her friend and after acknowledging i was luckily wearing clothing (i expected them to be out late tonight) i chowed down on the eggplant parm sandwich i made and lamented over not having anything sweet and icy cold to drink... the timing failure was just before sticking the frozen food into the microwave i considered texting jackson to find out when she would be home in case she was coming home early and then she could bring me food and drink, aye aye...

still hungry, i contemplate going out for something to give them a bit of privacy (but still not motivated to shower and head out to the professors cuz they are across town and i am way too lazy tired to want to hang out late and blah blah blah)... i sense chocolate in my future...

sleepy hungry

sitting down in the recliner (who remembers the big green chair?... well, this one is smaller and brown, but still comfy) and letting the friends on ncis providing relaxing stimulus for the brain while contemplating how to satisfy my hunger lead to nodding off (go figure) and i woke slightly frustrated cuz i was hungrier and nothing was ready to be eaten that i felt like eating and i had no desire to drive anywhere (and was missing a party with college professor friends... alas, i helped my friend move today and it went many hours beyond planned and i am stinky and tired so who'd wanna take me home and fondle me tonight anyway...

college professors fondle well though... sigh...

narf :)

suspense, aye?

i know, the suspense must have been agony waiting for this next entry to appear on your screen since i left you in limbo not knowing if we survived our treacherous journey through high winds, thunder, lightening, and blinding sheets of rain... not to mention busy and routinely awkward traffic (you know the average age of drivers in florida?)...

well, we survived... and unloading some of the stuff was loads of fun (in case that was not sarcastic enough, i'll add this *wink*)... but loving the driving and the weather and the challenges to the senses and abilities and the helping friends part of the long hot wet, ummm, day leaves the smiles far outweighing the frowns...

hope you enjoyed your lemonade today too :)

rain sheets

zipping along at 77 miles per hour in a tightly packed almost overloaded truck is not what i had in mind when i set out this morning, but it is florida and it is september and it is reasonable to expect afternoon showers... who'd thought we would just be starting the 3 hour ride back to orlando at later afternoon storm time... anyway, for the first hour, at least, the visibility varied from ten to thirty feet or so... i didn't mind that the company renting the truck set the governor at 77 miles per hour at that point... we slowed down to around 50mph along with the rest of the drivers on the interstate... blink... blink...

otherwise they were a series of wonderful storms :)

fast food sucks

and while i don't specifically mean to pick on mcdonalds, that happens to be where we stopped and the three scraggly chick strips for almost $4 were dry and so not worth it, it reminded me why i pass fast food places by when i am out for food... so many empty calories available for what used to be cheap... anyway, sweet dr pepper and a mocha frape later and we are ready to hit the road for the long ride back, which reminds me of a time (excuse me, i just channeled a bit of ducky... or was that higgins... which reference do you get?)...

wish you were here :)

moving

moving can be much fun and can be a pain in many parts of the body and mind, depending on circumstances and company... watching reluctant movers move from a chair right next to the truck is a tad awkward and not so much fun, but hey they were getting paid and i was told to just let them do their thing, they are the professionals after all... i did help toward the end cuz it took more than three hours to load four and a half pods full of boxes and furniture into a 16 foot truck (shoulda had a bigger truck, but almost everything fit)...

meanwhile, lunch waits for them to get done and that's maybe still an hour away... can we spell dehydrated?... depends on how dehydrated we are i suppose lol... snark :)

in the passenger seat

i spend a lot of time sitting in the passenger seat in recent years, a lot more than in previous years in this life when i would have more people around who were depending on me to drive (and i love to drive) than others who prefer to drive themselves... my messy old car has nothing to do with it, i think (snarkle)... jackson is the one who drives me around most and today the long drive down south was handled by someone who prefers to drive (in spite of just getting off a 12 hour shift) so i enjoyed the passenger seat again...

from the passenger seat the travel experience is very different and often different each time on the same trips because without the steering wheel (and other car controls) resposibility the eyes can wander in any direction and spend time looking off into distances or anywhere around the path traveled and that can be even more fun for the mind than driving is for the mind-body experience... hope you enjoy your rides too :)

right, and the day began

when i woke up to the phone call reminding me i am helping a friend move from three hours away to orlando, just me and her, and she is not lifting a thing (any wonder why she doesn't get much help... rhetorical, i know, hence no q-mark) and i noticed that this entry did not benefit from time out front so apparently leaving an entry up for the entire day and evening on saturday doesn't effect the attention it receives, at least not on this particular saturday... still, it has so many links to click on, somebody could have much fun with it if they were like me and, ah yes, there's the rub and why i am waking alone...

so i head out the door for a long day... you? :)

how now?

i am not sure quite precisely or exactly how it happens, but here we are again way past sensible sleep time given the early wake up call expected for tomorrow... i was intending on waking with time for a shower and even some relaxing as it is saturday morning and it has been a very busy early waking first week of work and fighting off a cold/flu bug, but i just might skip everything and just wake at the last minute...

the reason tonight was the hunger to share, as you might have noticed by all the entries that suddenly appeared if you missed them, please start here and click to your heart's content...

nite nite :)

so did i mention?

that the flood of entries is not a steady flow this week (you may have noticed if you were paying attention, or are, even), but the loss is less than the gain if you care, always, that is the great balancer, after all... did i mention this blog recently passed the three thousand entry mark?... yes, that is to say there are more than three thousand blog entries, posts, even, prior to this one you are reading and the flow does not appear to be letting up all that much in spite of the cha cha cha changes happening more and more all over the written gardens for those paying attention... and if that is not enough excitement for one entry, this is what might have ummm happened even sort of since the last time we happened to be here... what? lol... whatever, the point is that you can blink and miss your life going by, so stop blinking, or at least use your eyes when they are open... yeah, that's the ticket... or something like that...

seriously, use your senses (don't be afraid now.. oh, yeah, how cool is that?) to experience each moment and you can find the bliss that is within you and all around you... and if you don't seem to be able to do that, keep breathing... hey, i could have written keep reading, but that would have been all sorts of egocentric and not as easy to take seriously and this may be one of the most serious entries or paragraphs or words (word?... {love}... yeah) i ever wrote, seriously... just keep swimming... and trust...

we are not alone

i mean, besides the aliens, we, you and me and the dog named flea are not alone cuz here we are sharing and sharing keeps us from feeling alone and alone is a feeling as much as a state of being and we are not changing the state of being as we all are, so don't take it to heart unless you feel it and and as amazingly attractive her wide eyed sultry lips may be, she is a poor choice for psychiatrist for haven or anywhere, especially when the writers do not appear to have a clue about how much mental discipline it takes to become a psychiatrist (way more than the insecurity of bragging about the universities that provided the degrees and no need to put down social workers, if you follow the continuity of realistic thought here, but then, what do i know, i might have a ten pound tumor in each kidney and another five pounder that not even obama's health plan would cover cuz it's not of this world, robert klein would understand, heinlein, adams, king, maybe even asimov and bradbury, but anyway, rarely does sci-fi {or syfy, for that matter} go after the intellectual sci-fi enthusiast these days, what with all the scare tactics {ghosts, spookies, paranormals, ufos, not to mention wrestling} so don't go telling me i don't know what i am talking about unless you do, or something like that), but the additional eye candy makes haven rise on the list of shows i want to catch when i can...

see how well distraction works?...

or was it babble?...

narf :)

dramatic drop in visits

yes, not that i am just noticing, but in the past week there has been a large reduction of visits to this blog which is bringing the monthly total down, which was expected because i stopped counting my own page views, but it was not expected as a sudden drop in the last week of the month, it was expected as an overall day-to-day drop... anyway, the whole page view number of visitors and number of visitors (three different measures) thing has so much inconsistency and illogical (not validated) data that it is relatively meaningless, except to ego who only wants to see more more more higher higher higher not matter what...

whatever, it's been a very long week of excitement, boredom, smiles, disappointments, frustrations, and satisfaction so i think i will drink some icy cold moscato now... guzzle, even... feel free to join me...

rain again

so there we were waiting for the home team to take the field at 6:30 and the drizzle stared and before the home team headed out there the downpour started and less than fifteen minutes later, the fields were a lake and the umpires were sent home and then five minutes later the sun was shining and the sky hid it's intentions so well, we were all amazed and baffled and frustrated and amused... ok, so i was the only one amused, but then, me and the sky, we've got this thing going on, ya know?...

so homeward bound without the exercise but so tired and wonky, almost happy about it... shhhh, don't tell anyway, they might not understand the sky thing and take it personally or something... nothing personal, ya know, i mean, no offense intended...

keep the sparkles flying :)

waiting for softball

yeah, and sometimes (nonchalance passes the time while waiting fore time to pass) you get a bit more (as does casual sarcasm, obscure even, mind games, play, ya know?)...

wrapped up the foot/ankle and put on the footwear for softball (which takes ten to fifteen minutes to do right now that i don't just slip on sneakers or cleats) and now waiting for the games to begin... fields look good, weather is beautiful, and yay... digested enough of the all-you-can-eat wild rice buffet yummies i treated myself to for being a good boy and being on time for work every day this week (except today when i thought the training i was to observe started at 8:30 when it was actually scheduled to start at 8 and yet when i arrived the trainer was eating breakfast in the cafeteria and not in the training room cuz he was running a half hour late and how do us executives in the ivory tower know, anyway?... shhh, it's our little secret, aye?... so he ended up apologizing to me for running late) and yeah, fatigue is high and the nasal drip is extremely distracting and the cold/flu bug drained much energy but still i swung at 80 pitches at the batting cages before going to the fields and ready for fun...

do your best to make life fun, m'ok? :)

onward to death and such

surely this entry ought to receive all sorts of curious visitors with a title like is has and yet, who knows whether the numbers or stats will be spambots spiders or actual humans reading, but that might not matter as much as whatever this entry might have been had it not been interrupted by this first thought... scat, cha know?...

day after day the world of the wealthy is built on the labor of slaves, paid slaves in this current incarnation of the human culture, but slaves nonetheless in the sense that the powerful control the powerless and the drones follow the orders of the leaders (did you catch that ever so timely google search term?) and enough people actualize the awareness of the wisdom that survival of the species depends most on a sustainable balance...

when the imbalance that is inherent in the slavery model is reduced to a sustainable balance, the chance of survival for the human race rises exponentially...

sometimes that's all you get

short and to the point... and sometimes that is more confusing than all the babbling explanatory notes, but isn't that the rub, or the irony, or the relativity, or something... it's always something, ya know?...

oh, the places references go :)

push

not so much like matchbox 20, but more like alphas if you follow the multimedia references, and so it goes...

who knows, aye? :)

freakin friday

yeah, the first full work-week in more than three full months and these early mornings are no more fun now than they were ever before and the cold or flu bug is definitely not helping (and neither is the sarcasm) and the last day of the week begins with these typical work-week mornings, little or no time for more than hi ho...

or something like that...

not the best idea

last night's late night mini-babbling (ten links for you to explore if you have time) did feel good last night and ego felt ever so clever being delightfully obscure in my profundity (my delusions are real to me), but tonight i am paying for the lack of sleep as the cold bug dug in and advanced today and and that'll learn me... maybe... anyway, feeling crappy and the coughing woke me and the nasal drip and focus on resisting the coughing is keeping me up now... being out of the house at work so many hours and being exposed to so many new people and germs there has not helped...

so i shall hope to fall asleep soon as tomorrow is another long day with softball in the evening and then saturday is an early morning trip down south to help a friend move stuff (just what the body needs, huh?)... anyway, blah blah blah yeah yeah yeah...

reluctantly awake

almost against my will due to the post nasal drip and fatigue, the fatigue leading to less control over the coughing that wakes the body that comes from the post nasal drip and what to do, what to do... there's football on the tv (which reminds me that i did not set my fantasy football teams this week, alas, bummer, and all that)... there are drugs (over the counter crap and herbal)... there are other avenues, but giving into fatigue (yes, i made the distinction, it not merely the fatigue) limits the choices...

sigh...

vital is sleep

and so i did, more often than in any previous week, this week... and so i was, deeply an wonderfully, and so it was now, then, and then, now, and wishing you were somehow here again, wouldn't it be nice, or something like that... i miss music and i don't turn it on and i don't sleep with it on like i used to... i stopped when i lost too many tapes... i lost one tape, then another tape, then another tape, then a few... and then, i lost most o the tapes that mattered and put the rest in storage and stayed away for almost two decades (wow, twenty years ago someday) because, i think, i do not want to believe the lost tapes are permanently gone and i do not want to face which tapes were lost, how much music died, how much of me was left behind...

see what happens in my sleep?...

because i want to

continue, that is... i want to continue babbling, for me and for anyone who enjoys babble, because i enjoy babbling and because i hope someone will too... i want to continue writing, for me and for anyone else who wants to read, because i enjoy writing and writing (as well as babbling, which is a variation of writing) is so many wonderful things for me from creative play to therapy to rationality to coping to connecting to so many wonderful things and because i hope someone understands, or wants to... i want to continue posting entries, as many as i have time for, for me and for you, because i enjoy the hope and amusement that posting entries brings and a hundred entries could only begin to explain this...

so i do, because i want to...

the relativity, sort of

time is as meaningful or meaningless as we make it and this blog makes it simultaneously meaningful and meaningless just for the fun of it or sometimes just to prove it can be done or sometimes to make some profound point that nobody will ever fully comprehend unless they reach beyond the mind of god concept to the ultimate energy of the eternal infinity or some such wonderfulness too precious to be explained or something like that...

each entry flows to where it is, whether meant to be or randomly, irregardless of time in space or date time stamp which are not necessarily the same thing, and beyond this, there is a thread of logic within the rearrangement of chronology that leads back to the first paragraph...

an einstein-hawkings bridge would not get you half way there...

cha (narf?)...

do entries : visits?

so are the entries in a direct ratio to the number of page vies, visits, and visitors and if so, would that be proof of an automated spambot or spider sending real or fake clicks to this blog or is that merely my imagination?... this weekend may be the test or maybe not, but a test may come, or maybe not, cuz thos weekend i will be quite busy away from the computer as i have been this week (and the visits, page views) and visitor number sent down in some similar ratio and yet i will attempt to find an amazing flurry of words for entries for the next few days to see if there is a direct enough corrolation (do we need to do the statistical tests or will estimates be enough?... for me, time constraints will suggest estimates will suffice out of necessity or something i think) to demonstrate something or other or whatever or fat...

no need sto get testy, sheesh... or narf :}

a morning thing

yeah, so it was something like this before and then there were months of sweet blissful normalcy and now we are back to the madness of unnatural sleep and driving the body to suicidal tendencies as the civilized modern western man (and woman) is expected to do...

hi ho, ya know?...

barf :}

see what i mean?

one two three four (can we talk a little more?) five six seven 8-9-10 (i love you)...

i mean, whatever i was saying, i meant that i am smiling :)

ridiculousness does not end at the frazzleberry

yes, see, there could be a few hours left in me tonight (we won't mention the messy political questions on facebook, m'ok?) if i disregard the sensibility of sleep in this time of requiring high-intensity immune system effort but there are forces at work in the psyche of this being you might call me that are well beyong the sense good sense of mortal man... for instance, the incomprehensible passion for numbers combined with the unabashed hunger for any form of attention mixed with the relative disregard for the differences between real and imagination or illusion or delusion, for that matter, catylized by the calendar counting down the days until the end of the month collectively create a causality consuming the wisdom of sleep and leading us to entries like this one... or that one... or whatever gets linked here eventually... stand down if you are tired, i shall rise if i fall and carry the madness forward until you are rested...

carry on...

all a-bubble with mirth

i'll explain later...

in the not so distant past i was playing within my mind (remember? and she flashed through my head like a comet meant for bed (now there's a rhyme freud would eat alive, but think of what creation might survive, or evolve, even)...

how does the mind work why do people do what they do can science explain behavior will we ever map the brain can we be anything we want to be is everything a game is there meaning to life are we all always alone is everything illusion... and to the serenity of fireflies how i adorate sci-fis and making up words and fluffing the absurds and pushing the boundaries of emotion (though it does not need to put on the lotion)... will anyone ever understand even half of my references or a fraction of my humors?... there once were rumours...

well if you simply must know, it came from here... with hope for more to come later...

i wonder if it is later yet...

now you might wonder why

i've called you all here? (who me, what where?)... this blog must go on? (where, when, what blog?)... the ship is sinking? (huh, ship?)... the story continues and the song goes on forever... don't tell me the news cuz i will just say whatever... for if the truth was known and accepted and all the lies finally rejected we would see what was was not more than a life of farce played by fools for fame and fortune without meaning only ego's intellectual abortion... cry if you want to... life goes on... die if you want to... life goes on...

and all we can say is... hope you smiled more than you frowned today...

it is whatever you make of it

cha cha cha (or ha ha ha if you get it, c?), but even if you don't you are wonderful to be here (most certainly a thrill) and i'd like to take you home with me (we'd love to take you home), so thanks to all for being there and thanks to you for being here and thanks to uncle fester for giving up all of his hair (not to mention showing us what not to wear, especially in florida) cuz whatever it is or was, whether you just pass by or pause, the singer may recall the cause (the day the music dies), but even if the singer doesn't that doesn't mean the meaning wasn't and in the end when all is gone, still it turns me on...

narf :)

seriously, where are we?

the blogmaster plays a trump card in place of the logical next line and whether the attraction is child-like, playful, intellectual, nerdy (what, like those others weren't?), or whatever (wouldn'tcha like to see what might have been linked there), the madness of politics in a presidential election year is almost enough to distract me from how dangerous religious rhetoric is in this world, so just accept a sudden influx of entries (or links) for what it is (or are, even)...

narf :)

no really, that was not (e)thereal, was it?

whether suspended in time or in suspended time, there are precious constructs in the mind of man that man has yet to fully comprehend, nor woman any further evolved can explain, but those few who do not delude themselves with believing they know have the best opportunity to discover what was there all along... or maybe not...

narf :)

it puts on the lotion

as in, need to practice some new habits as in drop some weight to fit into the work clothes (or buy more, which is potentially necessary too, but drop 10-15 pounds around the belly would be very wise and prudent) and assorted other daily routine habits... so the training (self-training, not just the work orientation) begins this week and i do not want to lose the blogging habit so i am doing it, whatever it is...

two good first days and today is another first day at another location (this one will be my location, called "central" and i meet the nursing routine)... holding off the head cold better than expected (still foggy much though) and out the door now...

love your day (and yourself) today, ok? :)

was thought here

the first thought after the last thought i had some distant past ago (or last night just before bed cuz i must focus on proper rest what with the body battling some bug and new job orientation happening this week) was that NCIS disappoints in opening season ten as the cliffhanger from last season hits bottom in the first five minutes by leaving not suspense as to who survived... heck, in real life bombings it could take hours to dig through rubble and find out who survived... and who didn't... here in minutes we know all is well, at least physically... for a show that has done emotional storylines better than most, it's a cop out, if you ask me...

i'll watch anyway...

nite nite :)

who'd a thought

waking from a nap to turn on the tv to roll through stations to find NCIS just starting and realizing it is the first episode of the new season after an explosive cliffhanger and this may the first time that one of my favorite shows is also the #1 show on television so what am i suddenly normal?... mostly i watch in re-runs cuz i have no set schedule and usually forget it's on, but i enjoy the reruns...

meanwhile, jackson must have forgotten our date to watch this cuz she's not home... further pointing out how foolish i am to have gotten excited about watching this with her last week when we happened to catch a commercial pointing out this would be on tonight...

oh well, the head hurts and i should sleep anyway... wonder how exciting the writers will make this (typically tv writers disappoint me, but the characters are fun to watch on this show so i stick with it when i find time)... are we having fun? :}

the blurry life

that's what happens when the sinuses explode and all the rest of the head and body put 90% or more of it's focus and energy into fighting a cold bug and sure, i'm out there making first impressions on a new job... this would be worrisome if it was not so typically like me, so laughter almost happens breathing is way too controlled to stop coughing to allow laughter, but smiling it cool :)

meanwhile, i'm going to bed soon... nite nite :)

sick sucks

yes, i mean being sick sucks... runny nose continues, but the medications that dry up a runny nose suck even more... especially when tomorrow involved waking early to sit in a room listening to orientation lectures for eight hours... headache now, and pain medications suck too... drugs suck in general... but headache, mostly sinus headache, is keeping me awake now after i was able to fall asleep earlier around 6pm... headache is likely the reaction to stopping the cold lozenge medication i was sucking on all day so i could sit quietly without sniffling, sneezing, coughing, or otherwise being distracted or distracting with the headcold symptoms... the runny nose would stop if i stopped forcing fluids, but forcing fluids is supposed to be done when fighting a cold... so i am addressing the suckage here in the sort of whining complaining sucky blog entry... maybe i will give in and take an aspirin, though that could raise blood pressure, cause other complication (kidney, liver, heart, etc), and ultimately increase the headache...

sick sucks :}

of course not

referring to the brain actually going to sleep, but hey, i left out the fantasy football team falling on it's face (just a game, i know, but still a bummer, ya know?) and other things that did not go as i wanted them to in that list of things that did not go as i wanted them to over the weekend past in the previous entry so why should everything be left behind neatly packaged and resolve and digested and excreted when everything was not (neatly packaged and resolve and digested and excreted, that is)...

still, today is another day and i drank fluids and took all sorts of precautionary supplements and hopefully the nose will slow the drip as i have a long day of sitting in a room listening to people orient me to a new organization and sniffling and blowing the nose is not the best first impression ya know... life is so much fun in these bodies, aye?...

sniff sniff :)

still, i know i have a wonderful life cuz i am alive and wide-eyed and eager to explore the new game i shall play for money (mostly eager) in spite of the missing pieces (ah, when i fall in love... la la la... and retirement someday would be nice, among other things... the repetitiveness is because every moment is brand new all unto itself in case you were thinking i forget that i say the same thing about the same thing most every day... narfapalooza) and i shall make today spectacular no matter what happens... i hope you do too :)

sometimes

life just doesn't work out the way i want it to... so this weekend... i didn't get to play all the softball i wanted and i didn't get all the exercise i wanted and i didn't fall in love like i wanted and i am starting a new job tomorrow morning and feel jackson's bad cold finally hitting me big time tonight and there is a dog next door who has been barking and howling for hours after 1am the past few nights and nobody answers the door to talk to about it and my nose is running away and my throat is kind sore and the blahs are swamping the body and there's a list of other things that didn't go quite well this weekend but all in all, this weekend was still mostly fun and i love life as i am... the unwanted stuff shall pass...

gonna lay down and see if the brain will go to sleep now :)

food nod

it is so easy to nap after eating, especially when the food is yummy and even easier when the food is meat or cheese or carb based... must be the sugar coma... anyway, that is what is happening at this moment and i must keep in mind that i must get a good sleep tonight and be awake about 5:30am tomorrow to be ready for the 8am new job orientation... a bit of excitement, mostly yuck, not work again lol lam law...

might not wake up enough to catch up on the weekend, maybe tomorrow night, maybe still tonight... eventually, that's for sure, mostly... definitely do not want to be wired though, must sleep well tonight...

hope life is smiling more than frowning for you today :)

adjustments

loving change and the unknown the way i do, i usually adjust easily to changes in schedules and plans and the like, though i get bummed when people make changes in plans without telling me or when the changes are illogical decisions... that happens in politics, religion, and world affairs all the time, but i am distanced from that enough to smile after responding to simply letting the world get along without me... when changes are made by others that effect my expected activities and those changes bring down the overall performance of everyone involved, well, that is frustrating... it's like a driver deliberately (or absentmindedly) driving off the road... anyway, people are people, life goes on, and i'm still enjoying the lemonade... hope you are too :)

afk

wow, a whole weekend will appear sometime later today, i think... but for now, i shall attempt to sleep a few hours... hope your weekend is full of fun...

cleaned up for guests

yeah, we are having friends over tonight so we cleaned up the place everywhere but my room (my personal space is still so cluttered even as i throw out more stuff every day... going in the right direction, just going slowly)...

when i started this entry i had something to say but i didn't leave myself a clue or even a title so this is what is left... a very busy weekend full of fun, though mostly make-shift fun as the weather keeps changing the intended activities (are intended activities also known as plans?... i so seldom actually take plans seriously unless others are depending on me taking the plan seriously)... anyway, gonna party tonight, home-lite style, but still fun with friends...

hope you find something fun to do too :)

getting ridiculous

and maybe the most ridiculous thing of all is suggesting it is just getting ridiculous... i refer to everything, of course, but as usual there is a few things rising to the top of the specific inspirations for this entry and stop the bleeding was second on that impromptu list and first on the serious list, as in, put a cork in the expenditures, please, but first on the overall inspirations that brought me to this title is yet another blog and not just another blog, but look, it's a blog for politics, religions, and rhetoric which i so dearly seek to avoid, but definitely want to keep out of most of my blogs because those subjects attract single issue minds and mind sets (even the cia is on it) and drive readers and comments away from blogs or pages with obsessive single-issue sometimes irrational negative comments that become the equivalent of online stalking...

otherwise, it was a semi-ordinary day :)

wasted weather

sitting in a car during a hot weather rainstorm is sometimes frustrating because people drive less safely in the rain and it is not as easy to enjoy a storm in the car because you can't see the big picture even if you were not focused on the road and looking out for poor rain drivers, but even more annoying is wasting gas to drive a half hour to softball fields only to find it raining there and waiting there for another little while before the games are cancelled... so much for getting their early... most everybody else got the news still at home... so both games were cancelled tonight and will extend the season another week... this could interfere with a concert jackson and i have down the road and i'd hate to miss the playoffs due to a concert, but the tickets are purchased and the game that week will be missed... hopefully the schedule changes due to weather will not push the playoffs to that friday night...

so we went for yummy all-you-can-eat shrimp instead... and that brought up the tighten the ridiculousness of the budget thought in the next entry and now brings up the ridiculousness of the eating too many calories thought (that keeps me uncomfortably over weight), but... the food was so very yummy... just told myself to shuddup, love you too :)

like, whatever

yeah, so in my megalomaniacal (or is it merely egocentric) attempt to take over (or is it simply save) the world via the written word using the internet as the vehicle for the moment, i used a comment-letter written to a friend catching up on the past week to dump three new entries into the up-and-coming (with or without the complimentary drumroll) three new daily blogs (in this blogging life) and yeah, i know, as if the (with or without the ubiquitous drumroll) three new facebook pages were not enough mind-controlling expansion for one week (dontcha just love it when i go all glennbeckish or limbaugh on your asses?)... gandhi would get it... robin williams would jump right in... you can just keep swimming if you want... hope you do, wouldn't want you to drown...

right, so waking up today to find the private blog entry from a friend inspired the comment-letter which was condensed and edited and expanded and modified quite without any concrete plan or forethought to become the three entries noted and linked above and now, i shall check facebook and prepare some lunch and continue clearing out the living room...

wish you were here, but wherever you are, wish for good thoughts and some fun :)

almost

so i finally connected the external hard drives that have been in boxes for a long time and alas, the lost written gardens are not on them... this may mean they are gone for good, possibly... there is an outside chance that they are on one of the old laptops that no longer work and there is an outside chance that the hard drives on those laptops could be accessed, but not without some experimentation, learning, or paying someone else... like the stuff up north... alas, i thought there was so much more... sigh...

so i almost found them and almost got super excited and searched and searched folder after folder but apparently i was a fool and did not back up the laptop drives on the external drives and so, i accept the old gardens are still out of reach...

yes, that's where i've been all evening... and how are you? :)

headache, timeache

the headache is most likely a caffeine withdrawal headache cuz i had no caffeine today and lost of caffeine the past two days or longer so aspirins and a little caffeine please... decided to go with hot dogs for dinner, satisfying the cravings of the past few weeks and there is still bbq ribs and the buffets and the all-you-can-eat shrimp at red lobster and yeah, food is life (especially when love is friendship)...

and time is rushing by way too fast again... it slowed down nicely during the summer when there were few obligations but coming up on work obligations again, i am feeling the free time running out... could have done a lot more with the free time, really, but hey, vegetation is something too and love the peace and stress-free time it was... life is so much better in so many ways than it was before, and looking to the new work life with optimism even though the free time will be less...

looking through old files on external drives now, excitement, trepidation, alas... less time for the internet wandering, the reading, the searching through stuff... less time to be lonely, perhaps, less time to find the one... ah, there's the rub, aye? :}

FOR THOSE PAYING ATTENTION ------------>

just in case you didn't notice, ahem, lol lam laa... yeah, there are sort of current events and new things popping up all the time and that little section just to the right over there is all about helping you explore what is new (and exciting, we can hope) in the land of the written gardens online... is this what it means to be an attention whore? :)

phew and eh

the reaction to the jog/walk i just completed for approximately a 5k... i never did get to lunch, yet, but this is a very good thing i did... the first two laps were slow mostly walking fast with happiness and then eight jog/walk laps without him cuz he no longer can keep up more than a few hundred feet, if that far... especially not in 90 degree 60% humidity sunshine... i did not push a jog for a full lap myself in this heat and my current condition (which is the eh part of the title and that is being extremely generous with my blubbery self... since i only timed the last eight laps, the time is approximate at a 45 minute 5k... given the heat and body condition (not to mention carefully wrapped ankle/foot), eh... yeah, eh... more of this, please... a few times a week would be wise... and sure, i say this now that i am starting a job on monday, idjit :}

time for a shower... and food...

time for lunch

which means i am not available by internet or phone unless it is an emergency or jackson or... well, can't wait for an hour or so... for the next hour or so i will be exploring the foods in the fridge and the rest of the kitchen and possibly cleaning up a bit... might turn the tv on as it has not been on today... a shower might happen as well and who knows, i might step out to get some more clear fluids for jackson... so it may be a few hours away from this internet computer world... you have my number (on the side bar) and you know i respond best to texts when i am otherwise occupied as i will be...

if i am wise i might even surprise myself with exercise :)

juxta posing

or something like that... so there i was wandering the facebook world as i do every few or other days since being home more these last few months (which will change next week, shudder, so why remind me, dummy) and i find this page being advertised on the side of this page, which may be ironic or simply poor ad placement... hopefully these guys are not paying facebook for advertising and promotion...

and there was a nap between the last entry and this one that felt really good...

say it again (part 3)

yes, i will repeat myself in order to shamelessly plug the three new pages i created on facebook (and i will do it again... we can find some original explanatory notes in previous entries and the preliminary introduction for the first page as well as the preliminary introduction for the second page have begun, but the definitive introduction to the facebook pages has yet to be actually written and this is just one small step for man, or rather, one small step towards that end...

sound familiar?... well, the third (this being part three, after all, starting to see the pattern?) page i created over on facebook is wide awake at 4am (reminder for me and fb complaint - not allowed a "username" until the page has 25 fans, but it let the indypage have a user name... arbitrary rules are stupid, anyway, when i finally can have a user name i must return and change all of the links to this page which adds to the annoyance, hence this paragraph here to remind me)...

this one is even more me than the other two as it is intended to be a collection of qords, images, memes (which are basically words on images as far as i can tell ya know), and assorted other postable stuff that amuses, inspires, or in some way belongs on a page that would be called wide awake at 4am with all the lyrical reference that title can muster... yeah, maybe getting closer to the core, or at least, advertising my heart a little more, aye?...

so there you have it, the three new fb pages in all their glory each provided with preliminary introductions here in (e)thereal (cuz facebook is (e)threal, right?) under the title say it again... and with all the sarcasm and self-mockery i can muster at this hour, can social networking get any more fun?... lol lam laa :)

say it again (part 2)

yes, i will repeat myself in order to shamelessly plug the three new pages i created on facebook (and i will do it again... we can find some original explanatory notes in previous entries and the preliminary introduction for the first page has begun, but the definitive introduction to the facebook pages has yet to be actually written and this is just one small step for man, or rather, one small step towards that end...

the second (this being part two, after all) page i created over on facebook is change america (fb complaint - not allowed a "username" until the page has 25 fans, but it let the indypage have a user name... arbitrary rules are stupid, anyway, when i finally can have a user name i must return and change all of the links to this page which adds to the annoyance, hence this paragraph here to remind me)...

as opposed to the indyviews page, this one is more specifically my opinions on what should change in the usa if we want the usa to survive and stop the downward spiral... yes, i've decided to save the nation and therein the world and all of humanity, the earth, and the universe via facebook pages, you can thank me later...

preliminary introduction for the first page expounds on this a bit... probably... am i already losing interest?... lol lam laa :)

say it again (part 1)

yes, i will repeat myself in order to shamelessly plug the three new pages i created on facebook (and i will do it again... we can find some original explanatory notes in previous entries but the definitive introduction to the facebook pages has yet to be actually written and this is just one small step for man, or rather, one small step towards that end...

the first page i created over on facebook is independent views... i think i can thank one person for inspiring me to want to get the political debates off of my primary facebook page cuz i am so not political and really don't wanna be (my political status on facebook reads: wish politics was more humane, for the record), but i have noticed satirical mockery of authority is not the only reason for my interest in politics this year... observing the fall of the usa has started intriguing me and i decided to create a facebook page that would allow me to post, and therein save, articles and images and thoughts about the political landscape for my perusal, history, posterity, and even commentary when i find myself inspired to write a few words and communication if anybody notices...

yeah, so being a relative independent in virtually every aspect of this life, i named the page independent views and now you know... don't all rush over and ooo and ahhh at once now :)

test

this is going to take some getting used to...

hate it

the new blogger interface... hate is a strong word and it does not actually reach the level of dislike i have for the new blogger interface... it is time to explore other options... period.

sleep early

relatively... jackson is coughing and has been trying to sleep for a while and i am nodding off so i am heading to bed... it was an interesting day, much of it spent wandering online, some spent with happiness walking and playing, and there was the cooking of cheeseburgers, which, when i am in the mood which is every few months i suppose, is yum... i get more in the mood when i smell barbecue and now that softball has kicked back up and i am out there around barbecues a lot, the meat eater taste buds are returning... alas, i lived a few years as a hard core vegan and more than a dozen as a vegetarian and came to the understanding that i live in a human body and humans are naturally omnivores which is one big reason we evolved as we did, so while i am hard core opposed to animal cruelty and unhealthy farming and ranching, i am an omnivore and believe balance is the key to optimal health...

though some things are just culturally trained taste bud cravings, like hot dogs, have nothing to do with it :P

sleep well :)

poor roommie

my poor roommie is sick with a head cold that is really sounding awful (and she looks sick too) and there's not much i can do besides send positive vibs, shop for the right foods (clear liquids and such), and hope for the best (and here lately i've been in a meat mood more than usual, alas, but jackson's even less a meat eater than i am and doesn't like buffets, so i am left to go myself or find other meat and buffet lovers to try out this place that i randomly found after this photo appeared on my facebook and i followed it and... oh, look at the pretty flower)...

add much?...

hoping jackson feels better soon...

definitely facebook and tv

also burgers... yes, i finally cooked up some cheeseburgers... yes, i finally bought some beef when i went shopping yesterday... yes, i spent money again, way over budget for this week and month just like last week and month cuz paying all the bills and paying others bills and giving money to others is definitely not within a budget of no income, ya know... and that is why i spend most days doing little else but wandering the neighborhood (gas travel is so expensive and i have no bicycle, alas... i suppose if could use jackson's, but there is a personal relationship to be developed with a bike that i recall dearly and i am wondering if i want one again... hundreds of dollars, at least, for a good one and i would want a good one and there's no place to store it and would i really use it and... shut up, this parentheses is going nowhere fast, in fact, this entry is going, well, wherever)...

what?... ok, so i am expanding the facebook world as surrounding entries here in (e)thereal should be telling you (with linkages, naturally) and i am enjoying bones on the tube as it seems to be replacing ncis both because it is actually replacing ncis in it's daytime time slot recently and also because i have seen most ncis episodes enough times so the average ones are not as appealing and then there's the mentalist than sneaks in after bones, though i am not as big a fan as bones has much more intellectual stimulus and character interaction for me to enjoy while the mentalist has little more than ego play and eye candy going for it...

i really ought to make a haircut appointment...

forgetting time

i forgot precisely when i woke and became absorbed in something else, perhaps facebook (where i dream of being popular and admired, of course) or television (where i dream of being... wait, no, where i fantasize about meeting people with personalities and appearances like some characters or more often just get lost in the story and save and help people like the characters do, though jackson would probably tell you that i take the storyline apart and critique the continuity and realism and writers and add lines and stories of my own and she would probably be most right because she sees me as i am and i see myself from inside which is a pretty skewed perspective all things considered... messy too), but anyway, i enjoyed whatever little i did, at least i remember the feeling...

yeah, i love my mind... but love to share too ya know :)

continuing

in our last entry (where you can find some explanatory notes), we left off on facebook creating independent views and change america and just when we thought the inspiration to share more was almost ready for sleep, along came wide awake at 4am and the madness continued...

time to sleep now, nite nite...

sharing ideas

facebook seems to be a place where a lot of people share ideas and i finally decided to create a couple of pages there were i will share some of mine (pages with specific themes as opposed to my facebook page)... the first page i created is independent views which started out as an idea to look at the 2012 presidential campaign with an independent open mind and is likely to expand beyond the election with the same intent... and is sure would be good if more than one person notices it eventually... of course i will attempt to share brilliant ideas and stuff i find around the internet, but then, brilliant is in the eye of the beholder, like everything else... the second page is change america which is intended to collect positive ideas for making the usa a better place to live... so i expect all of you to rush right over and like the pages and tell everyone you know to rush right over and like the pages and together, we'll save the world or something like that...

maybe i'm just lonely and looking for more attention, aye? :}

meanwhile, the usa president is on letterman and i miss him cuz i forgot to switch channels from whatever i was listening to on the history channel, but i catch craig ferguson who has melissa etheridge which makes me very happy that i stayed awake and switched to this station tonight... i need a more interactive tv... or maybe a more interactive internet, aye? :)

expanding me

and i mean physically, so this is not in a good way... looking at recent photos of myself show me that i have enlarged my presence, widened my body, and generally look huge compared to how i think i look... after all, i can wear a men's large t-shirt (though i prefer extra large cuz i like baggy t-shirts... i can wear a men's small sports shorts (i bought a small by accident last week and wore it eighter to play softball or run a 5k and didn't even realize it until i washed it)... and yet, i look huge in photos... strange... it is not a distorted body image cuz when i look at photos i see a much bigger body and face and neck than others have... and body weight charts do have me about 30 pounds over what is supposed to be my ideal weight... and why?... well, cuz i eat too much, duh... and the last five months i have definitely done less exercise than usual, like none for a few months... amazing i didn't gain dozens of pounds...

ultimately, i feel better when i am lighter... i move more easily, feel more energized, and simply feel better overall... and yet, i feel great after pigging out at an all-you-can-eat buffet and drinking a huge amounts of code red or other sodas... so it is mostly a matter of sensory satisfaction, taste buds and food-rushes win out over the overall lightness and energy of thinness... medical science tells me that this is a recipe for diabetes or heart disease or stroke or any number of other health issues, yet here i am in this body getting older every year still eating as i please and playing softball and running 5ks and the bottom line is i eat a very balanced diet because i eat even more vegetables and fruits and what are considered healthy foods than i do sweets and fats and what are considered unhealthy foods... i just eat more calories than i burn most days, or at least the same number as i burn, so i do not drop the 20-30 pounds... i may have gained 10 in this five months of foot/ankle-injury idleness...

and all this thinking about this has me hungry lol :)

tv drama

i wonder if people watch tv drama because it validates the drama they create in their own lives or because they do not have enough drama in their own lives or because they have too much drama in their own lives and the tv drama is a good escape, distraction, and whatever, why do i watch? (i mean, this is my daily life blog so i ought to be asking and learning about me, right?... what?... like i follow rules or do what is normal?)... anyway, i watch mostly for... imaginary friends...

to borrow a current catch phrase from one of the cable stations, characters are welcome, at least they are in my head... i imagine actually meeting and knowing characters - and helping the way some of the characters help... there's also some libido fantasy escape in there, but not nearly as much as there used to be... libbo has gotten way more realistic and visceral as years have passed...

today i watched bones and the mentalist... i prefer bones, more science, better character development and interaction, rational thought and logic, and most of all the lead character is a personality i would love to meet as a real person... a few others as well... the mentalist plays with the psyche more, which is sometimes fun and interesting, but too often much more predictable... anyway, tv stays in the background most of the time, but today is was more of an escape for the head and bones being a reminder of the intellectual stimulation i miss...

whether this provides any insight into me or not, it's here :)

naps are sweet

and an afternoon nap is even sweeter, the mexicans have a good point... though it may extend the work-life sickness to the point of madness, but then, that is what the few in power want... living the life of leisure of the golden spoon class is wasted on most of the golden spoon people, but then, what do they know, their perspective is so skewed by their limited life experience... and yet, does one really have to be homeless (or poor) to understand and appreciate that experience - or genuinely understand how to help those who are stuck in the paycheck-to-paycheck merry-go-round?...

most of them don't care, ultimately... and ultimately, no one is going to change unless they want to, so helping only goes so far... but i would love a chance to try to golden spoon experience and see if i still love to give as much as i do or whether i would get more detached and selfish and forget how much giving and helping means to me...

jackson is not feeling well and took a sick day, so she's napping... unfortunately i have to wake her cuz she has one appointment tonight she must keep, the obligations of the helping professions (jackson is a therapist, in case i never mentioned that)... i went shopping on the way home and she will have orange juice and lobster cakes (or patties) when she wakes so she doesn't junk food tonight... and we'll both have some yummy...

raining outside, as usual... it'll stop soon... time to cook lobster...

home already?

i think so, or somewhere around this or there or that or here... signed all the paperwork and i am officially hired and to be at orientation early monday morning, which is wonderfully timed as the money from the other job is just about reaching the end of severance and getting three full months off without missing a paycheck is seriously sweet... of course that does not make it any more fair or improve the timing (which was about as bad as it gets) and the drain on savings continues (if i figured it out it probably comes to around $650-$700 a month to others which could go into savings and car payment and fun now that i think about it) cuz of the people i keep helping (shhhhh, i love them and love to help and while it would be ideal if everybody paid their own way cuz it would be nice to be able to actually retire one day, shhhh, i love them and i love to help)...

but keeping track every now and then does help me appreciate me, if you get that bit of logic... especially now that i will not be bringing in as much as i used to and savings will definitely not last forever (short of winning the lottery, aye?), so sensible talks like this are required every once in a while... thanks, aye? :)

early train

up for the Human Resources paperwork in a bit and to catch the fantasy football waiver wire to put these two moves out there (hopefully nobody is going to grab them ahead of me): Brandon LaFell dropping New York (Defense) and Dennis Pitta dropping Coby Fleener... I used to know how to time the moves to not lose the waiver position, but things have changed a bit and i don't want to make time to check the status of the team and league and available players every few hours so, waivers will happen... meanwhile, in my other league, i am hoping this move goes through: drop LeGarrette Blount, TB RB - add Andre Brown, NYG RB because I have Ahmad Bradshaw and he is likely out this week so Andre Brown is likely to start for him... you know, cuz winning fantasy football is the pinnacle of success and all (snarky nyuk nyuk narf lol lam :)

and now, off to the paperwork for the new job (let's see if they make the offer signed, sealed, and delivered official today, temporary as it might be - it'll be way better than nothing and could still leave me free to look for something even better)...

lousy football, good fantasy

should have slept, but i wanted to see how my fantasy teams would do as one was way ahead and one was way behind but the odds were both were likely to win (cuz the one behind had four players playing tonight and the opponent team had none)... but the nfl really sucks this year mostly due to the inexperienced officials losing control of games and making very bad calls that effect the momentum and the outcome of games... apparently the nfl commissioner and bosses were lying over the last few years when they stated they were imposing fines and changing rules to protect players because the decision to let players play under these poorly officiated out of control conditions is proof the bosses do not care about player safety... the commissioner is certainly a gambler... gambling fans will watch crap and nobody will get hurt... i hope a superstar's career is not ended because the nfl is allowing this fiasco to continue because that would be a permanent scar and legacy for this current commissioner...

meanwhile, i really should have slept cuz i am so tired and have to get up really early in the morning, but in the last 10 minutes of the football game my fantasy team came back and won (now 2-0) and my other fantasy team maintained it's lead (now 1-1) so yay for fantasy football, boo for the real thing...

nite nite...

not napping much

yeah, so all the intentions to nap today didn't happen much and i want to watch the football game tonight and yet i have to get up early tomorrow so i am torn... precious came over to pick up some money and yeah, i gave her more than i should have (according to the wisdom of the wallet, but the heart, ya know)... we talked a while and ordinarily i'd have taken her to dinner and given her all she needed, but i had to set some limits so no yummy dinner and no treat for me, just helped her... and that's life...

alas, nap?

fish is good

tasty too... and from what medical science knows about foods, fish can be healthy, even fried, but hopefully the waters the fish came from are not deadly... anyway, it was yummy so i will not look at the big picture anymore just now...

and now i want a nap :)

stats stuff

for what it's worth, this month, in it's first 17 days, has reached sixth (6th) place in the ranking of number of entries in a single month... this month is almost at 100 page views... April 2009 reached 105 ... August 2012 reached 116 ... May 2009 reached 149 ... July 2009 reached 150 ... and (do we need a drumroll?) ... June 2009 reached 210... this month has the potential to reach the top three and is pretty much assured to reach the fourth (4th) spot, as i say, for what sheer volume of entries is worth...

thought you stats and numbers freaks might want to know :)

meanwhile, at approximately 1am on 9/16/12, there were 47 page views recorded for this blog... 47 page views in the hour after midnight on 9/16/12... were people actually here or was a robot script turned loose?... i don't know where those particular page sources came from, but that spamming youtube gaming video page sent 26 this week... and this site i've never seen before sent 7 people or page views or hits or whatever we call them... and some spanish language sites are listed as well... as usual, no sites i have any links on, no sites i've visited before finding them on the page referral list that google provides us bloggers... and as for which pages received views, nine of the top ten were posts from this week, but the top viewed page was this one from 2008... thirteen (13) views, huh?... maybe the generic page name? (for some reason it posted as "blog-post" and not as the blog title... i've noticed that's happened more often of late... is this blog becoming too big for a single blog on google servers?... but it has few photos and logic leads me to guess that there are photo blogs taking up much more server space on google/blogger... anyway, fascinating, huh?)...

definitely more views on weekends, so does that mean more actual people or more robot activity on weekends... someday some sense might be made of all this, until then, i just have fun with the numbers :)

tone deaf

sometimes i think i've gone tone deaf, though not in an auditory way, though i do not believe i have the perfect pitch i used to have since i have not been playing music or singing for years, but that's beside the point as i was referring to the tone of writing mostly in the title of this blog post... maybe it's cuz so much comes out so much, that is, so much information and emotion and thinking and detail comes out in so many entries so often... i lose track of the tone of the blog... and in the next couple of weeks this blog will reach 3,000 entries and what is it really?... i mean, how does it feel? or what does it feel like?... can we take it's temperature?... can we give it a representative mood?... a flavor?... a descriptor not of what it is intended to be, but what it is feeling and what it feels like to you... a roller coaster?...

does the blog title still say it all or right?... electronic reality as i live, know, and experience it with a large dose of ethereal asides, (e)thereal, cha cha cha?... but what of the tone, the mood, the flavor, the... what?... balanced would be healthy, right?... manic might be more accurate and yet, it's not like incoherent or negative manic i hope... there are depressing moments and there are euphoric moments and moments of clarity and moments of confusion and oh no, it's not the twilight zone, is it?... the outer limits?... tales from the dark side?... one flew over the cuckoo's nest?...

actually, there are other blogs more like those i think in my gardens of blogs, i mean, cuz i wanna take this thought seriously... so am i tone deaf?... what tone do you get see feel or give this blog?... and how many entries go into your thought, decision, assessment, evaluation?... (1, 10, 100, 1000, half of them, all of them?... perhaps i should create a poll... perhaps i should get back to the job quest lol :)

back to work

the work of job-seeking, that is... i spent the last hour revising a resume for Nemours (Children's Hospital) which is opening sometime next month here... I hear Nemours is a great place to work... while I do not qualify for the director-level positions at full med-surg hospitals because i don't have the nursing degree required (yes, i am still considering the possibility of completing it - if the income to pay for it can be obtained or carved out of the income i can find - yeah, i know, stop helping others and there it is... whatever, logic doesn't work on the heart, ok?), i am hoping the respective directors of quality and risk departments will review my resume and a position in their departments might fit... i know i have the experience to do the work they need done, i just need to keep waving my resume around and get their attention... so i sent it out to them again this morning... last time i sent one was June, so i am respecting the process and not over-doing the submissions...

whatever happened to that nap? :)

unexpected calls

quite, in fact... a second unexpected call woke me a little while ago and i rolled over to see a a number i did not recognize so i closed my eyes again for a few... checking the message now that i am sort of awake, it was from a young man i met at a meetup group last week who by chance sat next to my friend and walked back to his car with me... he asked for both of our numbers and called my friend asking for rent money last week... strange move for a stranger just meeting people in a meetup group... i wonder if he does it a lot... in any case, he certainly has poor timing as he finds me in the least giving mode i've ever been in so i will call him back to find out why he called and if it is for money, tell him no... meanwhile, i may give the hospital a call tomorrow if they don't call me tomorrow to see where the application process stands and let them know i am still interested in the job... but then again, i am loving the time away from the working world madness... so why don't i buy lottery tickets again? lol lam...

then maybe a nap :)

right, what?

your really want to know what goes on in my physical world, come visit, share, care, be well, and be aware and you open the door to knowing... even if you don't stay, you can continue knowing more simply by asking, the caring verb showing interest... and should you stay, oh, the places we might go (with seussy optimism {and humors and wisdoms} and so many internal friends and family, but that's just the beginning of the journey and a tale left for then, when right is not might, but stronger than ever)... suffice to say for now that getting positive requires tedious retrospection, sometimes torturous introspection, and a fair amount of challenging the c word (as in tearing down walls and very occasionally, building the rare one, both necessary for new life to begin)... the bottom line is love, and more (yes, more), the decision to carry out the act of caring, and even more important than why (yes lenny), how... it really can be so serious...

that, my dear pink, is why...

get positive (and reflective, apparently)

not in a medical test sense, which would not be a good thing most of the time, but in the positive perspective and positive energy and positive action sense... and balance, balance is just as vital most of the time as positive, so get balanced... and then, stay positive and balanced... that is the secret to life and to survival in life...

or one of them...

so i assess my options given the most recent challenges presented and i find that not saving precious leaves me quite imbalanced internally (emotionally) and yet paying precious's back rent would be way too imbalanced for me financially at this time and most likely for her in the bigger picture as she must find her own solutions in life and given she has a place to stay for free (besides here) which is a solution... even though her first choice would be getting to stay where she is, balance requires her to find another solution to staying where she is or to move...

i think it may be (e)thereal balance required at this point in life...

priorities are relative

after the game we went to dinner and had yummy (but more expensive than i remember) fish at boston fish market... and i check my phone to find a text message from precious who needs to talk, but since she didn't call i waited until after dinner when i had time to relax and listen rather than calling from the restaurant... she is in a bind, can't make rent, it's been going on a while and she's way behind and likely will have to move out... lack of money sucks... bailing her out is not an option this time, but luckily she has another place to stay and we talked about how she can earn more money, how to explore the job market more than she has, how to present her skills and get more skills, school and lots of other stuff... her dad, who long time readers of the blog you are reading right now may remember as rasputin, sent me $100 for his phone line this month (he's still on my phone line, as is she, and i've been covering their phones for a few years now) and i thought great i really need him to start covering his own phone line but then i thought... and so i'll give precious the $100 tomorrow even though it is not nearly enough to pay her back rent, it's the best i can do right now...

life without money sucks...

but this sure does remind me that softball frustrations are meaningless and priorities... the game is for fun, even if there's misplaced blame and lack of appreciation for an excellent pitching performance, it's just a game... life and survival is what matters...

where's the chocolate?

weather dependent

the first game started with rain and i expected the other team to beat us quickly cuz they were a much better team and they did beat us though it took six innings and i was very frustrated because i was pitching well (+90% first pitch strikes and struck out three, which is rare in softball) but the fielding was sad as simple ground ball outs were singles due to fielding and/or throwing errors and oh well...

my frustration came from the coach faulting the pitching when softball is not about striking people out, it is about fielding (and yet i did strike people out and only gave up a few solid legitimate hits - there is nothing i can do about slow ground ball errors and wild throws that give up extra bases and extra runs)... people were playing in positions they never practiced and making errors on easy ground balls and easy throws, that is not the pitchers fault...

i was stupid to let it get into my head enough to change the way i pitched and make an out batting, which pissed me off all the more... stupid, stop it...

even worse though was that i hurt my ankle trying to chase after all the throwing errors which frustrated me even more... it is throbbing less now...

fortunately the second game in the other league was rained out because the country closed the fields due to weather... and except for the frustration, the day was fun and especially appreciated is that jackson was there to be my friend and listen to me and hug me after...

sleeping ok

not great sleep cuz i was up late waiting for jackson cuz she was out way later than usual and happily she was having fun but it was the first time since we've known each other and so i was sleeping with one eye open and restless much of the night, but that was even more likely due to the abundance of foods and sugar-caffeine drinks i had all day so stop making it seem like jackson did it silly boy... yeah, ok, so i slept restless cuz of the chemicals...

so i wanna just vege but we have two softball games today so it is off the softball game number one now... make your day fun :)

not too pathetic

though that might be a matter of perspective like everything else in life ya know... ah, so self-mockery returns to save me just in time (i hope, cuz there's always hope)... yeah, so packing in the entries and we know why, the lonelies, of course... hardly mentioned it during all the blah blah blah (blah), but it is still very much floating around in the background like the scent of an old friend's fart and thanks for listening...

people love me, that is good... i love you, in case you were wondering if people love you... though i am only sort of a people sometimes, i count, right?...

meanwhile, after craving push cart franks (hot dogs) for days, i finally gave in to the craving and compromised by buying those smoked sausages from the local convenience store... had to wait for the guy at the counter cuz there were no buns and people kept coming in and getting in line and finally he went into the back and found no buns so he told me to open one of the hot dog bun packages... he'll break all the health department rules if he uses them again, probably, but they were yummy and worth waiting for... that was earlier and i remember it well...

still lonely though :)

yay for naps

it's a good world and while i could easily head to bed now, there's snacks around and it's saturday night and there's a surprisingly closed game between usc and stanford on and so, yay for snacks and good college football and a comfy recliner... too bad for usc, guess nothing stands in the way of the sec again... that is getting so old, mostly because of the arrogance of the fans and the ridiculous scheduling (can we win by a hundred points this week?... sure, just pay a school with no team half a million dollars to get beat up on the field and that will tell everyone how great we are)...

yay for competition and fair play and teams with brains and not just brawn...

are we having fun? :)

gonna nap now

enjoying some college football but the body is exhausted and the mind is chill so the nap is coming big time and it feels so good so nite nite in the afternoon (or is it evening) and see ya later...

i suppose this entry was not really necessary... or was that the entry before the entry before this one?... or was that half the entries posted today?... or was that every entry from the beginning of time... no no no, there is worth, there is value, there is meaning, and you want me to share (maybe not quite like this or every entry, but continue, right?)...

encouragement is appreciated, especially when i am beyond tired and sleep-blogging...

what fun

i don't mean what fun?, no, i mean what fun! cuz i had much fun today so far what with waking sleepy at 6am to shower and head out to try out the foot/ankle on a 5k (thank goodness for supportive friends) and then head to softball practice where i felt really good (even though i was tired) and pitched and hit very well and rain came to cut us short and then went out for lunch with some of the team and had a salad at a wing joint, good choice, and finally headed home stopping for a dinner snack (smoked sausages, ok, not the healthiest choice but i've been craving) and just got here and yay for friends and exercise and fun days...

good practice

long drive to the practice field way down on burton (smith field), but at least most of the team showed up and we worked through some drills and i got ten hits in... batting cages are good, but batting practice against live pitching is so much better... i was able to hit the ball exactly where i wanted to nine out of ten hits... wish we could do more than ten swings each...

rain came after half of us batted and it got heavy enough to cancel practice so we headed to a wing place on kirkman where i got a big salad... healthy and stuff, good idea... eight of us went and they all drank beers and i drank mountain dew... hydrated and needed the caffeine and even with the caffeine i was still sleepy... but fun...

great day so far :)

another 5k experience

i did not know what to expect, but i put one foot in front of the other... the 5k was laid out over a course i ran hundreds of times, more even, because i lived right on that course for seven years or so... the course was to a point and then back and i started out thinking i might turn around before the halfway point when my friend came around (cuz she runs mid-twenty minute 5ks) and probably would have been fine with a 50 minute 5k but i trucked along jogging slowly then walking then jogging again... stamina was way down... sad how fast that goes away... the foot/ankle was holding up great so i decided to go all the way to the halway mark which mean i was gonna do the whole 5k... and i was able to jog slowly for the last tenth of a mile and was not dead at the end and no damage to the foot and yay... 42:53 time was ok considering, though there is a part of me still wondering why i let the sub 18 minute 5ks go... somewhere in my scribbles i use to keep track of run times and i remember a sub-16 minute 5k, alas, maybe faster... anyway, age, but even more, lack of daily conditioning does it...

enough lamenting, celebrate the continued progress on the rehab... yeah...

off to softball practice now...

drumroll?

did not know what to expect for the 5k this morning, but was so very happy my friend (who probably has a blog name, but i don't remember what it is and actually every day it is becoming sillier to obscure identity with blog names since to find out who i and all the people i talk about really are in the real offline with all you have to do is follow my facebook profile to the events and photos and profiles cuz almost all of my friends have their real names and real lives on facebook and i am still using the names i have been using for years for continuity and respect and whatever, but anyway) motivated me to get up early and head out there...

it was a really good group, relatively small (about 100 people or so) for a first annual 5k for a great cause, am 11 year old who had a stroke and is in a wheelchair working on recovery now... so i woke, showered, and headed out... yeah, i headed out... headed out... i believe i said i was tired... i believe i am run/walking the 5k right now... or very soon... any moment now...

blurry

but awake and showered and heading out the door for a fun day of exercise (5k, softball practice) and friends...

make your day as fun and good for you as it can be :)

and sleep would be good now

since the alarm is set for 6am, but hey, i was hungry... so i ate a couple of turkey burgers fried with salami (didn't have bacon) and some chips (sweet mesquite barbeque, yum) and some chocolate milk, yum yum... turkey should be helping sleepy... as should chocolate milk... the spicy chips, not so much...

happiness had a nice walk and ate his food and got his antibiotic and jackson came home they they went to bed and i folded laundry and did some dishes and tied up garbage bags and there's still lots more to do tomorrow (jackson is skipping the 5k and the softball practice to do some house stuff and laundry and work stuff and most important, get some sleep)...

so it was a wonderful evening and even though the lonelies are rolling in like waves on the shore (sometimes dark clouds, sometimes fog, sometimes just waves... all in all, enjoyable with the right perspective, which includes nothing lasts forever, hence, lonelies do not last forever ya see?)... ah, the roller coaster ride continues... and i wouldn't have it any other way...

how are you? :)