happy sad

or is that sad happy?... there is a difference, you know?... i think this is a happy sad, which is closer to misery loves company on the scale of infinite emotion than the other, which is closer to the feeling of doing something that makes you very happy but still has a tinge or even a ton of sadness too... an example of the latter would be when i moved from nyc... i was wanting to move south to a warm (hot, actually) non-city (natural playground) kind of place for years so when i did, i want ecstatic and yet, i left behind my best friend who did not want to move away from nyc so there was a sad happy cuz i was mostly happy about doing what i had wanted to do for so long... on the other hand, my best friend was happy sad because she was mostly sad to see me go away, but happy for me that i was living as dream...

so i am happy for jackson cuz she is living a dream and she is happy cuz she is living a dream and yet, i am so sad cuz i miss her and miss having her and happiness to play with and keep me company right here in this space and she sounded very sad happy... being homesick is a tough feeling, so sad, i felt it when i left nyc a lot and it led me to question whether the move was the right thing to do and when i decided it was, i was good again... still, it was wonderful to hear her voice...