on a semi-side note

it was about ninety-five years ago today the woman who adopted me when i was quite young and she was about thirty eight (at a time when thirty eight was middle age and over fifty was old and the generation gap was so huge people over thirty were not trusted by people under twenty, or twenty five, even) was born... she messed up a lot when it came to relationships and money and parenting skills and saw me more as a way to keep a husband (that did not work as he left within six months of my adoption) and be normal cuz a woman not being a married and a mother back then was considered very wrong... she tried, but just did not have the skills or strength to be sensitive or aware ... or alone... so she settled for insensitive and selfish men and sought unconditional love from a child... somehow i found my own way to sensitivity and awareness in spite of an environment so insensitive and unaware that it was repressive and at times, abusive... everything, including birthdays, were without real emotion, everything was so superficial and impersonal and disconnected that it was meaningless beyond the tradition... that is how it is when people do things because they want others to see them do it, because they care more about what others think than anything else... jackson is a little like that and i try to help her change and she has great potential and has awakened a lot over the years... and i believe she wants to in spite of her fear and resistance and self-defeating habits... if only everyone, or at least more people, would just listen and feel and stop being afraid, what a wonderful world this would be...

so happy birthday mom, wherever, whatever, whenever you might be...

narf :}