laptop crashes

another bout of laptop crashing shut down what might have been last night, but that may have been for best as i needed sleep and yet, there i was waking before 4am and not going back to sleep... so i read a bit and reminisced about toronto and felt the fears and pains again (moving on does not mean letting go, after all, and where have i moved on to?)...

and thinking of all i've given away, renewed most recently as thousands go to others in the past months... and the laptop threatens to go away... and take this sharing... these words.. and the hope that someone will find me here and share and start actualizing the words, the promises, the good intentions, the dreams... help me find her?... who cares? :}

so it is time to shower and head to work... because there is nothing else to do here as the laptop is unreliable and i lost the depths of comments inspired by a song i could have written, but why bother as i am still here by myself, cha... and what has changed since then and even since last year - has the rebuilding come, the reawakening, the sharing... the dream is no closer, the one is nowhere to be found...

so i head out the door to the next day... wanting to believe the words, but grounded in the real, here in (e)thereal, waiting for the real to happen... where are you?... while you live your life with the best of intentions, do you do what you say you want to do?...

i hope so :)