gotta face it

i'm addicted to love... and sharing... and caring... and giving... and living, though the living alone is not as much fun cuz of the addiction to sharing and love, ya see... and of course, what brings us here this morning for a few brief moments before scooting out the door to the morning meeting at work is writing, i am addicted to writing... i pretend that i keep coming back here because i am addicted to sharing and caring, and that is part of it, but there is only the illusion of the promise of sharing here, no real sharing has taken place in how many entries?... hundreds, probably... and where there is not sharing, there is no active caring and caring is a verb, after all, in the living world...

so nobody cares and nobody shares and i'm so lonesome i could die sometimes, but the addiction to living helps keep me alive (and the addiction to sarcasm and understatements helps keep me laughing, or at least keeps me out of the valleys of depression and worse that i see so many slide into)... i accept reality and loving life, i continue enjoying it even if the other addictions ache for some more fulfillment... as for the giving, i am definitely satiated really must cut back severely very soon if i want to keep living as i've been living... people in need can so easily drag a giver down to extreme poverty and i've been dragged down to living on the street before and it is time to stop giving if i do not want to go back there again and i think i really do not, though part of me would welcome the physical rest that could be (on some levels, while on other levels i know the physical stress it can be too)...

so my addictions, a few of which have been pondered here, require more time as they are presently imbalanced (and we did not even touch on my addiction to food, aye?... no time, must rush out to make the meeting now... i care, i share, i live, i give, i am here believing this is worth it because someone will come along and care to share someday... until then, i enjoy all i can alone)...

if anybody is out there today, i hope you find your balance and even if not, you find a way to enjoy the imbalance as much as i do (or more, even... it's probably possible, cuz anything possible, ya know?)... and i keep writing cuz it keeps me laughing and laughter, ah yes, sweet laughter is the magic cure for everything... lucky me, i'm cured again :)

wonderful days are available for the asking, create one yourself and you'll understand... until we truly share, i'll be here pretending we do... cuz i care for real and hope you do too... ah, sweet hope, mixed with laughter, life is good no matter what :)

:)