the empathy

the world hurts, people hurts, nature is cruel, and i feel it all... the last few years i have the agony right in front of me as happiness find no comfort or peace in his body... the moaning, the scratching, the rolling, the upside-down running, the squirming because he get no relief from the incessant itching he endures... jackson says it's his breed... corgi-beagle mix... both breeds are known to have skin allergies... he is also bored out of his mind, being along and without any exercise or contact for 23 or more hours a day... we are both too busy... jackson gets home and has more work to do... same for me sometimes... other times i want to give myself some alone time, something i rarely get lately... happiness longs to be outdoors and social, but he rarely gets either... and his diet is hill's prescription kidney formula which has no meat, minimal fatty acids, and lots of grains... adding in aging and arthritis and joint pains and he has all the factors that can lead to skin allergies and itching in any dog, but especially in corgi-beagles...

i am not taking care of this body any better than i am caring for him these days... droopy depression sucks... the pains in this life are being absorbed and suffocating hope and motivation and energy and la la la... it's a phase, an immersion in the environment, part of the empathy i choose to experience in this life (maybe i have no choice, but my choice to immerse for a while is a choice)... though this body may not survive too many more such immersions...

i don't expect anyone to understand me... most do not see the choices we make as choices... that's why pharmaceutical companies are so rich... and the medical and psychiatric industries as well... the answers are inside... choices...

i just want to sleep now...

narf...