and so today

i woke early and wrote one of the longer entries this blog has seen (instead of going to the gym or showering) and then, off to work to do my part in the corporate game i've re-entered more and the day was full of stuff like meetings and helping others and creating new forms and playing on the computer and then, when i noticed i did not have lunch and it was almost 7pm, i decided to blow off the sushi and movie on my calendar for tonight (apologies to the meetup crowd) and come home to read and write more as if this addiction to literary sharing was not sinking it's teeth into me again...

how many years did i hope to find the one online or through words somehow and where has it gotten me again?... where's mikey when i need a good roundhouse kick to the temple?...

laugh and the whole world laughs, they say, or said, whomever they might have been... so i laugh as the ship goes down again for one more night and play harry chapin to remind me of how emotional and ridiculous life can get when you can't always get what you want and you try and try and try and still don't get what you want and ultimately, what you want is what you need cuz you want it...

i felt bloated all day and i hardly ate much last night... it's like there's a balloon inflating in my belly... and i'm not hungry... but i don't feel much like fasting, so i may eat some more of that hemp cereal... though that may be why i feel bloated... maybe it's a reaction... maybe that's a good thing... maybe i'm choosing to feel lonely alone at home when i could be out in the world with others feeling lonely... there's a lot of lonely people tonight, after all...

for better or worse, the gym calls but not enough, the sushi and movies calls, but not enough, the words call, and i shall dive into the conversation already in progress tonight and hope i survive... and that is thereal for today...