as if I might insert an entry out of chronological order without mentioning it or even call those entries "insert #n" we can leave that impression for the first time with this particular perculiarly titled entry and to even add to the illusion, the subject might, Yoda not withstanding... this blog was home for a long time and while we know i would ramble on alone in a vacuum i want you to know that i very much appreciate the a few of you visited regularly and i care about you and hope you are as well as you possibly can be and still want to know so even if you do not follow me to the new two-step sometimes trilogy that are now the daily blogs plus, you can leave a message here and i hope you do leave a message here or follow me or both... this blog was becoming more and more a rambling distraction than a daily record of life and the new record of a life never really did get off the ground as the babbler was most comfortable here (and we were going less and less to the old babble places even less than less to the fun old and new semi-daily and occasional blogs so this blog just continued to be the primary depository for daily words whether there was something to say or not and that is just the way it is and was and still may be inside of me even as I appear more organized on the outside in the new daily blogs...
I meant to say something, really I did lol lam :)
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
insert #1
Wednesday, December 2, 2015
I Could Disappear
The daily blog before this one supposedly has more than a dozen followers and this one has a few, as I noted. That does not mean anyone reads these words. Certainly there have been no comments recently and just one, a birthday wish, that was not SPAM all year. Thank you for that. The few commenters I've had here over the years know how to reach me through other means, so ultimately, I could literally disappear from the web and my disappearance might not even be noticed for months. That is sad, yet I am not here for the comments or even for you, dear readers. I am here for me first and for the one primarily. If you are reading, I love you for that and I am here for you too, but I don't even know if you are there (in spite of my millions of fan mail from flounders and other species) so it is not always easy to maintain the illusion of you. I hope you understand that and the reality does not offend or hurt in any way. Every now and then, I need to adjust my perspective to return to reality. This is one of those times as I am more alone in the real world than I've been in a long time and I must live in the real world now and then or it will sneak up and cover me with a dark blanket of loneliness and frustration. We don't want that, not do we?
If I disappear, I'll try to write (lol lam lamm - that last one is laughing at my madness).
maybe I meant, don't forget to write...
Narf :)
Monday, November 23, 2015
still not sleeping again
yes, so i was nodding off before midnight last night and then the brain started wandering facebook and doing all sorts of pondering and even got creative enough to create a new group (i'll tell you about it another time) and some sort of hope was fueling more energy and writing on the facebook walls and i finally turned off the laptop around 3 and headed to bed and the mind started with the thinking some more and by 3:30 i realized i was not falling asleep so i returned to the laptop and started semi-randomly uploading entries into assorted or various blogs again cuz bits and pieces of entries and a whole lot of babbling has been piling up in the notepad and i figured it was about time to take a break from the facebook madness i've been indulging to distract me from the stresses and sadness of losses i've been processing for the past two months (pow, right in the kisser, three times strong, ya know?) and so here we are once again after subrise and we have not slept so plans to address some changes are likely not going to happen today either...
got to pay the cable bill (jackson is not mentioning it even though it's on the fridge and was due yesterday, but then, she's half moved out already and i see her a few minutes a week lately as she is probably avoiding my stresses even more than i am cuz money stresses her out a lot more than it does me so if i am stresses, she must be freaking out inside and then there is the separation anxiety, but again i distract myself from the responsibilities and changes i intend to make) and i've got to pay the tickets i got the day before the job went poof (yeah, perfect timing, right?... and it's first time in many year i missed a cop and got nailed for two tickets {asshole cop} and i have ignored dealing with the tickets for almost three weeks so the 30 days are coming up) and i must call driving schools to keep points off the license and i must call the community management to fix the kitchen drawer and i promised (well, kind of committed, not promised) --friend-- (name to be entered if i remember her blog name) that i would not sit too much and i would start jogging again and i must continue the deep cleaning of the room and house and getting to the boxes and sorting through stuff and getting rid of all but the essentials so i am ready to start over when it is time to find another roommate which might involved moving again and...
why am i not sleeping again?...
lam, narf :)
Saturday, November 21, 2015
saving the world on facebook
yeah, so this is where i've been the past week or more... and the world provides the seriousness that distracts me from my own seriousness so i can rant and bring all my brilliant insights to anyone who finds my words on the facebook... feel free to browse the links below and let me know what you think... even if you don't think it's genius insight and amazing counsel that, when finally read by the billions, will save the world... i mean, you know that's why i go out there, right?... saving the world on facebook, one post or comment at a time...
Friday, October 30, 2015
work can be such a distraction
so i play chess all night because i don't want to think and i take off from work because i really need sleep and i don't want any alcohol to drink but i sure could use a joint, i think... it's been years, maybe twenty since i last played with any drugs and coincidence or not i also share a lot fewer hugs maybe my whole life program has some flaws or bugs and lately i just join in as the world shrugs... ambivalence is any empty drug but it seems to work for me... while most people seem to dwell in fear or some animosity... i don't want to be an angry old man ignoring my complicity... so i do not turn off my mind, i just distract myself idly and sometimes work quite randomly...
and what are you doing with your day?...
lol lam laa narf :)