i ain't got no mommy

so many laters in this title i am not even going to begin to peel them back, especially when i am rambling in an attempt to distract the brain from the body pain signals but it is not working... there is pain enough to distract the mind from cohesive babbling (if that, cohesive babbling, is actually possible... i could be fooling myself when i think my long run on ramblings actually make sense in so many layers and directions that there must be some power beyond my current consciousness or genius involved, after all... laughing at myself isn't helping much either, but it does help... laughter is wonderful medicine)... alas, nothing fascinating enough to be interesting to me with this distraction is on tv and i watched everything on the dvd and i'm not getting up to find a dvd i might want to watch and jackson is working and she doesn't have time to nurse me anyway and wah wah wah... elevation and icing is happening right now...

i want a mommy...

i wonder if i will ever again find someone who can really accept and love all of me since i am as stubbornly independent as i am infantile needy (though the latter inspires self-laughter and the former is just natural selection learned as an infant survival instinct, but neither is tolerated will by the average human and most people compromise way in the middle somewhere {or lose it on either end} cuz it's just too extreme to maintain the pracarious balance but i do everything all the way and experience life without limits and still give a whole lot more than i need in return and this parenthese and paragraph simply may be another attempt to distract and it isn't working either)...

yeah, i ain't got to mommy and like the song says (actually, songs say), i ain't got nobody... which refers to more than one song in all the many variations out there (and there are a lot more if you have the time)... music, like hope and laughter, helps...

narf :)