on my own again, as always

there have been those rare occasions when i almost felt like i was genuinely trusting someone who could be trusted and maybe once that was true and yet, here we are again... there is no more trust here, no more belief that she wants to change enough to do it, just the glaringly cold realization that she is a spending addict and will not face it unless i find a way to force her to and her defense is to hurt herself, so i've got to perform this psychological surgery with great care... someday she may read these entries i wrote this weekend and i can only hope she has changed when she does... but i've got to make it real for me now, there is no more denying or hiding it... cuz if i keep pretending she will changed willingly i will continue down this rabbit hole... and if i keep pretending i can wait, i will do more damage than good to both of us... must reduce the enabling without pressing the wrong buttons...

and most of all, i must stop going in circles...

so it's done...