feeling violated

and betrayed... i said it over and over... i've got to move boxes before anyone works in my room... over and over... i've got to prepare my room before anyone works in there... again and again... i've got to...

and jackson let one of the siding guys into my room... she moved boxes and he taped walls and i don't live there anymore... there is white pieces of popcorn ceiling sprinkled over my bed and other places... and the carpet saw it's first shoes as i do not wear shoes in my bedroom... and the disarray is visceral... don't know where i'm sleeping now... don't know how long it will take to give in to fatigue and sleep on that bed... two hours sleep yesterday... three the night before... don't know which boxes are clean clothes and which boxes are dirty clothes so i've got to stay up as long as i can doing laundry tonight and tomorrow night so i have clean clothes for the tampa tournament which i will arrive at with less sleep than i've had in years... who cares... every obstacle and challenge possible in surviving and getting healthier (optimally) and . . .

. . .

and so tired...