i want to share more

but people do not seem to know how to share... fear and insecurity lead to greed and suspicion that produce delusion and confusion and prejudice and paranoia that narrows the mind and builds energy walls that reduce the ability and will to share... i welcome anyone to come forward without the walls... i wait alone...

i've built some of my own walls in my own way, more like moats in many ways, for i see and remain open while most others go blind, shut down, and seem to forget what is beyond their walls... so much so that they are startled and defensive, even the the point of aggression, when anyone slips through a crack enough to show them others are out her and their walls make them so very weak and pathetic and vulnerable and insignificant... and occasionally two or more find a mutual leap of faith beyond their wall to create a bridge of illusion often called love... from intimacy to friendship, that bridge is built under the pretense of trust and the lie that it is indestructible... i do not wish to build anything on pretenses or lies ever again... and i remain alone...

working to keep the emptiness at bay, filling life with so many responsibilities and obligations to others that there is barely any energy left for the longing that lives deep within, the longing to share more... giving my time to others as much as possible in order to leave as little time as possible to reflect on the longing that lives deep within, the longing to share more... so well distracted, almost forgetting the longing that lives deep within, the longing to share more...

narf? :}