memory

so i goofed up, messed up, fucked up, damn... so on the way home from day-of errands, i text jackson to find out what her plans are for getting to the softball fields tonight and jackson reminds me that we have a concert tonight that she bought us tickets for a month or two ago...

ummmm, ooops...

i completely forgot, i mean, i don't think about what i am doing tomorrow, no less on the weekend.... and i told my men's team i'd be there and they had to play short last week... so i text the team manager and ask if they have enough players and they don't... the other pitcher is not going to be there this week and one player might be there but might not... so i am torn and feeling really bad about this double booking and even the stupid irresponsible little kid who tells me that jackson should know me well enough to know i need reminders when schedules change and she's been away so much this week that it's her fault i forgot (hey, i did mention that little kid is stupid)... meanwhile, back in reality, i lost my appetite and am now trying to figure out how to get a pitcher for the team so i can go to the concert...

so no nap and way over tired cranky stupid bummer me really ought to consider why i let myself live in the moment so much that my memory does not work like most other people... short term is fine, long term is really too good sometimes, but that middle ground is a carefree careless cacophony of transient moments floating through space and time disconnected from any responsibility which leaves me capable of living in the moment like no other... or something like that...

anyway, i must get back to texting for pitchers now, angst and all...