not a good job for health (really)

so as i mentioned in the last entry, i nodded off shortly after eating last night, early in the evening, and whatever the causes (dropping almost 20 pounds through diet and exercise over the past three weeks, sleeping odd hours because i have been off and alone at home, dietary or health reasons, whatever the cause), i was tired and ready to sleep so when i woke in the recliner i headed to the couch for the night (yes, i am still in a state of flux in the bedroom, yes, since october, yes, that goes deep and is for another time cuz this entry isn't going to wander off on a tangent like the last one did even though i am groggy {not not sleepy} and emotionally hungry, m'ok?) and closed my eyes for the night, knowing i intended to wake 6am and shower and relax before my 8:30am appointment to interview a new doctor and let him tell me what he thinks i should do about high blood pressure and whatever else we discuss)... and the phone rings, twice, at around midnight... work... someone did not show up for work again...

the supervisor notified me because the manager is technically on vacation, but the manager needs to change the way she is scheduling and also needs to enforce attendance and punctuality policies (and i've got to make sure she does that) because this is happening way too often... yeah, holidays... but if you want a job, you do your job which means showing up when you are scheduled and managing the schedule properly so emergencies are emergencies and not events that happen several times a week...

yeah, so now i am awake instead of sleeping, which will not have a positive effect (or affect) on the blood pressure, weight loss (cuz i am frustrated hungry now), or anything i do tomorrow as a rested body and mind performs much better than a tired body and mind... gonna have to fix this, which means the help the manager who's job it is to staff the place so frequent calls and mandatory overtime is not the standard do her job...

i'll grumble next year, but email and speak with her tomorrow as she is going to have to stay on call given the schedule she put together... i am not using her accrued time for her vacation as a gift for all the hours she puts in, but what i learned this week covering for her is that the main reason she puts all the hours in is she is not doing her job properly, so training, limits, clear expectations, and changes will happen of she will need to reconsider her ability to do her job (she's only been in it a few months)...

alas, it is true, administration is not a good job for health...

updating life

so i am still awake, as if that's news, but then, who knows what is news, in fact, who knew, you know?... i spent the last few hours scouring the web for jobs and putting a resume on monster dot com and updating my online resume and who cares, right?... i mean, it's almost 2am, who's looking for my resume, no less work?...

well, having an actual day job is basically a blessing for someone looking for a job, but working or not, job hunting is a full time job in and of itself, so i'll be working nights and weekends until i decide whether i am moving on to a new job or staying with the current job... and of course, because you just have to know, i yap the keys that write the words that report it here...

it's a job, and somebody's gotta do it :}

re-training again

all afternoon the training continued and the realization that we have the wrong person in the job became unavoidably clear so i told my boss and he asked me to put it in writing to her boss and cc him, and so i did... i don't know how she was hired as she has no skills required for the job, but here we are and unfortunately, it is she who is expected to do the job and i am the one in the middle needing her to do her job right...

meanwhile, i've got to get more done so i've just got to do her job and document that i am doing it and place deadlines on improvements as other tasks will fall by the wayside if someone doesn't satrt doing the nursing part of the job... i hope they can find something else for her, because she won't last where she is now...

time to go home now...

it's that special?

yes, with all the church lady cat-scratch sarcasm (or biting or whatever it is she puts into it, though without the holy judgments)... i wander off from this relatively constant writing record of life for a bit (referencing the past month where august saw the fewest entries in years and this month has started out even slower) and all hell breaks loose in all different directions in this living space (of course i don't mean the world, but the war mongers out there seem to be building and selling yet another reason to bomb another country... when will be ever learn)... i refer to what this blog is mostly about, the daily life i experience mostly daily...

my stuff is much more positive than jackson's, alas, as she is facing the potential end of a relationship with sanford (my gut is telling me it is for the best even though sanford is nice... i've come to the conclusion that i don't think sanford is the right person for jackson... but i will support whatever she (and they, wherein may be my reasoning as decisions appear to be quite one way as is sometimes the case when there is a large age gap and very different developmental responsibility set between two people as sanford has grown children and a teen at home, a house, seniority in a career, and more and jackson is just starting out her career without any of those responsibilities or major life experiences) decide... i wish she was not hurting so much... she deserves so much better...

as if that was not enough, her thankless job is pressuring her to do even more (because that is how the human services field works and why so many capable professionals burn out or just leave the field... except for the lucky (and highly skilled) few who have the business and clinical skills to become successful independent practitioners (and jackson's not there yet and hates the business side), like teachers, the constant pressure to do more is always on while the pay sucks (like half of what teachers make and teachers do not get a fair wage for the time and energy and value they provide, but that's another story)... i think she should seriously consider finding another job, but again, whatever she decides will have my full (and by full, i include financial for as long as i am able) support as it always has...

which brings me to my stuff breaking loose (the financial connection)... covering almost all of the home bills including lots of food the past year and a half while not having any job income has been quite a drain on savings and i am past the imaginary red line i drew for myself last year so the job search is almost ready to start becoming a daily job in and of itself (which was expected around this time, this time being after the summer this year)... i sent out a couple of resumes and i am in the second stage process for one of the positions (icf administrator) as i await a phone interview with their recruiter/hr today and have another series of interviews with top management on thursday (and a haircut scheduled for tomorrow evening, for those of you who have seen how while my hair grows)... the first interview with the vp went well with lots of interactive conversation, eye contact, and smiles and it lasted just over two and a half hours, which is always a good sign... i was also her last first round interview which leaves me fresh at the top of her memory... and within 24 hours (or less) the call came to set up the second series of interviews for this week... only a few usually get the call back, don't get too hopeful, only one person gets chose for these higher pay administrator positions and lots apply... but it's still better than not getting a call back...

and softball is looking up... going into last week i was not sure if i would have any softball other than the two sunday leagues but the wednesday team was confirmed at the last minute (the league started last week so we will have a make-up double header somewhere along the way) and just today a new thursday team contacted me and we start this thursday... the friday two-leagues seem to still be in hiatus, but maybe there will be a last minute resurrection (it is a church league, after all)... but at least i will have four teams so a minimum of four games each week for the next few months... add that new job and this might be a wonderfully challenging and busy (and financially much more comfortable) fall season...

the sunday morning league, fresh off our world series week (if i have not mentioned it much during this pause in daily blogging, maybe some catch up will happen eventually), started off with a bang... while it was not without the usual frustrations of some laziness, lack of effort, and sloppy play, we won our first two games yesterday... a double header starting with last year's champs and we won 10-1 (and should have shut them out)... the second game we won even bigger, 19-3 going into the last inning and sloppy goofing off play let them get a bunch of runs, but it was still a big win... we are the favorites to win the championship now and hopefully these kids can handle that pressure...

i pitched well, but was not hitting well... a few rbi on sac flies and a bases clearing double with bases loaded, but all in all not a good hitting day... that carried over into the afternoon league game against the champs from the past two or three seasons (they've gone undefeated the last few seasons and should really be in a more competitive league, though they appear to have lost some of their better players and are beatable now)... unfortunately, the rest of the team hit almost as poorly and we lost 8-5... not sure what is going on with the afternoon team, everybody seems to be playing way under their skill level... i think it's lack of practice, most have families and play only once (a few twice) a week and they don't get to batting cages or practice... i was drained from the first two games, it was near 90 degrees and the sun baked me, so i was not putting energy into motivating and cheering but i can't always be the one and it was a blah dugout most of the game... anyway, we will hopefully snap out of it and have more energy and more fun next week...

overall though, it's a end of summer full of changes around here and while some of the changes hurt, changes are always opportunity for learning and potential excitement for something new and beautiful and so, the excitement continues to build (and who remembers that old reference, aye?) and life continues to be anything but boring...

and that's the catch up entry and hopefully the mood to write will return more often as the seasons slowly change (still weeks away here though, but memories of changing colors and falling leaves are still beautiful)... time to take a quick walk with happiness before the phone interview... make your day and week and month and season beautiful and fun, no matter what :)

new in town

after accomplishing all i could do to satisfy the new job place requirements and legal stuff, i texted jackson to find out if she could head home before softball practice to walk casey so i might save dollars in gas and tolls and also eat some lunch and maybe get some batting cage work in since the new job place was just a few miles from the batting cages and about a mile from the fields and she said she's head home and work from home so i had a little time to explore the area around the new job place for potential places to live closer to the new job place and also closer to downtown and more centralized to the area which is something jackson wants a lot too...

the neighborhoods right around the new job place are higher in crime and not places we want to live and as i spanned out the neighborhoods were spotting with nice places just blocks from less safe places, like most urban areas, and so we need to choose carefully among the places we can afford (and we really needs to start searching more earnestly soon cuz we must give notice 60 days before the lease ends and that would be late november, so it's less than 10 weekend and we are gonna be busy with softball for the next ten weekends at least and she's so busy during the week that new living place hunting will be a serious challenge for her... so i will do as much searching as i can do on my own and hopefully she will find some time to review and choose with me...

and then it was time for food...

references

such a strange concept, yet logical nonetheless, to ask for references from people you wish to hire for a job... how many people actually sit in your office and see how well (or poorly) you actually do your job?... heck, in many cases nobody even knows half of the tasks your do every day, at least that was the case in my jobs... yet it is fair to be judged on product to some extent, except when your product requires teamwork and the team is opposed to producing the best product and that is why you leave the job for another position... still, you choose the best potential recommenders you can think of cuz that is the way the game is played...

and then for character references, who really knows anyone's true character?... especially a loner type who works so much that there is simply no time for a social life... so here again we choose the few who we hope know us best and then, hope for the best... ultimately, the interview should weigh most and even there, an hour sitting and chatting with someone who's life depends on being hired is so not a fair assessment of the person, except to judge how the person might act if sitting on a ledge ten stories up hoping you open a window to let them in...

the working world, so dependent are we on the dollar, the money, that we give up most of our life, in most cases 70% or more of our non-sleeping hours, to travelling to and from a job we often would rather not be doing on any given day... alas, so i sent my references in this morning for the job i interviewed for yesterday and then i check my phone and see there was a call from the woman who interviewed me and they want me to come in today or tomorrow to fill out applications and take all the tests/screenings required for clearance for the position... she's ready to hire me for at least 3 months as a part timer (so they save money on benefit payments) to fill in for someone who will be gone for at least three months... could be they just want to try me out but whatever, it's a tentative offer though compensation will be discussed at the next meeting...

what is that they say about finding something when you stop looking for it? :)

update on rasputin

waking ouchie, hoping i can swing the bat at softball practice today, but before i leave for practice, an update on the rasputin mystery (which is hopefully not nearly dramatic as i might like to make things in my babbling, aye?... dauh dauh dauauauauh!)...

i got through to his work place and was told he doesn't work there anymore... they wouldn't say any more... i wonder if that was planned (he did mention a job offer down south before he left)... if not, it probably not could have come at a worse time what with borrowing money for a trip to the ukraine and having precious losing her bright futures scholarship and her giving up her job due to school schedule and car payments and so on...

and selfishly (cuz i too easily forget and must stop that cuz i do not have retirement all nicely set up), i must remember that they owe me about $1500 for precious's car and $1500 in loans for trips to the ukraine and his sister and the last $500 i was supposed to get back as soon as he got back... i don't count the $20s or dining out i give her when she's hungry... but unfortunately, financially, it's turning into every other adopted family friendship i've known and i sure would like some of that come around cuz between them and mina and minnie, i've put off buying a laptop and music system and other stuff i'd like cuz why else work the corporate nightmare if not to have a few expensive toys... come to think of it, i still pay for precious' phone... he did let me stay at his place way back when cruella screwed me and stole all my stuff, so he gives when he can, just to be fair and balanced in my selfishness, ya know...

still, more seriously, more importantly (and more dramatically... dauh dauh dauauauauauah!), why no contact... the work news eases concerns that he's laying in a ditch somewhere, so i probably won't be calling emergency rooms, police, and highway patrol today (which was a thought after precious called last night to ask where her dad was)... i hope he is ok and planned this job change (hope it is a job change and not a sudden firing... job security sucks in so many ways for so many people in this country, including me, especially here in florida, which is why i'd like to actually get some serious savings going instead of loaning or giving away most of the extra (savings or luxury) money i earn)...

so if you see rasputin, tell him to call and let us know what is going on...

and win the dang lottery already :}

blogging as a job?

why some entries receive more attention than others could be just a coincidence, random timing of a web search, or maybe even something in the content but so often the attention and comments appear to have little or nothing to do with the content no matter how much i attempt to bend it like what's his name and feel i was so clever in connecting the content in the entry or comment response...

so far this morning, with a touch of news of the world tossed in (what a sad pathetic redundant race we are, sigh), i have been exploring stats of my blogs and considering blogging as a job (which may be why this entry is entitled blogging as a job? but then, who knows, aye?... looking at things from a commercial perspective is so very different from the happy-go-lucky babbling about anything in any way i usually do... for instance, take the title of the last entry, good morning, aye?... would that be a spoof or even a serious title for a canadian morning show?... aye?...

just one more brilliant idea tossed out here without copyright, though overall everything in my blogs is copyrighted by the i wrote it and published it rule, so never mind, pay me if you use the title, so there... unless you can prove it's been used before, of course... so meanwhile, i also explored some older posts that have received lots of page visits and comments, even, and wondered why... the numbers prove that this blog is not yet commercially viable but also show that readership has gone up like a lot in the past year and a lot a lot in this year... i have no clue why... see the number of page visits for the top whatever visted pages (listed by number of page views): 273 256 185 139 77 70 46 40 and make of it what you will... seems almost random, but then, what do i know... in the past month this one has been visited 157 times, an anomaly or some sort of new attention?... does that suggest food blogging?...

i suppose i ought to take google analytics more seriously... crash course time?... anybody wanna take it with me?... or ideally, perhaps an expert ready to teach me everything has just been waiting for me to ask?... then i can stop pretending i don't know what to do and get paid for all this (what delusion?... you see something?)... you know i am not gonna start editing or organizing consciously if it's not a paying job cuz, after all, without calling it a job, it's art... purists understand and laugh...

so how is your day developing so far? :)

working from home

sounds like a wonderful idea, except happiness must learn that i am not home soley for his amusement and visitors must accept that the living room is my office, unless i invest in a bigger place or find some way to make an office in my bed or bedroom which has very little walking space as it is at the moment... in any case, i sent out five more job-search related communications since waking... i call them job-search related communications because they were not what conventional wisdom would consider as such, such being resumes, cover letters, and relatively formal requests for employment consideration or advice... one i sent was something like this:

Suddenly unemployed, I find myself exploring the job market with and without a plan. This is one of those without-a-plan explorations as you might have guessed. Some very strange people have told me I have a gift for writing; however I had no cause to present such recommendations in any form or forum that might be financially rewarding until now. Whether creative desperation or brilliant business strategy brings me to these words, I leave for you to decide. Given my recent loss of income and rather profound addiction to eating, an addiction I actually find quite debilitating to give up, I decided to explore all possibilities for employment. Any consideration you provide for advice or remedy to my current income-less lifestyle shall be repaid with immense appreciated and public fanfare. Additionally, I would happily pay you in cash on Tuesday for a hamburger, or income, that you might lead me to on Monday. Your time and wisdom is precious and appreciated. Ric Candor, 407-325-1482

feel free to comment on my expanded job-search related activities, your advice is welcome and appreciated... meanwhile, back to the job search, orthodox or not :)

on the job front

not so hot... no offers, one application for an online job claiming $15 an hour for 15-20 hours a week and a bit of research tells me the likelihood of the hours actually needed to complete the job might be twice the hours allotted to the job, cutting the pay in half... on the other hand, leave no stone unturned so I emailed them back to ask for more details... an opening for a risk management job in gainesville was the closest new listing... not very hopeful news...

on the other hand, there may be some money coming from the estate of the old man who adopted me when i was 14 or so... and there's an old life insurance policy for a few thousand due to me as well... life would have been a whole lot easier financially if i stayed in touch with the old folk, but the negativity was not worth it... so am i depressed yet?... or am i gonna refocus and start actually enjoying this time off (and doing the things i couldn't do while i was working myself to death?)...

time for a walk :}

hanging on, day by day

and maybe repetitive... that's life, day by day, especially when it challenges... separate the inner challenges from the outer challenges and focus on the solutions that will either reduce or eliminate the challenges or make the challenges a positive experience... learn always... and that is what i am doing... the usery and disrespected from the last employer is not a reflection on my worth, it is not a threat to my value, it will not trigger my insecurity... ignorance is only a threat when i subject myself to it by giving the ignorance power over me... i am free of that now, the job separation was a blessing that i should have had the guts to do on my own terms, so that is my learning experience... the inner challenge...

and outside, the challenge of the judgmental nature of job hunting, that shall not be confused with the inner issue of confidence and security... i know my abilities, i know my limits, i shall work within them... job interview rejections and not to be personalized, they are just looking for the best business match for them and i am prepared with the knowledge that i am far past being the best business match for most businesses... accept it, deal with it... continue to focus on the positive and hope for the opportunity to work again...

the rest of the challenges, inner and outer, fatigue, stress, depression, loneliness, the foot, the clutter, the history/baggage, the estate issues, even the money and closure with the last job, secondary... prioritize them, exercise and heal the foot, closure with the job and estate lawyer to secure the money, balance the budget, those come first, basic survival... the clutter, clean up and rest, serious rest... and then, or anytime the opportunity might arrive, find the one... note the priority changes as the opportunities present themselves...

hope your day was productive too :)

feelings are such real things

yeah, feelings... the title reference, if you don't get it, is to a song from free to be you and me and that's the only clue you get cuz i've got to have some fun teasing even today... feeling very (extremely) alone and down today... painfully, even...

while i am comfortable alone, it is sad to the ache when i have challenges like i have today and no one to bounce thoughts off... leading to the feeling... but the way to get through is to find clarity without letting feeling get in the way, to find rational thought and explore all the possibilities available and then the make best decisions possible...

the reality of pending no income is scary... the lack of appreciation and respect from a job i gave my best to for more than 11 years is hurting... the fact that i have many successes and high level professional and personal references helps a little, but doesn't change the scary...

so maybe some self-assessment will help... finances, money, the way the world is set up - i've always hated it and never spent much time thinking about it... most of this life i've lived way more comfortably than others in this luxury-oriented country and much more comfortably than most of the people in this world... and for brief periods i gave away everything and ended up literally on the street...

sharing life with jackson changes my choices... she couldn't afford this space without me so i must find income and seriously cut down on expenses... that motivation will hopefully keep me off the streets which is probably a good thing, but adds to the pressure big time... my choice however, without question, i would rather stay here with jackson than leave her hanging and leave orlando and risk the street life again... limiting the job search to orlando makes prospects much lower and with the cost of gas and an old car, could raise expenses which cannot be met... the loss of income could not have come at a worse time...

looking at some details... really bad timing... over $4000 on my primary credit card and usually keep that under $2000... and savings is at the lowest ebb it's been in the last 9 years... the market for jobs paying what i've been getting for the past five years doesn't seem to exist in oorlando... so going down the scale, over $25 an hour is nearly non-existent... over $20 is just as bad... over $15 is very minimal... i could not meet my own monthly bills under $15 an hour... breaking point is hopefully the end of the summer, but hopefully that is conservative... scary... and those i help financially each month (beyond jackson) are not in a position to take over the bills i pay for them... not the perfect storm, but not a dengerous one...

not a pretty picture, but nothing that another steady decent paying job won't go a long way to resolving... moving closer to the job in february is a good possibility... surviving until the new job is found and then until february, that is the challenge...

feelings make all this rational thinking (and i hope it's rational) much more challenging...

friday the thirteenth

i didn't even realize the date until now... but that (the date and day coinciding) is not what makes today different or special or eerie or anything in particular, nope... and this being the five thousand one hundredth (yes, 5,100th) entry in this blog is not what highlights this entry more than most any other entry in recent memory (or the last year or more, even, i suppose)... i didn't break an ankle or pull a muscle or fall in love or anything particularly dramatic to record here in this relatively daily life as i live it blog (even during this time away that we've been experiencing the past six weeks or so)... no this particular friday the that just happens to be the thirteenth day of september in this thirteenth year of this century and millenium is the day i was offered a new job, even more, what appears to be a job i just may stick with for a while...

yeah, a telephone offer came in today... the third levels of interviews (four of them) were completed yesterday afternoon and the eleven people who interviewed me made the decision this morning... i just got off the phone with their hr department and next week i start the paperwork process of hiring, background checks, and so on... then orientations finally, if all goes well and it should since i've worked in the state for more than a decade and have been through state and federal background screenings every couple of years without any issues, i get the keys and the job...

it is a job i have done before, an intermediate care facility administrator, and while it is 24/7 and can be a great challenge, it is a challenge i enjoy and the pay is fair, which is good for this area and more than i was making in my last position but the best thing of all is i sense the organization (including my direct supervisor) cares and actualizes teamwork and even nurtures it's employees and senior management (there is lots of longevity), which will be so very much the opposite of the last place where staff at every level, especially senior management, were treated with disrespect and pushed way beyond any fair limits on a regular basis)... so the bottom line is this job is more than i was expecting to the point of being a surprising... i guess it shows that patience and knowing what i can do and not panicking just may pay off in the end...

i'll let you know some time next year if i am lucky to have found this opportunity after sending out less than a half dozen resumes in the past year and only going on a few interviews, but i think it's fair to say that today has not been unlucky for me...

now to enjoy these last few weeks of extended vacation as much as possible, aye? :)

working holidays

so most of my managers took the days off, but i went in to be supportive of the staff who did work the holidays and give more time to the clients as well... and as i blend into the place, i do need to observe who is doing their job and who is not, and who does their job well and who needs coaching to do their job better... that is part of my job, after all... but getting everybody comfortable with me and getting comfortable with the people and routines, especially on the "off days" like weekends and holidays, is the best way to start observing and identifying what's right and wrong and what needs improving...

so i am at work now... and how was your holiday? :)

what job?

you may have noted that amidst the babbling and music of the previous entry i sorta kinds mentioned something about a job interview and you might be wondering, being avid readers of everything me, wtf?... what job?... so i wanted to catch you before you spent two years scouring entries for the past months in the 80-odd publicly known blogs in my written gardens and let you know that i did not, actually, to the best of my knowledge, mention that i sent a resume for a job this year a few weeks ago (i suppose i really ought to consider keeping a more proper formal-kinda record of this life, aye?... but then, who would really want to read that, snarky farky malarky and all)... yes, i sent one resume out this year, aren't you proud?... amazed?... amused?...

well, anyway, before reality runs up your spine and all, it was one of the lines in this entry that went sorta like a few potential jobs came in the mail and i decided one of them was too good to not apply for so i sent a resume and as i said in the previous entry that you may have wracked your brains over, they called yesterday and i'll call back tomorrow to set up an interview... surely goodness, mercy, and further details will follow sometimes in the near future... see, you just have to wait an entry or few hundred for everything to become clear and the universe to unfold before you...

or irreverence, at least there will be irreverence...

i know, i drive responsible people crazy...

it's a gift...

narf :)

let my defenses down

yes, i let my defenses down and got sloppy and brought this on myself... the most foolish thing i have done in many years and it could not come at a worse point in this life... i just got tired again... i burned myself out again... trying to please, trying to do too much... if i can find a way to survive financially, i just want a job that is not going to ask me to play the corporate games anymore... less responsibility... less politics... i haven't had a job with any job security since 1990 and i left that job to move to florida... one of the worst financial moves i've ever made (and i've made some amazingly generous moves that were not good for my wallet along the way, but you know that if you've read me)... i had a great opportunity with a decent company and blew it by letting myself burn out, so now i am stressing... i have not been able to save much in the past decade, especially the last seven years, because i supported others and treated others and spent a lot... $200 on tickets for four friends to a show... $100 for dinner last week for jackson and me... i am always treating because i enjoy buying things for others... something from my childhood, giving gifts is love, giving gifts gives me a stronger sense of self-worth, but also the feeling i get when i give is wonderful...

and yet, the results have not been so great... people don't give back much... i don't give to receive, but i am left with less than i need now... i must cut expenses dramatically this month... and find income...

i am spiraling again...

nuff...

the new job place

yes, i can start calling it the new job, though i might have only had a very strong educated guess at this as i headed out for the other big mental health hospital in town (actually one of the biggest in the country, seventh, i believe) and arriving was welcomed with a smile and a stack of papers to fill out and after completing the forms and crossing t's and dotting i's i was handed more paper and tasks to perform within twenty four hours, so i headed out to start on those tasks...

while there they made the offer, though temporary for the moment, three months of 30-32 hours a week, sweetening the hourly rate by a dollar more than the original offer which was just a bit less than i was making at the last job (though less overall as i will be working hourly less than 40 but the wonderful news is that working hourly means i will only work the hours i am paid for, which will be an amazingly refreshing change from working 24/7/365)... the offer is pending all the clearances from the tests and screenings, naturally, but there should be no obstacles there as there's nothing to be found that would be against any rules for the job...

and so i set off on my way to continue the busy day...

later in the day

the job search seems stalled, but then, that's how a job search gets sometimes, especially when the job market is scarce and the personal network of contacts has been asked... i may be able to expand the network better and i shall give that some thought over the next few days... could be i should just take a week off, a vacation (since i have not had one in more than eleven years)... some might suggest that i am on vacation, being that i am not going to work each day, but anyone who's been on a serious job hunt knows there is no vacation feeling at all... unless you consider high stress selling self some some sort of vacation... hope you never have to find out the difference...

so the mood is not as good as it was this morning, but still, i shall will positive energy anyway (will will will)...

narf :}

hair and clothes

i am debating about clothes... i already scheduled a haircut for wednesday at jackson's request cuz, well, i will give myself every advantage to get the job (how fucking conformist of me, huh?... yeah, the rebel rocker speaks... i told him he'll get a big reward if i get the job, especially since i am considering clothes) and i am considering how much dress to impress i should do... suit and tie?... i have not worn a suit and tie in years... a lot of years... i used to... i have $1000+ suits (at 1980's prices) in storage and have a jacket or two in the closet... i can also go buy a suit... i am considering it and will discuss it with people who know the office i am going to... luckily i have friends like the one who connected me to the last job... one of the friends is the one who told the director of this office to call me about this job...

for now, and for today, i shall enjoy pizza and mountain dew and relaxing at home and watch some tv (bcs championship tonight) and work on motivating myself to get a jog/walk in today... life smiles just about every day in my head, but a bigger smile today cuz even though i would like to retire for good to play all day and night and volunteer for good stuff, the new adventure holds excitement for me too...

make today smiley :)

sleeping in

such a rarity for both of us and yet again, jackson did not as today is a work day for her as she gave up her monday through friday work week for this new job that pays more and consumes sundays which is not good for jackson as she likes sunday activities including church and softball and socializing but the job is better than any other she's had in her life for her (hopefully it says that way) and it pays more than any job she's ever had (even if that is not changing enough and enabling even more bad habits) and so, she did not get to sleep in this morning and i did, even though 10am was as far as i got which is only sort of sleeping in when looking at the big picture which i don't make time to look at much these days or for a while, even... it's even worse for jackson as she works another job fridays and saturdays so she has not had a day off except for one in several months and that makes some of the most important changes she needs to make even more challenging as she does not have time to focus on them which she spends all of her time running from work to work and squeezing in more other activities than she has time for (and spending more, rather than less, in the process)...

those of you who have followed along paying attention to the details of the life scattered throughout the babbling brevity that is this (e)thereal blog might understand the joy and frustration simultaneously seeping through the rambles this morning as the sugar hangover continues spinning the mind where it will go, oh (ding ding ding ding ding) and it really does not matter if i'm wrong or right after all, just that i record and release and process and digest and accept the imperfections and find peace in the real as i do in this way...

so what are you up to (or down for) today? :)