remembering me

ah, another blast from the past as a friend pays tribute to the memory of his sister with this poem and it reminds me of my final wish i called my final rhyme... ah, what indulging my nocturnal circadian rhythm with a little all-nighter can do, aye?... yes, the night is my time and most of my writing in this life (long before it started getting uploaded online (thousands of pages, millions or words, waiting for your attention yeah, yeah, yeah)... from the earliest writings i've been expressing who i am, creating me in words and from fantasies to realities i recorded life and let my imagination fly off in any direction it could and the last couple of decades put some writing online see for yourself (the older stuff) and it still happens (and i still dream a bass will join me, even if you don't know what that means, la la la) and maybe someday the words will be enjoyed by others all over the universe as much as they are by me (feel free to share them if you like anything you read here, there or anywhere, la la la la)...

all i have left are the words (let's not go remembering the lost music now, toronto doesn't care today, after all) so i hope you enjoy them...

narf :)

meanwhile, offline

when i go out into the online world, which is very rare these days, i usually check out what my facebook friends are doing... and you can see too if you have the time to click and read a lot... yes, facebook has it's dark side because it reflects many aspects of the human world and humanity is quite dark, especially in this country, these days... but i lamented about that enough for now, so what else is new?... work and more work... softball and more softball... and some tv in the background... dinner with jackson once a week or so... and that is life these days offline... sure, softball took me to columbus for a week of fun and exercise and yummy dinners and different places (as much as anywhere is different anymore in this country, but no more laments, right?) and i love work so i enjoy the life i live even though i miss variety and social interactions and travel and exploring and learning and writing and reading and other fun... but still, i chose the life i've lived (including giving everything away more than once so i must work long into the life, perhaps all the way to the end) and i choose to do what i do and i love most of it and enjoy the life i live...

so that is offline... boring for you (and maybe for many), but most of my time i am doing something i love to do... giving, sharing, caring, taking care of others, teaching, reaching for and touching hearts... and softball... and eating... my favorite things... all that's missing is the one (and i can laugh as i sigh with a smile in my eye for i enjoy the high of the dream... for the dream never dies)...

lam narf :)

facebook blues

i find facebook disappointing most of the time because it reinforces the reality that nobody really cares to know what is going on, mostly people just want to vent or stay on the surface... and personally, it leaves me sad that those closest to me don't even acknowledge my presences when i pop up there... the worst aspect of the facebook experience is the news i read there... this world is 90% bad news and i seem to have a lot of facebook friends who are very good at finding bad news... i selected some of them, most selected me, and i keep them around because i do not watch or read the news (as little as possible and almost always only by accident) so facebook is the only place i find out what is going on in the world beyond my immediate daily life most months... jackson is my only other sourceand we don't talk much serious stuff as we prefer to have fun in our few moments together... i prefer it that way because the world is a seriously depressing place, especially for an empathic kid like me...

i save a whole lot of photos or memes or whatever we call them and i ought to create a facebook page to store them because they take up way too much space on my hard drive (one of these days i need to connect one of my external drives and clean off this laptop, then install a better version of windows, but that's another story)... i have five or six fb pages already and seldom find time to upload anything to them... they were going unnoticed last time i looked... when i get another computer i may create another fb account and select only people i actually know (have or have had face-to-face contact in daily life) and see what that experience is like... there is a lot to learned about people on fb as many let stuff out there they rarely if ever discuss in the face-to-face physical world... it's always been that way online from my experience... i wonder if you notice that in your experience online... anyway, a couple of weekends on facebook with a week off at the softball tournament in between (wow, extra time?... a little) and this is what came out (with some extra entries . . . in the mix):

waking fb fb fb fb fb fb fb fb briefly on fb airports sleepless voices orlando next wi-fi heat so softball . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . world . belief night fb fb nocturnal new page fb fb fb fb fb fb ytube final fb fb fb fb fb thoughts dis after

and these are the places fb lead me to:

link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link

better world

i'd start by increasing socialization... the first thing everyone does when they wake up is go outside and run at least five miles... for most who wake at the socially accepted normal times, early morning, it would be a mass social activity, a way for neighbors to smile say good morning get to know each other and encourage each other to keep their bodies in optimal condition... after that, bonding over breakfasts for anyone who wants that... there ought to be community places to eat breakfasts in every community, on every block in cities and towns... and then, car pooling or even better, public transports to work places... at work places increasing socialization would be part of the work day... breaks to exercise, refresh, and bond with co-workers (teambuilding, if you need a more professional term) is essential to increasing productivity, just ask any mba... that's just a start... we certainly need some new ways to reduce and overcome the ever increasing fear and paranoia and suspicion and awkwardness and separation (not to mention laziness) that seems to be the most prevalent human way these days... how many of your neighbors do you know?...

have you ever imagined actually actualizing the song imagine, i mean, doing it?...

narf :)

what to do

i could just watch the moments pass... tic ... tic ... tic ... tic ... tic ... tic ...

see, i want something... something cold and creamy and liquidy and sweet... something like italian ices... but it's been raining all night and i didn't feel like wading through a half a foot of moldy mildewy algea water to get out to the parking lot... and they wonder why their apartment rating rating continues to go down... i decided to update my review on apartmentreviews.com and we shall see if they notice... they noticed the last time, but the manager hasn't responded to my emails this year so i am surprised i waited this long to update... sitting here watching the flooding all evening was the last motivation i needed to update my last review...

It happens at least a few times a month, more in rainy season. Heavy rain above. The entire lawn and sidewalk to the parking lot is under as water laps into the apartment. Moderate rain below... sometimes the entrie black water box and sideway was under and the box cover floated away... I shudder to imagine a hurricane level flood.

earlier jackson came home to pick up work clothes and she was going to stop at jeremiah's for me, but the line was too long so i gave up on jeremiahs... she and happiness are spending the weekend at her girlfrirnd's house... curious only has me to nudge awake now... anyway, jeremiah's closes too early... so does publix... so then i though of wawa but they are 4 miles away and i don't feel like driving that far... maybe all these excuses are ways to keep the calorie count from rising any more than it has today (oh, so you want the truth behind all the excuses?... how fun is that? lol)... so i made a sort of chocolate milk with lots of ice and that is almost a frozen drink... it's too late to run the ice pulverizing machine, after all...

what are you doing? :)

left to my own devices

i will often order a lot of food when i am alone on weekends because i treasure my solitary rest time cuz i don't get much of it and i love a variety of foods... some weekends, when i order chinese, the bill will easily be over $100... today i was economical when ordering italian and it was just about $60... i order a few dinners and subs, usually, and have a weekend party with food and whatever else might come along... it is a wonderful life for the taste buds and sensory neurons even though the body would probably be better off dropping anothert twenty pounds... at least i remain in the mid-range of my upper weight and have not topped off near the high range since i decided not to hang out up there anymore last december... there was a time when i vigorously exercised daily at the gym and also running some miles but i just don't find motivation for that much anymore... maybe if a libido fantasy look-a-like wanted it, i'd take the challenge, but not just for the surperficial level pleasures anymore... gotta reach deeper to find me these days, which is why i am alone... everyone i know prefers the shallows... don't be sad, i am patient...

what else do you want to know?... maybe last entry or the one before or something like the past present might amuse you more or something like that... history repeats, perhaps (and where is the love?)... anyway, so i party with myself and love it because i get exactly what i want at any given moment... loneliness does grab me now and then, but i find no satisfaction in the shallows recently and i would rather rest, relax, and enjoy the rare days of nothing to do (this wasn't actually one as i woke to work calls early and after a few hours i napped and here it is, almost evening, but in the next few hours i'm gonna party tonight)... deep huh?...

lol lam narf :)

waiting on the food

ordering food for delivery has several effects on the affect including excitement of impending sensory stipulation (always hoping for bliss and trying not to focus on past disappointments) and the quest for distraction as time, often an hour or more, must be occupied somehow to make it feel like it passed faster cuz watching a clock slows down the perception of time moving which is why the wise lovers stare into each others eyes for hours that feel like days or weeks or longer so those memories become vast and poor lovers rush through everything and wonder why there are confused snips of memories after it didn't work out, but that's besides the point, whatever the point was... did you ever wonder?... i wish you did...

i wonder how many entries you've read... there are many thousands out there, in case you didn't know... more than 6500 right here in this blog and there are more than a hundred other blogs that have more entries for you ... if you care and want to read ... if you want to know the silliness and seriousness and playfullness and madness and irreverent profundity and ambivalent attention seeking (and oxymorons for those who refuse to stretch their mind beyond the beyond)... ah, the things we do for love... it is all out there somewhere, are you?... tic ... tic ... tic ... tic ... tic ...


narf :)

substrate

all military ceremony aside, i did not know, really i didn't, and i still do not favor the southern belle ignorance no matter how sensuously attractive the container may be for ignorance is not bliss for me, bliss can come anytime anywhere, ignorance is a state of not knowing and knowing is bliss for me, learning is bliss for me, exploring is bliss for me, sharing is bliss for me because i care and caring leads to sharing, exploring, learning, and knowing so the only aspect of ignorance that has any form of bliss for me is the silliness of realizing and accepting the not knowing for the few moments as knowing happens... finding out, acknowledging finding out, sharing finding out, therein incurs the bliss... insanity can be defined as acting upon ignorance, albeit more commonly acting irrationally upon ignorance, however the judgment of mental status can be quite subjective so be careful what you wish for... or judge, for that matter... you have had your substrate today, right?...

for in truth, even the wil of wheaton would wander through wonder while attempting to figure all this out, but then. the wonder of the will of wheaton is that his will will, or would, if he knew this was here... and if being beyond the hubrous of self-googling is a folly, then bring on the clowns as i am one too... the different between nonsense and the clever use of launguage is understanding... mutual, i'm sure...

narf! :)

did someone order catchup?

so in the next few hours there out to be at least twenty entries poured into boxed and better yet, thirty would be watered on the gardens (hopefully not all down and loose, but don't be getting uptight on us cuz that wouldn't be cool, aye?) and the reasons and rhymes shall not falter the intent of the author which varies from time and space to time and space and momentary desire over a subtrate of permanance that contains the truth that all equality of beings is a mental construct based on desire to balance peace with understanding when in the physical reality equality is as rare as a specific sub-set of identical twins so accept the fact that we all accept our individual delusions even as some appear and seem and even feel like universal truth because enough of the beings around you accept the same delusion and we can all rest in peace if we want to... the beatles effectively said something to that affect and just where that got us... would you like fries with that? (perhaps sweet potato, alas, a1c demands)...

promises, promises...

narf :)

past present

while not my favorite, still retains some blast from the past as sensory memory provides wonders and excitements that continue long after the initial experiences first stimulating and creating them are theoretically physically over, but nobody touches ruby really? ask the writer, why don'tcha, in spite of how 90's it looks) but now that hunger rises and the smell of the ruby knish fills the brain (cuz how could it fill the air, really?), i reach back to provide us with some distraction, clever or not for the changes keep on changing even (as if life is a series of repetitive snapshots bringing us back around to some fundamental truth or at least some sort of a list of priorities or random questions and answers or something like that) as if we wanted some sort of answers... what?... you want answers?... there are many if you ask...

your turn :)

when food disappoints

the buffet was pretty crappy tonight... the sushi was bare, the food was rushed, the floors were sticky, the atmosphere sucked, we got stuck in the big room with badly places lamps and no comfort or privacy and hovering table cleaners... if the food was great i might have gotten passed the rest, but the food was pretty crappy tonight... i may have mentioned that... i may have also mentioned (may being sarcastic, rhetorical, or some such misdirection) that food is an essential aspect of my positive affect somewhere along the way and if you've been following along in the future you may have noticed... bring forth your senses and feast on the universes...

when suddenly, the nose notices a strengthening old tomato sauce smell from the kitchen reminding me to wash the dish which means cleaning out the sink full of jackson's cups (she usues several a day and doesn't wash them until a dozen or more pile up blocking any daily washing i might be motivated to do... i may have mentioned i do not like washing dishes... anyway, the smell is not rancid, but it is getting there... could be the chicken as it is leftover sauce from chicken parmasean... that is my least favorte parm dish, mostly because chicken and tomato sauce is not a good mix for my taste buds but also because chicken is too easily overcooked and dry meat is one of my least favorite foods... the teriaki chicken on a stick was rather dry, come to think of it... ah, it is sad when food disappoints...

narf :)

after the party bloat

couldn't decide whether this entry would be titled after the party or after the bloat so there you go, wherever you are... meanwhile, under the radar, below the surface, out there or something like that, the days blow by before blinks can buy a brief breeze as the heat and humidity remind me that a vacation from the tropics can be a pleasurable experience and and the toes and neck cramps to suggest immobilization and relazation is the best option for the moment... stillness is bliss... and yet the mind wants to dance (so delicately, we compromise somewhere between the bliss and the pain... and that is life)... and yet, the tropical heat is still my favorite climate home... even after the party bloat...

i forgot what this was supposed to be about so we can just make it up as you go along if you participate, otherwise, it is what it is as you wish...

narf :)

for the dream of sharing

that is the bottom line, the reason i babble on instead of sleeping, the reason i continue loading more and more words online... reaching for seven thousand entries in this blog alone by the end of the year, every single entry has a reason, a purpose, a mission... and beyond the individual meanings within the words for each entry, even when repeating themes, striving to be unique, there is a common thread... a hunger to share... a wish to be heard (or read, in this case)... a hope to find the one and others who enjoy words and playing with words and sharing words... within the ego play and the self-mockery and the libido teasing and stimulation and fun and frolic, the words call out to you for response and hope to inspire your smile (or laugh, guffaw, even)... yes, i will say it again...

all this is an attention seeking process hoping to attract the one and anyone who wants to help me find the one and anybody who enjoys the words and ego strokers and libbo stimulants and mind amusers and heart huggers and devoted fans and even a true friend or two or few or some or many, even...

the dream never dies :)

a collection of thoughts or distractions

i don't find time to watch the show but it's still fun to listen and watch on youtube... some amusements mixed with astoundments, too...

and why i don't spend much time on facebook or watch the news... and then, some earlier thinking

and this will be another entry later on: ah, another blast from the past as a friend pays tribute to the memory of his sister with this poem and it reminded me of my final wish i called my final rhyme... ah, what indulging my nocturnal circadian rhythm with a little all-nighter can do, aye?...

stop me when you get here

now you may thing that message is for you and it might be, though it is meant for only one person and the odds are, with almost seven billion people in the world (because some people just don't know how dangerous overpopulation is), you are not the one... the one (or the one, to be more precise {see ref for additional insight and more and more too} if you like as you wish {i wish so much, shopgirl} la la la) meets some excrutiately critical criteria that no human may ever meet, but then, there's always hope (i hope)...

of course even if you are not the one (or the one, for that matter), i will stop babbling on paper (though i will not promise to stop babbling, even though i can be quiet the strong silent type when the mood is right) if you wish to converse or interact in some way... i don't always want an audience, after all...

shall we narf? :)

it is not all a waste (nocturnal rhythms)

this blog and all the other blogs, i mean, and all words written, all the words posted to the web, all the time spent writing, no, it is not all a waste... even if no one has ever read some of the entries... even if no one ever read any of them (i know some have been read by a few)... even if all the millions of people writing me love letters are all in my mind when all the world is asleep (don't tell a person with nocturnal circadian rhythm they have insomnia just because the norm is to sleep at night... some don't, ya know?... conformity is not always the best thing for everyone, ya know?... mostly i find it all amusing and maybe i'll find someone who not only understands, but who can and will share) and i wake up...

to those who would debate i might have said:

those who wish to conform will find reasons to justify conformity... those who wish to be right will find citations supporting their point of view... those who need no external validation will simply be as they are... there is no right or wrong circadian rhythm, there is only your comfortable circadian rhythm... you do not need to justify living yours... just find the rhythm right for you enjoy it :)

and to those who are nocturnal i would say:

i appreciate others like you who understand the waves of energy that come after dark... these days i spend much time working during the day so i force myself to get some sleep during the nights... tonight i thought about this and realized i know no nocturnals these days and felt lonely for others who understand... so hello out there to anyone stopping by here... you are welcome in my world :)

meanwhile, i wonder (and sometimes lament) how many entries are missed, how many attempts to share who i am never find any connection and beyond loneliness, i wonder how i might reach you... you would love me if you really knew me, really you would (we may laugh, i know i do, but it's still true)... so i will continue with the hope that we do find each other someday and then, the belief that it is not all a waste will be more than a belief, it will become a dream come true...

until then, i'll just continue enjoying it all by myself :)

better chair, better desk

yes, i need both at home and one at work... i sit too much these days... most of my work is desk work and there is a lot of it, though that should change as i train my new managers to take on much of the work i've been doing... reorganizing the management structure and operations of a health care facility requires a lot of filling in on my part as managerial positions are eliminated and work is redistributed to new managers who are hired with higher expectations... training takes time so i plan on continuing to do some of their jobs another month before they take over... then, i hope to sit less and be out and about with the people who live and work at the place a whole lot more... but when i do sit, the off-kilter chair does need to be replaced...

meanwhile at home, i have the recliner which serves it's purpose but i have no desk or chair... in the recliner i have a portable table but the cushioning under the table sucks, as in bean bag strips that do not have enough bean bags... the thing should have memory foam strips... jackson bought it for me and she can be so sensitive about me replacing things she bought for me, but the thing hurts my knees and gets too uncomfortable so i will get another one eventually... as for a chair and desk, well, i will either have to take the big green chair (remember that?) out of my room or find a place to put a desk and chair in the dining room which may not work, especially not if we want to put an exercise machine in here... stuff to buy, space to figure out...

any interior decorators and/or generous people are welcome to help...

narf :)

belief is so fickle

yeah, well, whether it is history or religions or whatever, it is a simple fact that hypocrisy is a direct result of denial and the the desire to be right and in control and there is no truth without an open mind and there are so few of those around the collective consciousness is a black hole of ignorance, deceit, and pretense buried in fear and tradition so meaninglessness is the norm and reality is a fiction dependant on the mood of the masses at the current moment... i might have entitled this entry belief is such a fickle worm if i considered the dislike and dismay i have for the human use of belief in this world... no worries though, this remains more tongue in cheek than a pig in a poke... in fact, this might be a complaint if i thought about it... instead i think i will simply just sigh and narf...

narf :)

doodlebonkers

when there is nothing to say or something, when there is just a black space, an empty box, no words flowing, there are many things that can be done... superfragilisticexpialidocious, for one... crying depression self-pity party is another choice, but that gets so old so fast... rash craziness or even dangerous liasons may help some, but i got bored with that choice long ago... rambling silliness about irreverent nonsense disguised as profound wisdom (or is it the other way around?) with random questions and asides tossed in is a method i use routinely and that may be where we are headed now, but at the start of this entry even that was not coming probably because the episode of dr who where the future amy dies was coming to a climax and even though i knew the outcome it is a sad drama and i do love me some whovians... still thinking doctor #9 was my favorite doctor and the last (current) companion is my favorite companion but there are a couple of very close calls on the companions (the current one wins because she has libbo firmly on her side, for whatever it matters to her or any of them or you, for that matter lol lam)...

i remember when a girl looked at me as if i was the only thing that existed in the universe... sigh... that was one of the most wonderful feelings ever, probably the best ego-food ever, but it was a whole lot more than ego-food when it was the right girl... can we embrace the coincidence (if there are any coincidences) and sing once in love with amy one more time? (with a big cheesy grin, of course)... oh, someday you'll all understand...

narf lol lam lal laa :)

woke up stressing

seldom happens consciously, but i suspect the stress levels are higher than they've been in more than a decade because time is passing, my self-sufficient completely independent time on this planet is less than ever, and i am not prepared for the time when i will no longer be able to work to earn the income i require to live as i wish to live which includes helping someone else as i've done most of this life)... currently, the third long term dependant relationship is in it's sixth year or so and the primary mistakes i made in the prior two, allowing them to become romantic and physical with the delusion of forever, were not made this time so there is better chance for continued contact and friendliness this time, but i am still alone in this life and my place in the economic structure remains worker who does not have sufficient savings to retire so even even though jackson has never paid 50% of living expences i will miss the contribuition she does make and i will still need to find someone to share space when when jackson moves on and i wonder if i am making any sense outside of my head at the moment...

and i wonder if this caused the muscle spasms or if the muscle spasms brought this thought stream and stress up from the subconscious... i think it's the latter, but i do not know everything so who knows... time passes... i am closer to the end than i am to the beginning and i am without a relatively permanent meaning there is no one promising to grow old with me... growing old alone is not what i wanted in this life... but i want compromise even less, so here i am... stressing over the depleted savings... i talked about financials and the 90s just yesterday with the world series roommate and that is the likely trigger for the stress, which did come after the back spasm started... chicken, egg, what the hell's the different which came first when you're starving to death...

aren't i a bundle of positive philosophical musings this morning...

narf lol lam sigh :)

the back spasms

muscles can only take so much in this life and every now and then the muscles tighten up so much there must be some change, some slowness, some rest... it just takes the slightest bend or twist the wrong way (often stepping out of a shower when the miscles are loosest) to feel the pinch or twang (maybe the sciatic nerve) and then, sitting is the worst thing i can do... that is unfortunate as sitting and resting was the plan for today since i just got home from the softball world series (each day has a recap entry if you wish to head back to last week and find out how much fun i had... actually though, the entries suck, but the week was fun lol lam)... nine games in five days was not too much of a stretch but the pigging out each night pushed the the lower back muscles to their limits and now, spasms after sitting... fine after moving around a bit, but i want rest...

alas, no partner to massage and comfort the body is too evident on back spasm days... but still, life is so much fun, not even loneliness or back spasms can bring it down... whining helps (though the laughter hurts)...

narf lol lam :)

the overheating continues

yes, this and much more, this one here is the reference in the title... the fan fell and broke... after grumbling, i fixed it (after writing the title) so this entry has another path (i'll be sure to let you know when and if i find it)... though the overheating does continue even with the fan... we're gonna need a bigger fan... but at the moment there is little more i can do (ice is too wet) so onward to whatever... maybe it will be the influenced by the tube of cathode rays but wait, it is now plasma infused with electrons, or something like that... break on through to the other side... open your mind... use your imagination... reach beyond what you know to what could be... reach beyond right and wrong to what is possible... rise, fall, indulge your fear, indulge your wonder... zoo, extant, mr. robot, under the dome, dominion so far... proof, defiance, killjoys, dark matter, doctor who, the last ship, rizzoli & isles, major crimes still to go... a few criminal minds and big bang theory left over from last season too... all the background tv in the sun, how'm i s'posedta get any writing done (or is that horses and riding... anyway, fun fun fun with or without the t-bird)...

poor old laptop, add vista and it is definitely time to get a new windows 10 machine... unless i want to splurge on a mac air... neither idea fits in with tightening the budget though... alas, all the millions i burned in the nineties would sure come in handy as retirement calls my name over the next decade... one day at a time, step by step, stay relaxed, and enjoy the slow ride toward whatever...

narf :)

after the series

returning home (sorta), the laptop remains heavy and hot (or as opposed to hot and heavy, which has more good connotations and the laptop is not good), but it is wonderful to be home again even though there is the big gaping hole where a partner should be and being around people in a casual recreational experience for a week does bring that reality up to the surface more (tomorrow i'll be back at work and softball and have no time to think about it)... when i get on the scale i expect to have gained at least 15 pounds in the week in spite of the exercise... but it was so much fun lol...

and our team page will be a great memory (with a tinge of what could have been ad the team been more organized and prepared) and the final standings (once adjusted for the disqualified 5th place team) is a great reminder of how well we did (and how well i pitched except for a couple of blown innings, ego aside)... so there is a sweet afterglow even if there is nobody close to share it...

narf :)

and so it goes (softball 2015)

wah wah wah... yeah, so we did good with a partial and damaged team... the championship team brought 16 players and the second place team brought 15 players and every other team brought at least 12-14 except for a very few, like us, who brought 10... and 9 to the biggest day of all... frustration, yes, because even with all the handicaps and obstacles we created we finished well but very likely would have done better had we had a full team prepared better...

what i've learned from my trips to tournaments (and the series is no different) is that most of the top teams cheat and the ones who finish in the top few are the ones who get away with it... we ourselves had one player who didn't belong in the D division, though he did not play as well as he could and was not there on saturday... the top three teams had at least half their team who did not belong in the D division and it was obvious on saturday when protests could no longer be filed... prior to saturday there were a few dozen protests filed and most were upheld, dropping teams out of the winner's bracket and completely disqualifying several teams (including a 5th place finisher)... the luck of the draw let the top three get away without protests (as there are teams, like us, who did not want to protest)... it is not fair and there ought to be a better system to check player ratings before and during the world series, but it is what it is and i accept the fact that the best cheaters with the best luck prosper... accepting it does not mean i won't mention it as i remember the fun i have at tournaments :)

so the nagaaa softball world series is over for 2015 and that makes three years in a row that i had the privilege and fun of going and playing (the last two years with my team, this year with a pick-up team)... my reflexes are definitely slowing down as my fielding is not what it used to be, but my pitching and hitting remains consistently good enough to push a team far along (when i stay up and confident)... the two games i was not up and confident were the only two we lost, alas, but i am just one of ten players, after all... if was a very fun week overall...

now to recover lol (cut the calories back and stop the spending spree for a month or few)...

how was your week? :)

softball series 2015 (another recap, or lament lol)

well, the week-long nagaaa softball world series for 2015 is done and a florida team (tampa bay pitch slap) won the d division where the more recreational-level and some of us old guys play... i played b level for a season or two a few years ago and c level before that but the speed and competitiveness and aggressiveness of that level is not what i am looking for out of softball anymore so i returned to d and accept (mostly) the errors and sloppiness that comes with d-level play... we finished a respectable 6th out of 54 teams... considering we had just ten players and most were limited by injury (three prior to coming did not practice for a couple of months and a few more got hurt pushing themselves in the series... none were used to playing a couple of games every day for a week), stamina (definitely just a few in good shape), age (half over fifty, average age probably around 45), and skill level of half the players is weak so to finish 6th out of 54 is great... we also finished higher than any other orlando team and considering two of them were defending champions and all were much better than us, that is completely unexpected... add the fact that our best player (by very far... shortstop and best bat by a whole lot) left friday and we had to play with nine players after that and it is amazing...

ego food, fun, yummy tummy food, woderful week, wish you were here :)

and championship saturday

just getting to play on championships saturday in the nagaaa world series is special... alas, the day went as expected and expectations were low... starting with my screw-up, i was way too bloated from pigging out at ruth cris the night before (eating too much meat, pasta, and carbs way too late and getting just five hours sleep)... i misjudged how dehydrated i was and had trouble with the worst field (again) as the ball was slippery and ad to that, the luck of the draw with the ump gave us one of the worst umpires in the tournament so my not perfect pitching was compounded by poor ball-strike calls... we all hit terribly, though i walked twice and went 1 for 2 (fielder's choice as our lead off was hobbled because he had not eaten in 2 days and didn't tell anyone and is 54 years old, a former drug addict, and a constant smoker)... and then, our best player (by far) had to leave friday so we had to play with nine players which mean poor outfield coverage (where most of their runs scored) and an automatic out for the tenth batter spot (and since we had an almost automatic out in the ninth batter spot because she was an older woman who was burnt out), our chances were slim to begin with... so we lost 4-11 to the team who eventually finished third...

the frustration was i should have been better prepared but i kind of zoned trying not to think about the fact that we were down our best player and had practically no chance of winning... i should have pitched better and we should have had a full team for championship saturday, but we had what we had and finishing seventh is pretty amazing considering the hodge podge of just ten players who never practiced together with an average age over 40 and multiple injuries going into the tournament... excuses excuses, but all real obstacles we did not need to put in front of us if the coach was better organized...

yay anyway :)

word with friends

so my softball world series roommate does words with friends and he is pretty good at it, having played a couple of thousand games, so we passed a couple of hours playing while i started typing words here... not being alone and stopping for the game often, i don't expect to get into much of a flow, but a bit of catching up on the week that was will likely come about if i sit here long enough... lots to tell, lots of fun with a few silly frustrations tucked in... the body held up well again this year with most everybody else breaking down around me... i got lucky with some of my genes (not all, that's for sure) but also have taken care of it well (relatively) over the years... back to words with friends, i've only played jackson for the longest time but now it seems i have another player-friend and he appears to be good competition (whether he uses one of the cheat apps is yet to be seen, but he has something like a 90% win percentage... he averages in the high 300s (i am in the mid-300s) and he won the first game by almost a hundred... the second game is even so far... word games are fun for me... i play ruzzle a lot, though in the last few months just against the computer...

anyway, it's good to have someone who plays... he plays something like 40 games at a time so hopefully he will be patient with my scattered play...

vacation is fun :)

and day four

alas, the stress and strain of playing with just ten players (no rest at all), the cumulative age of the team (over 40), waiting around too long, and crappy fields caught up with us as we finally lost a game to the #22 seed (who ultimate finished fifth overall, one spot ahead of us) in extra innings 10-13... we should have won that game, but i gave it away giving them pitches to hit in extra innings and the defense behind me did not pick me up making a few errors... worst of all was the #1, 2, and 3 batters failed (me being #3) and a cruel end with the last out at 3rd base as the coach tried to push the runner to third, a very foolish move considering we needed 3 runs to tie... alas, the amazing streak was done, but we came back and won the next game against the #2 seed 13-7 to move us to play on the final day... out of the 54 teams, only eight stay alive to play on the final day and we were one of the eight... unfortunately we didn't show up saturday morning... but out of all the orlando teams that qualified for the world series this year, we were the only ones to make it to championship saturday, limping more and more all the way...

out to dinner with the series roommate (since everybody else was either broke or downtown at clubs drinking heavily {not that the series roommate didn't} and nobody else was a foodie) at ruth cris, a high-end steak place (spent $150 with tip... roommate spent more cuz he had a lot of alcohol including a $40 glass of cabernet... he said it was wonderful) and i had a lobster appetizer, then lobster bisque, then a 16 ounce ribeye with lobster mac n cheese and asparagus, then a decadent chocolate dessert... overstuffed, but loving every minute of it...

narf :)

goals for gigi

ok, so the goal for the next four hours or so is to write twenty entries... calculating, that is five entries and hour and twelve minutes per entry... this has been done before, so it is no record for babbling but it is something i rarely do these days, set a goal, that is... the babbling happens when it happens and now, it shall happen some more... even as goldfinger and promos for dr who attempt to distract me in the background... jenna is a wonderful eye candy distraction after all, even without dom perignon '53... sad about the gold girl though... and the distractions of libido and ego fantasies aside, this is (e)thereal, after all, so whatever is going on in the life ought to pop up somewhere in the babble any moment now, i mean, beside, as i said, the background tv... but oh how i love to teast ego and libbo, ya know?...

yes, quantity matters as i continue this seemingly endless uploading of words to the web with the ultimate goals of saving the world, finding the one, and amusing myself and anyone who might be amused... i remain consistently successful in acheiving one of those goals... i will leave it a mystery as to which one for now (as if the obvious was not obvious)... so just for that, i will dedicate this entry to the birthday girl... even if her undertanding was just fleeting if at all, she deserves to be remembered...

happy birthday gigi, wherever you are...

narf :)

and what happened day three

it really was no miracle, what happened was just this... the tournament play started with us as the third seed out of 54 teams, quite excellent and yet, knowing a lot of teams held back resting their best players in round robin because the seedings do not matter because home team advantage is decided by a coin flip, the seedings are very deceptive... we, having just ten, played our best all the way through... anyway, we played the 35th seed and had to come back to win 8-4 after being down 0-4 going into the fourth inning... we then had an even more exciting come back to beat the 14th seed 6-5 with four runs in the bottom of the last inning (i knocked in the last two with the winning hit, yay ego food)... again we were on crap fields which has been very disappointing considering the smoothe clean turf fields they have in Columbus, but that's the bad luck of the draw... it's worked for us, but it's brutal pitching on the dry sand when compared to the turf... ending day three with a 5-0-1 record is very special and pretty amazing though...

late dinner at applebee's right next to the ohio state university... i think i had a burger... more protein...

onward to day four...

quality

one of those eye of the beholder things, no doubt... and knowing your eye for quality would certainly help in providing you with what you would see as quality entries, but not knowing i can only guess and my guess is that my babbling is not what most people would see as quality because, after all, in our rush-about materialistic society, quality is tied directly to monetary value and since the general consensus is time is seen as money, all this time wandering through words just for the fun of it to get to a point that may or not ever become clear to anyone outside of my head just may be a waste of time, money, life, the universe, and everything... but then, it is my time, money, life, universe, and everything i waste, so if that pleases me, you must know it is not a waste for me...

i could sprinkle links of questionable value throughout the babble and come to think of it, i often do, but tonight with a goal of quantity i may not be inserting as much linkage as i often do... if that disappoints you, well, you'll just need to let me know if you want me to know how to please you...

only the best for you, after all :)

another day done (two)

day two of the softball tournament was better than day one for me and for most of the team... we won both games which made us one of three undefeated teams in round robin play... we get the third seed because we are 3-0-1 and the two other undefeateds are 4-0... we are still waiting to find out who we play and what time we play and with it pushing 11pm, that's a bit ridiculous as some teams might have to play early tomorrow... in any case, we get a bye so we start in the second round (there are six rounds in the winner's bracket) and if we lose a game we drop to the loser's bracket and there are ten rounds there, but we'd drop in there higher depending on how many games we win tomorrow... the best case scenario is we win three tomorrow and stay in the winners bracket for friday... since we have just ten players and no subs and several of our players are injuried (or old), we will likely not go far if we have to win six or more games on friday, but we will do our best and should do better than i thought without practices or cohesiveness and with injuries...

after practice we went to a pizza place and had pretty good pizza... five of the ten players showed up, no coaches... one of the coaches coaching today was a guy nobody knew and he was never introduced... anyway, the pizza the dough was too tough, overcooked, but the rest of the ingredients blended well... i pigged out on a meat pizza... protein... and red cream soda... and here we are in the mid-west, aye?... chocolate dessert, of course...

we are disjointed, but winning is fun...

semi-comfort

the bed is comfortable enough to sleep on but no so comfortable to sit on especially since there are not enough pilled to prop up the back and head comfortable and the pillows are cheap (i'm not used to cheap pillows) and so, the gluteous max is asking me to get up off it... we compromised... i got up for a little while, moved about, put the rest of the nestle's crunch and the bag of m&m's away and then explored the tv... no guide, so no way to actually watch something from the beginning... whatever... tv off... and of course i should be sleeping as that is why i didn't want to hang out at the club and the day starts in about eight hours... earlier if there is an early morning call for a pick up at wherever the guy who is supposed to be sharing the hotel and car bill with me is by the time morning comes around... tomorrow is his 40th birthday, so he wants to celebrate... i suggested to the team manager that we go to dinner, we shall see if anybody is up for that tomorrow... only one person responded to the manager's text that i had to push him to send... non-team, remember... for the un-teamth time... or something like that... don'tcha just love word-play?...

yeah, so anyway, sleep doesn't come simply because i ought to be sleeping... especially not when i ate a late dinner with a mountain dew after having another at the field and putting at least three thousand calories in me today not including the cakes and chocolate consumed in the past hour so can we spell bzzzzzfffffttt-a-ping!!! (or something like that)...

narf :)

tuesday's play

so the first day of the actual world series (as opposed to the first day of the trip which was the aitport and hotel experiences summed up in previous entries... do you remember where i ate?... i don't, but i am pretty sure i ate a lot... anyway, back to the first day of the world series) was stupid in the morning and got more fun during the mid-day period when we played two games and won one and tied one and then got more awkward and stupid as the day turned into night... first, no organization at all... less than an hour to game time and i am trying to get the field people to open the batting cages because they could make a lot of money and i really wanted to hit the cages because i felt rust because i hadn't played in a couple of weeks due to rain outs and being between seasons in two leagues and being forced to use bats i do not like and have never practiced with but the coach calls me over and wants to warm us up his way which does not work for me and it showed in my crapping hitting for both games but beyond me, the team finally showed up and gathered about 40 minutes before game time and that was the first time i found out we actually did have ten players (and only ten, so nobody can rest or get hurt) and i finally got the team jersey... so much for prepared and being a team...

meanwhile, pitching was fun as the umpires were giving a very high arch so the first game was 16-3 until the bottom of the last inning when i let the other team have some fun and five runs later, we won 16-8... by bat sucked and the best i could do was sacrifice to move runners, but others were carrying the hitting... the second game everybody's bat sucked and we were down 1-0 going into the bottom of the fourth inning... they got their run on an error... we tied it in the bottom of the fourth and then several errors in the top of the sixth left us down 4-1 going into the bottom of the sixth which was, due to time, to be the last inning... i did get a hit in that inning and we scored three runs, but we left the winning run on base and settled for a tie... as crappy as we played and as disorganized as we were, it was a very successful day on the field... the non-team dispersed immediately following the game... i chose to hang out, eat some crappy concession food, and support another orlando team the rest of the afternoon and then, rush hour traffic made the twenty minute ride a seventy minute ride...

shower and out for mexican food and then my vacation roommate wants to go to a club to meet someone he met online and so i dropped him off downtown (25 minutes there, 25 minutes back) and here we are... so much fun it is to write (but it is, really, cuz i imagine someone caring to read so i feel a whole lot less alone... hey, everybody has a delusion or few they depend on, ya know?)...

narf :)

softball, almost

the first day in columbus after landing was picking up the two guys who were supposed to share expenses with me (looks like i am gonna spend $320 on the hotel and $500 or so on the rental including gas, but who's complaining?... oh yeah, that would be me) and then heading to the hotel which was a disaster to then it was finding another hotel which was a serious compromise and then head to the world series opening ceremony which was a hot damp mess as the team managers who asked me to pitch for them didn't show so we didn't have the t-shirts the league provides to carry out the time honored tradition of trading t-shirts with players from other cities so instead we were 'guests' and outsiders crashing the party and that just compounded the already solitary experience i find in this league, even with my own ever-changing team, which was not as much fun as a barrel of monkeys (or monkees, for that matter), but i still enjoyed wandering around the festive atmosphere of the ceremonies and i ate from food trucks and listened to musicians (ty hearndon appeared to be the headliner, or at least the last act) and made it a carnival of one as i tend to do in this life...

then one guy who was supposed to share expenses took off with another group and in the morning he was asking us to bring his stuff to the field so he could play and by the afternoon he was taking his stuff out of my car and unofficially moving out, but we are already skipping to tomorrow so nevermind until then... two of us headed back to the hotel and went to bed... fun fun fun, no t-bird...

narf :)

yeah, so anyway

until the laptop overheats or implodes or explodes or i will tap away at the keys because someday someone just might want to know that i was sitting here in bed in an extended stay america in north columbus ohio eating a nickle's chocolate twin and an extended swiss roll (that taste distincly different, as in less sweet, than the swiss rolls in florida, wondering if i should have tried that place that leaves the light on but certain i will spend the extra month for the host hotel next time around as the laptop trying to make my thighs sweat and and considering putting on the tv but not so much...

you could have been sharing this amazing experience but noooo, you decided to live a normal life without me... i mean, just because you want to be normal and fit in everywhere you go does not mean you couldn't go crazy and take a week off vacationing with me ya know... and i'll eat the second extended swiss miss roll without you too... just because you are not here and i can... want to, even... so what if it's tuesday night, life is too precious to waste a moment... there is a nestle's crunch and bag of m&m's in the bag too... feel free to keep in touch...

narf :)

the overheating again

(read this too), and yes, this too, but what we came here to ramble on about is the laptop because the laptop is definitely overheating as i sit here without the fan and kaspersky is driving with first a download of databases and now a rootkit scan i did not schedule or authorize or ask for and i wish the dang kaspersky total security 2015 software had an "ask me" mode, that is, "do not start a scan without asking" since it does not have a "do not start a scan while the user is typing on the keyboard or otherwise using the computer the user bought and paid for and would like to use without slow down or interruption" mode... yeah, kaspersky is pissing me off again and if it overheats the laptop i just may give it up on the next licensing renewal cycle... it's been stuck on 45% scan for ten minutes and the harddrive is spinning madly and the laptop is just getting hotter and hotter and if i try to do anything beyond typing into this text box it slows to a crawl (and has frozen in the past) so why am i connected to a public wi-fi and even trying to do anything other than type words into this box... oh, because i would like to use my computer tonight, of course, how rude of me...

how sarcastic of me too... and how intrusively rude of kaspersky... so i disconnected... since kaspersky took over the laptop, i decided to disconnect from the public network and suddenly the root scane jumped from 45% to 65% in less than fifteen seconds... the laptop is still way too hot... time for chocolate...

narf :)

public wi-fi

just one more of the many reasons not to skimp on hotels when on vacation, dammit!... yeah, so the trip started out as a fiasco once i got to columbus (ohio)... picked up the car and two of the guys staying in the room with me and when we got to the place it was absolutely no way, a dive, a seedy mostly=permanent residents weekly place where the beds squeaked so loud it was absolutely no way x3... and so we headed out to find another place and we had to travel 20 minutes north to a northern suburb which was a second choice to find a place for about $75 a night... saving money is a bad idea on vacation... the host hotel was probably around $130 a night (group rate), but it was luxury and then some... and the bottomest bottom line is i am so isolated here it sucks... play softball, everybody goes in different directions... one of the three who were supposed to share a room with me took off and is staying at the host hotel with someone else... at least he paid for the room, but i have to eat the rental... should have gotten an economy car... the second guy wanted to head out to meet someone he met online and needed a ride to the club... i could have hung out, but i am not into going to clubs alone anymore and i did not want to be a third wheel, so i drove an hour to drop him off and here we are, back at the hotel, alone and so on...

and the cheaper hotel, an extended stay america, has public wi-fi and kaspersky threw a fit about my connecting anyway... and who knows who is invading my computer at this very moment... sucks to be cheap...

so how is your week so far?...

narf :)

next in line

i should have been charging my phone all this time while sitting here babbling at the airport... i suppose i am spoiled by the portable charger that is like a thick credit card so can become part of the phone in my pocket, especially since i have a thin phone and no longer have a case for it... yes, i am careful, but i wouldn't mind being forced into buying a new phone cuz it's quite old... phones have just gotten ridiculously expensive though, which makes no sense from any perspective other than corporate greed, but that's another complaint i'd rather not wander through at the moment... it would be terrible inconvenient and time consuming and practically impossible to rebuild my entire address book so i really ought to back up the phone somehow... just need to figure out how someday... hopefully before the phone forces me to buy a new one... and on that note, i think it's about time i shut down as it might take five minutes and we are about fifteen minutes from boarding and surely i don't want to give them an excuse for pushing back my priority boarding position, right?...

buying a new phone is next in line after buying a new laptop or notebook or pad or ultrabook or something like it... hopefully it stays that way (be good phone)...

narf :)

destination orlando

it is always interesting to sit at gates at the orlando airport and watch the people getting off the planes... some are from the area and just hustle off on their way home, but others, especially families, step out of the tunnel into the gate area with wide eyed awe as if they've never seen an aweport, i mean airport before... i can only guess they are anticipating their first trip to one of the many tourist stops in orlando as the same look, even more exaggerated, can be found watching people walk up to and through the main gate of the big theme parks around here... it use to fascinate and amuse and even inspired me to see... now, older and more cynical, i am less enthused and mostly amused when i am not ambivalent... people also seem to be less attractive than they used to be, but that may be another story... the source could be the same, older and more cynical, that is...

i've been saving the two cepacols i brought along for the flight in case of a coughing jag but perhaps assisted by the cold air blowing on my left side, there is a coughing jag attempting to start and i ought to focus on swallowing the nasal drip that is provoking it before it ends this babbling and forces me to shut down and find a place to buy some more small objects to suck on... yeah, i said it, don't get too perverted, m'ok?... could be the caffeine too... maybe i should have gotten tea... and looking around the room, the kids are starting to run around like frantic monkeys now... that may be the caffeine too... and i am seeing a couple of dozen people coming off the plane but checking out because they are getting back on... i wonder if they all get ahead of my paid-for priority boarding spot... it would suck to be the last on the plane after paying for a priority spot... southwest will definitely get a complaint and request for refund in that case because i paid for the convenience of choosing my seat and not having to search for overheat space... we shall see, but i am prepared for disappointment so it will not be as disappointing if it happens...

definitely a room full of kids and families leaving their vacation now... the baggage that comes with booking a monday morning flight leaving the city beautiful, my bad lol...

narf :)

voices carry

so what else is new?... ah, so we see that entry three sitting here at the airport starts off with that famous interrogative so what else is new?... that was an opening used much more often in the days of handwritten babbling and as memory serves (which is an imperfect science at best), that opening has not been used nearly as much in the age of typing and even less in the age of online blogging... i wonder why... it does seem like the kind of irreverence segue suited to my babbling (which may be why it was used often in the early years offline)... maybe it's the flow that typing brings to the writing process or maybe i just tired of it or maybe i am a better writer than i think and simply chose to vary my openings more (surely you will attest to my genius, even if your name is not surely)... the pillow next to me is calling my name... the cold air coming from my left is becoming less comfortable (just what the possibly lingering potentially relapsing head cold needs, not to mention my neck, aye?)... the seating area is becoming more and more crowded... and the announcements for boarding flights are becoming more and more overlapping... and there is an hour or so before boarding... i am in the first group to board cuz i paid $12.50 for priority boarding (or something like that), so that's a good thing... i am a29... to be in the top 15 you have to pay $40 at the airport... a29 is good enough...

a nasal voice is announcing the boarding of another flight at the moment and the volume of the loudspeaker makes the announcement somewhat grating on the senses... her voices just seems to leap out of the speaker in a startling, though not so positive, energy... all the other announcements have had much less of a distracting effect on my affect, if you can imagine the experience... she is drowning out all the other announcements... airport babbling can be quite meaningless i suppose... so how's your morning going?...

narf :)

airports

well, sitting at the airport is not nearly as bad as it used to be now that there are cushier seats with outlets and tables to sit stuff on so instead of zoning into ruzzle draining my cell phone battery i am plugged in with the laptop and babbling on about this which we are sure is a much more effective, worthwhile, and valued use of my time... noble, even... yeah, so anyway, two definite corrections are needed for this trip, the first being a new laptop or something lighter as this laptop is a multi-media fifteen inch machine that is portable, yes, but not light or simple and the battery is dead and it overheats too easily and it simply can't compete in comfort or ease or versatility or even reliability with the pads and ultrabooks out and about all around me... once there was a time i was ahead of the curve, that is, on the outer cutting edge of new tech and i'd be loving the learning curve... now i am year behind... the other reason replacement is emminent is work... i need a laptop that can handle work and the weight of this and the work laptop i have along is ridiculous... the work laptop is heavier than this one cuz, after all, we're a non-profit...

but all complaints aside, sitting here with this laptop tapping away with coffee to my right is an upgraded experience... all that is missing is the vibrating recliners (or just recliners) they have at some airports... the chair is comfortable, but no head rest... of course if there was a head rest i'd be napping, which would probably be the best use of my time considering i got to sleep after 3:30am and had to be awake at 6am cuz jackson had to get to work... it is 8:13 now and i've been here almost an hour... i could have been settled in earlier but i wandered a bit...

the other changes needed is a new laptop bag, though if i get the ultrabook eliminating the weight, size, and one of these laptops i won't need a bigger bag... at the moment these two laptops and power cords and mice and cables and stuff max out this bag and there is no separate pocket for the wallet, phone, and stuff like that... inconvenient for getting to stuff and slows down the security check process (especially when i am pre-tsa approved, which is a sweet deal i've been getting a lot lately as i seem to have gardenered some trust from the tsa computers or something... at least flying out of orlando, that is... the return trip is not always tsa approved... i supposed that is because i might be smuggling something in from knoxville or columbus or atlanta or dallas or portland or where i might be going for a weekend or a week (those have been some of the recent destinations and it leads me to realize i am travelling a lot, mostly for softball, in recent years... yay for that)... i have a dozen different bags at home, i just buried them somewhere in boxes and i didn't feel like digging through them for this trip so we shall see if i simply put up with the cramped inconvenience or if i splurge on another bag with more pockets and wheels...

first world problems, no doubt... hopefully i'll survive... laughing all the way, aye?...

narf :)

sleepless last night

i finally fell asleep close to 4am (tonight, last night, some night) mostly because i procrastinated all weekend and started taking packing seriously around midnight and then decided it was time to clean the living room and leave it as uncluttered as it's been in months by putting away the stack tables i use daily next to the recliner and while jackson was too sleepy to notice when she woke to drive me to the airport, she definitely will be happy when she gets home tonight and looks around... so here i sit babbling mundanely while sipping a coffee when i could be napping (if i could find a recliner or comfortable wall space... i have a neat soft comfy neck brace for the flight {hopefully i won't snore}, but this place looks like it's gonna get crowded soon) or at least i could be writing some profound epic something or other that would save humanity from extinction, but no, i did not sleep last night so i am babbling on as you see about not sleeping last night... life is like that, or this, sometimes...

the sniffles are not going away but it is tough to distinguish whether that is due to lack of sleep or allergies or a lingering cold... sitting here watching all the netowrks pop up around me (mostly private iphones) i imagine the power hackers have (flashing to mr robot for a moment) and what it would be like to pop into other people's private worlds while sitting at an airport... i may connect to the unsecure airport wi-fi to see if any of this will upload later, but will that make me a potential victim of a hack?... someday i'd like to learn more about computer security, but then, i doubt i'll find time or want to spend the money... so maybe i'll find a friend who wants to teach me someday... what's that guy's name from mr robot? lol... the computer geeks i know don't seem to want to share their secrets as if there is a special hackers code (pun not intended) of silence... so easy to get paranoid in a world full of ignorance and secrets...

and sleeplessness...

narf lol lam :)

waking to humanity

humanity is an odd word in it's different forms... the cold clear noun is most scientific as it simply refers to the species, human, homo sapiens... the adjective is a feeling and the adverb describes an action that is simply good, kind, and right in the grand scheme of life... still, at this point in human development, we are still a self-destructive species... the downfall of the human race may most likely be the human male's inability to control his penis... sexual abuse from disrespect to rape is the most prevalent crime today... poisons are virtually required for social interactions... corporations apply all sorts of pressures to insure people don't have time to think about their lives are so similar to the lives of slaves in so many ways... here's take another pill, take another drink, go fight another war, good humans... and when sentient human-looking androids finally become a reality, human males will likely program in allowing rape of the female androids leading to the androids putting a stop to the abuse any way they have to... don't think so?... really?... think again... there is just so much fear and stupidity in humans today, natural logic and rational thought, the keys to survival, has very little power over human decisions...

the hope for human survival is that enough humans wake up to their humanity and stop hurting each other and themselves... and stop falling for the fear-base tricks of the greedy few... if enough humans choose life over death, we just may survive...

narf :)

briefly on facebook

wandering facebook, what brought me there i do not recall, but my thoughts as i watched and listened included that is a very slanted view... and i went on the ponder... throughout history, the tiny jewish minority have always been the scapegoats, the minority of the powerful that were sacrificed to the masses (like some french royalty) when the masses get angry enough to need a sacrifice... paranoia runs rampant through our society, especially in the developed world and most especially in the usa and it leads me to wonder if paranoia is directly connected to too much idle time... anyway, i went back on the facebook platform to check on softball news for the world series as two of my teams have pages there and a whole lot of people communicate there and after about four hours i remember why i do not visit the site too often... something like this...

ever thirsty

yes, that's life for me in this body and recently it's all the more true as i started taking a diuretic again this year in an attempt to keep my blood pressure under a thousand or something... yes, too much fluid retention rasieses blood pressure yet i love being full of fluids and always have (i may be part camel) and so it is a daily struggle to distract myself from my love of fluids, especially during allergy season... but i can easily drink a liter of water in one gulp, kinda... i feel so much better fully loaded... i used to drink a gallon of water a day, easy... i can drink a gallon (with electrolites and vitamins) in a couple of hours playing ball in the sun, easy... the body sweats heavily to stay cool and the body loves it... i love being wet... would you like to swing on a star?... then again, not much fluid on stars, are there?... talk about thirst...

anyway, coincidence, irony, fate, brilliant genius with god-like powers, amazing universal connections, time-lord tricks, you choose the experience you want it to be... i'll just sit here and enjoy the doctor dealing with the waters of mars (i really had no clue when i started this entry yesterday and even more of a connection is mia who has the same name in 2009 that she has in 2015, but as i said, that has nothing to do with the original point of this entry... eerie or what?)...

narf :)

the overheating

(first, read this... and read this too, and yes, this too, also, even)... meanwhile, while i watch the overheating on the field on a regular basis because so many people do not seem to understand the dangers of heat exhaustion and how to avoid it, in this case, i am referring to the laptop... the overheating is getting worse even with the external fan on high... the dust inside obviously needs to be cleaned out, but it's also simply getting too old on every level... windows vista is a mess preventing me from doing a lot of things i'd like to do... it is time to explore a new laptop with windows 10 on it... and shopping i did this week tell me i probably have to settle for software bloat and pay more for extra memory to deal with that software bloat... in the ultrabook range, dell finally has a competitive machine that makes better sense for me than the mac ultrabook... it'll mean getting used to a 13 inche screen again, which may be a challenge though it may simply motivate me to set up a couple of the 24 inch monitors i have to plug in when i am sitting home and using the laptop... i can even hook up the big tv since it is that smart, aye?... don't be so lazy, ya know?...

(really, really), i have not compared the heavier bulkier laptops (like the 15 incher i am using) yet because the ultrabook just seems so right and the cost of laptops seems to have increased dramatically, just as the cost of phones have, that the 15s and bigger are ridiculously higher than they were when i bought this one and the parts have not improved since then (still using the same chips and cards as a few years ago... planned obsolescence at it's best)... which is obviously corporate greed as rising tech costs is counter-intuitive... people don't even notice the change it seems and are just standing in line to spend more for less... slaves have little choice...

(lost?... really?... what?... hm), well kaspersky still doesn't help, burning the cpu and hard drive whenever it feels like it instead of when i schedule it to run... the current laptop market is dominated by a ridiculously poor product, but that is the industry standard... alas, even with all the dummying down microsoft continues to push down our throats, the machine is still not as user friendly as it could and should be...

narf...

long day

hours ago i was falling asleep, feeling horrible... way too much time spent at work doing a very important report, a plan of correction, mind foggy and hurting, but it needed to get done... and then, getting home ready to collapse, the rain flooded the enhtire walkway, more than a foot of water, so i was nodding off in the car waiting for the waters to recede... living here saves money and this place has the best layout we've found, but the flooding really annoys me and tonight was bad timing... when i finally got in here to eat something, i was a mess... after food, i was no better... the head just wanted to explode like the other night... so i took a steamy shower and felt a little better, but still too clogged up... so i watched tv... and then, the cat... curious would not let me sleep, so i grumped some more and then, indugence... i went out for jeremiahs... but jeremiahs was closed... so i went to walmart and remembered our walmart sucks for food or snacks, no sherbert in the freezer... so i got pineapple juice and noticed a new chip, lays new york reuben chips... so i had to try them...

and now, all juiced up, i am not sleeping... tinnitus screams softly in the left ear... friday night sci-fi plays in the background from the dvr and i long for something... sharing, but humans don't seem to get how to share unconditionally... puppies do, but they don't have the higher language and analytical capabilities i crave... so here i sit, awake when of course i should be sleeping and longing for something that may not actually exist in this world... someone who would feel compelled to read all of the previous entries and everything else connected to them... someone like me...

stop laughing, i'm still a sick puppy...

narf lol lam :)