left to my own devices

i will often order a lot of food when i am alone on weekends because i treasure my solitary rest time cuz i don't get much of it and i love a variety of foods... some weekends, when i order chinese, the bill will easily be over $100... today i was economical when ordering italian and it was just about $60... i order a few dinners and subs, usually, and have a weekend party with food and whatever else might come along... it is a wonderful life for the taste buds and sensory neurons even though the body would probably be better off dropping anothert twenty pounds... at least i remain in the mid-range of my upper weight and have not topped off near the high range since i decided not to hang out up there anymore last december... there was a time when i vigorously exercised daily at the gym and also running some miles but i just don't find motivation for that much anymore... maybe if a libido fantasy look-a-like wanted it, i'd take the challenge, but not just for the surperficial level pleasures anymore... gotta reach deeper to find me these days, which is why i am alone... everyone i know prefers the shallows... don't be sad, i am patient...

what else do you want to know?... maybe last entry or the one before or something like the past present might amuse you more or something like that... history repeats, perhaps (and where is the love?)... anyway, so i party with myself and love it because i get exactly what i want at any given moment... loneliness does grab me now and then, but i find no satisfaction in the shallows recently and i would rather rest, relax, and enjoy the rare days of nothing to do (this wasn't actually one as i woke to work calls early and after a few hours i napped and here it is, almost evening, but in the next few hours i'm gonna party tonight)... deep huh?...

lol lam narf :)