ch-ch-ch-ch-co-late is change

yes, feel free to add melody of your own choosing, or bowie, even... the buzz is bubbling (what's the buzz, tell me what's a happening) the joint is jumping (alas, no illegal substances for a long long time) the chocolate is percolating through the body brain barrier and sending all sorts of positive and negative signals throughout the organism i loosely call me... you really ought to step right up and set a spell, ya hear?... soon i'll be hearing hermione jingles...

don't forget the music, aye?...

surely, i am not surely

awakened from a brief nap that could have lasted all night by the alarm that meant it was time to take happiness for a walk, we head out and a half hour later i am buzzing and seeing it is halloween (just noticing, aye?) i impulsively hop in the car and drive to target and spend $20, not to mention tolls, gas, not sleeping, and oh yeah, there was this impulsive bottle of win that fell into my hand as i was waiting at the register... and where are you tonight?...

caution: chocolate binge ahead...

mundane details

isn't that what a daily life blog is about much of the time, after all... life is made up of an intricate tapestry of mundane details, most repetitive and potentially quite boring to anyone who is not in love with you or at least cares about you like you are family... are we family? :)

odd mood tonight... the potential changes of work and life must be dancing around in my subconscious... must be throwing a poor-me everybody's bridesmaid nobody's bride lonely boy party somewhere in my head... don't feel like cooking but wisely did not stop for food (must not spend money and best to eat healthy)... but there's not much healthy in the house, so... a container of instant mac n cheese and some hamburger bun pizza with tomato sauce and cottage cheese and various spices... guess i do need so spend money on salad and healthier stuff as the house is down to mostly canned and frozen food at the moment... defrosting chicken breasts for tomorrow...

and i really ought to clean the bathroom (details, aye? :)

routine work

the routine work is reviewing incident reports and i had a pile to review so that filled the afternoon and just when i thought i was done and too bleary-eyed to see anymore, another stack was brought in to review... i left some for the morning when i am fresher and it is time to do some odds and ends and leave in about an hour... jackson texted a lot today... she was working from home... oddly, while she said she'd not be seeing sanford this week which is why she stayed over on sunday night (gone since thursday i think... happiness would remember better than me lol) and so far she had sanford over here monday, stopped by there yesterday, and she's spending the night there tonight... i hope she is taking care of her heart... and i hope she lets me know if she suddenly decides she's not renewing the lease with me (she said she definitely was just last week)... anyway, going home to take care of happiness again tonight... i am not raining on her fun, she deserves to be loved...

pack up and take the show home now, aye? :)

ok then, everywhere you go

there's always someone freaking out about something... when i brought the food in a woman was ranting rather seriously ocd about how some people don't bathe or brush their teeth and you can't trust the food and she was asking others to "keep her in check" so she doesn't go off... i had to wonder if i smelled, having not showered... i do clean my mouth well each day, today no exception... strange people everywhere, i mean, if you've got these issues, then don't participate so much in pot luck lunches when you don't know anything about the people who prepared the food, where it was purchased or stored, or the cleanliness of the kitchens in which they were prepared... anyway, the food was fair and not much for the facility-wide international day it was supposed to be, but whatever, back to work...

not thinking ahead

so far the few times i decided not to shower i had forgotten something was happening that day that involved working closely with others... sheesh, huh?... most days i spend hours alone in the office doing my work, but today, like the few other days, there's other stuff... an international day where i am supposed to bring an ethnic dish for others to eat... so i will head out to my favorite place nearby and get some food and dish it into trays and there's my share...

anyway, heading out to get food now...

snooze buttons

with multiple alarms on my phone, i press multiple snooze buttons some mornings and this is one of them... and i decide not to shower cuz i woke later than intended and i head out the door fast and so, hi ho...

narf :}

wide awake at, you know

actually, ready to try to sleep for a couple of hours i think, but definitely more wired this night than is wise for a mid-week while working... hoping for a few potential connections for potential positions... feel pretty good about the new cover letter and resume, though fatigue certainly distorts my perception at the moment, aye? (not to mention self-assessment being almost as worthless as self-praise, ya know)... but hope hope hope, keeping hope alive...

even alone...

new resumes, new hopes

hopes are all i've ever really been sure of in this life... my hope is stronger than anybody i've ever met who does not depend on blind faith or the standard human belief systems... my hope comes from my belief in myself and who i am through my actions... if i am, then someone else must be, i hope :)

anyway, i have a new resume and cover letter for risk management positions and tried uploading it to apply for a job and found the indeed.com website so very uncooperative and not at all user friendly asking me to log in every page and not letting me submit my resume or cover letter without spending more than an hour basically re-trying my resume into their web application... so i am trying some alternative approaches to get my resume into the places i want to reach via contacts at linked in and even visiting the blog of the CAO of the non-profit hospital corporation and leaving a message there... i love the guy's attitude... links later...

and more searching now...

woke thinking

yup, the potential of no income in a month or two had me thinking as i woke after a four hour nap... jackson was just going to bed as i woke and i realized happiness was not fed cuz i nodded off without feeding me or him... jackson was not happy cuz he threw up in her room probably cuz he hadn't easten... he does that to himself now and then, but that's his choice and i gave him no choice so i am a bad boy... just what i need more reason to feel like a failure, aye?...

time to get online and job search and revise resumes again... sheesh, what a year...

blurry evenings

especially when catching up... so very tired, falling asleep... and tonight, i just may give in... the news at work today was not happy news... the temp position i am in will not become permanent and the person who was tentatively lined up for the position will be coming in a month or two and then... i am told they want to keep me and we will meet thursday to discuss what they can offer, but it will not be easy to stay if they want me to take an even greater pay cut as i am trying to make ends meet on a current income that is about 35% less than i was making for the past few years and that was just barely making the ends meet...

yeah, sleep, rest...

and as usual

beary-eyed from chart reviews and the usual afternoon investigative interruption, this time from the local police department... all is well, i found the documents from august in the files, reviewed them, provided the information requested, and showed we were not at fault in the complaint... as long as we do our best to fix any problem that happens, we are acting in good faith and my job is to make sure the documentation is done properly to prove we acted in good faith for every activity we do, especially for incidents of unexpected events...

wake up and go home now, ya know? :)

repeat yesterday

pretty much... there is almost always a surprise challenge in the afternoon, but this week and the latter part of last week was focused and is focused and will be focused (until it's done) on catching up on the chart audits that were not done for a while so i am doing two or three months work in the course of this one month and if i get it all done, there's more reason to keep me around...

back to work, aye? :)

pushing the body again

yeah, not sleeping much and waking really early and heading out to work before the sun comes up and this morning is another push and the reasons are several... first i want to feel comfortable leaving between four and four thirty and if i get in about seven thirty or earlier i feel comfortable leaving before five and can still get lots of work done and then there's wanting to impress the department and top management cuz that is the only hope i have of turning this temp job into a permanent one and then there's the traffic that is much lighter at or before sinrise than it is at the usual 9-5 routine and i get more work done in the quite of the morning than i do after the day gets busy with interruptions and so, hi ho :)

visit dinner football

and so it goes, not to sleep after all cuz jackson's friend and daughter came over to show daughter's new hair cut, rocker punk, looks good and they stayed for dinner that jackson cooked up (i finished my krystals before they got here and was almost asleep when jackson got home but stayed up to say hi cuz i had hardly seen her all weekend... in fact, didn't... anyway, good to have visitors and jackson and i will find some catch up time another night and i'll catch up on sleep someday lol :)

nite nite :)

could have been more

should have been more, more likely, but i believe the body and brain physically needs sleep more than anything else at the moment (so of course it does cuz what we believe becomes, aye?) so i am sleeping, or soon, or something like that... no monday night football... maybe... maybe jackson and friends came over... oh, the mind is a terrible thing to forget... are we having fun yet?...

laughing all the way where we are...

home by five

if i leave work early enough, i can make it home by five in spite of having to crawl through downtown traffic... the sign of poor civic and road planning is when getting off the highway before the interchange and taking streets through downtown will get you to the second highway faster than staying on the highway and crawling through the ridiculously poorly built interchange... it's the I4 West to 408 East interchange i speak of at the moment... get off at anderson, make a left, and follow the road for a few blocks and you skip the standstill interchange...

in case you ever need to make this trip at rush hour...

by mid-afternoon

i am bleary-eyed from reading scribbles all day and the brain is fried from remembering dozens of facts and figures for each chart and there is not much left to do but pack up and head home... lately i've had a dog waiting for me as jackson is working late hours and/or staying out with friends, but i've got nothing else to do but go home because, alas, i am not earning enough dollars to have extra money for the fun i mentioned a couple of entries ago... here, i think... oh poor me, i know... giving it all away has not exactly worked out to my benefit in the material world, but i couldn't feel much better inside about the life i've lived (barring a few tragic mistakes), so i'll just keep waking early and working and treading water... home to happiness now...

reading scribbles

some of the job is reading the barely legible writings of many others hoping to gather enough information to see a good continuum of care, that needs are identified and plans are created and carried out to successfully meet those needs and nothing is missed and chart after chart is reviewed that way and then the reviews are tallied and overall trends are analyzed and frequent errors are identified and plans to fix the process that allows those errors are developed and implemented and then charts are reviewed again hoping for an improvement in documentation and in care and all that from reading scribbles...

early enough

the way it works, you see, is we wake up in the morning and go out to somewhere to do some stuff for other people and some of those other people give us money so we can buy food and shelter and have a place to come back to and sleep so we can wake up in the morning again and repeat the process... if we make enough money we can do some other things in the few hours between the work time and the sleep time and on weekends, if we don't work more than five days a week and still make enough extra money, we can do things on weekends too...

something about getting worms...

scary, huh?

this was supposed to expand and start the last three days of the month off with a huge bang so the month could end up with a really big bang... but nooooooo, the month ends with a whimper cuz i wandered off (cuz who cares if i stay or if i go, la la la)... oh, yeah, i know, silly me... actually, i wasn't even throwing a pity party, just drifted off... tried to get sleep, but did other stuff instead... and now, the catch up begins... eventually... for as long as it lasts... still have work tomorrow, after all...

i miss you

sometimes as the night gets deeper and i find i'm not a sleeper my heart starts remembering and it sorta wants to sing and i remember you... yes i remember you... sometimes as the night gets deeper and i believe in a keeper my heart knows what is true and i want to be with you cuz you know what love is... yes you know what love is...

for another time, perhaps...

change of plans

jackson just texted to say she is staying over at her friends so i'm on happiness duty another night and morning... just means i need to wake a half hour earlier in the morning to make sure i am out of bed with time to walk him and feed him before heading out to work... i am so not a morning person lol... so if i fall asleep now i will get six and a half ours, but i will likely not be asleep for another hour as i am still gonna take a shower...

happiness gets sadder each day she is away though, he lays by the front door more and keeps wanting to go out to look for her and runs up to every car that drives up cuz i used to walk him just as she would get home and ask him who's that? and she'd get out of the car... now i need to be careful around moving cars, go figure...

jackson is taking care of family and also having fun and she deserves it... just hope she is not sad if happiness dies while she is away... not a reality we talk about, but a reality that is inevitable any year now...

oh lighten up ric, we had a good day :)

fun and games

ok, so i am lonely... and i would much rather be playing a game than watching it (even a nude women's sport, if there was one, would be only a sometimes draw for me as i'd rather be playing with nude women than just watching them... ummmm, yeah ok, we will not follow the line of thought beyond that just now lol lam)... the world series is as exciting as baseball gets and the unpredictability is evident as the team that swept the best hitting team in baseball (detroit sweeping the yankees) is on the verge of getting swept by a team that had to scrap and come back from serious against the odds places (san francisco)... and i can't help but wonder if the same thing that happened to them (detroit) a few years ago is happening again, the fact that they won their series early and had to wait several days before the other team was done with their series and that lay-off from playing seems to have effected their play before... and then there's the fact that both world series teams spend a whole lot less on payroll to get to and win the world series... baseball is amusing :)

and the football game is going the way i expected, though the one player i really need to have an amazing game is still only having a good game... alas, can't win everything and it's a long season so patience and i am still in the top four (top four make the playoffs)... i like the fact that payton manning seems to be having a great come back, though they are going against a team that is falling apart this year (new orleans)...

and happiness is having fun too cuz i am playing with him and petting him and brushing him (the cooler weather has him shedding like crazy as new hair wants to come in) and his insatiable attention seeking is almost satisfied for a moment or two lol...

so even if you are lonely or sad or something seems or is wrong, i hope you find a way to make your evening smile for you too :)

evening tv games

yup, the world series game four begins... and already san francisco is ahead by a run... i lived near san francisco and enjoyed the city for a year or so and only visited detroit briefly once, so san francisco wins my heart in this series so i am smiling at the fact that they are winning...

meanwhile, i need denver to go really well in the football game tonight cuz i have several denver players on my fantasy teams... i am well ahead in the league that jackson and i are in together (so is she and it is likely we will continue to be first and second in that league after this week both with 7-1 records but she with more points scored)... in the league where i had the amazing draft i am 4-3 and need one player to have an amazing game (not just a good game) to win so odds are i will be 4-4 after this week which is really odd as the projection was i would be 10-3 so it just shows how unpredictable each week is in football...

happiness and i are going back to watch sports and play and snack now :)

baseball and football

on tv, flipping between football games that effect my fantasy football games and the world series is the plan for tonight... san francisco can sweep detroit... meanwhile, the afternoon has been in and out watching football and walking with happiness and just enjoying the sun shiney cooler weather... the report says a high of 73 degrees (yeah that is fahrenheit... what's that, like 22 degrees celcius?) and now it's 70 and it's supposed to drop to the 50's (like the teens for celcius users)... no air conditioner, yay :)

ate some of the leftover krystals and an ice cream cookie sandwich and chocolate milk... had a salad first though... and water, no soda tonight (had about 20 ounces before the game to wake up)... i need to check on happiness's food order tomorrow cuz he is almost out of dried food... the wallet slaps the back of my head (gotta record that... also can not let the $122 i laid out yesterday for tickets to the ucf college football game this weekend... i should get $91.50 of it back as four of us are going... just need to get out of the habit of overlooking expenditures and you can see how much i enjoy thinking about money as it comes up as an aside in parentheses in an entry not meant to be about money, blah blah blah, narf)...

i still don't buy lottery tickets...

happiness awaits

the four legged furry happiness, that is... the emotional happiness lives inside and goes with me wherever i go... but the four legged happiness lives indoors and longs to be outside as much as possible and the poor baby has no way out without me or jackson cuz we don't like in a home with a doggie door and backyard... so we went out for a long walk and some standing around (cuz he can only walk just so much being an old dog and his muscles start shaking and he starts panting and standing still)... the compromise is the porch and with the cooler weather this weekend he's been out there most of the time (in spite of the big loud dog on the porch next door... if the neighbors don't start controlling that big dog's barking and howling i'll ask them to, but i really resent having to ask for simple courtesy, especially after 11pm)... anyway, happiness is happy now :)

more entries in progress :)

typical game, good weather

cool temperatures for the first time all summer and breezy which made it fun to pitch (more challenging) and we'd have done ok if we hit and if we fielded... almost every ball hit was threw someone's legs, under someone's glove, or bouncing out of someone's glove... one of the worst fielding games yet (no practice for a few weeks and it definitely shows... these guys and nice kids, but not serious about learning or getting better at playing softball)... no hustle at all... outfielders let balls drop that they should run to and catch... infielders don't bend for simple ground balls... outfielders let balls go right past them and when they do back each other up, the backup misses the ball too... nothing hit to their left or right is fielded... as i said, one of the worst played games yet... and i am batting 8th or 9th with a very weak hitter behind me so i was walked twice on purpose and i refused to be walked a third time cuz i wanted to drive in a run with runners on first and third... unfortunately the runner going to second was slow to get there and thrown out, but the run did score... we lost 16-6, run ruled in five innings...

everybody just left after the game so i walked around a bit and then left too... lonelier softball day than usual and no game this afternoon... so i record it, let it out, and move on cuz that's what it's all about, pokey :)

wake up sleepy head

time to make the donuts... not really... time to get ready and head out for softball... finish laundry, take shower, dress, walk happiness, feed happiness, pack softball bag, and head out all within the next hour so i can have time to stop at the batting cages before getting to the fields leaving enough time to wrap the ankle and put on the pads and cleats...

so get going then, aye? :)

ya miss me?

lol, i know, it's been a dreary day for blog entries here in the never beginning never ending story, but sometimes all it takes is a little music to remind me how much i love music (duh) and how wonderful life is, while you're in the world... so i loved listening to music for the last few hours more or less and taste and talent and inspiration is really so subjective (so video compilations can be such a roller coaster andf this one i included is so much less inspiring for me than others i forgot to save lol but it doesn't matter cuz i am sharing with myself more than with you) lol . lol . lol . lol . lol . lol . lol . lol . lol . lol . of course i want to know and seriously lol you see? this is the internet lol...

feel free to join the conversation if you want to be in on it too :)

timing, perhaps

it is likely that i waited too long and uploaded yesterday's entries too late in the day, almost midnight, in fact, which effected the spambots and whatever else is effecting the visit and page view numbers around here, but whatever, it is what it is and what was done was done and the timing was what it was... we did, for what it's worth, reach new highs for number of entries in a single month and in a year in a single blog this weekend... does that make this month or year special?... or this blog, for that matter?... the trouble with getting reflective when no one is around is all that's left to do is draw your own reflection and there is so much room for unintended bias in that ya know?... i wonder what would happen if i ever met someone like me...

most startling may be that some of you actually know me (whatever for? lol :)

but cha know, just cuz i love you (and me) i will repeat this next paragraph one more time to give us both the opportunity to share more of the good stuff, the meaningful stuff, the well, experiment (cha cha cha)... and if you actually did check . out . these . entries . i've been . not-so-subtly . suggesting . you (yes you) visit, then i love you (yes you) even more... and if you found it all quite amusing, you are a natural genius...

ummmm, like, yah... of course i want to know lol...

not just another saturday night

maybe... if it helps i might apologize for a day full of blah entries, but maybe you actually did check . out . these . entries . i've been . not-so-subtly . suggesting . you (yes you) visit and found it all quite amusing... like, huh?... what?... lol... or i supposed we could just break it down and talk about the weather...

if you understand and still love me, yay for us :)

later that night

enjoying the time going by... and finally, i put some laundry in the washing machine cuz i have a few piles of laundry to wash and have just ignored them for two days... and i've done my best to ignore the crappy brighthouse cable box that apparently needs yet another rebooting but i did not want to interrupt the world series and other games i was trying to switch to... the box did not cooperate, as usual... and the loud dog next doog seened to get louder between 11 and midnight, which inspired me to turn up the tv to drown him out... still, life has been relaxing...

some days are duller than other, aye?...

narf :)

somewhere, somewhere

yeah, so i ate a ton of krystals and have more in the fridge and i jog/walked a while and i wrote some meaningless stuff elsewhere and i may have visted facebook briefly and i returned text messages and i played with happiness and i danced with the devil in the pale moonlight and i enjoyed the sunset and i sent the annoying loud dog next doog some shut-the-fuck-up vibs and mostly he did and i watched some college football and some world series and some ncis (cuz there's always time for some ncis ya know) and you just had to have this summary for no apparent reason other than you care to know what is going on in my world...

or you maybe want to try to understand confusing english literature...

narf :)

dorky day

next time remind me that i do not need 24 krystals... 12 would have been more than enough... now to figure out how to wrap these extra krystals best so they can be edible tomorrow... or maybe later... i still haven't started laundry... such an utterly unmotivated day... though might have mentioned that i did jog/walk two thirds of a 5k... even there though the strain of lack of motivation and focus showed... alas, not every day is wonderful and not every weekend is spectacular, but also note, it's not even half over yet, aye?... ah yes, there's always hope (nyuk nyuk)...

hopey dopey :)

a bit off-white today

a combination of laziness and loneliness and loafiness and lack of motivation and something or other and i suppose i could blame it on the influence of happiness who is actually quite an old man and i do feed off the energy level of the being nearest to me in my space when i am just relaxing and absorbing the energy around me, but at least we did take walk and i did jog/walk part of a 5k... i didn't complete the 5k due to pain, but it was not permanent... you can read about it here...

and i decided to file another meaningless complaint, just cuz it was time or something... blame it on the weather... you can find that here...

and of course college football was all over the tube which occupied my attention for much of the day so that's probably why i was not too active... maybe...

are we having fun yet? lol lam narf :)

number stuff

this entry is the 900th entry of 2012, more than any previous year in a single blog... this entry is the 207th entry for this month, and if there are four more entries, this month will have the most entries for a month, which would be 211... for whatever it is worth, there is some number stuff...

now, your part of this number stuff is visiting the blog and reading the entries so did you check out these entries i've been asking you to click on yet, huh? lol?... are you here?...

anything can happen at any time, after all :)

went back to bed

actually, went to bed... and slept gooood... mostly... actually, really good... the sign of that is i don't remember much... no dreams, no waking, maybe rolling over once, maybe... and yet, the off-kilter circadian rhythm and wonky feeling continues which is in part to the lack of activity all day yesterday cuz i was unmotivated all day and softball was cancelled and i didn't substitute anything and today starts off with a similar blahs...

or luxurious relaxation, if we look at it from the positive side :)

beds are good

and about this time i was fast asleep in ... somewhere... the keyboard must have somehow found pressure on the backspace button cuz whatever was written here is gone... anyway, i was in bed as opposed to the recliner where i was during the previous entry, i think... hey, what do you expect, i am asleep, things are not exactly follow the time space continuum here or the laws of physics, for that matter... ... the next thing i thought of when i was writing this entry was that i really ought to unpack it and make it, as in take the plastic off the mattress and put the mattress cushion/protector and sheets on it and get the boxes and stuff off the wall side of it so i can enjoy the whole mattress... but it still good to have a big real mattress to sleep on instead of the old twin i borrowed last year... or was that a few years ago...

sleep is a good thing... beds too :)

but it is saturday morning dammit

what the heck am i doing awake and not in bed and not asleep and grumble-dee mumble-dee crumble-dee doo as if there is any wonder dangit dingit dammit... wish i was at a courtyard getting an nfl check-in... and sleeping in... the routine and stuck home feeling is not feeling fun this morning, but then, waking at this hour to walk the dog is not a weekend for me... morning...

meanwhile, in my dreams...

who are you?... are you here?... well, obviously, i say obviously (pay attention, son) you noticed (if you are... paying attention, that is) that i am still hoping you read some specific entries like this one largely because they will take you to other entries and even some Seussian madness that deserve your attention so just do it, aye yo?...

attention, of course

i blog for attention, of course... as much as i blog to keep in touch (kit), even when no one is keeping in touch i am doing this little literary babbling dance for attention just like a certain dog stares and a toddler will squirm into your lap and look into your face while you are reading... by the way, my lap is available, just saying...

ah, and obviously you know by now that i have been trying to lead you to these entries tonight through this one and others cuz they lead to other entries that lead to still other entries and all together now, we are here, we are here, we are here (who?) and those deserve more of your attention than some of the other fillers...

but there is also life happening that i want to record for my memory, for the one who cares to know, and for anyone who is curious and/or interested... and then there's posterity, of course, which leads to the potential for immortality and benefiting all mankind, humans, and aliens everywhere in the universe someday... like with the right editing, these gazillion thousands of blog entries in this and all the other many volumes of writing on and offline could be a bible or something for some future species...

just imagine, a million years from now, the cockroaches could have evolved into sentient beings and worship me for writing all these words...

hey, anything is possible...

skipping stories

in television land, skipping episodes is a routine experience for me... i have not actually watched any series on a regular schedule not missing episodes in as long as i can remember, maybe not ever... anyway, tonight i watched fringe and haven and alphas... only haven has not gone whole hog into a good vs evil, us vs them story line which is so lamely unoriginal and stupidly human, but then, we are not a very creative or enlightened or aware species, after all...

haven is about the same, just not as organized into sides and violence as the other two, but then, it's got stephen king somewhere in the mix and he is way so much more creative and enlightened than most humans... still, stooping to stupid girls running in panic away from the group in a haunted house is disappointing... and putting a gun down on a table and turning away?... come on, a brainless token black man is so cliche and so unappealing...

alphas has the most eye candy for sure, no libido favorites, but still fun to watch and that is one reason i watch tv, though that's surely not enough or i'd watch several other shows with libido favorites in them)...

does volume matter

volume in the sense of the number of entries, that is... this blog has reached the number 200 for one month twice in the four years plus that it has been a blog, this month is the second time... and with this one weekend left and being a 31 day month, it has the chance to set the record, a good chance actually as it is currently just nine entries (eight after this one) away from the record for the most entries in a single month... and then there is the annual count of entries and this blog has reached the most entries in a single blog for a single year and will very likely reach a thousand entries before the end of the year...

and that is with practically no encouragement, aye? :)

it would be nice to think that there are people in this world who care about me enough to want to know what is going on in my daily life, people who care enough to want to know i am still alive and breathing throughout the day... i do... it is for me and you i continue adding entries as often as i do...

volume itself may not matter at all, but keeping in touch, keeping in touch matters :)

egocentric style

as opposed to gangnam style, i suppose, but no, it is in the wonderful egocentric style of Stephen Colbert that i feel like announcing the production of two of the most brilliant blog entries every written today, or at least in recent moments in this blog, all time in the universe... the self-mockery contained within the aforementioned Mr. Colbert is now presented for your reading pleasure...

meanwhile, i shall be busy elsewhere for a while... share :)

silly dog

meanwhile, me and you and the dog not named blue are watching the clouds threaten rain but so far have been able to get three walks in with no rain... unfortunately, happiness is playing his no-poop game that he does sometimes when he sees i am staying home, holds back his poop so he can beg to go out more... he's going to be out of luck if the rain starts or if i nod off... i don't usually sleep by my circadian rythm when jackson is away cuz happiness has his routine, not really fair, but these are the things i do for a best friend... and who need sleep anyway :)

with softball cancelled for tonight due to this hurricane or tropical storm sandy, i have options and i appear to be optioning to vege at home again... at least today and tonight... people work on fridays, after all, and i am not running errands cuz i am not spending money (cuz gas and tools are taking their toll too)... pretty simple...

of course happiness thinks i am staying home just to give him non-stop attention and i am almost as insatiable as he is so i understand and would likely have a similar personality if i was a dog, but i occasionally want some non-dog attention and unlike my four legged friend on pet status, i actually have a choice...

passing on it tonight though... the rain has started and it is calling me into a sweet impromptu nap so until later, take care of you :)

dog food compromise

meanwhile, in the life lived, the incredible staring dog continues to do his thing on my day offs when i stay home writing or watching tv or whatever... he sits and stares hoping for food or a walk or just more attention (depending on time of day)... and he's getting a little better about staring at me eating when jackson is not home, he usually doesn't anymore, but he's such a beggar whenever he has any home of getting any scrap... alas, his age and kidneys and bladders stones and the vet says he can't have any food other than the very expensive hills prescription k/d diet, so he's sadly out of luck...

speaking of happiness and his food, i called the company that mail-orders the hills diet and they are quite inept at mail order which is odd since that is their business... i had to cancel two orders because the site somehow entered the quantities wrong and while on the phone i found out that there were more auto-ship orders that were not cancelled but they did not appear on the website and they would have been shipped and i would have been billed if i did not ask the third csr i spoke to today to double check my order one more time... a deliberate confusion to scam people?... seems so since it took multiple calls and requests to identify the "mistakes"...

and then i find out that the prescription for the food does not cover the treats, so i asked them to take the treats off the order so the order could actually be shipped (and not just charged to my card several times)... so anyway, they say the order is pending and should be shipped when it is processed, but could not give me an estimate... really poor quality shipping business for a very expensive prescription dog food that may actually be nutritional crap or at least not the right food...

sadly, jackson will not hear questioning her vet, so i buy it for them...

are you getting excited yet?

i mean about the 2012 predictions... i suppose the presidential elections are distracting most of us from the whole mayan calendar end of the world coming up in just a couple of months, in fact, less than the number of days till xmas... how many days it that?... you don't know?... what kind of consumer are you?... here, let me help:

ah, but before i offend too many segments of the readership (i know, always too late), i just want you to know that i have set up draft entries here that will be uploaded whether i am here or not, so even if the doomsday interpreters of the mayans are correct and there will be no more people around after whatever date they chose, as long as there is the internet and this blog, there will be entries...

in the event the world does not come to an end, these entries will no doubt enhance the blog life you come here to share... i just wanted to reassure you...

enjoy life while it lasts and whatever you do, don't miss this! :)

whatchu say elvis?

did you miss it (whatever it was lol lam)... what we have here, he said all cool handedly, is self-mockery as an art form and you can do it if you want to... and i want you to want to... yeah, i want you to want to... sing it loud, sing it proud, sing it lol lam laa all the way home (and so much more to come as the links implode for our viewing pleasure)...

just look at the shamelessness of this midday madness, this deliberately random obscurity that appears right before your eyes appearing to be complicated or confusing, even, when it is the simplest form of love in the universe, honesty, candor, truth (and links, don't forget the links)... and it's not just song references... whether it is justice and the american way or not we will leave for another discussion at another time cuz it's way too close to a presidential election to be discussing politics lol lam laa :)

it's not that i think i am so clever, it's that you do... who do?... voodoo...

here's a clue :)

weather i'm right

it is not the date that reminds me, it is the fact that a rare meteorological (or is that meteroillogical? lol) phenomenon comes around this year and combines with the coincidence of a finite group of names that include one this year that bring me back to the sentimental fool and sincere child i once was before the corruption of the suicidal culture and money broke down the ethical integrity i once actualized... there is a song in the title (cha ching)... in other words, it's hurricane sandy...

i am going back to bed now :}

not just song references

someday i would like to hear (as in listen to with purpose) all conscious, subconscious, and unconscious synapse firings in your head that keep you awake or sleeping into the wee hours of morning because, you see, i care about you and do not want you lost in a vacuum of your own madness like i am (well, it's relative madness, after all, it's the getting lost part that isn't always the best thing cuz it can become permanent), but no worries or fears, we are in touch and that saves the cheerleader which saves the world even if it is just for one day at a time :)

and it's not just song references either :)

mind control

everybody does it, everybody thinks it is something supernatural, everybody is afraid of it, everybody except those who don't, won't, or are not, that is... but if you have even a sliver of comprehension of the understanding these words might convey then you do, even if you won't and that is why you may be afraid... cuz you do and denying you do by pretending you don't traps you in a vortex of lies that sucks your reason into fear...

but when you share, there is hope...

fixing a hole

did i mention there was a phenomenon?... or a song in the title, for that matter... yes, there is a point to even the most seemingly obscure of entries popping up seemingly randomly in between or within other entries and seargent pepper did not always understand his band either, so no worries and if you can find your way past fear, yay for you and welcome...

i wish i never did some of the things i did in this life because others were hurt by some of my decisions or actions or inactions, directly and indirectly, but the learning experience created this person i am and whether i'm right or whether i'm wrong, i am me and i've got to accept me to sustain peace and tranquility and the star and moon dust rainbow connections that continue to provide the hope that the dream will come true in this life, ya know?...

oh dang, just when you were beginning to understand, huh? lol lam laa :)

it really doesn't matter if i'm wrong or right, ya know? :)

sinceriously

or do i mean sinseriously... multiple potential meanings in both words from extremes of human conceptualization to the bottom line, just be real, cha know?... cuz you will beloving life more if you do, promise...

i wish you were here...

loving life

and writing these silly and serious little snips and blips of life as i live it keeps me remembering how much i love life cuz i am sharing the experience with myself (and you) which provides a portrait and landscape and image and thought stream and tangible conceptualization of the otherwise potentially meaningless passing moments that you know about now cuz i remember them now...

so apparently short term memory is almost unnecessary when blogging like this and that frees up more brain power to tap into the universe out there and inside (subconscious unconscious self, i mean, in case you missed something lol lam laa... seriously, mysterious as it seems, cha cha cha)...

someday we'll all understand :)

a couple of hours

hanging with jackson, catching up a bit, so much goes on in a week and we've hardly had any time to talk... and i've got soooo much rambling to do, ya know... jackson is a good therapist, lots of patience... sometimes lol :)

and code red is sooooo sweet :)

so?... what's up in your world?... you should share whatever is going on, even if it sucks, make it real, give it life, even if you see no way out, no way of changing the suck, write it, share it, face it, let the world know, even if nobody responds, let yourself know - and don't tell yourself you already do know, you don't know nothing if you are not sharing it, writing it, letting it out... two points make a line, one point is relatively pointless, practically meaningless, functionally worthless without a second point to draw to, to draw from, to reflect, to share...

so?... what is happening? (what's the buzz?)... share a couple of hours, really share, write it, pour it out, everything, i dare you, real as you can be... you can if you want to... want to... don't waste the next couple of hours waiting for the right time or motivation or change... just do it...

yeah...

yummy, nappy, sticky

dinner was yummy, too much, but yummy... somehow, even after eating lunch during the day, i ate two boston market dinners (minus the cornbread biscuits) and a 44 ounce code red and a couple of cup cakes... and we wonder why we are not dropping any weight?... ah, but at least i am still fitting into the pants and the size large shirts... used to be only extra larges for me at one point in this life, so improvements, but still should drop 20 pounds just to breath comfortably and actually get back to running... yeah yeah yeah, balancing the piggy and fun is life...

and nappy, the sweetness of an after dinner nap just sitting here and letting it happen while the fingers are tapping the keys, solitary sleep doesn't get much sweeter than that, or this (this bliss) even... the wonder of letting go of everything and just drifting off without a care in the world, still crazy enough to do it after all these years... or really, still free enough... hopefully you too...

and the sticky, the heat, but tonight it's more the humidity... about 76 degrees, but about 87 percent humidity makes it really sticky in here with the door open but happiness loves the outdoors so much i want to take advantage of a slightly cooler evening... still, it is so much stickier than last night...

and still, it is a wonderful life :)

decided to spend money

while i am doing my best to live as economically as possible on my current reduced income and most of the two bedroom bills, i decided to buy boston market food for dinner tonight... impulsive... traffic was terrible, probably because of the rain, and i went to the post office and looked at the clock and decided to buy... i have lunch or dinner for tomorrow too...

happiness was panting to get out when i got home, these days are long for him (love dogs, but i don't think it's fair to have one stuck home all day when working long hours... jackson is out from about 8:30am to after 9pm almost every day, some days longer... she gets home too tired for any real play, no less exercise... i am out from before 7am to after 5pm every day, some days longer... i get home tired some days, but i am motivating myself to exercise more after work... i stopped goin out after work to save money, and happiness benefits... but it's still a very long day alone and very little play and exercise time in the evening for him... alas, jackson is working hard to pay bills so it's no fault, but it's sad for happiness cuz they miss each other so much and he's not got too much more time left... maybe that's one reason she is pulling away from him, she does not deal with death well at all...

my two roommates and best friends both have hearts of gold, but oh so sensitive hearts they are... we do the best we can :)

surprise is no surprise

sometimes the delicate situations are so sad, but then that is the nature of the field, we provide care for the people with the saddest stories in the whole community... and that is where the license and experience and skills come in... so this afternoon brought another sensitive situation for me to explore and resolve, or at least make some decisions to set the situation on the road to a resolution... hopefully the clinical team will take the ball i gave them and score, in metaphoric terms... it is a rewarding job, and the challenges just makes it more rewarding...

yup, just the way it is so far

the mornings are for working, the afternoons are for educating, communicating, shmoozing, and otherwise not fast lane focused tasks... and some afternoons some surprise outside of the office comes along and i put on the management hat and make legal and risk decisions for the place... i can get used to the flow and as long as the productivity is enough to satisfy the powers that be, all will be well...

oh, but it is soooo much better than the atmosphere and environment of the last place i was so unappreciated... and there's even time to fit in a lunch, go figure :)

morning productivity

no doubt about it, mornings alone here in the office gives me the chance for uber productivity... afternoons when my assistant comes in and has lots of questions and lots of others stuff happens in the hospital are definitely not as productive... we shall see if this holds true today... so far the data entry she's supposed to do for the month has not even begun... i don't think she likes that task, but it is so much better all around if she would do it an hour a day instead of trying to cram it all into a week at the end of the month, especially when that would greatly help catching mistakes on time rather than at the end of the month or later when it is way too late to correct much... but i made the suggestion to the boss and to her a few times and i won't push it much more cuz the boss has the final word and if she is ok with the too late to be on time rush at the end of the month system, i will live with it...

meanwhile, the catch up on last month's chart audits that nobody did (and nobody told me nobody did it until this week) continues... we will get it together :)

late morning

pushing that snooze button good this morning cuz i got word that i was off the hook for the medical staff peer review meeting this morning... i was going to cover for a colleague at the other location, but she can make it in after all... my location's peer review is next week... so much fun to herd the docs :)

hi ho :)

scattered remnants

i will start this now and post this then when then will be now and then will be before and if you can follow the time line of real and imaginary then maybe you can understand now... there is so much more to fantasy than sex and i prefer the science side of the imagination, but if you did not know that, you've never understood... try again... and then this brain food kept me awake... default mode sounds like where i live... if you thought the doll thing was kinky, i want to watch you a bit closer (what?)... oh, and i want the asian...

meanwhile, think jim carrey as you answer - is this irony?...

what we have here, is an insatiable brain

i was almost asleep and then jackson got home and while she's already asleep in bed, we said hi for a few minutes and now i'm all excited cuz the brain shared a little and the brain woke up and has cravings for more now and so i look at the stuff that entered my head and is around the periphery and one thing i notice is you have certainly been busy out there in the world of blog reading as yesterday had 165 page views which is more than any day before to my knowledge and that is quite exciting as if i am popular and instantly my self worth is expanding and the excitement continues to build (and harry and i and anybody who remembers laugh :)

yeah, i didn't mention it earlier... the brain was in reality-recording mode as fatigue smothered everything else as i was just catching up on the day (perhaps you noticed?)... see what a few minutes with a best friend can do?... it reminded me how much i want to share, so here i am... i won both games in my two fantasy leagues... so i am in second place in both leagues and so far, in good position for the playoffs... and the world series is on with the giants strong and the tigers looking like the layoff put them to sleep... and yeah, while i am not getting into the past entry fun that i got into last night (no chocolate tonight, after all... and a bit more wisdom, perhaps, aye?... smirking all the way), i am celebrating the second most entries in any month since this blog began as this month approaches the 200 entry mark and this blog rolls past the 3200 entry mark... history?... so what does that mean?...

of course on one level it is all about wanting attention, you know, hello... hello... hello... is there anybody out there?... can anybody hear me?... tell me, do you know the song?... see me... feel me... touch me...

and the hunger for someone to love (another song, ya know?) and sleep is no match for that hunger... but most of all is the hunger to share everything, the brain just bubbles over with hormones of excited anticipation of sharing ideas and caring about being and sharing and living and everything... so much to know, so much to learn, so much to share, being here, being alive (and there's another song... music can express and explain everything if we let it)...

so where are you, dear insatiable brains (with or without chocolate)?... where are you, dear friends?... and where are you, the one... ah, the hunger to share on every level rises like a phoenix out of the fatigue and out of the blue, shines through the mundane details and rambles of the day...

almost like it used to

waking from a nap

the sweet after dinner naps in the early evening with the door open and the fresh air pouring in as the weather slowly changes to the mid-seventies and while it is warm and humid, it is fresh air too and i enjoy that almost as much as happiness does... so a cool shower helps and the fresh air is good and the electric bill goes down too...

yeah, it's not the nostalgic (or did i mean silly?) night it was last night, but it is the close of a good day and proof that even the mundane (did i mean boring?) days of this life are worth noting (for me, at least) cuz it days like these remind me that even alone and even without fantasies or obvious excitement, life is fun and rewarding...

hope your routine days are smiling for you too :)

dinner and happiness

that's about what life is about now during the week after work, heading home to get happiness out for his walk and cooking some dinner and getting some sleep... especially when i sleep just a few hours the night before... so no jog/walk tonight, cuz the eyes are closing...

ezciting on the inside, yeah lol lam :)

the busy day runs by

it gets trickier to get work like auditing done as people come to interrupt for other reasons but the work does get done in spite of a very busy afternoon... two more training sessions, an investigation with my assistant along so she can see how to do some of the tasks she will be able to do (when i am not there and also so i can do other things)... and the fatigue of the day also slows the auditing, but there are just a few charts left from the pile of august charts that were not done before i arrived, so progress...

and time to pack it up for the day so i can get home... hope your day smiled for you :)

getting it done

the stack of charts does not seem big today as i settle into a flow and get a handle on the chart order and roll through charts in the quiet of the morning... the food i bought yesterday provided breakfast and lunch and the coffee kept the fatigue away, so the audits will not be a month behind for long...

it can be a monotonous task, but there is a good purpose as the audits help identify where staff need help in documenting what they do better and that helps improve what they do and in the end, the quality of care provided to the clients improves...

getting it done :)

expanding my role

into the on-going training of staff, i did the annual fire safety training this morning and will do it for two more staff meetings later today and it went well with the vp of clinical services there... r-a-c-e and p-a-s-s, the reminders of what to do in the event there is a fire...

and into the charts now, first one done, on a roll...

early day

training and charts to audit, hopefully no interruptions... so tired, but that was the choice sandra and i made last night... i know, you have to find the time to review to know what i am talking about and some of you won't and you will always wonder, probably, what i meant... whatever it was...

sheesh, shower, happiness walk, and drive in the dark...

silly mad

as in ridiculously off my rocker, lazy crazy, doofy goofy... doh... so i was still awake cuz i was watching one of the worst films sandra bullock ever made but she can be so positively sensually adorable that i started wayching and just kept watching and that is how demolition man ended up staying on the tv tonight two hours after i pushed myself to watch the four hour heroes gig that is a tuesday night schedule on g2, or so i discovered last night... oh sure, we had out fun reminiscing about cheerleaders (real and imaginary), but had i slept, odds are much higher that tomorrow would have been more disciplined and i'd have consumed much fewer calories the body would have been happier cuz really, after all, sandra is not coming over tonight so of course i should be sleeping, oh yeah, right to the roots... narf...

silly mad, no doubt :)

oh sure

a banana and milk and cookies for dinner and then, i find that heroes is on g2... four shows in a row every tuesday night, at least i think that's what they said... this is suckage cuz i really like the show... and not just cuz of the cheerleader, but she obviously provides a big draw for more reasons than you know (way beyond libido, but oh she could wake libbo too {digging slightly deeper (dot dot dot) , you may even remember... it goes back a long way... irony or coincidence or fate {or softball, even without tv, see?} that it appears tonight, perhaps sweden can save us yet... what? lol)... not so good as it is keeping me awake and i have a very early day... and there's a commercial for district 9... i missed that the first time around... i suppose i must check out this g2 schedule more often... oh tv, you are such a waste alone...

meanwhile, i must shower before bed too, so this is quite inconvenient timing... if you were here, the tv might not be a waste ya know... and the one where the heck have you been?... you know i've been repressing my supernastural powers until you arrive... but is that it, are you not coming because you don't want me to go supernatural on this world?... oh, but you are coming, we know you are, every time i do... alas, there may be no plan and you are likely roaming randomly through time and space along with me where you are... cuz that's the secret... and now we all know...

but who's actually paying attention or even beginning to understand?...

so dear readers, in closing i leave you with my usual, but nonetheless sincere wish... hope you are enjoying life, wherever you are...

and there we are

we being me and you... and happiness too... and the blog entries that came before that caught us up on today... we is such a versatile word, ya know?... so i am a happy camper, lonely, but happy... that's how it goes though, waking up alone is always a lonely experience but loneliness leads to more desire for companionship and more desire for companionship leads to companionship and less loneliness... we shall see if i wake up enough this time to reach that tipping point (excited yet? lol lam laa :)

i am up at 5:30am tomorrow to be out just after 6 to get some work done before the 7:30 training i have scheduled, so i ought to get to sleep soon... i didn't eat dinner tonight cuz i ate lunch and snacked in the late afternoon and was not hungry, but i am a little hungry now so i might snack a bit more... hey, just cuz the exercise returned for one day and i ate lunch does not mean all the habits have changed... one step at a time, remember? :)

so how is life out there? :)

google provides fake stats

finally i see some proof... cuz you see, according to the google stats, at exactly 9pm fifty-eight people visited this blog at the same moment... and google still can't seem to identify just where the numbers came from... a few moments later google tells me that 56 page views happened at exactly 9:13pm and the 58 page views from 9pm are gone... dozens of referring views this month have come from pages i have never visited and appear to be spam pages... it is ridiculous...

maybe someone at google can make sense of it, but for me, google provides fake, as in meaningless, worthless, and just plain bogus stats... come on google, you can do better than that...

refocused

sort of... refocused, that is... on the way home i decided i would jog/walk a 5k tonight, or at least attempt it... when i got home i found jackson's lunch bag on the kitchen counter not cleaned out on the counter (and she usually cleans it out) so i texted her to ask if she got home and rushed out or if she forgot her bag and she texted back saying no... then i found her note letting me know she was going out to dinner with sanford (her new love interest now has a name) which makes five or six days in a row and then spending the night there (which is like three out of the last five nights... can we assume things are going well? lol) after going to sanford's daughter's chorus show or something like that, so i was left to care for happiness again and felt lonely and decided to focus inward and got myself out for that 5k... suddenly the solitary determination that used to be my primary motivation rose up from wherever it was sleeping and the link leads to the results of the 5k and some body-talk... gonna go it alone, cuz that's how it must be (oh, where has that song been? :)

life is good tonight, hopefully i jog/walk again tomorrow too :)

chart audits

with a half dozen calls with a few dozen questions about judgment calls to one of the people who was doing the audits before i started, i completed a chart in about two hours... without calling, i completed the next chart in about an hour... three questions left over for tomorrow... that is the nature of the busienss, the next will go faster and eventually they will take maybe a half hour per chart unless the chart has serious issues...

and now, time to hit the road for home...

shopping for lunch

after following up with the other members of the department in order to learn what additional tasks they want me to do this week and while it would be nice if they actually had time to train me well, the snippets i am getting are helpful and i know the process well, auditing medical records... thing is that auditing medical records is not a precise science as there are a lot of gray areas and i just do not know how they color in the gray to maintain inter-rater reliability... that usually comes by auditing charts together... but they don't have the time, so i am going to do my best by making educated guesses as to their judgment calls...

and on the way from one campus to another (there are several locations and my boss is at one and i am at the other so we have risk managers at both), some lunch foods were purchased and now, time to eat for a change... no more going all day without food... the start of more sensible eating?... there's always hope :)

orientation

it could have gone better... but using someone else's powerpoint and document package that needed updating and organizing meant a bit of fancy dancing and surprise, the vice president of human resources came in about ten minutes after i started and then another staff came in late after her and i stumbled a few minutes trying to match the powerpoint with the training i've given a hundred times before (which was foolish, but hey, perfect i am not)... someone came in to get the VP three times and interrupted the flow, which didn't help either... but all in all, the people received the training they were supposed to receive...

and i will remind myself to find the time to revise the powerpoint and packet before the next orientation...

and morning

woke around 5am without the alarm and laid in bed relaxing for a few and then checked fantasy where i won both games which was a surprise for one of the leagues and now jackson is first and i am second in the league we are both in (both 6-1 records, but her team has scored more points in her games) and there's more, but it's time to get into the shower and start another work day...

hi ho :)

fast asleep

and today was another new learning experience as we rebuild a department that does not have much in the way of organization or structure or clearly assigned responsibilities or tracking of what needs to be done or what has been done, but that's what i do, fix things...

meanwhile, i am fast asleep now and will likely be fast asleep all night...

nite nite :)

asking a lot

it was only a matter of time before more was asked, but with the entire department in the office today it seemed as though everyone was eager to dumpy some of their work in my lap and so there were smiling happy faces bringing me stuff to do today that was interesting... i will be busy doing trainings and running meetings the rest of this week and somehow will somehow fit in chart reviews that were not done from last month (making the chart reviews a month behind... i had no way of knowing until they told me today and so, we do what we can do as we can do it)...

i was able to expedite the process once they all got out of my way lol :)

routine morning

thanks to Newman's Own Extra Bold coffee, it was a routine morning with plenty of work to do except it was not the usual morning as there were three other people in the office... catching up on the incident reports, which oddly, do not seem to be a priority for anyone even though they are the heart of the risk management program, but i shall continue to learn and fit in as the new department develops...

at least there is lots to do :)

slept

from just after the last entry until now, so what is that?... like just over an hour and a half... and the alarm goes off and i snooze it and the next alarm goes off and i dismiss it, but then the bladder alarm goes off and i suppress it and then the next alarm does off and i dismiss it, five minutes until the snoozed alarm but the bladder alarm says, up and atomize me or i will explode, baby...

so here we are and away i go... make today the best day you'll ever know... it's up to you to nurture your flow... and a hidey hidey hidey ho ho ho...

(hi ho)...

narf :)

thank you for referring visitors

thank you for sending me visitors (even if you did not mean to, perhaps it was just that random next blog link at the top of your blog, but you appear to be the referring page so i thank you... and in my own peculiar and harmless way, i could so easily fall in love with each one of you...









there were lots of other non-blogs that popped up on the list of referring pages and so often when i visit for a few moments i wish i know more, shared more, and of course, when i find a couple in love i wish i was part of a couple in love too cuz deep down, i was made to love and love is all there is, it's all i've got (and all i want), yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... but it's not just love and lovers and dreamers (and me) i fall in love with, i love designs and ideas and the sharing of all the wonders we can share (including words) in our online worlds...

so much potential for sharing, for caring, for loving, for coming together and becoming what dreams may come... and it all starts with a page view... a mobile base would help too, and a comment, so much can be said in a comment...

did i leave out dinner?

perhaps it's the recent bloating the body is experiencing that has me forgetting to itemize the ingredients in my daily meals as i once did here in this blog of the minutia of life (hey, i go through phases, sometimes i weigh and record the volume of my navel lint, sometimes i just play with it)... if i had the time (or did not sleep, as i am not doing tonight), all would be yours, including what dreams may come, but alas, i live in a relatively rushed black and white world these days and very much alone, i imagine the one or someone caring and wanting to know every little detail of this life only now and then (in phases, even) and this recent day and somewhat past month or few has been one of those, now or then, depending on perspective and understanding of the concept these words attempt to convey...

see there was this leftover spaghetti from yesterday and i was considering making something healthier than butter, kitchup, and several assorted cheeses as a sauce... and when i found 50% less fat parmesaen (or however it's spelled) sauce in the cubboard i kinda went in that direction, adding a package of imitation crab and some soups for flavoring (new england clam chowder and french onion) and a garlic spice i created myself mostly made up of garlic, salt, sugar, smoke flavoring, and a few other secret ingredients and some powdered parmasaen and romano cheeses and stuck it in the microwave for almost half an hour (or maybe like five 5 minute heatings with some stirring between) and that, because you just had to know, was dinner...

now you can sleep in peace...

if only i could, aye? :)

and then there's windows 8

and from my preliminary reading i probably should have upgraded to windows 7 a long time ago rather than continuing to suffer through windows vista (oh, and if you haven't been following along, today the complaint department moved from hither and yon, yon being somewhere over there and hither being somewhere over elsewhere, besides the meaningless complaints and consumer advice i occasionally provide with tongue in and out of teeth, though seldom biting on it, in order to keep the whiney little cry baby pooper party-er out of (e)thereal cuz the wah wah woofer is a member of the babbler clan and babblers have been mostly banished from this blog of brevity {and bravery, some might say}, but today, the dikes must have broke or something cuz this little piggy cried wee wee weee all the way home, i mean, just in case you didn't notice, ahrem and all) but noooooooooo, i just had to be irrationally frugal once again and forego the expense of the upgrade and continue to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous coding in this advanced stage of ME operating system called vista and now, windows 8 claims the stage as the next folly among horse and carriage blunders and brilliance (do we wonder why most business, hospitals, and corporations still use windows XP?... maybe because it works and investing in the training and potential IT nightmares of the roller coaster ride of operating systems that have come out since XP was not only not cost effective, but counter-productive and did not make sense... oh, but consumers don't have to be productive and make sense, do we?...

it has long been apparent that microsoft (and the apple too) has a vision of what you and i and aunt maude and everybody should be doing with our personal computers and an insistence on how we should do what they want us to do... it's cost effective for them, regardless if it works for us... so what i read tells me windows 7 fixed most of the flaws in vista and provided a smooth user experience and windows 8 takes away much of the user experience only to replace it with the app experience we are locked into on our phones and pads... whatever happened to the personal computer, those who remember them might ask?... well, they are to be replaced by computers for dummies, touch pad boxes that tell you what to do and how to do it and to hell with your individuality or creativity or privacy, for that matter... heck, you can post to your facebook without even logging in right from your screen... well who the hell wants all the apps and personal information we keep on our personal computers out there readily available to facebook without even a log on password?...

ok, so perhaps i prejudge the windows 8 experience... but i know i want most of the pre-loaded apps off my smart phone and i have yet to find the time to stop by the att store to insist they remove them because there is no uninstall available for me... and i know that i resent having to log into google in order to actually use my android smart phone... and i will not log in to my email, facebook, twitter, or any other site that has two-way viewing of my contacts and personal information on my phone not only for the privacy but because all the spam and crap on the internet crashed the first four smart phones i purchased (and exchanged) when i did follow the innocent and quite invasive instructions to log in here and there and everywhere that popped up when i first turned on my android smart phone (and they finally gave me a free phone to keep me from buying an iphone, go figure)...

at the moment, i believe i want a windows 7 experience on my next upgrade of os or computer... and i still very much enjoy and appreciate my XP experience at work... the sales and marketing people at microsoft may call me a dinosaur afraid of change... i say, i am not into blind consumerism for consumerism's sake...

it's as simple as this... everybody is always trying to reinvent the wheel to make more money... you don't have to buy a new wheel when you have a perfectly good wheel to get you around...

and besides, i don't want to share all of my porn with just anyone :P

and of course, once again, take me seriously at your own risk :)

an hour or more

just to negotiate petfooddirect which is the only place to buy hill's prescription diet which i suspect is a scam sold to well-meaning vets and then recommended by vets to scared pet owners who will pay more than they can afford to spend another year or few with their animal family member and i understand the emotional trap, but it is still an emotional trap that makes a fortune for pet food companies... it is obviously a monopoly, which should be illegal, as we the consumer does not have a choice in where to buy the product... and seriously, compare the contents of the package and tell me it should cost $2-3 a pound... but then, should a 12 ounce box of human food breakfast cereal cost $4?... and since when is processed foods ever better than natural foods?... but rational thinking and pet ownership seldom go together, so i spent more than an hour trying to negotiate a purchase on petfooddirect (having to cancel two orders because the site changed the qualities and over-charged my credit card the first time and then changed the billing address the second time... and promises of 15% off for signing up for auto-ship (future scheduled shipments) never appeared at check out and they even raised the retail price before applying a 5% and then a 11% discount as if the purchaser would be so blind or confused as to not notice... very suspect technological flaws for milking a very vulnerable market)...

but jackson is going to follow her vet's instructions until happiness dies and at least this way we can save money on the ridiculously expensive processed food... and i love jackson so we will do what she says on this... and the tv just shut off by itself, so maybe that's a sign... but the neck is screaming in my ear louder than the tinnitus which is, itself, quite lough tonight (another effect of the antihistamine, perhaps)...

and i really should be sleeping, dammit...

oh jabberwokey, why am i laughing? :P

home for football

and a few minutes with jackson catching up on her time away, though most of the time she was focused on her phone (did i mention jackson is a smart phone addict?... words with friends, draw something, texts, and a few other activities... it is how she relaxes at night when she actually comes home... she hears about 10% of what i say to her and i still love her cuz, after all, she's jackson)...

fantasy football teams were surprising as the projections for my big wins were not nearly happening and it was touch and go all night... one league where i am 5-1 is done and i am now 6-1, but it was a whole lot closer than expected... the other league where i am 3-3 (and was projected to be 13-3 at the start of the season) i have to hope for a few players to do poorly on the other team for me to hold on to the lead... jackson has a huge lead going into tomorrow night and should hold on to win, keeping pace with my 6-1 record... she is not in the second league i am in... somewhere in past entries are the draft results and team lineups in case you are interested...

and now, a few minutes to order some food for happiness and then, to bed and hopefully to sleep though it is too late to take an anti-itch pill and i don't like the effects of that stuff (hey, did you notice what a crab i was all day?... that is what antihistamines do to me) and the neck is driving me crazy and definitely not allowing sleep... hey you, shhhhh, stay positive, focus, meditation, oooommmmmmmmmmmmm lol...

narf :P

prophetic, perhaps

and we finally finish the second game an hour late and it was the expected farce we anticipated... we waited for the first game to be over as it was delayed by poor organization and we played our game, winner to play another game right after... we hit poorly but were ahead 3-1 in the fifth when we opened up to a 10-1 lead and we shut them down in the sixth and that was game as time ran out... one umpire, not ASA, for the playoffs in the most expensive league in town and every other less expensive league provides two ASA umpires for every game and three for playoffs...

and then came the second game, a rematch of the game we lost last week due, in part, to the other team intimidating the very novice umpire (i vented about it in some long past entry)... and we once again hit very poorly and the other team did their best to intimidate the umpire but tonight was a slightly more seasoned amateur umpire who i spoke with before the game to prepare him for the intimidation, which started right on the first pitch and got worse all game... really squashes the fun when a social recreation league becomes testy and rude and the umpire cannot enforce good sportsmanship... anyway, our team reacted poorly and was tired, three people got injured, one had to leave the game, and we found ourselves down 12-4 as we entered our last inning... we came back to score seven runs with runners on first and second (and the poor sportsmanship and childish attempts to intimidate were ridiculous by the other team as they started panicking) and that is how it ended, so they mkove on to the finals and we hugged and praised each other for not giving up and not giving in to the cheap crap the other team was spitting out...

we talked a bit and then jackson and i headed home...

mixed-up day

so i drove home and watched a little football while jackson did some work or something in her bedroom and i feel really wonky and not just cuz of the neck irritation but that definitely has a lot to do with it and while it would help if jackson was not away all weekend and not so busy so she might nurse me and sympathize with me a bit and help me keep my mind off the neck itching and feeling like i am in such a tough spot without health insurance and potential medical needs and maybe i just want to whine and be babied today and wah wah wah but nobody cares so where are the worms?...

onward to the next games where we start the playoffs in the afternoon league which are so poorly organized and managed and way over-priced that we are quite over playing there and if we didn't already pay (i paid, hopefully others will pay their share eventually) we would not be playing this season and even with the $200 discount the league president offered me, i seriously doubt we will be back for any more seasons after this one... but away we go for another mockery of a playoff...

rough day

woke to find out jackson was not going to play in the first game cuz she was not feeling well (and a little careless with her body over the weekend away) and so i head out to the field a little late and rush through some batting practice anyway cuz i am tired of not getting the batting practice in just cuz the team is asked to be at the field an hour before the game (and most don't show until much later, a few often show right at game time so not warmed up they play poorly and we lose)... and sometimes, like today, the whole team just seems to not want to be on the field... one runner was thrown out at first and more than half the batters on the other team hit ground balls, most simple fielding chances that most teams, including us, would have handled just fine on better days... and watching outfielders overrun balls and let rolling balls go through their legs and then take three tries to pick the ball up is such a helpless feeling as the other team stretches singles (or outs) into triples and home runs... yeah, i get frustrated with my sunday morning team for for a few reasons, the lack of commitment and preparation for one... and having the highest batting average on the team doesn't seem to matter as i bat consistently around 9th with the poorer hitters following me so i am stranded on base most of the time and so today, for instance, i was at bat once, got one hit, was forced out at second, and we lost 19-5...

mostly i enjoy playing, but i wonder why, most of the time, we don't do what is best for the team when most of the other teams do... anyway, i obviously felt like venting... and the day continued...

waking irritated

mostly because i have a dozen or so mystery bites on my neck and i am quite distracted by them as they itch and irritate along any collar and i am frustrated with how they appeared... and they kept waking me all night... did i really sleep through a dozen insect bites and why all in one area on the neck?... was i visited by a tiny vampire some time in the past few days?... i first noticed them friday afternoon and evening... and they are worse today... was there some sort of insect or irritant causing a hive-like rash on my neck on the neck or the apron wrapped around my neck when i got my hair cut friday morning?... was there some similar irritant on the collar of the t-shirt i fished out of the back seat of the car as i rushed from the field to the concert friday night?... was there some creepy crawling bug attacking my neck as i tried to nap quite frustrated by other things on friday afternoon?... are these emotional hives?... am i losing my mind?... obviously, i am waking irritated and amusing myself with the possibilities that got me here... what else can i do without health insurance, after all...

narf...

i was sort of asleep

and somewhere in the back of my mind i got to wondering about all the statistics this blog shows me when i click on the link that leads to the statistics for this blog and i smile at the visits from around the world, especially from romania and not just cuz i once wished Nadia Comaneci would do a perfect ten on my lap, but hey, a young boy could dream back then without the far right police labeling the poor horny kid a liberal commie pervert, ya know?... but i digress...

besides the recent dreams (and running joke that goes something like must be my irreverence... or my russian girlfriend cha cha cha), i am hoping that the few people who have kinda sorta followed me around for years from early days on my own domain at att and candoor.net to diaryland and livejournal (and other places) and myspace and here to blogspot might be among the visitors as some of the countries (and the usa) are represented in the page view data (though sweden is sadly so seldom listed and there is more than one reason to wish for a swedish follower, but yet again i digress, though not as much as last time... maybe it's the parentheses holding us together, aye?)...

what puzzlement brought me to this entry is the rarity of canada appearing on my list of countries from which you dear readers appear to view me from... from which from are you, i wonder... but canada holds several very dear friends and i must guess that, like the dear friends in life offline, they have no interest in the babblings and ramblings and attempted brevity of daily life here in this blog... and i must acknowledge the sadness that this realization brings as i really would like it if the answer to the questions that is above this entry and below the title was yes if you know what i mean...

yeah, i know, sleep deprivation makes for the strangest bedfellows...

or something like that :}