waking mostly

could have slept more, but... so anyway... besides daily chores and happiness (both inner and the dog), what's on the to-do list today... jackson left a couple of notes, some storage boxes searching for a cup (fun fun fun) and tire searching (maybe she does not realize i've been searching for tires for her car every day since last weekend... tried to tell her a couple of evenings, but she gets home so tired and burnt...

unfortunately, the best deal for her was last weekend and she was out of town and any suggestion of me laying out the money gets her upset... the deals for this weekend are on four tires so her choice is buy two at regular price or buy four at about the price of three... unless i can convince her otherwise, she'll probably buy two of the cheapest old tires they sell her for $200-$250 or more and need to replace them next year instead of getting four brand new best and safest tires on the market (michelin defenders) for $450 that will last 3-4 years or more... she can be so frustrating :}

but it is tough to be in the living paycheck to paycheck trap... wish i can help her out but that's something one must learn how to do one's self... her heart is one of the most beautiful caring hearts i've ever met... the deep-rooted human fears and habits that most everybody have in their way on this journey in this life are a puzzle... fear is such a debilitating wall/unknown... it is a mindset i guess cuz i rarely find myself doing it (yeah, i know, i almost did a few weeks ago, sigh, almost human)...

the money-stress trap, that is... maybe cuz i saw the old folk who adopted me did it so sadly and decided not to be like them... maybe cuz i don't take money seriously... i only went way over my head once (the things we do for love, la la la) and decided bankruptcy was the best move at the time... also cuz i decided the school loan deal was a potential trap i did not want to step into... unfortunately, that reduces my lifetime income opportunities, but i live in modest comfort without bills and have still been able to give away hundreds of thousands of dollars to friends in need over the years... also and maybe the key is cuz i know how to stop spending daily money (living in the moment with self-discipline)... it's amazing how much savings can pile up when daily spending drops to zero... sounds so simple i guess cuz for me, it is...

alas, i am an alacritous anachronism, after all... in fact, in case this is your first time here or you haven't noticed, i am in that mode right now, only spending for food when food runs out... cuts down on social life a lot (isn't that an understatement, seriously, but that's a whole other deeper story), but simplifies survival as much as possible and reduces all the unnecessary money stress most carry around all the time...

i wish i could just give people this understanding as easily as i give money... for now, on with the day...