well, not really, but i have been eating a lot of humus recently... and carrots... a lot of veggies this week, in fact... and some pasta and cheese and sauce... but what i meant that was this was not up to my usual snuff and the babbler really needs some stern something cuz, well, just look at it... ah, but then, we are not judgmental, we are merely not amused... bored, even... it's most likely a lack of chocolate...
i researched dog food prices today... the food the vet recommends is up to $3 a can, but might be findable for $2 a can by the case in wholesale places... it is a special food, hills prescription diet k/d canine renal health... and the research says moist food can help a dog with kidney issues... can you believe dog food is $2 a can and the tv child care organization wants less than a dollar a day to feed a child?... bulk purchasing, perhaps... or ridiculous greed from the companies that we depend on most, the cost of survival is cruel in the usa... but do we dare mix our own dog food when the doctors tell us the right food can keep our doggies alive without suffering for another few years?... the recommendation is 1.5 - 2 cans a day for a dog 30-40 pounds... and we still need some dry food and treats for teeth health... $150 a month to feed the dog... let's not mention the other vet expenses... rip off or good science?... how can we ask question when we look into his eyes?... he's not my dog, so no experimenting... just have to find the money...
am i still awake?...
Friday, August 10, 2012
by laurels, i meant humus
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i've missed far too much of the babble and the daily life and the new branches growing in all sorts of directions to ever hope to catch up in this lifetime, but i can't help but feel really good that a dog with kidney problems is being looked after by someone who cares.
oh sure, you show up when i am babbling poorly (by my standards, and you know what matters) and calling myself out on it (didn't even do that too cleverly) and so unfocused i don't even get silliness right... this abstaining from chocolate and caffeine and sugar is not good for the babbler (who woulda thunk?)... time to inject my soul with some sweet jelly rolls and some creamy chocolate too...
so how the heck are ya? :)
well, i drifted back here to see if you might have said "hi" and it appears that a lot has happened in the intervening hours since I first wandered back into your expansive blogosphere..
.Let's see... rainbows, chocolate, bacon cheeseburgers from Wendy's AND Burger King. I do remember the Wendy's Frosty with fondness though it has been many years ... Come to think of it, I can't remember the last time I ate a Whopper but I do remember liking them a lot. From your review it sounds like my memory may be making the Burger King burger experience into something that never really existed but is rather something I've made into something of a dream. Anything is possible.
It's good to read your babbling again, good to click through some clicks and more clicks until i get lost climbing onto one of the high branches somewhere off the tree, a branch that has Wendy's Frosty's and Burger King Whoppers and sunshine and rainbows, and everything is a dream for a little while.
.
yes, lots happens (i write sarcastically as i do so little actually these days but i am enjoying the luxury of no work much more than the lament of lonely uselessness so all is well :)
i went out to get food and decided i did not want to wait for pizza or a meatball sub and i was in the mood for meat for the first time in weeks so i did the fast food but now i've had enough fast food for a year or so, at least... they look so good in the picture (and off the grill, fresh), but fast food burgers are hockey pucks between buns... i'll probably forget that in a year or two and fall for the spray painted commercial picture again, but not tomorrow :)
that is why i write, to make everything a dream for a little while... and to let out all the nonsense i experience in what we call the real world... and the last few years, to rant and vent and whine and crab a lot... but i may be able to re-emerge from the dark ages i've created for myself by working too many hours for too long during this time away from the rat race... those cha cha cha new blog concepts linked on the right up above this comment are potential changes and steps toward the next stage of evolution whenever the great wheel of time turns a little bit more...
writing is the great equalizer... escape... therapy... friend...
like songs used to be :)
no work? what happened?
now i feel like i was being really dense about the dog, and missing an important metaphor there.
the operational dysfunction and abuse was always a problem and i hoped changing corporate parents might help but i finally reached levels where i accepted that i was not going to change the culture, so i stopped kissing and started confronting and on a typically busy but peaceful monday afternoon i was escorted out of the building by the HR Director, though I resigned (it was mutual) and they gave me a severance package so I have income until September or so...
they are too paranoid to have let me leave gracefully and the place was very upset, doctors and nurses called me asking what happened and expressing anger and fear... that's how the ceo likes it, he's a sadist and enjoys putting others down...
the bottom line is i am so much healthier and happier and free to be out of that system... yeah, income is important too and i will need to take that seriously in a couple of months, but i had worked more than 11 years for the place and not taken a vacation because the workload would not allow it...
my altruism and loyalty and commitment would not let me leave on my own (silly martyr i can be)... hopefully something better will turn up that pays the bills, but this is the change i needed :)
well, i'm really sorry for this, and really sorry too that the people you served for so long with so much dedication no lionger have someone like you in their active corner, but i am also really happy to hear you are happier and healthier and looking at the present and future with optimism and hope. I'm sure like all of us you have your lower moments, but overall this sounds really healthy all the way around. I do hope something fulfilling both for the heart and for the body comes along in just the right way and just the right time for you.
I'll keep with that thought on your behalf. :)
yes, human emotion... i've learned... i went through the shock and the depression and the grieving and the self-pity and the anger and the... lots of whining and aimless nothingness in blogs since mid-june... ptsd set in, i think, and that may be fading a bit... add and adhd helps... as does caffeine, chocolate, and sugar... from the start i was so thrilled down deep to be free of that responsibility but the rejection still felt like the betrayal it was...
these days i am mostly enjoying the aimless wandering that a vacation is supposed to be :)
thank you for being you :)
i can see how the rejection and betrayal would ring just a few bells for you . i wonder if your writing is something like meditation ? a meditation not in some attempt to affirm your way into happy happy, but rather as a sort of sitting with what is there and seeing it right there in front of your own eyes. you see it all and feel it all right there in front of you and you can know it, shake hands with it... "oh yes, i know you" . and in the knowing something starts to shift just a bit ?
maybe.
or maybe i just need a cookie.
but i do care and i do keep sending you cookies and chocolate thoughts, even when i'm not around the nets so much :)
:)
makes sense to me... the shift or action or change comes from the emptying of the head... i've learned that stuff not released into words bogs down brain... this may not be the same or work for everybody, but it only has to work for me to be right for me... or something like that...
over the years i found all sorts of horrible stuff pouring into words (both subjects and quality)... afterwards (after words), everything almost always feels much better :)
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