cruising the darkness

yeah, the previous entry says it all, or nothing, depending on perspective and understanding, which means i am still awake and riding the wave of hunger energy, with a little help from eggplant parm and some coffee drinks cuz the mind just will not give another night away to sleep without reaching out as best as it gets these days... because the caring never ends, the love never sleeps, the sharing only rests when the promises can keep us holding on to each others, gently riding through the night, cruising the darkness, living together, being comfort honest comfort and in sleep's sweet embrace come the morning light...

i mean, it could have been but we all have our excuses for putting off the sharing, for sleeping alone and taking no risks... and i almost cried just thinking about it tonight and if the right song played, i'd have curled up and died in your arms, or mine, in your absence... there isn't much else to say, with buddha out in front and nowhere to go, just cruising the darness on the net with myself and dreams is the best part of the night for it is the most real...

in the magic moments of what was and will be between the bloat and laziness and self-indulgences of today (that you may be too well aware of and even fear if you doubt your own will power and will not trust mine), but i've known the passion and the promise and kept every word even when i seemed to dissolve in the ethers of forget and regret, not yet have i lost it all, in spite of giving it all away many times... it is an understanding so clear it cuts through the facade of human pretense to expose the naked stumbling through insecurity and self-defenses that so many enlightened wanderers strive for and so few ever actualize... a space, a place, a being, an experience of peace and awareness most call an impossible dream, nirvana, val halla, untopia, and so on...

and what keeps us from the hugs, not wanting to be held for a while, not wanting to hold another, fearing or what - rhetorical questions go unanswered all the time, but then, that is what makes them rhetorical... what if someone actually answered, oh me, oh my, what fun might be found in the moment of then... and now, may you find amusement elsewhere, for you are not here... and if you were, or are, and then, you can still choose to share...

call or write and if you dare believe i am in here, you will find me waiting there...