not a night for sleeping

in spite of a serious cold/flu bug i let get a strong foothold in the past few days (due to that old self-pity weakness humans taught me long ago) and needing to be at work tomorrow morning just hours away and wanting to just lay down and sleep (or just vegetate) for a week or whenever cuz, well, we'll get to that someday and probably upload it before now, elsewhere, even, i sit up seeking distraction in food and tv and writing and anywhere, yes anywhere (it must be a major avoidance event, aye?) and it is barely working as the blankness i seek is hardly filling the mind as the painfulness and sorrow of betrayal of trust remains like a siren piercing through everything everywhere in every way (and that is not a that's what she said joke) and (did this sentence run on a bit?... have i lost control of the point it started out to make?... will there be rain in the forecast tomorrow?... has the price of rhubarb in china matched the price of rutabagas in poland?... these and other mind-numbingly meaningless questions will not be answered tonight, but rather, maybe never, unless somehow something brnigs us back here for some reason to discuss the matters), i remain awake...

what?...