wow, is this a wake up call?

after more than a few errors and wild throws that let six runs score in the first two innings, the team sat me down and instead of wining the championship, we lost 17-10 in eight innings... what frustrates me most is i chose this team over my work team who needed me a lot more, but the coach of this team told me they needed me... frustration because there is nothing i can do when, if there were no errors or wild throws, there would have been no runs...

on top of that, the other team used an illegal bat in the first inning that scored the three runs and when we told the umpire, he said that nobody told him the rules so he let the runs count... and so i stood on the side and watched... the team obvious felt they could do better without me, but i am not sure why... i pitched the first five games and gave up no earned runs and we won the first five games by a total score of 81-5... the sixth game i came out in the fourth inning ahead 15-0 and we won 25-8... i didn't pitch the seventh game and we won 15-5... last week in the first game of the playoffs i pitched and we won 7-5, with my first two erned runs given up all season... so when i was taken out after two innings when i gave up two earned runs in all season, i was kind of blown away and stood there stunned for an inning or two before i started cheering the team on... i just didn't get it...

maybe they were telling me something...

whatever the reason, i think it'll be the last time i put them ahead of the work team... and the voice in my head suggesting that the message might be that i am getting too old is not inspiring much of a good feeling, but then, i'll probably laugh at the voice before long... for now it just feels like i was set up and turned on tonight...

life goes on... and maybe i'm being selfish, but i did not feel like i was with friends tonight... i did go 2 for 3 with the out being a hard line drive the pitcher snagged... i walked one in the second because the defense behind me was so shaky and was trying to give the opponents tough pitches to hit... i should not feel like i let the team down or played poorly because i didn't... i just don't understand the decision, especially not when they knew i was hurting my work team by choosing to show up for them and it was their errors and an illegal bat that let 6 runs in...

ok, thereal may be that i am feeling sorry for myself and have a skewed perspective and all that poor-me crap... alas, more than a decade alone can do that... surprised it doesn't happen more often... once in a while i would so appreciate a simple hug and shoulder to lean on... no point in feeling weak or insecure when nobody's around though...

ah, self-mocking = laughter = all better...

it's good to be a child :)