decisions, decisions

"New goal for you: 190 by June 1st,
and no more late night eating or soda"

that was the message in my email from jane... she's may just be a stubborn one, which, being the most stubborn person i know and believing it was my stubbornness that made me who i am and keeps me alive cuz my stubbornness without selfishness is stronger than my stubbornness with selfishness which is the precise mix to survive anything in this world (science and faith will one day merge to prove this fact, but until they do, you can just take my word for it, or leave it, your call as you wish and all) so this particular stubbornness i sense aimed in my direction is just that sort of more without selfishness than with selfishness (that's where the faith and science come in, together) that is the most precious stuff there is inside a person...

and jackson texted me a bunch of times just cuz she cares (and probably sensed i was feeling kinda down, which is one big reason why, by the end of the last entry, i was smiling my laughing smile again)

so my decision is to whether to focus on the rejection and betrayal feeling i got from the team tonight or the caring feeling i got from jackson and jane tonight... the positivity and caring is out there, as is the insensitivity, it's my choice which to empower and let in... yes, decisions, decisions... smart or stupid, such a challenging choice :}

so i ate five crab rangoon, two eggrolls, and two sausage with cooked onions in sweet tomato sauce, yum... oh, yeah, and a starbucks frappicino... yeah, but all ia ate today was a protein shake and a starbucks frappacino and a banana (the frap and protein shake was to keep me awake alert and energized for the game, so much for giving my all for the team)... but now, smiling at the email and the text messages, life is good again...

guess i decided to get by with a little help from my friends... thank you jackson... thank you jane... thank you caring people out there and everywhere... you make the world worth staying in :)