thirty five seconds to kit

a fun sloppy social softball game with friends and strangers made for a fun active social afternoon… and just getting home with enough time for a shower and change and bit of keeping in touch (kit, ya know, is what this is all about) before heading out to dinner with another group at the mellow mushroom and then, the anniversary party for another group…

hope you are making your day fun too :)

out to play

waking a bit sleepy, but still ready for softball, though not as ready as i’d be if i was running daily and working out again… i need a next door neighbor, roommate, or partner who is seriously into cleaning, laundry, running, and working out… not a maid, cuz i’d participate in the cleaning and laundry too, but those are really low on my self-motivated activities list unless they are shared…

gotta get your abs right…

what would be good for this body more than anything, i think, would be finding motivation to remember that i have abs… there was a time when a thousand sit ups was a piece of cake… now, a piece of cake is all my abs see… and used to be i’d be motivated by the prospect of sex, but as much as i still enjoy sensuality, my high abdominal standards have crashed and burned in the past decade… sad, cuz everything is so much better when the abs are right…

yeah, laundry would even get done…

so go ahead out there and get your abs right people and anybody interested in motivating me, you know where to find me… i’ll be on the fairview fields in about an hour and the rest of the day, well, just check my calendar right over there on the right… it’s a test, really, to see how much you care… oooo, am i telling? (maybe later behind the candoor or somewhere, some more will flow into the babble, but for now, i'll just giggle and head out to play... make your day fun too, ok? :)

some games have all the luck

have you found me here yet? (i mean, the linkages and bread crumbs leading here are all over... of course it could be that you are shy or reading me or communicating with me is not at all appealing, but i'll remain optimistic and hopeful and continue rambling on because you care and want to know, like it says down below)...

tonight was a game night with a partial gaming crowd and in some ways it was interesting, though odd... people texting and talking on the phone in the middle of games, people watching tv in the middle of games, people just not really there, not interacting, just doing the bare minimum to keep the games going (after delays due to not paying attention or texting or talking on the phone), just partially there... so much for socializing or getting to know new people, but truly, there was not even a little appeal in getting to know the people partially playing but mostly somewhere else...

still, there were some fun people there (i brought two) and a few hung late playing phase four and watching a silly jackie chan film, who am i... pizza and snacks and such and the like and all in all, fun... downtown was closing up when we left and here i am, with so much to do around this place (laundry cries out desperately, unpacking stalled yet again as the ridiculously slow att internet has me doubting i'll renew the lease and therefore reluctant to completely unpack, and yet so such a busy saturday (softball with one group (the same who had the game night tonight, which was not the regular game group), dinner with another group (yum, the mellow mushroom), and after dinner party with yet another meetup group (the largest group in orlando and we're celebrating the third anniversary of the start of the group)...

so sleep would be wise now, but first, i'll most likely write some more because i am alone again and when i am alone, well, it's pretty simple really, and it's written right down there below every entry... feel free to call if you're awake and whatever you do, make it fun :)

no stops along the way

running out of work (yeah, finally) to speed over to another game night and no time to stop home to pick up games and no time to stop anywhere to pick up food or snacks or anything cuz i get to work and find that no one prepared for the audit on next tuesday even though i left them explicit instructions on what they needed to do to get their houses (departments) in order... so i stayed late to help bail out the nursing department by helping do some chart audits and corrections that should have been done while i was in tennessee...

and now, off to the fun... hope your night is fun too :)

resetting the alarm

is it a secret guilty pleasure, to hear the alarm and reach over and press the snooze button or to take even more liberty with the norms of time and scheduled life responsibilities and simply reset the time for an hour or few later?... maybe, if i gave much value or power to guilt, but even without guilt, it is certainly a pleasure to sleep in on a work day...

so i am just waking and shall now shower and head to work... much to do, but then, that is the norm, always much to do... the key to peace is to know that the flow of work does not control you, that you choose what to do in any moment and do the best you can to do the most you can as well as you can without feeling overwhelmed... or something like that...

take a walk inside your mind today and see the wonders you can find when you leave your worries behind... and realize - the decisions come from within... you are in control... make it fun, make it rewarding, make it successful... and as you look around you to see what can be done, set your goal for the next hour to do what can be done in the next hour... gradually, you will find your confidence to do a bit more and more and your goals will be easier to set and in spite of raising the bar for yourself, easier to reach...

for when you walk through your mind, you are in control... when you look at your hands and what they can do, you are in control... and as you build confidence in your abilities to decide and to do what you can do, you will not only do more, but you will enjoy and be more relaxed... and suddenly, you can let go of the worries, the guilt, the negative thoughts that only get in the way... at work, at play, at life, at love, it is still the same... it is your day, go out and do what you can do...

and now, to juggle :)

so instead of sleep

i wrestled with the laptop and somehow got some flow going, albeit slow and some large emails coming through yahoo groups are clogging up one account and i am continuing my auto-complaint campaign on that front (somewhere i must have explained it, but feel free to ask again if you didn't find it and are curious)...

and i cooked up some ravioli (ricotta and spinach filled) and ate and read some blogs and pondered the absence of friends, old and new, and read and responded to some emails and pondered sharing words, old and new, and visited some visual friends and pondered passions, old and new (and wrote a rhyme kind of blending it all) and now i ponder bed and sleep and dreams, old and new...

it is good to be home :)

nite nite :)

home again, sorta

home and hungry and sleepy and lonely, but overall, giddy with happy-to-have-been-away for a while… change is good, routines can be stifling… maybe i should consider a mobile job… then again, maybe not… anyway, the flight was fun… i sat next to the girlfriend (maybe wife, but no ring and i wasn’t prying) of a former nfl player and her six year old daughter… the kid watched high school musical 2 on a macbook while we chatted about this and that… cheerleader energy is always fun in confined spaces…

arriving home to a heavy downpour, i find out that the double-header softball games i rushed home to play were rained out… so i connected my aircard and downloaded mail and it took forever, the aircard is slower than it ever was and it is time to seriously ponder another way to access the internet and more seriously ponder looking for a new place come august… i nodded off while the mail was downloading after re-booting and deleting and doing all sorts of testing to try to make it better…

i’m still hungry and sleepy and lonely and want a new laptop and internet connection and best friend and a lover might be nice too… yeah, self-mockery is all i’ve got… i think i’ll make dinner and get some sleep as i have a rather busy weekend according to my calendar (linked on the right, in case you didn’t know and want to)… all in all, it’s been a great week in spite of the missing pieces…

i hope your week is going great too :)

on the run again

and then, the work-school was about excel and powerpoint, the some basics about creating graphs and reports were reviewed and it astounded me to see how many of the directors in the room did not have a clue about using the software… they really should have spent more time on it…

so its not quite noon and we’re done and i realize there is nothing more to do and nobody to shmooz at the corporate offices so i am going to shoot straight to the airport to see if i can get the 1pm flight (too late to do it by phone)… i changed to the earlier 3:55pm flight last night (cost the company another $80, oh well)… so anyway, i’m outta here… see you in Orlando…

no rest for the yummy

fishbones (dinner last night) was excellent, very much delicious, and all the better after passing out for an hour or so when a call from another person who nodded off for a bit woke me… we went out and found great food at fishbones and so, the day (being yesterday) ended with a big grin…

and it is morning once again and I must move quickly to get out the door and checked-out before heading to the last day of work-school… I was able to change my flight for an earlier flight so I just might get back to orlando in time to play the double header softball opener for the Thursday night team (even though there is apparently a 60% chance of rain, which would so figure)…

so anyway, love yourself and your day and make it a big smile :)

let's see about me

what?… you wanna know how I’m doing… and not just cuz I keep asking about you, but cuz you care about me and want to know… outstanding… so let’s see about me…

me, ironically, is (me is?… well, I am, anyway)… kind of an oddly familiar experience continuing to be too busy to just give myself the me time I so enjoy… though in most circumstances on a trip away from home I would find myself rambling on and rhyming and all sorts of inspired cuz new environments stimulate me, I have not had much time due to the social aspects of a business trip and even when I finally did get in last night, I found myself watching tv and really getting into a couple of shows bones and another (could have been any of a hundred decent shows) and really enjoying the escape into audio-visual fiction more than I have in many years, which is most likely due the fact that I have not watched a tv drama in about five months… the mental escape was a cool experience…

I was also tired (and am even more tired now) and just laying there falling into a story felt good… so while I don’t feel like hooking up a tv at home just yet, I do feel better about the whole tv experience now that I’ve been away from it for a while… I still see tvs at sports bars and other people’s houses, but the solitary intimacy (or even shared intimacy) of sitting or laying still and being absorbed through eyes and ears and the tube into a story has been absent (and as you might expect I now long for the sharing of the av experience that was once so much a wonderful part of relationships with friends and lovers… ah, yes, I remember it well {with a whistful smile and a inner chuckle and a starry-eyed sigh and all} so many things can be improved with the right person sharing :)

hope you find yours :)

if you feel me

at the moment I could nod off in a moment, but I am waiting a call for dinner plans and so I do not want to actually sleep and yet, maybe a ten minute power nap would actually feel as good as it is telling me it would feel (naps can lie, you know, and it could be a deep sleep in nap’s clothing too cuz deep sleeps do that, they lure you in with the promise of five minutes of bliss and the next thing you know you are waking up late and apologizing to friends or work or somebody who was expecting you hours before… just an fyi, iyfm)...

another long day

another long day (mostly cuz I am bored) continues at work-school going over stuff I’ve done over and over on much more advanced levels, but hey, there’s a price to pay for everything and the price for taking lots of time away from the corporate world and then returning is to sit through basic training all over again… it’s helpful to meet others in my position at other facilities I suppose even if I’ll be the one getting most of the questions… I miss being the kid in a group sometimes…

and how about you peoples out there in the internet world, I mean, I know you are out there even if you do not come around find me keeping in touch daily here on any regular basis… I still want to know what’s going on in your world so if this happens to be the moment you stopped by this page, what’s up and how ya doin? :)

morning comes early

morning comes early when on the road… used the hotel razor this morning as I forgot to buy on when I went shopping for shirts when I got here and wow, I was reminded of the foibles of a cheap single blade razor… luckily I’m not an excessive bleeder most of the time…

make your day wonderful :)

downtown franklin

a fine day at the corporate schoolroom where they went over the basics of performance improvement… I listen with one ear and got some work done on the laptop, though not enough to let me goof off tomorrow… still, I am not becoming a workaholic, which is a good sign… after school, we went out to dinner at the red pony, an upscale bistro-type place in downtown franklin (I wonder what the lead singer of paramore would say about the place)… delicious shrimp and grits with a side of sauteed spinach… yeah, you read right, shrimp and grits… we all (five of us) shared sushi, boneless ribs, and guacamole with chips for starters and a chocolate demise dessert…

you shoulda been there…

to be continued...

maybe a little like every day I get a little bit better in every way or whatever the precise line from the pink panther series was, but with an even much more serious realerness beneath the humor than ever imagined before because, after all, I am so genuinely amazingly unique, I mean, like you, ya know?…

if you are not laughing, then you simply do not get the joke and if you are not laughing at least forty percent of the time reading me, well, then you just don’t get the jokes anywhere from fifty to ninety-five percent of the time you are reading, more or less, and that means, according to the laws of probability on this planet, that you just don’t get jokes at all thirty to fifty percent of the time and that, I’m afraid, means you lead about one fifth of the life you could live… I recommend you apply for a sense of humor transplant at the university of wallamalooo…

compro-miser

ok, so we compromise… this work laptop will not work for the internet because it is not set up for wireless and the att card is not compatible with it, so as usual, the IT restrictions get in the way of doing my job most effectively… so I will head down to the business center and upload from there later or when there’s time… luckily, I did bring my passwords…

I did not buy the laptop because the store did not have the model I probably would have bought had they had the model… the 16gb eee machine for $399… but then, I almost bought one of the other regular laptops for around $800… and then, I considered the mac book pro, though for lightweight, the air was really cool…

but then, time ran out and I headed for the airport with the work laptop figuring I would use it this trip, but I should have known the fact that I do not have a profile or permissions to do much on it would get in the way… security is important, but so is getting the job done…

the past week of minimal sleep is catching up with me, so maybe my mind will be clearer in the morning and solutions will be found, but for now, I shall do what I came here to do, listen to people tell me how to do my job (you know, the one I’ve been doing for almost three years) when my corporate contact (the vp for my area) usually calls me for assistance)…

airport wait

sitting at the airport waiting for a flight, so I write a few words to you cuz, of course, you are checking in a few times a day like me cuz, well, you care that much and, after all, the plane could crash and this could be my very last entry (almost)… unfortunately, I still am not connected as constantly as we’d like as this work laptop seems to have a problem connecting to wireless (or there is none at the airport), so I must apologize for grating on your impatience, but at least the entries will be up later (one way or another)… I am gonna sleep well tonight cuz I haven’t slept more than a few hours any night this week… in fact, I think I’ll nap now and let the battery rest too…

skipping right along

the dishes are done and in the dishwasher (though clean, they've got to dry somewhere and i like to hot water blast them when i have a full load in there) and i am showered and shaved and not stinky (hopefully, not having an intimate partner, i only have my own nose to go by and human noses can be deceptively selective in catching scents that are always around, ya know)... and life is good this morning (even if it is more rushed than i'd prefer, but then, that is part of the price paid for being a responsible citizen in this modern human world... i'll nap on the plane and relax at the hotel, ah yes, reservations later... and rental car... and clean out mine so it's not a target at the airport parking garage)...

if i keep writing it, it will get done (or some baseball players might come out of the cornfield and if they are willing to slow it down and play softball, we'll have a fun game)... i hope you make today exciting and fun no matter how rushed with work or other life responsibilities you might be... and if you have an intimate partner or best friend to love, please remember to give them all the love you can give every day of your life for as long as you live (and clumb every mountain, too)... and if you are enjoying being alone, enjoy it all the more...

it's a beautiful day :)

morning has stumbled into existence

and here we are again, so ok, i did not get up at the 3am alarm, but rather pushed the snooze every nine minutes until finally turning it off, but then, i did get up at the 4am alarm, so here we are again, again... the dishes are first, then the car, then the reservations, then me, then clothes (finding, buying, packing), then toiletries (though i may simply pack nothing and buy everything there as i sometimes do)... alas, perhaps i'll never be rich again, but i'll certainly have a lot of little bottles... narf...

the nose has been itching for it's semi-annual bleed for the past few days as the temperature drop and slight sniffles and lack of sleep and excess weight and sorted other factors combine to do that now and then (in spite of several cauterizations as a young child, my nose just seems to want to bleed at least once a year) and sure enough, it's a mini-gusher this morning (as if i had time for the nurturing self-care... no, but i did find time somewhere in the sleepiness of the past night to scribble some words scratched from the deeper loneliness into my "adult" blog, which may or may not interest or offend {or shock or awe, even}, but amuses me just cuz it's behind one of those age-query agreement buttons)...

enough words (but there's always hope you do check in daily and want to know what's going on in thereal, so i continue recording the current as it becomes history in this life as i am knowing it and even if posterity is my only intimate for the rest of this life, well, at least i made the valiant effort to dream the impossible dream (which, in spite of the glowing and nurturing of others i enjoy so dearly, is really the primary reason i still exist, really)... or something like that...

make today precious in your world and share it well :)

still awake?

if you read my previous entries here (you do, don't you?... at least a few of you must have found this place after all the bread crumbs and obvious please for attention i've left in all my other online writing spots), and especially the last (entry) in which several million brain cells were misfiring all at ones, you might have noticed that i was tired (ah, the love of understatement soars to new heights) and so the question posed here is not merely still awake? but most much more emphatically why in the hell are you still awake?...

i read this and related:

Is there anybody like me out there or anywhere? What I mean is, enough like me to relate enough to connect on enough levels and in enough ways to actually share life and the occasional, or even daily genuine comfortable lingering hug, I mean, anybody? How about around here? It's been a while.

yes, well, so many things to do, and yet, so many things to explore... i've not done any of the physical things that really ought to be done before i fly out of here tomorrow and i've not slept... i've been exploring online... lonely?... mostly... but i've also been exploring laptops and nettops cuz i did not want to take this big heavy monster with me this time... but buying one should be researched, a voice in my head says... and still, i have no idea which is best for my needs, mostly... i have an alarm set for 3am, 4am, 5am, and 7am... if i sleep until 7am, most of what needs to be done will not get done and that's bad news...

taking care of myself all by myself is a very time-consuming job (maybe i should spend less time laughing at myself?... no, that must not move any further down the priority list that i have yet to actually make than it already might have had i made the list)... who cares?... another voice calls out from the darkness... and nobody answers...

'cept me... yay for me... i might do the dishes now... and empty the car... those two are must-dos... and forget laundry, i'll just pick up new clothes at some walmart on the way to the airport or in franklin... maybe they'll have different cheap clothes in tennessee so i don't look like everyone else around here who buys cheap clothes... there's a brainstorm, aye?... the laptop?... we shall see... or more accurately, perhaps, i shall see...

i don't want to be lonely anymore... maybe i'll buy a macbook pro... hello... hello... is this thing on? :}

frying brain cells

beer, sleep deprivation, softball, so much to do (fun and life chores and work) and wondering how many brain cells i fried this weekend so far... i'll catch up some more when i am more awake... too much to do, must prioritize... too sleepy... maybe a nap... what must be done before the nap... reservations, laptop... too late for laptop?... i think so... in the morning?... is there time?... dangit, bzzzzft! :)

sunday softball

slept like the dead, so so speak, and with the cat curled up against my chest so i was breathing on it's head (the cat chose the position, i was mostly sleeping)... and now it is off to softball, again, and since wednesday night i have slept about ten hours... this will be an interesting practice... wish you were here... i mean, if you wanted to keep up, that is :)

approaching dawn

the time of day, not a person, alas, but while i was subdued and did not dance, the party is winding down... i bought twelve pizzas cuz nobody really brought any food and a twelve hour beer-games party needs some actual food and not just snacks for me... papa john's in mt. dora likes me... this was the first private home drinking dancing party i've been to in many years and i must admit, i was feeling older, partly cuz i don't like drinking much in the first place and only sometimes dance and only when i am feeling my abs (which has been more than a decade)... but mostly it was cuz of the belly bloat and lack of stamina (compared to the 20 year olds and where i used to be)... the abs, dammit, that's getting old...

still, fun and a few of us are crashing here (i've got softball practice with the sunday team on this side of town in a few hours)... all that is missing is the cuddling... welll, and a few other sharings too... we are having too much fun though...

beer run

used to be, a midnight beer run was either a sign of a good party or a poorly planned party... we are in the midst of both as we are on a midnight beer run... yes, a few words from the party... beer pong, lap dancing, boy-band videos, and nobody had to be hired (what a versatile team, aye?)... well, the light turned green so it's time to upload (yes, entries from the car, what a versatile blogger, aye?)...

have more fun, dammit! :)

four baker acts

as if the weekend wasn't busy enough, another BA52 arrived while i was doing the first three assessments and so i just finished and will be heading from the ucf side of town (where i live and work) to mt. dora (you can google the trip if you just love me so much you want to know everything or simply have the time and are curious) for the lucky charms (thursday night softball, not work team) party and i probably will not be home until sunday night...

but so much must be done before the trip to tennessee... laundry, dishes, cleanup, clean out the car, an hour or two at work in the morning, and something called rest too... and i still need to make reservations for a place to stay and transportation in franklin... must prioritize as not all of it is getting done... now i need time to prioritize... ah, if only there was someone here to share this manic paced wonderful life, the laughter would be exponentially multiplied...

enjoy your life too (even if you don't have time to notice :)

off to work again

an busy on-call weekend must be squeezed in between parties, so brief good morning and hope you are having fun too... keeping it touch, you know, that is why...

fun till dawn

and so the work day yesterday would not let go, but i left in the midst because the work will be there today (after a bit of a nap) and i am on call this weekend... and i drove zipiddy do over to the big game night and chico was good enough to stop to pick up some cashews and drinks for me on the way and we played and then some of us headed to stardust for a while for more talk and games and fun and then five of us headed to royces (after talking.shivering outside of stardust after closing) until just now (after driving home, the long way cuz i followed one who was very sleepy) and sleep for a bit and then, into work cuz there were three admissions overnight and i must get them done before tonight's party...

and do it again :)

flying by

rushing through the day (sorta), rushing out of work, rushing to the big game night, pant, pant, fun fun, hope you're funning too :)

chocolate fog

a bit of a buzz and bloat as i wake this fine cool morning as the sweet sleepiness of a chocolate fog envelops my mind and senses... another long day of work and play and already i am amused with the experience of this life within this body... hgug yourself or someone else and make today a big smile :)

happy birthday jane

I am the master of belated birthday cards
I am not sure how to write one that isn't late
laughing at myself I ponder the conundrum
and simply say... I hope today is great!

just cuz i want to be your friend
just cuz your thoughts inspire my smile
i'll start a song without an end
hoping you stick around a while

to listen, to play, to sing with me
as long as the words will rhyme
just cuz you reach me in that space
where there is no need for time

so right from the start i want to say
i hope we celebrate every day
especially the day you can to be
in this world... and in me :)

one season ends, another begins

we were close, a base hit here, a few less errors there, a little more balance in the lineup and we would be the champions, after winning our 6:30pm and 7:30pm playoff games, we lost the 8:30pm championship game in the cold night air 10-6... the bats faded, including mine, as i went 2 for 3 in the last game (my only out of the night)... and next thursday we start all over again :)

dinner at the wing house after the game, and now, a few moments to relax before napping before heading back to work to try to get several more days work done in one as today was one of those non-stop what's next? kind of days as i prepare for being away from the office next week... and tomorrow night is big game night... when to squeeze in cleaning, laundry, buying the laptop, and whatever happened to the gym... i did a lot of running the bases tonight, but it's not the same... time, where art thou, silly friend, if it was not so much fun to dance through each moment, i might fret over the shrinking hourglass... especially while waiting for the deepest sharing of all to begin (see the why... link just added?... did i really have to explain (e)thereal?... the dream of sharing (love) is still the only dream i know (thank you john)...

i hope your day was as challenging and productive and i hope your evening was as exciting and fun and i hope your night is one long embrace...

nite nite :)

swirling synapses

morning, good?... hope it is for you,m it will be for me as soon as i wake up and start the day cuz excitement about the softball playoffs tonight has been buzzing around and keeping me semi-awake... all night long, ya ya...

i must explore bmop dot exe more because it is in the att folder and is constantly demanding access to the eb in what my virus program calls a suspicious manner and yet, it appears to be part of the att package that checks optimization of proxy stuff so i am allowing it to continue cuz the only reason i am aware of it is i set the virus program to a higher level of warnings...

new laptop soon... make today wonderful... see ya when you get here :)

why...

i do this, one minute, two minutes, even five minutes, i decide to sit and write a few words about life and the activities and experiences of the moments... all in the hope that someone will care enough to want to know… not perfectly every detail and not perfectly every moment, for i am only here a few moments out of the day, a tiny fraction of the 1440 minutes, of the the 86,440 seconds that make up a single day in the life…

and i ponder, is this not what every real close family is about, ultimately, to share those few moments of life each day, whether over a meal, or just before bed, or even on the phone for those few moments… a few moments to catch up because the caring never ends and the wanting to know how was your day is genuine…

so i do this a few moments a day, sometimes only to prove i can even when no one is around, even when no one asks… there are many who appear to share such a continuous bond... that is how i wish to share, that is the bond i wish to build and maintain, that is what i call family time, quality time… and why i am here...

hours on the phone with att

netowrk issues... i've realized that since getting a more consistent 3g network signal, i am getting consistently slower downloads and uploads... well, i haven't had time to spend on the phoen to sort it out, but tonight i suddenly could no longer download mail or browse the web and the connection manager said i was connected, so i called att... i finally had to tell the very nice techie that i needed to get off the phone, so they set up service ticket and they will call back... the thing is, looking at my schedule, they won't find me home at my computer anytime they call back until february 3rd, at least...

i am buying a new laptop this weekend... this old cluncker is fine for sitting on a desk as a desktop, but i need a portable one... the decision will be between an eee machine or a bigger, but much lighter than this one, model... cost and impulse must strike a compromise... and i';ve got to remember i am covering precious' rent for february and laying out the money for the tennessee trip next week... raspy, get a job and buy me a laptop, dangit... actually, you can cover a few and then some, a nice stereo too... furniture... a complete tuneup for the car... yeah, i'll keep dreaming... he'll be rich someday and pay be back... no more loans for trips to the unkraine until he does though :}

did you know that korea and japan average over 16mbs (megabytes per second) download speed?... and the usa average is under 6mps... dozens of countries are way ahead of us in technology, including internet speed, which is communication for business and people (and government, military, security, and so on... who's computers will communicate faster in a crisis?... not the usa computers, that's for sure)... and when i personalize this it gets much worse... the usa southeast average?... 2mps... and att average download speed in this area?... 0.5mps... and my connection?... between 0.03mps and 0.1mps... scary slow...

so ok, a change is in order... but for the short term, i need to find time to get the laptop and i won't have time tomorrow or friday unless i take more time off work and that's ridiculous with the load on my desk, so i should have done it tonight and doh, i was on the phone with att from about 7:30pm until now... saturday morning?... must be... so how was your evening? :)

yeah, me again

wow, out for lunch and it's still around 40 degrees... must have been even colder this morning... anyway, government work is so amusing, if you do not consider the sadness of the waste of time and money and resources and all that... so our government liaison for the entire district has been on vacation for months and no one's replaced him, so none of us received any of the communications or paperwork or anything the state capitol people expected us to have and they had a lot of trouble hooking up the video conference equipment cuz nobody was there at the local state office for the 9am-5pm meeting, so some left around 10am and the rest of us left at 11am and la dee dah, our tax dollars at work...

and now, since we are supposed to be on a lunch break (2 hours, government time), i am debating about heading back or heading into work or just accepting that some days are not going to be as efficient or productive as others and just do something else... maybe clean the place...

so how is your day going so far? :)

sleep bouncing

now while the vast majority of you might consider the title to have something to do with somnambulatory fantasies (somnambulation?... oh my!), i slept wonderfully even with waking to re-cover myself cuz the windows were open and a new brrrrrr-eeze blew through the place last night... waking early for the gym just wasn't in the cards cuz curling up and staying warm was just too much fun...

and now, it's time to head downtown to the samh diwg meeting (a bunch of old geeks and nerds gathering to discuss numbers and such) and then, maybe... clean the place?... it is getting a bit ragged what with clothes kind dripping from boxes everywhere as the unpacking continues and i hunt for winter clothes... hey, a few 40 degree mornings are cold enough (even if i nyuk)...

i hope you are feeling exhilarated and cheery and make today wonderful in your world :)

tweedle dee

home again with no plan except rest (so maybe a load or laundry or two if i don't pass out first?)... gym?... we shall see... soup for dinner and ponderings... ponderings deeply... to meat or not to meat... see, there's some people in this world i might let influence me from time to time... they have to have the right mix of waves or vibs or whatever, it's really not easily explained, if explaining is even possible... anyway, one of these potential influences just went vegan this week and here i am entering what seems to be a rather nonchalant omnivore phase with cow, pig, and chicken in the freezer... so tonight i eat soup to nuts to crackers, all veggie...

pondering... and drifting... and laughing at myself and life and love and everything, including everything that once mattered so much more than everything else combined to me... wondering just how set in my ways i have become... and what are my ways, anyway... ah, the undefined is the unwanted, the uninvited, the easily overlooked and pushed out the door if one dares to enter the world of the defined...

so how was your day? :)

morning again, again

and just when i was going in an hour or so late to take care of some stuff, i get a call from the feds (nice that we can talk cellphone to cellphone as opposed to being adversaries) and apparently the notice that they were coming today never got to me so the head of the survey team called to check (because we'd usually confirm with each other prior to the site visit and she received no confirmation cuz i received no notice) and they will reschedule...

good heads-up, since we are behind in our preparations due to the holidays and too much on my plate to be hounding the people who need to be doing what they should do without my hounding... i'll give them all a wake up call this morning and put it in the ceo's hands because he's their boss...

and now, with that bit of life recorded for posterity and anyone who cares to know what this life is about in my particular piece of the world, of to work i go, hi-ho :)

probably should sleep now

i've been exploring meetup and other online haunts as well as reading emails for the past few hours and realize that so many things i'd love to do are happening at the same time and i must make decisions... so i added some to my calendar and then found more and what a wonderful thing this online social networking thing has become...

so even if i spend my blessing-counting time all by myself alone right here, it is still most good to have many blessings to count :)

nite nite :)

more days off please

this was a wonderful day off... except for unnecessary the morning excursion downtown, much rest and relaxation and good company and decent food and some exercise made it the first balanced day off in a while... sure, the laundry waits and the place needs cleaning and so on and blah blah dee blah blah blah, but... the body feels good and the mind feels even better and the ethereal energies are aglow (really, aglow... you should see them :)

since the last entry, i walked to gators (sports bar) and met seven meetup people and precious and we ate wings and chatted and then i walked home... the walk was wonderful for the body... the chat was great for the mind... life is good today :)

i hope life was good for you today too :)

sweet sleep

four hours of unexpected sleep in the middle of the day is such a wonderful gift and with the windows open and no kids screaming outside in the little park that is right below my windows, life only gets better than this when it is shared :)

the body smiles dreamily and wonders what i'm going to do next to challenge it, but i'm going to skip the gym tonight (i think... we shall see when i get back from dinner as i decided to head over {might even walk} to gators just down the street {a mile or so} for wings with some people i know from meetup)... waterford lakes if you're into it...

looking around this space i inhabit, it's definitely time to spend an hour (at least) cleaning up... and laundry just seems to pile up faster than ever with my softball schedule... neil young was right, a man needs a maid... a woman too, but i'm just being selfish at the moment... of course ol' neil may have been using the middle-english usage of the word, but i can still dream... samantha stevens, where is your cute little magical nose?...

and how are you fine people today? :)

correction

i do have a day of rest... unfortunately, i did wake at 6am, then again at 7am, and so i did not get the straight through sleep that the body needed most of all, but i may nap more as the day moves along because i was wrong about florida and mlk, they do close the state for the holiday, so i drove downtown and home for nothing... yeah, i had the date wrong... i'll drive back down on wednesday for the meeting... and today, rest... the muscles are screaming for it, so good deal for me...

hopefully this will be the worst of my oops for the week...

how boring life would be without these little stumbles... well, just keep reading(or read back) and you'll see how boring life could be even with stumbles and foibles and so on... the mundane details, after all, are only interesting to me and the one or few people who want to know (partner, yeah, that's what all this is for, so my partner can catch up and know every little thing... and we why i don't have a partner today?...

ah, good old self-mockery, a fine way to re-start the morning... i hope you find the way that works for you and have an even better day :)

no day of rest

which only goes to prove i am not god, contrary to what some may think (well, maybe not only, but i'll just pretend today is my day off and day of rest and all as i relax at the diwg meeting downtown)... florida does not consider mlk day a holiday for the state, which is wrong as i was going to take today off, but i will go find out what changes the government planners have for data collecting for 2009 instead...

nice and woozy this morning as the body recovers and rebuilds and the mind requests more shut-down time... it is very much like being drunk and even more like being stoned on some strong substance, qualudes or codeine or morphine, perhaps, as everything slows and feels kind of numb... demerol, maybe... too bad nobody's around to share it (i never was much for drinking alone cuz sharing altered consciousnesses is much more fun)... i'll enjoy it anyway cuz i do...

however you feel inside, make your day wonderful too :)

achy breaky

woah, the body is feeling the last six hours and it would have been a really great if it wasn't just practice cuz the tourney would have been even better motivation (or a partner to share it with, in fact), but still, i am loving the physicality of this weekend...

hope you had a great weekend too :)

unplanned day

if you are not a spambot, you might want to know all the secrets :)

yes, well, i was intending to be at the second day of the tournament today, but yesterday changed this so i wake a bit achy and tired and disappointed... i'll get out to more softball practice in an hour or so with two of my other teams and forget about yesterday, so all will be well... after all, in 2013 i will be listening to this...

go out and make your day fun too :)

ahem, softball, really?

well that was a roller coaster that just seemed to crash and burn... the softball tournament, that is... the morning went great mostly because the first pitcher we faced walked in at least a dozen runs and we won 27-4 (and we were casual when we gave up the runs we gave up because we had such a big lead and we slowed scoring by not taking extra bases after 25 runs or we might have had 35 or more runs)... but the second game the team did what it often does in second games, slow down and lose interest and start committing errors and we won 12-11 because i decided to walk three batters in the last inning in order to stretch the inning to five minutes and have the clock run out... if i let them hit away, they probably would have scored the winning run... that set us up as second seed for the tournament (we might have been first seed if we didn't hold back on scoring in the first game as the ties were broken by the run differential, but second seed was cool too)...

we then had a five hour wait for the first tournament game (cuz the way it works is the morning games are to set up seeding for the tournament and as second seed, we got a bye for the first round of tournament games) and some of the team decided it was time to party, but a gallon of vodka and a bottle of fruit punch did not seem to go with competitive softball as we lost the two evening games (the ones that counted) to the fifteenth and nineteenth seeded teams and are out of the tournament on the first day... but we didn't just lose, we lost big... 26-4 in the second game... we gave up thirteen runs in the first inning before we even got to bat and suddenly, all the bats went dead (though i got a hit every time i got up and had a great day at the plate) it seemed like most of the guys gave up and were very happy not to be playing anymore this weekend...

they really are not a competitive bunch, so i am now wondering why the coach is pushing the team into competitive tournaments and the competitive bracket next season... we might not win a game at the level we play... the head coaches were not even there to see the meltdown (and ironically, that is what the tournament is called) as they had their teams playing at a different location... the third coach who is an assistant coach, but he seemed to have other things to do during the 'down time' when some of the team were drinking and smoking in preparation for the actual evening tournament games... i suppose we'd like to think that adults who say they want to play competitive softball do not need supervision, but i had to call him and tell him they posted the brackets and wanted the coaches to confirm their teams were going to be there to play on time and he showed up a bit later...

anyway, i play in four other softball teams and they are all recreational and fun and i was talked into joining this sunday team because it was supposed to be a higher level of more serious competitive softball, but only a few of the team actually know the rules and fundamentals of the game and only a few seem to want to learn or take competing seriously, so i'll just consider it another recreational team and enjoy that instead of setting myself up for disappointment by expecting a more serious level of competition...

and so now it is saturday night and instead of feeling happily exhausted and going to sleep to be ready to play more games tomorrow, i'm bummed cuz i could have made other plans for tonight if i know the team wasn't actually serious and was just gonna bail, so to speak... this does allow me to practice with my other teams tomorrow though, so there's a silver lining... and it works out since i was not actually able to take the planned days off on friday and monday to rest... so suddenly, the pieces fit better as if that's how they were supposed to fit all along... and i am once again amused by the whole paint the target around where the arrow lands philosophy...

and you, how was your saturday? :)

you're missing it

the softball tournament and all the fun of this life in thereal, that is... where are you and where have you been?... not stopping by for give minutes a day to see i am alive and well and happily brief in my summary of the day like a normal diary, unless you are hiding out there waiting for the right moment, like for me to complain that you are so silent i don't even know if you are there or if you care or what?...

of course i am not here either and this entry is automatically uploaded while i am out freezing having much fun at the softball tournament... the first game tournament is about to begin so i'lll check in later tonight... i hope we are winning... and i know you are routing us on, if you knew and were here, so thanks for the love :)

i'll update with real time thereal tonight when i get home (as i fall asleep... unless we are done and eliminated and have mo games tomorrow, in which case i'll probably attempt to stay awake and write, but might nod off anyway)... i hope you are having too much fun to even pause a moment to send up a daily smoke signal... you are loved, you are missed, and i don't even feel dissed (i am incorrigible, though, still, after all these years)...

morning is cold

now for some people living where 0 degrees celsius is a heat wave and 0 degrees fahrenheit is an ordinary morning (or high for the day, even) and minus forty five is not impossible, this forty degree morning (what’s that, like 4 celsius?) is a heat wave, but for someone living in florida a long time, it’s frostbite weather, or at least it feels that cold… and i’ve got the windows open and am about to hop into the shower and then out to play (with much sitting around waiting) in a softball tournament (7am registration, 9am first game, noon second game - by then it’s supposed to be 60 degrees - then tournament play starts at 3pm and who knows when the last game might be and if we win a game in the tournament, more tomorrow, same batty time)… at least i got four hours sleep… and the weather is clear with 0 percent chance of rain, yay...

ok then, time to get wet and moving… i hope your day is as much fun as mine is gonna be… make it so :)

where does the time go, dangit?

must wake in four hours to shower and dry off (it's cold outside) and dress and drive to the softball tournament (so much for getting enough sleep, dangit) and i got home around 10pm and re-laced part of my softball glove cuz it's old and falls apart now and then and then updated behind the candoor and realtime too, and checked out some other stuff and found myself nodding off just a moment ago so i'm off to bed and la la land and will attempt to blog later and should have bought the laptop dangit...

nite nite :)

a bit past noon

ok, a few hours past... so much to do, so little time... it's not like we had an appointment to meet here or anything, right?... i'm not that popular, after all... just you few hundred million quiet humans and the dog in the corner who doesn't want anybody to know he can read... stop looking at him, it makes him sad cuz he realizes he's the only dog in the room... at least the only one who has a tail and usually walks on all fours... come on now, be good humans, i told him you don't bite...

so more work got done at work and now i'm only a month and a half behind, or thereabouts... and now, after some yummy food from cheeseburger cheeseburger and a five minute nap, i am off to try to beat the traffic to the batting cages and then practice... it's cold outside, must find something warm to wear under the uniforms... so whatever you're doing, make it fun :)

so much for sleeping in

yeah, awake again and heading to work cuz i am such a conscientious professional, la dee dahhh... there's simply too much to do to continue taking days off as long as i don't have a computer to do the work at home... so hi ho, hi ho...

i intend to leave early, like noon-ish early, if all goes well and there are no new issues to investigate or fires to put out... and maybe nap as there's softball practice tonight and the tournament all day tomorrow and sunday (the team responded poorly to day-before game practices last time, hopefully they will get sleep and be ready to play the whole tourney this time)... cuz we all care, we just learn to care less as we rush from thing to thing and do not have time to invest our whole heart/soul selves into each (though behind the candoor and a few other places saw words and stuff uploaded last night, for those who choose to)... silly modern world...

and how is your busy life?...

what night?

well, almost two hours ago i got home thinking that i got out of work early (for me) and maybe i can eat and digest and get to the gym and still get some sleep, but little did i know rasputin was not hearing his computer since the seventeen hour marathon repair and reformmating i did ages ago (it's mentioned somewhere in these entries... or those)... so we walked through a dozenty seven different steps on the phone and finally i thought, hmmmm, maybe dell makes their sound driver proprietary and that's why windows can't find it... sure enough, we found the driver on the dell site and now, raspy can hear his computer again... he isn't going deaf after all...

my soup, meanwhile, waited in the microwave for the whole conversation... so the shrimp kinda shrunk more than intended, but it's still a pretty good smoked lobster bisque with shrimp and onions soup cuz i like it... i think the secret ingredients, spaghettios, parm and romano cheese, ketchup, and french fried onions might have done the trick... mmmmmm, lobster bisque... why you looking at me funny?...

and now, belly full and less frustrated about deciding to go into work in the morning (and monday morning) instead of taking the days off completely as planned cuz there's stuff nobody else will do that really needs to get done... i'll just get paid for the days and leave early then... and harp on getting the laptop even more... nyuk...

so that's my day and evening and how about you? (i ask because i care and i'll just keep asking cuz the day i forget will probably be the day you respond... narf :}

woke early, but not fast enough

ok, so i woke early with the thought in the back of my head that the gym would be a good idea, but i moved slowly to the bathroom and then sat here a few moments and before i blinked, the half hour i might have spent at the gym is gone so i'll not rush down there for twenty minutes then rush through a shower in five then dress and rush out to work... i'll relax and take the few moments to check mail and write this entry and groom at a comfortable pace... the buddha laughs... the groin groans... the time goes by...

wow, profoundness in those last three phrases, in case you wondered... the habits are changing, i think, but just not enough to make a big enough difference yet... the life still feels like there is not enough time in the day to do it all, to sleep long enough to regenerate and still exercise and shower and groom and clean and organize and write and communicate and cook and eat and socialize and work daily... sad, as i enjoy it all, but skip some of life every day cuz there is just not enough time... and still, the partner is missing... as is the time to share with her... human life is so oddly set up in this modern culture... and so dependent on money... i think i'd like to step out of it again, but not all by myself this time, so i move through each day hoping my interactions will lead me to someone who might want to step out with me...

in any case, it feels good to get some sleep and i am off for four days after today and have a softball tournament to enjoy over the weekend and life continues, which is reason to celebrate... so make today a comfortably wonderful day :)

dinner, sleep

another busy day at work and the job juggling continues as the organization is not organized and the ceo does not want to spend the money to get it organized, yet of course the reports are still due on time... i smile and repeat that the job requires two people and i am one person so the reports will be done when they get done and it will be later each month... he nods and says just get it done as soon as you can and we repeat the conversation a few times a week...

after work, before 6pm, even, i met precious and rasputin for dinner at olive garden as i had planned to buy precious dinner and rasputin came along, though he didn't eat cuz he ate at 3:30pm... raspy is still looking for work, so funds are tight and while he has a lot of time, activities are limited... after getting home i sat here and nodded off... excitement continues to build, aye? :)

sam i am not

at least not this morning, or a close proximity, or something like that, cuz that's kinda how it sounded (or was that how it felt?) when i recapped last night, i did not do this or do that, i did not go to the gym, i did not go to sleep on time, i did not stop the snacking binge, i did not etc and so on... unless, of course, sam is a kind of lazy sedentary type with a bit of a buddha belly, in which case i may be sam after all this morning... ah, the many ways of describing the same things, what wonders will words provide next... another way, no doubt...

so morning has arrived and i slept what, a few hours tops, and some caffeine will help perk up the body and brain cells this morning and i shall do my best to do my best at work and then, a promised rendevous with precious at the olive garden tonight will be kept... eat light, fool, and the gym?... perhaps, but sleep, definitely get to sleep shortly after arriving home tonight... remember the softball tournament is this weekend... and what about the new uniform pants, time to get to a tailor?... they need that, being that they are 36 inches long... so much fun to be had (and chores, don't forget the chores), so little time...

life is so much easier (or at least mostly more fun) with a partner, but who can play (and not stress) as i do, that be it the query, for if not, added stress and mostly parenting i have enough of in this life... make sense of that prior to climbing into bed with me, s'il tu plait... cuz sam i may be, or not, but don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy, that i am, and more, but gently gliding in that direction most all the time... wish you peace, love, and may each day of your life be a good day...

cha :)

what in the world

am i doing still awake?... well, tonight, i was lost in the audio-visual fun of a few people on youtube... check my video blogs for a touch of the night... i did not get to the gym and i did eat cashews and some pineapple soda and some chocolate mousse and some orange soda and oh well, the weight will wait another day, aye... but the night was much fun... meanwhile, it's ridiculously late and work will need my full attention tomorrow, so i am putting a frap in the fridge and heading to bed now...

nite nite :)

here a post, there a post

well, maybe not everywhere, but at least a dozen different online houses are being haunted by me on a regular basis, like almost weekly, and here we are daily sharing the lifes we live... we being figurative, as we are all in my head at the moment, but we have fun imagining we are sharing anyway :)

so today was another different day at work, much like all the others, except even less got done because the server went down in the morning for most (around 1:30pm, for me) and that was about that... almost no work got done and i, for one, and now even further behind... what a wonderful way to reduce risks and improve performance, aye?... all i can do is recommend and suggest and urge and wave a red flag and scream at the top of my lungs and fire warning shots and, well, i kind of stop before i reach the top of my lungs, but...

and home to food and relax on a chilly rainy night and maybe the gym later and probably more writing and hoping and dreaming and imagining we are sharing... ever so consistent, we are :)

morning again

and i slept straight through till the alarm, so no time for the gym, alas, but that is more than eight hours sleep so i must be rested (maybe after a shower... the fog will lift)... belly bloat, bobble head, head clogged, nose sniffling, but emo grinning, so good sleep and happy day...

hope your night was restful and yur day is happy too :)

within twelve hours

yes, i made it home within twelve hours and if i had eaten lunch i might have made it back to the gym within twelve hours too, but i decided food would be wiser given i've been awake for sixteen hours and have not eater yet... perhaps i will not pass out and go later or... perhaps i will wake early again and go in the morning...

so once again i was distracted from my plan to get my work done by yet another investigation learning opportunity... several hours of reviewing video and detailing what could have been done better and what we would have been cited on had the incident been investigated by an outside agency later, i got a little of PI reports done... and the person I replaced showed up today cuz she's going to a training in miami cuz she's working for our corp cuz i sent her news of a job in her area and she's got maybe one tenth the workload and is making at least ten grand a year more than i am... up north, where it's cold, but they pay realistic salaries... she's a nice person so i was happy to help, but it does leave me wondering how long i'll remain... i'll be seeing her again cuz we're both heading up to franklin, tn (just outside of nashville) for more time-wasting training in stuff i do already... and they wonder why i don't get to straighten up my office... life is good, for some even better :)

and how was your day?...

push a little more

so some laundry got done and i got down to the gym and pushed a little more and did the first mile in 8:58 and the two miles in 19:19 or so and the intermediate total body level 5 for most of the first mile and level 1 for the second... feeling the strain, but more, feeling good except for the bloat... perhaps buddha was not a runner...

now it is time to shower and head to work... i hope you started your day with something good for you and a smile too... keep in touch :)

and yet awake

a couple of hours ago i woke and here i am, laundry is in progress, i sorted through and deleted about ten thousand emails, sent a few more emails to Yahoo! to explain, again, and try to stop the Yahoo! SPAM, and i am writing rhymes... getting more sleep would be better for the body, but the mind has other things on it's mind and so, i am taking care of the others things...

it took ninety seconds to type this message to you to say i am here, i care about you, what i am up to at the moment, and i want to keep in touch... think about that when you say you don't have time... if you are awake, i hope you are making good use of your time... and if you are asleep, i hope you are sleeping well...

i am here, keep in touch :)

exhausterated again

what may be most amazing is that i used the word before, but be that as it may be, arriving home from softball practices, stopped for wings with a few of the team, and now, nodding off... so much fun, all burnt out... nite nite :)

five minutes

that's all most of these thereal entries take, five minutes to put a few words online to say i am here and i want to share and i care and i am thinking of you... that is why i started this daily and why i am happy i am keeping up with this habit... sometimes, it's not even five minutes, sometimes it's just one or two...

i'm feeling bloated today... the stones are rolling inside and there is a slight chocolate-sugar hangover... not a great way to head to softball practice, so learning lessson # 1000 (at least) on the importance of moderation... stop after one piece, two or three at the most... especially the decadently rich still... yes, do that...

it is time to shower and head out the door for a long day of softball... i'll probably start feeling better as i start moving around more (i so look forward to these softball days)... i hope you take better care of yourself than i have the last month or so and feel great and even if not (like me), still, as i will, make today a wonderful day :)

home earlier than expected

for what few expectations i have... but i decided not to push for late night fun with anyone tonight because i have lots of softball tomorrow and did not want another all-nighter to start as it did last night... it was an interesting show, oy vey, the musical... i felt like i was at a senior citizens center watching the locals perform... actually, that is sort of what i was doing... i thought the maitland civic center was an actual auditorium, but it was a much more all-purpose room and we were sitting on hard metal folding chairs watching amateur actors remind me of why i moved away from new york and the family that adopted me... everyone should have a little jewish experience in their lives, but just a little :)

afterward, a group of us went out to olive garden for coffee and dessert and chatter and laughs and we had all of the above... live would be so perfectly wonderful if i wasn't a hopelessly hopeful romantic who lives to fall in love :}

it's still pretty wonderful, hope yours is too :)

still nocturnal after all these years

looks like it was a beautiful day outside... i slept until 4:00pm (except for several times the phone woke me) cuz i got back late and was still awake at sunrise (but you know that if you are reading along)... the night calls my mind to come out and play and last night there were people to play with (instead of playing with myself and words)... there's a sugar buzz (no hangover) still floating around inside... yeah, i must cut down on the sugar parties, i know... and since i am going to play softball all day tomorrow, i may not head to the gym tonight after the show... for now, i'm heading out to see oy vey (the musical at the maitland civic center... written by a local old lady, it may be an interesting blast from the past (or an annoying memory, he says laughing)... whatever you are doing with your saturday,m i hope you are finding (and making) much fun and love :)

woah, wow, where, when?...

still awake in the same awake period i was awake in some 23ish hours ago in the previous entry, just getting home for the first time, wishing there was something more exciting to keep me out this late, but still plenty to enjoy (even singing hello muddah, hello faddah in a sleepy duet... yes, i have an odd friend or few)... and pizza and snacks and soda and chocolate and well, a party pig out...

and to think, i was blurry 23 hours ago... and still, the buzz lingers, the energy begs for more time and the mind bounces around in the fog loving the experience of being alive and feeling this semi-conscious play... you so do not know what you are missing being outside of my head... and sometimes, neither do it...

make today a fantastic day and see you later :)

morning isn't broken

just really kinda blurry, but much worse has been recorded in the life and times as i've know it in this body... a sort of steamy shower helps turn everything around from a dense stupor with molasses movements to a dull fog with a buzz of energy bounce... still, no time for babble or even much thought, just a good morning and hope for another beautiful day...

do it! :)

because life does

and so do i (energizer bunny my arse, just continue)... and returning from an hour (62 minutes including cool down) on the elliptical at a modest pace at a higher level (so slower, but more calories burned, still maintaining an average heart rate of 133 for the hour)... sleepy, but still wired, wishing for another few hours between now and work so i could bounce around the gym some more and still get eight hours sleep, but no such luck these days... there are just not enough hours in 24...

so i continue because life does, because there's only one other choice other than living and that is dying... most of the time we're kind of aimlessly floating in the middle... i hope i continue to choose to get to the gym every night no matter how late cuz it is better than vegging into sleep and bloating due to lack of regular exercise...

and you, how are you living these days?

let's just pretend

what?... in thereal?... well, it's a thereal game, go with it... so ok, let's just pretend for a moment that every single human who ever lived was suddenly right here reading thereal, glancing through the archives, seeing the many entries, all that...

so hello everyone :)

now, how many of you look at all these entries without interaction and feel sad and consider this pathetic?... let's see, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . nine hundred ninety seven billion and one… 997,000,000,002, 997,000,000,003… ok, thanks for playing, you can all go now…

the rest of you, yay for optimism :)

work work work was what today was all about (oh yeah, pretend is over)... got home a few minutes ago and cooking dinner... maybe the gym to catch a bit of the bcs bowl game and burn off some calories... maybe the laptop?... maybe tomorrow?... maybe the weekend?... the itch to have it grows daily... so anyway, keep in touch :)

blurring the lines again

and another day blurs into the next as sleep deprivation increases and the mood turns into rush... this is where the deep breathes matter most... readjust the perspective... take control of the time as it appears to rush past... time is not moving, i am moving... repeat the mantra... time is not moving, i am moving, i choose...

or something like that :)

make today wonderful (or even better :)

pieces don't always fit

some nights everything seems to go wrong... i somehow lost several long entries destined for behind the candoor in an odd way as ms word did something funky and somehow, thousands of words disappeared... and i thought there was some sort of auto-save, but there isn't, it's an auto-recovery if ms word knows it did something wrong... but when it doesn't know, no recovery... hours of babbling down the ethereal dream... alas...

and i nodded off and never got back to the gym, so another feeling of failure sweeps over me and i'll just reach for some chocolate marshmallows to fix that (yeah, doh!... even the music was disappointing tonight as katharine mcphee needs to stop trying to be like every other r&b diva and find her own voice and songs that fit her and other library cds sucked even more... sucked, or sucks, is a technical term in the music business, by the way, that basically means don't give up the day job...

thank you harry... meanwhile, i am still awake and tomorrow night i wanted to be awake to maybe go out to watch the ok-fl bcs bowl game, if just in the gym (and buy a new little eee laptop to have mobility again?... oooo, the temptation... notice the impulse from last night did not carry over until just now, when the stores are obviously closed)... who is my mother?... where is my mother?...

yeah, so anyway, i'll just keep rambling on wherever i am until somebody understands me, even if that is years after this body is dead and gone... it's all about the sharing, people, the caring, the giving and not taking, but sharing... that's the love your holy books try to tell you about, but it's all lost in translation and corruption and fear...

thereal is signing off for tonight... alone again, yeah... until next time, may you find your way (and your words :}

home, hungry, and the gym is still busy

well, not eating all day certainly is not the way to get back to healthier habits, so that must change... once again, i arrive home late and head for the gym and it's busy... i did a couple of circuits on the weight machines, but the elliptical machine was booked for at least an hour... now i am beginning to think that it sucks that they only have one... they have three bikes and three treadmills, decent equiptment, but only one elliptical squeezed in between the others... so i'm going to eat and maybe head down later, maybe sleep and see if waking early is in the cards, maybe skip the day and let the muscles rebuild... weight loss requires daily though, so i'll just have to figure something out if i am going to get serious about this again...

and guess what i found on the door when i got home... a waiver of the late fee for me to sign acknowledging it's one time only and reiterating the rules of rent due by the 3rd of the month... and here i thought it was due the fifth... so anyway, my letter worked, cool... and they now explained they have electronic payment and automatic debit payment too... i'll have to find time to stop by the office to sign up though...

so management doesn't suck... now if only the place did not have a list of things i do not like... wonder how many modifications i can make... when there's time... and if i decide i want to spend money on the place... work was the usual, a lot of it with a lot of people waiting for information... while some try to stay old school and ignore data, slowly but surely i am seeing more and more directors sneak a look at the data i am presenting each month and more are asking for the results... we'll move into the 21st century any year now (at least most take my razzing sorta well)...

meanwhile, time for dinner... hope you had a good day too :)

another masterpiece forsaken

that is, anothr night unshared, another day slides into the past, another bit of babbling and rhyming and me archived for posterity... and no one else... ah, the chucle flows into a grin, waking lonely is such an old friend of an experience, it's been a long time (cuz compared to waking lonely, mostly, physically, at least, i've been waking numb... even if it seems like i am creatively wide awake, that's just my mind talking, after all)...

profound nonsense, aye? :)

well, tonight i shall find out if my little story to the property manager paid off or whether i am going to start looking for another place to live... the impetus could not have been planned better for the latter and the complication of the former might not be worth $81... isn't it ironic, nyuk, narf...

feeling good, though tired... more gym, less bloat, rewrite, rewrote, more gym, less bloat, yay (if it happens)... stay positive, it's a choice after all, an opportunity, even... oh, i'm just too funny, aye?... well, maybe you had to be there... or here... anyway, make it a great day out there in your world :)

win some lose some lone some blues some

well, it's better than die some (he's so clever, he kills me, i mean, he just slays me... guffaw, guffaw, oh, hello, i didn't see you there... welcome to thereal... you might be the first guest as most everybody i know has yet to discover this moment-to-moment daily blog i've been keeping for, oh, months now (toss of the hair)... i really am feeling fashionable tonight, really i am...

so anyway, frustrated with the circumcisions circumstances of the previous entry and the fact that the gym was jammed up, i cooked meat and pasta and cheese and rice and onions and mushrooms and nuts and all sorts of condiments and spices and then, i ate… twice what i ought to have eaten, in fact, and then… i went for a walk… impulse madness was ready to do it, if best buy was open i was gonna buy a laptop and a printer (yes, i can be that impulsive, but if you didn’t know that, well, you are not paying attention or you are very new in my written gardens)… best buy was closed, so i walked over to kinko's and printed the letter and dropped it in the drop box, defying the sign that said don’t, and then… i walked into the gym…

feel the tension, hear the clint eastwood music… anyway, even after a big meat dinner and after eleven hours at work and a walk and disappointment and frustration and all that, i did 42 minutes on the elliptical… and where for art thou appreciative partner?... alas, thoust hast forsoothed slayered and missed the boat… yes, so anyway, i’m guzzling water right now to try to persuade the kidneys from stoning me they often do after pushing the body immediately after a meat meal… i’ve been feeling them buzzing around in there ever since i started on the elliptical again… especially the right one… oh, the right one.. when will the right one come along, looking for the right one… la la la…

it is time to go now… though i am a bit too wired to sleep, i shall go write some more somewhere else… you are welcome to join me there, of course, if you ever get here (poke poke :)

much to my surprise

i stayed an extra two hours at work and still have extra days piled up around me in my office, but then, i find the little note on the door that reminds me that as friendly and welcome homie the office people are when you first arrive, it's a cutthroat world in this capitalistic country and surprise, I forget to drop off the rent check this month. Unfortunately, years of electronic payments (I ha dnot written a check in ages before moving in here) have spoiled me... and possibly cost me $81... and the gym was packed at 7:30pm, so i did not get there yet...

I went down to drop off the check and the sign says they will not accept my check now, they will only accept a cashier's check or a money order... perhaps they think that by making a person jump through hoops, they will not forget the next month... as banks are not open and i'm not sure where i'd find a place that would accept a money order paid for by credit card at this hour, i am trying a different tact... i'll let you know tomorrow if it worked :)

I hope you had more pleasant surprises in your day :)

happy new year (redux)

yes, well, good morning world, and a fine mini-vacation and holiday escapade comes to an end with much fun, some frolic, and yet, still not in love (so don't forget it)... this silly phase of alone time continues into another year as i still did not find romance and happily ever after (ah, the hopelessly hopeful romantic still has a sense of humor, yay for the little things), but at least i am still aching nicely after five or six hours of softball bending and pitching and fielding and such and ready for more... a bit more than four hours sleep and the new work day, week, and year begins... so let's wipe the blur from the eyes and get out there... hee haw...

hope your work-year is as much fun as mine, or more even :)

here again, no surprise

ok, the best laid plans turned in my favor as rasputin changed our plans to go to his place instead of out to a sports bar and then told me that he ordered twenty wings (six people?) and i stopped for six cannoli and a half dozen bags of chips and dip and salsa and a twelve pack of soda for him and we watched the game... how it favored me was that the smoke there took me in and reminded me of my priority, which is to drop the weight and so i had no wings, one cheese doodle, about four chips and a little dip and about six ounces of pineapple soda and here we are again, surprise, i did not pig even though i bought a ton of pig out game food...

a good sign... perhaps i should have headed to the gym tonight and there is some body ache that could benefit from a push, but i hopped into the shower the moment i walked through the door and now, do i want to shower again?... i could set the alarm to wake up early, but look at the time... wake after five hours and push the body at the gym?... more like four hours as i doubt i will be asleep for a little while... perhaps it is the mystic wind that calls me once again...

how do i stay away? (i don't, i'm here again, no surprise)... may you have some magic visit you tonight... see you in rhymes :)

the more things change

so i stayed home to do laundry and unpack and sort more and clean and make it to the gym and none of that got done... i did write more and uploaded more and added more bottles to the internet seas, but none of the other essential stuff... must do laundry tomorrow to have clothes for work the rest of the week...

well, i'm heading over to rasputin's now to watch the game... i thought we were going to frogger's (and there's a big group going to a froggers in a better part of town), but raspy is a homebody and we'll stay there... there'll probably be more smoke in that house than in any sports bar and if i'd have known i'd have said no cuz i've already been to one smokey sports bar this week (the places i go after softball do not allow smoking inside cuz they serve food) and besides, there might be people to meet out of the house, but i don't want to disappoint him so i'm heading over...

shower before, shower after, 45 minute ride ther, 45 minute ride back, and no way i'm going right to bed when i get home cuz i'll have all this juice in my head... i'm gonna be a tired puppy at work tomorrow... whatever you're doing tonight, make it fun :)

humans are so not nocturnal

well, i intended to sleep until i woke today, but somewhere around 10am work called to ask me something and then, a little while later, rasputin called to tell me he and a couple of guys are coming over to pick up his washer and dryer that i have in storage here (which means i can stop paying $10 a month for the storage or... i can put the little bit of stuff i have in there instead of in the corner of the laundry room or closet... we shall see)...

anyway, the intended sleep did not happen... and tonight i want to go out to watch the ohio state texas college bowl game with rasputin, which is why i wanted to get extra sleep during the day today as i have work the rest of the week and need to be back at top speed to get december's work done... so much for trying to live on my schedule with daylight loving humans around, aye?...

so raspy will call back when they are on their way... and i must get some housework done today as laundry is ready and there's still more boxes of stuff to sort through and trash (empty boxes) to take out and the gym would be a good idea and there is definitely not enough time for everything (especially not for a nap)... so busy day of human stuff ahead and while sharing it with a life partner would be desirable, i'll find a way to make it fun with just little ol' me... you to, ok? :)

the gardens have new words most everywhere, if you've got time and interest in reading... whatever you do, kit and love it as much as you can and enjoy it even more (or vice versa :)

because the night

belongs to lovers?... well, whatever the reason, i find energy after midnight... perhaps it is the starlight, though there is plenty of starlight during the day as well... most likely it is the silence, the absence of distraction and/or obligation that the day brings... in any case, as exhausted as the body was some six or more hours ago, i found myself writing all night... just for the record, that excites me...

hope you had an exciting night too :)

moving in slow motion

after a while, when continuing to move after the body is relatively exhausted, all movement appears in slow motion... today was a long day of softball in the sun… much pitching and bending and pitching and bending (repeat hundreds of times)… muscles say thank you, but please stop now… home to dinner or a basmati rice and mushrooms with saffron, cashews, glazed walnuts, sautéed onions, and about a dozen other ingredients and condiments… along with a chicken-bacon-pineapple sausage (hey, i like pineapple)…

and then i quickly nodded off and when i woke, i wrote this line and uploaded this entry…

nite nite :)

running lateish

only cuz i was considering an hour at the batting cages before practice, but since i have two two-hour practices, maybe i don't need a whole hour at the cages... thing is, because i pitch, i don't get batting practice as much as others during practice... anyway, that's today, softball all day and where i am headed now... cuz it is vital you know my whereabouts at all times just in case there is an emergency, right... i did sleep almost eight hours, wow...

make today fun (and healthy - it is possible :)

personal inquiries authenticated here

in case you aren't aware, i've been talking to myself a lot in thereal cuz nobody else is talking to me here, so the previous entry title was me asking me, as is this one... just my playful way of teasing myself over the meaningless banter that goes on in my head all the time (and lately, is spilling over on to the web more and more... i mean, several times a day, even)...

so the nap came suddenly and four hours later, i woke and returned a call and met a friend who chose the movie, valkyrie... heavy duty stuff, but still, war... call me cold, but why didn't any of the fifteen failed attempts to kill hitler have in the plan someone who would be willing to die to make it happen, i mean, some0one willing to die for their country could have pulled it off... but leaving a bomb and trying to get away, well, lots of room for failure... fifteen failed attempts is a lot, after all...

after the movie, we went to play pool and i called another friend who was in from new york and he joined us... now i smell of tobacco because, well, humans are suicidal... and so, what else would you like to know? :)

softball tomorrow, so i should get some decent sleep tonight... i hope your saturday night was not alright for fighting, but was full of fun :)

what? back already? don't you have a life?

just moments ago, or so it seems, we woke out of a four hour nap to head shower, shave, dress (mustn't forget to dress in this culture... that's one of the most important rules in the hitchhiker's guide for this mostly harmless planet cuz it's definitely not mostly harmless to naked people... isn't it ironic, don't you think... apparently, few do, but anyway) and out the door to buy tires for precious and while waiting, we looked for stuff to do...

the tire place is kind of next to the library, so we went in and i now have a couple of new cd stacks to import and listen to... yay for libraries... and then precious was hungry so she chose taco bell and then it was back to the car and here we are again, one step closer to that stairway gilda darling was dreaming about in the previous entry... can i get back to my rhymes now, the muse wonders...

or wait, actually, there's all that babble to sort through, so perhaps, until another nap comes knocking (or the gym, i did promise myself an extended gym session (going for calories and fat burn instead of time and cardio) due to the snacking i've been doing the last few days... weeks... holiday season...

so what's up with your day? :)

wakey wakey

what?... what the heck is wakey wakey?... who am i, anyway?... ah yes, there's precious on the phone waking me as planned to go out to buy her tires for her car... so here we are, dripping dry, or drying the drip, shower shave and out the door... gonna spend a little more... that seems what i'm living for... luckily i don't keep score... or something like that...

and she's buying a stairway to... where ever... but gilda, darling, leave me my time to dream and rhyme, does anybody remember dreaming?...

ah yes, and laughter... the sweet elixir... that is what life is truly all about, and what i am living for... and babble, don't forget the babbler, nooo, mustn't forget the babble (thank you dan and julia, but don't cut your finger off on my account)... ah, love the laughter... and you, love you... make it a wonderful day :)

sleep?... probably not today

and so i stayed up all night catching up on the pop culture a bit (see the pop video blog and behind the candoor for more detail) and now, i lay me down to sleep and expect a call from precious and/or rasputin at any monet, or moment, even...

and fried onion rings and assorted nuts (deluxe) and m&ms kept me company tonight... so the bloat, yes the bloat, oh the bloat is back - stone cold sober and a natural fact... alas, nobody gives me anything better to do with my mouth through the night...

and there's still so much more babbling to sort through and do... alas, at least i have monday off too... if you are interested in my perverse babble, there's more out there to read... otherwise, i hope you enjoyed a wonderful night...

mostly the phone

yes, the intention was there (and desire, inspiration, even, but, ironically, by the very words another time, if not the rhyme), to write and gather thoughts and wits and scribbles and upload words to the various written gardens around the web, but the phone stepped up and supplanted the computer so far tonight... i did write an email... yes, an email... old friends know the implications of that, but for now, let's just say it was extremely brief and fun (cuz it was both)... and i really was in the mood to write (which i do a lot more now that i live alone, one of the sweet blessings of spending a lot more on rent)... the phone did dominate the night though...

and ironically, it was just like old times at the river park place (charlie brown chickles and all)... first precious, who needs tires and rent and school and living money, then rasputin, who is still looking for work and might come by tomorrow if he has gas (ironic statement, that, but we'll leave raspy's gastrointestinal issues out of this cuz of course we meant the car)... dunno if jane will be calling about the movie, but i may not be spending saturday relaxing at home (and continuing the unpacking, sorting, cleaning, laundry, moving in, etc) after all... anyway, i'll go through the motion of counting my pennies and see if there's any chance of my getting the laptop (cuz there isn't and we know it) and help out some more and we can laugh and say i'd be rich if it weren't for family :)

by the way, i am still very much in the market for interaction, oh, i mean... happy new year!... nyuk, nyuk, narf :)

missed opportunities

i'm home (and finally awake as i slept almost twelve hours today, waking and moving to another location to see if i was ready to wake up and fell back to sleep) and the sugar hangover is fading (that's what woke me a few times and sent me back to sleep)... eating now, having returned from the gym in the past hour (and while there, getting a phone call about a game night gathering tonight that was full-up when i checked this morning so i made other plans {gym, dinner at home, and relaxing} so the gathering misses me and i miss whomever might have shown up, but that's life... people always drop out of these game nights at the last minute and i'm not into sitting around waiting for the chance that maybe an opening will happen when there are so many other things to do)...

so i ate, wrote a reflective rhyme in another time, and now i am going to gather together a dozen or so entries that have been scribbled in a word file over the past week or two and upload them to wherever they go... at least that's the plan :)

ok, i am evil

well, maybe i am just a really bad boy and not completely evil (i can get off for a seriously decadent chocolate dessert, i am told)... i am supposed to be at texas de brazil, a resaurant in the i-drive (tourist) area right now, but i completely forgot... about five minutes to six my phone rings and a friend is giving me directions to the place and i'm in a huh? state for at least a minute before i realize the dinner was planned for tonight at 6PM... so i missed it, dangit...

this was a special private party with a nice discount for dinner too and i was special, very very special, to be invited... i completely lost that memory... i was just sitting here cooking dinner, nothing else to do... so i owe major apologies (and seriously decadent chocolate desserts) to jl who invited me...

i feel like such a turd... sigh... alas... luckily the person, who we shall call explorer, is a wonderful person and will not disown me on this on, albeit major (reservations are in her name and i did not make her look good and i took a spot she could have offered to someone else and and and... i suck, shame is my name tonight)...

meanwhile, i did make plans with jane to go to columbia's (yes, another new name, though it might be a second naming... it's got to be too early for alsheimers, really) house next friday for fun and games... i will remember this, i will remember this, i will remember this...

hello, what's my name? :}

woke up, and went to bed...

no need to drag a comb across my head, aye?... yeah, well, anyway, four hours was enough for this first sleep of the new year it seems and i laid there in bed comfy and warm and giggly (cuz beds do that to me, in case you never knew... if you ever wanted proof that the child inside is alive and well, much more than the excitement over food could ever demonstrate, just be there when i actually lay down under covers to welcome sleep) and as occasionally happens, the excitement woke me up so the writer wrote (cuz excitement does that to me, in case you haven't noticed)... yeah, we're getting to thereal :)

so i finally finished (and uploaded) the expansion of the RealTime™ entry that i mentioned was in progress behind the candoor in the RealTime™ entry to which i refer right here in this sentence (and entry) that provides the clues to the actual actions that occurred in thereal since waking and during that expansion, another rhyme slipped out that seemed to fit in the be with me garden so that is where it was uploaded and then, here we are…

so what now, new year? (and the excitement continues to build) :)

for now, a workout at the gym (yay)... hope your day is a yay too :)

and so it's another new year

and what have we done?... sheesh, another year wandering alone... much more social life, much more human interaction than the previous few years... more even than any year in the past ten years... yet still, wandering alone... coming home alone... sleeping alone... being alone... another year alone...

and another year wondering if humans even actually communicate on a daily basis... it was said tonight that even john and yoko, two who expressed an idyllic desire to be with each other, spent much of their days apart in the last five years of john's life... and most couple are apart most of each weekday and how many hours a week do even the most devoted loving couples actually spend together...

and another year of writing words on the web, wondering if i am here to communicate daily or just to record my being alive daily cuz there is no other consistent proof that i ever existed on a moment to moment basis (cuz i remain alone)... at least the babbler, offering the cushion and escape clauses and distance of silliness and irreverence continues to feel the correspondence interaction...

here in the daily life, in thereal, the solitude continues and truly, i wonder if words can bridge the distance on a continuous, daily basis... surely two cannot share moment to moment through words when far apart, unless two were constantly connected by an intercom, a push to talk or endless phone connection... and would that not be just a temporary fix replacement for the physical moment to moment connection that is truly wanted (why else maintain such an electronic connection?)...

ah, here in thereal, long into the first night of the new year, in lonely reverence these things i do ponder... alone, because that is thereal... and after a fun night out, i wonder if the preoccupation with age and the separations and walls it creates is as evident as it seems to me or if i am projecting it myself as once more excuse for not getting closer because the body is bloated and uncomfortable... but such pondering, as real as it is, is for the babbler to take on... and not ready for sleep just yet, so the babbler and rhymer shall be given the fingers now, for there is not much to add to thereal except it was an enjoyable party, half couples and half singles and fun and games and good conversation and we all went home as we came...

and here i am... hope your new year was fun too :)