on call

the last on-call weekend was a breeze, nothing at all... didn't even remember i was on-call... this weekend, so far, i spent seven hours at work (they woke me yesterday so there was no recovery time from the marathon no-sleep of thursday and friday) yesterday... and they woke me this morning so i'm heading back in now for an hour or two... an investigation and two admissions, so far... luck of the draw... i think i slept about five hours since wednesday... then there's softball later... just barely made it to last night's party... fun... bzzzzzzt in the head... not getting sleep recovery time, which sucks, but at least i am off tomorrow (much yayness... it's a holiday in my calendar, after all)... and no time for writing, yet...

but love ya and keeping in touch anyway :)

just cuz i can, i will...

back-trak, i mean, catch-up, sorta... insert an entry after the fact, to be blunt, cuz it can be done... suddenly i have an extra couple or more hours in my world cuz the rains came and there's no softball practice... boo... but there's more time for me and words and whatever... yay... so this might be the glue that makes sense out of yesterday and tomorrow... or not...

anyway, yesterday and the day before, this entry being for saturday, after all, was insane in a much fun and service industry kind of way... but then, like so many others who've visited this planet, i am here to serve man... and find a woman to serve with me, but that's besides the point of the past days and tomorrow, which i will also catch up on sort of like glue here and now, yesterday...

with extra cheese pepperoni pizza and chocolate shake as my guides, i delve (or dive) into whatever and come up with... yesterday's entry sums up yesterday pretty well... and tomorrow's entry sums up today and tomorrow pretty well... so what are we here for, anyway?...

where are those doe-eyed monsters when i need one?...

summary?... well, in the midst of my dream sleep catch-up from the two day marathon awake time, the phone rang and work needed me... an investigator show up and nobody knew what to do, so i went in and took care of business (risk manager hat)... as i was walking out the door i notice a sheriff ready to bring a kid in baker act (involuntary admission)... so i put on my admissions on-call hat and did the assessment and insurance verification and suddenly, it was time to rush to a shower for the party i promised i'd go to and then, party... then home to try to sleep, but early sunday morning (which would be tomorrow, according to the date-time stamp on this entry, ya know the game), ring ring another baker act admission at 7am... i told them i'd be in around noonish... the phone kept ringing, precious, softball, whatever, and sleep was broken, but still any sleep is good for me... i went in around 1 and got home about an hour ago and it's almost 5pm sunday and now, we're all caught up, again, with glue, even... aye?...

ok, so i barely slept and did not have time to come to words, so the babbling that were starting up again have paused, but obviously, as exhibited by this entry, the urge to babble continues so tonight may be another killer night (being tomorrow night, that which is being referred to, in this choppy sentence, structure)...

i miss you, simple as that...

oh, wait, that was the answer to the question so why am i here?...

and now you know... i hope your weekend is wonderful too...

startling prediliction

whatever that means... and sleep has not been granted the mind or body for more fingers and toes than two people who have not lost a single finger or two have combined... so i left here to head to the dinner game party at the house of rolls and we had much fun and frolic all through the evening and a few of us continued past midnight until somewhere just before sunrise when i left to meet precious and friends who were waiting in line all night to enjoy the madness of black friday shopping at best buy (and i stepped into line to join them just as they were entering the doors of the store, but then, i was to be the one paying, after all) and then we wandered and then i drove to rasputin's place to spend ten hours taking his computer apart before finally getting it to cough up more than sixty (yes, 60) assorted bugs (some famous, some ancient, most {or more like all} denied and unwashed as it is easier to laugh off a mistake than to focus on being aware of them when they are still in pending (or appending, for that matter) status or something like that, but isn't it always so, la , la , la ... huh?)...

and then... i drove precious back to where her car was parked (at the best buy across the street from where i live... raspy lives about 45 minutes away, or an hour, depending on traffic) and we decided we were hungry so we ate at the new five guys burger place and enjoyed food reminiscent of my youth near coney island in new york and then, as we were returning to her car, she realized that she left her car keys in her best friend's sweater that she was wearing all day at raspy's (where she left the sweater and keys) and we called raspy (a few dozen times over the next hour or two) and her wallet with the aaa emergency road service number was in the car, probably, so i drove to work to pick up the on-call phone and bag and stuff cuz i kept forgetting to do that and decided it was time to do that and there i got the number for aaa emergency road service (since the number was in her wallet, remember, and i have geico road service cuz aaa did not want me to be a free member, but that's a long story of a different party) and she called aaa and while we were waiting for aaa to arrive, i had the wild notion to check the door of her car in case she left one open and omigosh, the drivers door was open, as was the passenger's door, and don't tell anyone, but both rear doors were unlocked as well... and just as i'm laughing rather heartily and telling her to call aaa and cancel, up pulls the aaa truck... apologies and more laughter and then, for no apparent reason except for the irony of amazing timing, precious' phone freezes up, complete lock up... and so we go into best buy (cuz we'd been hanging in front of it for quite a while this day already) and they check the phone and give her a brand new one cuz they couldn't get it to work and it's been less than 30 days and then, finally, raspy picks up the phone and we tell him the story i just related to you, sort of, in three part harmony...

and then, or now, to be more precise, arriving home, and apparently having fun with commas, i came to tell you where i've been and even more closer to now, to be even more precise, found myself sitting here asleep a few minutes ago, so i completed and i uploaded the entry and now, even closer to now, precisely, i smile as i did and say...

nite nite :)

good morning afternoon :)

hmmm, wonder what happens if i put a smiley in the title... probably gets ignored when the entry is file-named, but i forget... anyway, the babbling continued on through morning last night, so here we are waking after noon and saying good morning... the title may have given that away, huh?...

well, the belly full and dinner at rolls' is two hours away... rolls is a happy sort of fellow who decided to invite ten or so of his closet heros and friends over for thanksgiving and he's reportedly busy busy busy cooking up all sorts of stuff today, though mostly traditional t-day fair so i'm not going over starved cuz i'm not a big fan of traditional t-day fair or even t-day cuz it's a lie, after all, like most western history (history is mostly habit, really), but the social company should be fun... it's mostly the people who enjoy games so i believe we will be playing (yay for games and gamers... and rolls)...

and i wandered a bit to find notes and comments left in various places today and finally responded to what i found... if there's more, i haven't found it yet... and to the sender of files to my cell (the number is one {of dozens} that got deleted from my addy book when the idiot at the best buy did not know how to save all my numbers, z?), i can't download cuz i don't have internet on my phone... i look at the phone and it says unread messages in the inbox and i think... what's in the box? :)

laziness is winning this morning/afternoon, so the unpacking is not happening... maybe saturday (as tomorrow is for raspy and precious)... which means i ought to get some sleep tonight after i get home even though i may be wired and the babbler, when wired, is pouring the words out these days... luckily i have both RealTime and btc to dump the excess into... wonder how long 3+ posts a day will continue... actually, the average is at least 4+ a day cuz there's consistently been one elsewhere and then there are comments on top of that and yay for babble (cuz it's my happy happy joy joy, ya know :)

i hope you are finding your own happy happy joy joy today, whether you celebrate the exploitation and lies and ultimate extinction of a human sub-species and culture or not (turkey?... no thanks, the meat is almost always too dry... oh wait, i am the turkey for bringing up those dang redskin savages, i get it... nevermind)... hey, whatcha expect, i try to be human in the other real blog :}

gotta laugh at the pain to keep it from winning, ya know? :)

and the world still...

whirls around?... yeah, well, i do, but being a single point in space for a long time, it is not easy to perceive sometimes (sometime?)... sharing becomes imaginary and imaginary becomes real and real, well, that becomes a semi-conscious dream that fades in and out of memory like the sun on a partly cloudly day, or less, but definitely not more...

huh?... what's that got to do with thereal?...

anyway, today was a quickish day at work, enough got done to keep up with the piles on my desk and a couple of surprises were dealt with, one special request was handled, and i left at 2, thinking i've got leftovers at home and i'm gonna enjoy some rare afternoon time, maybe clean or unpack some more... then, all of a sudden, i decided to go shopping...

some $200+ later, i have more food in the house and an assortment of other stuff i needed to varying degrees,,, air fresheners and carpet fresh powder cuz the place could use them and dryer sheets cuz the clothes could use them and bleach cuz the whites could use them and a tool kit to open the laptop to clean it out so it stops overheating and to open the hot water heater to turn it up so the water is hotter and a comforter cuz winter is coming and i haven't had a comforter in some time and an assortment of other odds and ends... and assorted foods... it's amazing how quickly the bill rises...

so i got home around 4:40 and ate and somehow, the whole evening flew by... i fell asleep here, that's it... i woke about 9pm and rasputin called about 9:30pm and i just got off the phone... we worked through some computer problems he was having with precious' old computer and i decided the rest of precious' birthday/holiday gift would be a portable hard drive cuz it is what they both need and she wants (it'll allow raspy to clear all her stuff off her old computer so it can be reformatted and work much faster cuz she has a lot of crap on it and probably spyware and stuff that slows it down)... my new laptop shall wait a bit longer...

and now, i am going to give myself some writing time... still dreaming of the partner, the muse, the constant companion, the editor, the collaborator, the friend who pays attention to all the little details here in the physical spaces (and in my written gardens too)... still watching the world still spinning around... still loving every minute of it, even as i hunger for more... still hoping you are well and happy and finding your dreams... and still finding smiles and laughter after all is said and done... take care and if you do thanksgiving, enjoy yourself...

for those of you in panic

i salute you :)

pardon the giddies... i did not pass out (or go), die (or get abducted by aliens), or have a rough day (or fall in love) or anything... not depressed or bummed or distracted... just busy (bizy bizzzzy.. tis the season, after all... get the reference?)...

monday i woke with just enough time to get to work, late for an early training i had scheduled, then non-stop all day and back here to sit a moment and nod off for a few minutes with my finger poised to update, only to wake to rush out to softball... arriving home after midnight, the nodding off happened again before the words were typed...

tuesday was more of the same, except without the softball, beer, and going out... rush out to work, non-stop day, then home stopping for eggplant parm (i seem to be on a kick) and pizza and then, sat here and nodded before the words flowed... so i went to bed and woke naturally a little bit ago and wandered the net responding to comments at various places (yay for the wanderers who find me :)

and here we are, work is waiting, must stop for gas this morning... maybe i'll leave early... off for five days after today, though i am on call for the weekend, so not actually able to take advantage of the time off... one of these days i'll take a week, disappear, and that'll surprise them all :)

all in all, busy work, busy fun, busy life... but still, the urge to keep in touch daily remains strong in this one, so here we are... thanks for caring and i hope your week is fun too :)

i sat here to write and nodded off, some time before the now... but i'll write these words to let you know anyhow... i believe i was wasted (mostly fatigue) and a half dozen beers or so brought me home to make food which was all the body need to put the mind to bed...

fun night (though we got creamed on the field)... the after-softball hanging out is fun, but this body definitely does not need the calories (or alcohol)... must come up with another plan that fits in... water?... in a large group it can go unnoticed, but with just three or four people doing shots, even skipping the shots kind of dampens the spirits (pun?... perhaps)... still, i crave the social...

work remains busy, as usual, and so, continue :)

days, weeks, months, years

wow... it was more than six hours ago (it's after 1am now) that i opened this box (along with the box of pizza and an eggplant parm sub that was dinner), titled this entry, turned on the music, and then wandered off to do laundry, talk to rasputin on the phone about college football, browse the web for college football stuff to talk about, forget laundry, remember laundry, re-start laundry, actually unpack a couple of boxes and set up a dresser clearing the clutter in the bedroom, and writing an entry that was starting as this one here, but soon turned into a babbling for other places and one of those that expand as it is planted in more than one place (so far at RealTime™ amd behind the candoor and soon (i feel it coming) at myspace, each with a slight addition for flavor or further explanation or something like that... you really ought to read one or all as they were written specifically and especially for you...

before this rather interesting evening, i was out playing softball (some of the the monday and thursday teams now practice on sunday afternoons) for three hours or so and prior to that, i woke and showered and prior to that, i slept about six hours and prior to that, i relaxed and blogmadded and browsed and such as i mentioned in the previous entry... and now we're all caught up with thereal...

so what's up with you? :)

falling asleep

lots of babbling behind the candoor (up to eight entries in a row there now) and in real time, browsing of the internet (revisiting blogmad!, where i was once almost famous, nyuk, and relaxing at home, that's where i've been, how about you? :)

sleep now, nite nite :)

lol lam :)

well i suppose not (with a capital k, aye?), but it sure was exciting while the moment lasted (ah, the babbler dreams of the time to wander aimlessly through the fields and valleys and mountain peaks and alternative universes and other oddities of the mind of the author to bask in the ambiance and warm in the sunshine and bathe in the rain and dance with the flowers and rocks and molecular structures and ethereal ethers and so on and all that and what a wonderful world it would be {for the babbler, at least} if only... ahhhh, sigh... and the most naturally sweetly peaceful giggle too)...

guess you had to be there lol lam :)

this body, bringing it back to the physical moments, so severely could benefit from a shower... so that is where i shall be very shortly after this update here in the bowels of thereal... waking naturally for the first time in ages, though it may have been the bladder, there was no call to lay back down and a gentle call to come visit the web and for almost two hours i wandered wikipedia and other sites exploring music (or more specifically, warped memories and assorted side shows and as the third song or cd in any collection seems to have a more profound impact on the collection than most others, so did the gorillaz, putting my in mind of a little radiohead, and on through the still more ethereal moody blues and beyond to others... but maybe you hat to be there for that too, aye?)...

morning laughter at everything and anything for no apparent reason feels so wonderful... i hope you find some too today :)

sleepiness

another fun night of fun and games, literally, games, and some new faces and some semi-new faces and some game night regulars and yip yip yorray (hip too)... so how was your night?...

maybe i should twitter...

or sleep :)

those of you who have intimacy

i salute you (or something like that)... this is my intimacy... words... writing... exposing myself to you in this way... this is my kiss, my hug, my secret sharing, my trust, my acknowledgment that i can still do it and my imagining it could happen again, any time... these are my intimate moments, stolen from the hustle and bustle and rush of human life, getting from one place to the next...

just stopping home for a bowl of soup and a change before scooting out to another game night... more fun on the horizon, more work left piled on my desk, more words to let you and me and anyone caring know i am here (like the who in whoville)... more life to live and love and share as well as those around me will share...

thank you for sharing this moment with me :)

missed a day

wow, i woke too late to sit down here for a morning entry, then nodded off sitting here after work, waking in time to head out to softball, and then after softball hung out at the wing place until a few minutes ago, so just walking in (and the music is already on, yay) and it's already the day after yesterday, so no entry for yesterday...

lots of work at work, completed another spreadsheet report tracking the individual doctor's performance indicators... have four more major projects to get finished by the end of the month (and taking three days off around thanksgiving does not leave me much time)... i finally said yes to the crappy laptop the corporate morons will authorize, even though they are not saving money (which is their only criteria)... a 14 inch screen for spreadsheets and databases will not speed up the processes, but being able to take the work home and access the server from home will help a lot... now we will see if they will actually approve the thing...

i did not play tonight, my choice, as the thursday team has too many players and this is the first wee i showed up (fifth game of the seven game season) because my work team played the same times until last week and i wanted to be fair to the people showing up every week and they have a good pitcher... i should probably look for a team on tuesday, wednesday, or friday if i want another game in my week... we won 11-9 and the team is now 4-1, which pretty much locks up third place if they win one of their last two and the last two teams have won 1 game between them so far... figures, a good team finally gels and i was not there to be pitching for them and they have a good pitcher, but the conflict with the work team will always be there, so yay for them getting it together without me...

and that was yesterday... and yours? :)

happy birthday shari

wow, silence

it is so weird to come home to silence, to no tv, to private space... wonderfully weird, but still weird none-the-less... the last time i had some measure of privacy was almost ten years ago in a rooming house, though i shared the bathroom with a whole floor... i could get very spoiled (and i forget all about the imperfections so easily)...

lol, my feet were atheletes (i'll explain someday)... abosrbing the moments (and stretching them invisibly) it's so sweet to put on music and listen to the space listening to the music... silence loves music, you know (they are secret lovers, shhhh, don't tell)... and then... i was in the mood for eggplant parm tonight, but did not feel like dealing with traffic (it was still sick local traffic at 6:45pm... this area has grown up way too fast) and i'm not sure about delivery here yet behind the iron gates, so i am settling for spaghetti and imitation crab (alaskan pollack) and real shrimp and real scallops...

and that's the moments... i'll catch up on the details of these days one of these nights, here or there or somewhere... thank you for the words... hope life is smiling in your world :)

good morning, good morning, yeah

well, eight hours (sleep) and i wake up to the oddest dream... a couple of hours before work and since they still have not bought me the promised laptop, they do not get any extra hours from me at home and so they do not get all i could be doing for them if they provided the equipment i required to do all i could do for them...

the laptop seems to be working ok, though i still want to get the right tool to open it and clean the dust out... and the internet seems to be much faster this morning as well... not sure if that is a time of day thing or if some problem along the path was finally resolved, but it's nice to see pages open again... i still have different systray icons that i will find time to call att about one of these days...

and there's still unpacking to do (most of the boxes are still lined up against the wall) and still laundry to do) though the basis wardrobe is clean) and still exercise to do and weight to lose and the one to find, not to mention closer friends to play with and an intimate if not the one... but still, it's a wonderful morning (it's 42 degrees and feels like 36 degrees and the windows are open, cool, huh?)... gym?... but the internet is working... lam...

make today spectacular, or at least smile :)

unfortunately

the internet is not welcoming me much today... ever since yesterday's crash which may have been hard drive related and may have been software update related or both, the internet is slower than any dial-up connection i've ever had and yet it says it is transferring at 3.6 Mbps... the att software updated and ever since then, molasses... and suspicious activity as well...

anyway, nodding off so it's early to bed tonight... hope your having fun :)

/

hope all is well

beer and burgers late at night is not what the body needs, so i hope i remember this next monday... the routine continues, wake up, wash up, dress up, write up, go to work... looking forward to some time off, some changes in the routine... and maybe some payback so i can buy a new laptop (alas, and all)...

still, this groggy dumbness (and numbness) is a spacey treat and blast from the past (how do i find a way to enjoy everything?... low standards?... high threshhold?... massive insanity?... absurd sense of humor?... ah, laughter, the elixr of the gpds... ummmm, elixir of the gods?... lam :)

all is well and fine, though a slower shade of dandy today... relax and enjoy it... i'll rest and write more tonight... i hope all is well in your world :)

well that was interesting

the laptop seemed to die for a while... i think the vents for the hard drive and cpu fans got clogged and appeared to shut down the hard drive, but then, it also appears that windows xp and the att communication manager were somehow corrupted (both said they were and after several re-boots, reverted back to older configurations)... it all stemmmed from downloading and installing firefox and flash/quicktime updates... i am very seriously just moments away from switching back to internet explorer, in spite of getting used to firefox and liking it... it does not render some of the pages i visit (and some of my own pages) as designed (heck, it can't even read the wing dings font)... anyway, once i blew the dust into the box to clear the fan vents (yeah, i know, a very temporary solution, i must find the right small tools to open the box and blow out the dust from the inside asap), the hard drive started coming back to life and after another off-on reboot windows xp opened again with a reverted configuration... i then copied the entire my documents folder over to my mybook while i was out playing softball (we were destroyed, by the way, but that's another story of murder and intrigue)... when i got home, after ale house and krystals, the laptop was still on, but the att aircard would not connect... a few more on-off and disconnect-reconnect deals and another corruption detected message, and here we are, finally reconnected as if nothing happened... bet you didn't even know i was gone (poke)...

yeah, i almost hooked up my old mac (i think it's a g2, but i haven't actually set it up since buying it some time ago, in fact, the same week or even day i bought this laptop, so that must be going on years now... which just proves i am insane, at least to mac users... lunatic fringe just ponder...

19-5 was the damage on the field tonight... we just could not field a ball to save our lives... and our hitting went sour... i was 2 for 2 and in the on deck circle when the last out was called... i walked one in the last inning after they already clobbered us for 19 runs... we were sad, though emotionally we had fun and seven of us went out for beer and wings and football after the game (one of us is a browns fan, so the night ended with cheers)... and i stopped for krystals on the way home, so obviously the spaghetti was fine re-boiled and all (see the previous entry to figure that one out)...

the only way life could be more fun or better is if i was sharing it with a best friend or or lover or partner and took care of the body better, but then, alone the taste buds are my favorite organ, sometimes, though only by a smidge sometimes... so what have you been up to tonight? (hope it was much fun :)

brief stop by

well, i don't know for sure just what it means, or even what i meant to talk about because i got distracted by a poor connection and had to hear the water bubbling over in the pot tor remind me... so what i meant to stop by for a moment and ponder was... i don't know if it proves i am still a pre-formed child or just plain stupid, but i am experimenting on whether spaghetti left in a pot on a counter for two days can be re-boiled and eaten without negative consequences... i mean, boiling for ten minutes ought to kill all the germs, right?... and a little salt, that ought to help...

maybe it just proves an extreme state of laziness... anyway, i am experiencing amazingly slow internet at the moment so coming home a little early to wander about and play with words does not seem to be what the universe had in mind for me... it is time to shut down and re-boot anyway as i downloaded an update that is just begging to be installed and i just stopped by for a quick hello and pondering (will i be sit on the mound tonight?... oooo, living dangerously is so much fun)...

so anyway, that's the late afternoon, home from work early report for all you crazy people who just can't get enough... no worries, you don't have to tell me, i feel your brainwaves... nice texture to them, by the way... i'll see you later, after the game... unless i'm rushed to the hospital to get my stomach pumped, that is... keep smiling :)

another monday morning

and i am almost on time with room to spare for a five minute entry here, wow, aye?... the excitement continues to build as i slowly (one by one, pretty much) unpack the bags 'o cds sitting around the chair here where i tap on the keys... and just when one bag starts becoming redundant or i become complacent, i switch to another bag and find more magical surprises as i've forgotten all the cds i slurged on last year, old and new, yay and wow...

today is quality council, so i probably ought to have woken a couple of hours ago and crawled off into work to diligently work on reports, but nobody cares much if my reports get done in months without surveyors and/or auditors so today's qc will be speedy gonzales through the information and not fast enough for those attending... my purpose is to make the place look good, keep the risks to a minimum, and weave information through the departments to the right people and monitor changes silently, unnoticed, stealth-like... kind of how i've lived this life, aye?...

amused, as so often is the case when the truth becomes ironic (or obvious), i thank you for checking in this morning and wish you a wonderful day as only you can make it... cuz we deserve those kind of days, even on monday :)

wow, blink

it started here and an hour and a half and seventy billion links later, hello, i must be going, it's really late and sleep can't wait cuz droopiness is showing, so hello, i must be going... maybe the music helped the wandering mood... maybe?... ha, the master of understated sarcasm (or just understatements) strikes again... it is late and sleep is coming on soon and wisdom suggests strongly that i do not resist tonight, so i shall not endeavor to retrace and record all the permutations and meandering of the past hour and a half around the web, but suffice to say it was enlightening and amusing and so much fun i lost track of time... and a half dozen new blog posts were inspired here and there and wherever...

the fact is the experience is worth recording even if the details must wait for another time, even if some are lost in letting sleep come and possibly not getting back to retrace the steps of the evening... i recall it lead through some music downloads, through myspace, through a few other places (at least, few being more like phew), and a donut soaked in rice milk..., the babbler hath spoken...

nite nite :)

one fine day

we sat there for almost five hours after out 11am game trying to sell our team to the league through brownies and cupcakes and a raffle for a gps and a two night stay at a 4-star hotel with free breakfast and free happy hour and some people came around to buy and talk and maybe we changed some minds, but many just ignored the tent and table we set up, hopefully cuz they didn't want to spend any money and not for any other reasons... in the three weeks we set up our fun raising, we collected over $500, which is not bad...

our game, on the other hand, was sad... we could not seem to get our bats going and lost 10-0 in five innings (there's a "mercy rule" that ends a game if a team is behind by 10 runs in the fifth inning... we almost made it to the sixth inning, but could not get the third out before they scored their tenth run)... i walked none and strike out one and got a few to ground back to me, but we could not get anything going and our fielding was not good enough to stop their hitters... more than half their runs scored on errors, as usual, so we still need a lot of work to compete with the better teams... the team we lost to tied for first place and they beat the other team tied in a playoff game 20-0 in three innings (the mercy rule is a 20 run lead in 3 innings, a 15 run lead in 4 innings, or a 10 run lead in 5 innings ends the game), which shows how good they are and how good we can be, but not when we are not hitting... hopefully we'll get a lot of good practice in before next season...

after the game, as i said, i took the booth and did my best and sold about $50 worth, which is not bad since i hardly know the people in the league as i've only been in it two seasons and it takes several seasons for the league to get to know a player that does not hang out at the clubs and bars a lot of the league goes to, and i don't... that's life, i don't hang where the people hang cuz i prefer to be where i belong and while that leaves me alone a lot, i want to find someone who doesn't hang where the people hang, so... yeah, makes sense to me...

and after the last game me and one coach (the only ones left at the booth) folded up and headed to a downtown eatery for the league party, free buffet, and hanging out... none of our team showed up (not even for free food, no less comradery and all that) and just one player from his team showed up, which was no fun so we left and headed home and here i am telling you about the day... lonely?... yup, and as usual (it would be odd to find the one on my sunday afternoons, but hey, anything's possible), but still a very fun day outdoors with a few good people who may eventually become friends...

so yay anyway, and how was your day? :)

too many donuts

contrary to the simpsonian philosophy, there does reach a point where a body can consume too many donuts... this warning has been brought to you by the pillsbury doughboy...

morning and another softball sunday... we are playing the killer team tied for first place, so we must play our best and keep our confidence up and all that good stuff... i hope your day is as exciting as mine... see you later...

to be known

what it's all about, all this writing, i think, is to be known... the dream of someone actually knowing and understanding me, who i am, what makes me tick, and what i want in life and then, helping me become all i can be and get all i want, or some measure of each... beyond the fun of the good feeling of caring and giving and the magical feeling of sharing caring, this knowing, understanding, becoming, defining and receiving experience is what life's about... isn't it? :)

i slept again most of the time since the last entry, which feels great and still, i could sleep more, and hopefully will tonight, but for now i am sitting here contemplating saturday evening and working on building up the motivation needed to start laundry, at least some laundry, and maybe even some unpacking... i hope you are enjoying your weekend and you know where to find me if you want to talk or share...

moments are all we have to share :)

wakin again, sorta

and the flowology of blogging continues as anothe conscious moment is recorded for posterity and anyone who cares in this life as i know it as i wake from a nice deep sleep with a semi-groggy smiley-cloud with nothing planned for today (though laundry screams for attention, and the great unpacked boxes whimper softly) so i may just babble a bit while taking care of the environs (living spaces) and just might (unless the phone rings and i answer it and get talked into going out and spending money and eating and all that life stuff i do almost every night) enjoy a saturday night at home alone...

last night was a funish game night, though i feel a bit more lonely now for reasons deeply embedded in my psyche that have little to do with the people or activities and more to do with what does not happen in life these days, and i don't just mean sex, drugs, and rock n roll... the night before at the wing house after softball, many beers, and scantilly clad young girls might have something to do with it, but uncle bob seems to suggest age matters (somebody forgot to tell my libido, i suppose) and... babbling?... yeah, later over there...

this blog proves a point, i think, and one of these days i may even get to expressing it, but for now, i don't feel like taking the time to figure out just what it is (besides mostly me) and i'll just wish you a wonderful day cuz you can and really oughta do that for yourself...

happy birthday ray... happy birthday barb

before you know it

i am back with another entry cuz life moves on with you or without you (just like yours moves on with or without me) and i want to keep track for posterity even if nobody keeps up with keeping in touch moment to moment today... something like we can't always get what we want but if we try sometimes...

home from another game night... an odd crowd with a bit of discomfort at first and quite a bit of arguing over rules and changing them to suit one or two players so they could win, which is the only way some with smaller slower minds can win, by playing ignorant... i wonder if on some level they think they are more clever than everybody else because somehow they know they manipulated the game by playing dumb... or maybe they are just dumb, which lowers the fun factor for game playing form me... still, overlooking the dim bulbs, the night was fun...

i stopped at toys r us and bought a half dozen new games and then stopped at walmart and bought a half dozen more and then stopped at publix and bought soda and donuts and somewhere around $250 later, i carried a bunch of bags into the deltone game meetup and the fun (and debates) began... ya for game players and game nights... and for you, for caring, for sharing, for making life fun :)

happy birthday barb... happy birthday ray

sleepy puppy

curling up in a ball in my mind (so wanting to in the body too) and could so easily slide off into deep la la land, but there's a game night to be hosting (and there are two spots left cuz two people dropped out late, so come on over to deltona, ok?... call me for directions) and a game to be found at the toys r us on the way and so i'm gonna consume some starbucks frappucchinos and wake the mind and body up artificially this time cuz, after all, i'd rather be playing with people than sleeping alone, even when i am in this sort of sleepy puppy curl up and cuddle-me mood...

it was a long day with the corporate auditor and the lack of cooperation from my fellow directors and their subordinates was way too evident to the auditor, but being that i am such a swell guy and the auditor naturally wanted to give me a good report, the waves might be minimal (when a tsunami might help, but hey, it's the challenge i took on knowing the dysfunctional family i was becoming part of when i took the big chair)...

and now it's some caffeine and sugar and off to make (and buy) more fun and games in deltona... i hope you are having fun too... see you later :)

morning already?

wow, and out the door i've got to be so momentarily but while i drip dry a bit i'm saying hi to you... hi you :)

the world is moving just a teensy bit slower this morning, spacey, but not bad, thanks to hops and barley and the fermentation process (is it fermentation?... i used to know the differences in that sort of stuff)... very busy day ahead, so this will be brief (on just a few hours sleep)...

i love you and wish you peace and all the happiness and pleasure you can handle today... and if excitement comes, enjoy the heck out of it... one day i hope we share a day, until then, make yours the best it can be :)

late, but never too late

tomorrow is a big day at work playing licensed risk manager and performance improvement director, and here i am sobering up from lots of beer on a very empty stomach... a fruit/granola bar and a protein drink for the daily food... and while i surely did not need the calories or sustenance, i heated up the leftover eggplant parm and spaghetti when i got home and loved every mouthful...

burp...

we won 15-5 tonight and that earned us the second place trophy which was cool and we trook a team photo and hopefully it'll go online somewhere somehow and i'll show you... a wonderfully fun game with most everything working just right... i walked nobody and threw two balls first to more than a few batters, but i felt in control and the team hit and fielded well and so, yay...

burp...

the team went out and drank beer after the game, maybe you heard about it somewhere... i wonder how my head will feel in the morning... i wonder if eating all the food will make it better or worse... i wonder why i am asking all these questions instead of getting at least a little sleep... shouldn't this be in the babbles?...

burp...

wonderful loneliness embraces me as the music comes from inside and outside and plays with me so well even when i don't think i am listening... and i've got a game night to kind of be the spark for tomorrow night after work and need to pick up a cool multi-player game at toys r us or somewhere between work and heading a half hour or more north and whatever did i do with my good sense?...

burp...

oh, yeah, more beer... actually, i don't burp nearly as much as i seem to in words... and except for wishing someone was right here giggling with me and laughing at me and themselves with me (aka, the lonelies), everything is beautiful in it'sown way, so i hope you have a wonderfully beautiful day and night too and even better, i hope someone is there to share it... cuz sharing (and caring) is fun :)

nite nite...

broken morning?

did cat stevens coin the phrase or was it around before he wrote the song... morning has broken, i mean... beautiful song, but i wonder about the line... it's part of my psyche... still, was it there before cat?... what if he had used morning has blossomed instead?...

well, there's the conversation starter for today... racing along at more than a dozen entries a week, this little blog is speeding ahead of the previous daily blogs and that leaves lots more entries for posterity to find naked and pristine (which is one way of looking at the silence, aye?)... it's all good though, cuz i am not here much myself... five minutes in the morning as i dry a bit after a shower and then, a five minute wrap up either after work or before bed or occasionally both, cuz that is thereal, especially online, a few moment of sharing some thoughts and feelings and whatever comes to mind...

the theme is sharing life, sharing thereal, the physical events and experiences from beautiful mornings bathed in golden sunshine to loose bowel movements, from crisp clear evenings listening to music somewhere with friends to wet dreams, thereal is what happens as it happens in this life in the physical world... cuz someday someone might actually want to share it and i'm offering up a way of getting to know what that brave soul might be getting into...

aren't i kind? :)

the babbling flowed over in RealTime(TM) in case you want more words... and some rhymes here and there... and now it is time to dress and head to work and after work, softball... last game of the work-team season, we win, we should be in second place... we play our oldest rivals who we have split games with in the past, so it will be a challenge, and much fun cuz they are a fun bunch... i hope your day is a fun bunch too :)

speeding bullets don't lie

oh gee, this blog whenever there's a moment thing does not allow me to advertise my specific requests and please and desires and such and such very well, does it?... i mean, before anybody can read my heart felt plea for some serious interior decorating assistance and advice and such, the entry is gone into the archives and nobody saw...

sigh...

life really does move way too fast, doesn't it?... well, that's the title reference, anyway, though i know it could have been much more dramatically morbid even, just the speed of life seems faster than a speeding bullet sometimes, metaphorically speaking... or writing, to be precise... and so, a day full of doing stuff at work, number crunching, emailing, training assistants, thinking about projects and not so much working on the stuff due on monday... but i'm a bit ahead of schedule, or at least i was when the day started, so hope remains a big smile... or something like that...

and home, to this desperately needing interior decorating assistance space (did you dee, did you see?, cooking up some eggplant parm and spaghetti and relaxing with the music and the pleasures of privacy and the light fluffy clouds of the lonelies (they get that way sometimes, which is good, cuz they can be such a drag at other times)... it is good to enjoy me by myself (of course that's just my opinion and i may be wrong, but you know what?... nobody can ever prove it (only i can see through my eyes... the silver lining behind the clouds, i just wear it out in front of mind sometimes, ya see?), nyuk :)

if only everybody enjoyed life like this, what a wonderful world it would be... stupid humans (just had to, giggling all the way :)

did you see did you see?

babbling good idea (i hope)... a project for you (cuz you love me and enjoy shopping)... as you go through you days or wander the internet, your neighborhood shops, please keep an eye out for furnishings you think represent me... shelving, especially, for cds and books and such... remember i am odd, but cool (and love to laugh at myself and be amused by stuff)...

i will love you dearly for every moment you put into this endeavor... i will treasure the results of your searches and hug every idea and concept and suggestion... and the bonus is i'll be as close to with you in physical space if something you choose strikes the right chord and rubs me just the right way to buy it and bring it into the home, my home, the space i am finally ready to start building... is this exciting or what?...

well, if it's what, just move along, nothing to see here... but if it's exciting, well, we have a project now, don't we?... i have no idea what will tickle my fancy or catch my eye or tell me i must bring it into this space and call it my own, but i want to, please, won't you indulge this rare change of heart about the material world?... shelves, things to sit on, a bed even, things to put clothes in, odds and ends, and i must find frames too... more stuff to put on the walls, art of sorts, stuff that is me... my eyes will tell me, your eyes will help me?...

there's always hope :)

yeah, i thought so

dontcha just love it when you are right?... or hate it when you are right but didn't wanna be right?... or turned left at alberquerque... or something like that?... it is a question of balance, after all...

even if it's never noticed, or hardly noticed, or unnoticed for now...

hey, it's phonics, ok?... spellcheckers are overrated... so are smelly feet, for that matter... so after getting practically nothing done today that was scheduled to be done today, i took care of other business that could have waited until next week, but didn't... and several hours were spent with an ahca investigator investigating the same case the dcf investigator and the sheriff investigated last week, coming to the same conclusions and providing the expected citation... doing two jobs is not an easy thing... impossible, actually, without a laptop...

but when the answer did not arrive...

the corporate world has not fundamentally changed over the decades, we are still expected to work miracles with our hands tied because providing the scissor to the restrictions on our productivity would effect the short term budget and to hell with the long term... i mean, just cuz we are trying to provide the stepping stones for children to develop skills to last a lifetime, why should we look past the ends of our noses...

yeah, thereal, who needs it...

and then, returning home after a ten plus hour day, a hour or so catching up with rasputin on the phone, the music goes on (thank goodness) and into the words i dive because it has been too long, so babbles coalesced from the snips and scattered scribbles (and ethers, don't forget the ethers, whatever they are) and entries popped up where they were missing before (just to add to the confusion and randomly changing mood swings, abstract flow, and massive maze-like feeling posterity might find, as compared with the ever changing shape-shifting maze-like feeling those of us reading along might find, i suppose...

or something like, yeah, you know, and all that too...

hope you had fun aussi (even in absentia :}

who really wants thereal?

ethereal is so much easier, so much less obligation to be real, obviously, and so much less what?... threatening?... vulnerable?... uncomfortable?... work?

yesterday was a long and tiring day in which i got a lot accomplished at work and was asked for a lot more because nobody actually knows what i do, the lament of a number cruncher in a world afraid of math (and geeks everywhere laugh, unless of course you're depressed and then, well, get over it and find other geeks who understand... obviously i'm trying, don'tcha see? :)

it ended with a solid win in softball, would have been a shutout but i always offer sympathy pitches in the last inning when we're way ahead, so the game ended 14-2... yay team... jackson came out to play with us too... yay jackson... and then we went to ale house where i pigged out, fool, and this morning i feel sick cuz i either ate too much or something wasn't all that good, maybe the shrimp, cuz i woke several times in the past five hours to upset stomach and loose poop...

thereal, not exactly in your face, but out here... and yesterday started with yet another entry and so many entries recording thereal, the life, is it me?... well, it's not memorex... some sort of hybrid, perhaps, waiting for someone to invest in the birthing or something like that... life as i know it...

what's yours like, really?...

4:47 am

i sit here alone typing these words... no one home but me... the clock moves silently... and in the morning when the world wakes up i'm still alone... no hug, no kiss, no eye contact... no playful glance or plans with anyone... off to my day... no one to take care of or to care for me... no one to depend on or depending on me... except work... this is reality...

where are you?... what are you doing?... are you alone?... who is in your house?... and in the morning when the world wakes up are you alone?... hugs, kisses, eye contact?... play or glances to start your day?... plans to follow through on with a family?... anyone depend on you?... anyone care for you?... what is your reality?...

for us to relate to each other honestly we must accept the differences in our realities and understand the perspectives are influenced by those differences... and then we can match similarities and enjoy connections more deeply because we undertsnad the differences and are closer to each other for that...

if this doesn't make any sense to you, just write it off as the babblings of a lonely child who woke at 4:47 am and wanted to share something with someone, but no one was here...

mounds of frustration

but still much fun... the title refers to softball, pun intended, and we split the double header winning the first game 14-7 and losing the second game 9-8... i did well, walked a few, went 3-4 in the first game and 3-3 in the second... and in the bottom of the last inning i was on second base (the tying run as we were down 9-8) with one out and the top of the lineup coming up and there's the frustration, we couldn't score... we made too many errors, did not throw the ball in from the outfield fast enough, and so, we split the double header... the team record is 6-7, so we need to win next week to break even at .500... next week we play the team that scores the most runs, plays the best defense, has a 9-2 record and is tied for first place... we lost to them something like 17-16 last time we played them... the team we lost to today was tied for first place, but lost their second game to the other team tied (there was a three way tie for first place going into today) so they are 8-3 in second place and the team that beat them is 9-2 tied for first... we have a lot of learning to do...

they are cool people and it was still much fun...

home now, it's a gumbo soup (trying not to burn the roof of my mouth cuz it's seriously hot) for dinner, three different soups (onion, veggie, and cream of mushroom) with fat free cream cheese and scallops, shrimp, and a couple of cut up hot dogs since i have no sausage in the house... and cheddar goldfish, the extreme kind, of course (actually, two kinds, the baby kind as well, cuz you just have to know all the details)... yum, in spite of the animal flesh (i am hearing vegetarian voices lately, but i am not a veggie for now... i eat a whole lot less than the average usa american according to stats, but i still eat animals)... scallops and potatoes look very much alike in a thick creamy soup... not scalloped potatoes, they are different...

so that's today and i hope yours was fun and delicious too :)

double header and reality check

definitely a good idea, to not stay out late yesterday, to rest instead... definitely not a good idea, to eat "fair" food and snacks and a lot of it... but as the sensuality in me is not gonna be turned off and i've only got a few ways to stimulate and satisfy the body hunger for sensual experiences (and so much of it starts at the mouth), the battle of the bulge shall continue i suppose... i feel more rested, which is a rare feeling these days with my schedule...

reality check... as much as i write on the web and call it real time and thereal, i must more vigilantly remember that the real is here and now in the flesh, keep my priorities straight, and take care of me each day/moment cuz the real is nobody else is here to do anything of the sort... (e)thereal is fun, but still all in the mind and far from the life lived... imagining someone might share the daily record of life in words like this is fun, but even if someone did, it is still just words on a screen and more importantly, just a few moments of a twenty-four hour day, and that should be more obvious than it is... realizing and acknowledging this does diminish the writings and communication in words, but it puts it in it's place and increases the importance and meaning of the other twenty-three plus hours of life, as it should be... i hope all your other moments go well too :)

laundry is in progress so the uniform will be clean and it is time to shower and head out to pitch the double header... enjoy your day and life and family and friends and stuff and words and music and anything else that matters to you and even that which doesn't... cuz you can :)

age or wisdom

i'd like to say both, but... i decided to pass on the ice bar tonight... besides the fact that i do not want to drink and do not like bars and it's minimum $30, softball practice ran an extra hour today and the ribs still ache and sometimes stab (all that singing last night didn't help) and i ran around a lot more than i usually do because i wasn't pitching for practice because we have a double header tomorrow... at least i think that's why, coach didn't explain... and we're adding another pitcher to the team come next season and i'm thinking it's a good idea cuz having just one pitcher is dangerous in case the pitcher gets hurt and i'm hoping that's why too, but again coach didn't explain... just cuz i'm old, fat, slow, and don't play the game like i once did and the rest of the team are young kids who are better than me is no reason to feel insecure or a burden on the team, right?... yeah, i'm laughing, but hey, that voice is persistent, ya know...

and the sun was hot today, draining fluids and energy... then two hours driving was not a way to rest the legs and then three more hours walking around in the sunshine and heat at the renaissance fair, coupled with some dehydration and some queasiness and headache from eating fair food and i decided that rest was more important than spending money for a unique experience (a bar with the bar, chairs, and glasses made of ice in a freezer kept at 27 degrees fahreinheit) in a place i would not go if it wasn't a unique experience... maybe next time...

i was gonna just nap in the car for a couple of hours, but i drove right past downtown without even noticing and found myself a few miles from home when i realized that i did not get off downtown, so that iced my decision to skip the evening activities and get some rest and a good night sleep for the double header tomorrow... so i'll be feeling the lonies tonight and missing a cool social gathering, but i'll feel better physically tomorrow and we'll have a better chance of winning both games... yay team... boo social life... yay writing to clear my head and laugh at my insecurities and self-doubts and lonelies and so on... boo no partner... yay says the babbler though, cuz so many words wanna jump out of me tonight... and yay you for being here caring and sharing thereal...

see you in babbles :)

busy weekend ahead

at least that's what the calendar says... i've not been nearly as busy the last two months as i was in the spring and summer, partly cuz i've got private space to enjoy, partly cuz i am cutting back on spending, some, and partly cuz i've had reasons to write more... this weekend is a bit more like the spring and summer (and actually, since last summer, though the calendar doesn't go back that far...

anyway, this weekend there's two parties tonight, softball practice and two parties tomorrow, and softball on sunday and then, softball and a party monday night after work... maybe i should have considered taking a day off, but there's no way cuz all the reports are due next week... so where's the candle with the extra end?...

oh i just love my warped sense of perspective (and humor that sometimes only i get)... and if a madman i may be then mad is how i live (cuz i have not found a better way yet :)

it's been this way since i was born, sleep just does not interest me nearly as much as life, at least not sleeping alone... i love sleeping with someone who has a similar perspective cuz we will not sleep until there's just no way not to sleep (insanity is fun for lovers like me... sadly, i haven't met one yet)

yeah, the big eyes and the huh?... ok, babble wants to happen, but i've got to head out, so you enjoy yourself doing whatever it is you are doing and i hope you find your way... i miss you when you are gone and appreciate your words when you leave them and love you either way... take care of you, please :)

network

NETWORK and tell them i referred you so in can be rich and famous and then i'll buy a big house where we all can live or at least come visit and vacation and have fun or just a little private time in your room...

or maybe you're mad as hell and don't want to take it anymore and you can shout it from your own rooftop blog with a bigger audience cuz you told them i sent you and that will return in magical ways to you...

good morning, another morning, another wonderful idea, another silly happy fun day to enjoy in my head... must run out to work now, still hoping you keep in touch and all is well... wish there was something i could do to help digestion or frustration go away, but it will when it will and hope my hope helps in some way...

i wish you peace (like the eagles sang), love, joy, comfort, security, pleasure, and the strength to let love grow... love yourself and your day and those in it as much as you can and i hope we can connect somewhere along the line...

see, i am here

this is my house, as the song goes... this is where i live, where i feel and experience the party of life... this is thereal... my place...

i wish i was more a part of other places and i wish at least a few, or at least someone shared a place that was their place as i share my place, but sharing seems to be a challenging for humans... and so i will send my love, my wishes, my smiles, and my feelings out to you and out to the world always hoping (cuz there is always hope, from the very beginning when i was bold and brash and loud and silly enough to believe all i had to do was jump up and down and act cute and someone would pick me... works for puppies) that some goof feeling will come out of it...

happy birthday jj

i hope you find your way back to that feeling someday soon... and happy birthday mikey too... i know the entries pop up and are replaced so fast that the ones meant for you or anyone specifically are in the archives long before they are read, if they are ever read, alas, cuz who has time to read through my babbles to find the special message just for you, right?... happy birthday mishy too... all so recently celebrated at my party, and i hope yours was good too...

and so the work day was another work day... major progress on the report front, the MOR (monthly operations report) was completed and sent and the behavioral data was almost completely entered and processed with just a couple of hours more to do tomorrow and then i'll start analyzing and writing that report (which is made up of dozens of mini-reports, one for each kid and then for each unit and so on... nobody has time to read it all, but the auditors love it and i highlight the things that will matter to the treatment teams, doctors, therapists, behaviorists and staff on the units... it's the rewarding part of the job, when someone realizing how much easier their job is when they understand a piece of the reports i put out that they need for their reports...

oh, and i got my risk manager license on october 31st... wonderful irony, i am the halloween risk manager, licensed to spook and consume much chocolate... everybody yay for the newest ahca (you know, the feds) licensed rm in town... now be careful with those candies, kiddies, especially the ones with the fuse...

from work to the softball game where i arrived an hour early cuz there was no traffic and promptly locked myself out of the car... i spent a half hour trying to find an emergency locksmith through google 411 and then att 411, but both services sucked and kept connecting me with the same two places, one was closed and the other would not drive to my location... and i tried six times, even spoke to humans, and they repeated the process even after i told them... service sucks when it is too automated, but then, just ask lily tomlin about the phone company...

finally, i remembered i have geico road service and called and the lizard sent a locksmith out in twenty minutes (less, even) and the day (or evening) was saved and since it was free, i gave the kid $30 cuz he got there so quickly and i was ready for the game on time... and then i didn't play... we were short a girl, so one boy had to sit out and as we were playing a team that only won one game, i rested while the team won 19-5... seriously good game for the team...

and then, home again... on the way, i was called and reminded i am expected at the fair, a renaissance thing, on saturday... i had forgotten all about it and it's in tavares, not close, and i have softball practice at the time of the meetup, but i said i'd head over after softball, a few hours after they meetup, but still only about 1pm for a full weekend fair, so that's not bad... tomorrow night is the beatles... must start going out again, after all, i am not going to find the one or any sort of daily life partner or playmate sitting around writing or waiting for words, aye?...

and dinner was a few eggrols and a cheap burrito...

and then i fell asleep :)

good morning world

feeling a bit like batty from furngully (bbbzzzzst-ping), narf, the show must go on (life, ya know?) and i am contractually obligated by my own handshake to wake up and do my risk manager thing at the morning meeting every weekday morning at 8am... the bloat is a mazimum bloat level this morning (which is, typo or not, higher than maximum), the ribs ache, but are not stabbing too much, the apartment is more cluttered and semi-unpacked and i am a day closer to deciding to finally move in (or move out, if i wait long enough), and in spite of waking up alone, again, naturally, the mood is as bouncy happy as ever...

last night i renewed my phone service plan, adding rasputin, and upgraded phones... not sure i mentioned that in the babbling... wish i had more time for the babbling... and for social life... and for reading you guys... but at least i touch base here like the old kit (keeping in touch) philosophy was meant to be... i hope your day is the best day of the year (so far)... fill it with love and happiness, cuz you can :)

happy birthday j

happy birthday j

it seems like a lifetime ago
so many changes have come down
and yet i always wanted you to know
i always wanted to be around

so i wish i could say to you
i wish each and every day
that i could have been there for you
i'll still be here come what may

and each year i want to celebrate
i want big brass bands to play
for you are alive and in this world
happy birthday to you j

something in the air

and then there was the evening and i'm sitting here typing with one hand cuz the other is on ice cuz i just touched something hot from the oven and two fingers may be burned which will hurt more if i do not ice them so i am icing them and babbling with one hand is a challenge but without a tv to vege into or distract me from the fingers or ribs or lonelies, this babbling is all i've got and in spite of the happiness that comes with being me and the joy that comes from being alive and the excitement that comes from living in the moment with the awareness the anything is possible and could happen at any moment {even a knock on the door or anything), the lonelies still come to visit like an old friend cuz i still want to share caring so much... ya see? :)

i'm just in such a superdy duperdy dandy mood these days, nothing seems to wanna get me to the mostly dead blues like sometimes can happen, not even the lonelies... not even silence at the most inopportune times... not even losing a softball game or finding myself handing out more money when i just told myself to draw the line... not even the emo sappiness inspired by my emotional sunday softball team that poured out in real time or the roller coaster of rhymes that are sprinkled all over the place in the blogs and i'm not even linking them all for attention like i usually do... not even the hurt that comes when friends and family hurt and are down and there's a lot of that around me these days... not even the belly and bloat and painful breathing and inability to cough or sneeze or do many things this week... not no way, not no how... just something strange in the air (inside of me)...

i hope you find your magical mystery glee inside too :)

daze go bye

another morning rushed through to find a few moments extra sleep and then speed shower and race out to work (so this entry never did get uploaded)...

but i was sitting here last night starting to write these words and then i fell asleep so now they find their way into the morning... cuz i want to keep in touch with you (with someone dammit) all the time so i am doing my best to stop by every moment i am home to say hello (omigosh, soon i'll be twittering... naaaa, that's taking it a bit to far, aye?) cuz then maybe someone else will see i am here i am here i am here (just like the who down in whoville) and pay attention and stay in touch and share a life...

ah, fine way to start a morning, cheerful and hopeful and dreamy-like :)

hope your day shines :)

happy birthday mikey b

cuz you inspired me in your z0tl suit
playing with time and words in brevity
even as you were spinning round and round
in references that would get to me

i want to remember you
so i came here to say
happy birthday mikey b
happy birthday every day
especially today

sleepy longings

yeah, i want to share the party and nobody's here so i return to thereal to ponder my navel and report that all i did tonight was sit here (besides eating) and write, some to comments, some communications, some creative play... at least a half dozen different blogs, rhymes and babbles, and it feels wonderful (eve as i pass out in euphoria)...

hope you find euphoria too :)

nite nite :)

yay anyway!

hey, i'm just gonna party all the time and you're welcome to jump in whenever you feel like it... that's the way thereal is these days... we are the champions and all that, cuz that's what is thereal inside of me when i am not forgetting or otherwise distracting myself from myself with stupid human tricks and an in one of those fuck the world, i ain't getting off places where life goes on with or without me, or you, or the other, or the stuff, or the one, or anything and everything, even... the needy can probably line up and take everything at the moment cuz it's just that way, living, loving, feeling all right in the moment... and i really don't feel all that manic (but i'll lam anyway :)

so another work day spent waiting for others to get their work (and helping them get it done) done so i can start mine passes into history and the day ends in an evening with lasagna and the internet... laundry waits and maybe it'll get done tonight... the unpacking waits and maybe a little more tonight... godot waits and it's about dang time cuz i'm been waiting on that sucker for too many lifetimes... everybody waits, sometimes...

and me, for better or worse i've learned to enjoy being alone so much that even the lonelies are like a big fluffy cloud i watch floating by and when they get heavier, i bounce them around like a big balloon... maybe (shhhh, that's telling) that's the real reason i remain alone, i just don't want to get into human depressions and therapy relationships anymore... and that's thereal report for today...

whatever is going on or off, whatever is right, wrong, overwhelming, or missing, i hope you are making you life fun too :)

another win

go team!... and the monday night team, aka put a glove on it is now 2-2 on the season as we beat a team that is now 0-4... best of all, we had fun doing it and i didn't hurt near as bad as yesterday or the day before (though i still am fielding poorly cuz turning the torso just isn't happening well at the moment)... the pills are apparently helping cuz the books say at least a few weeks with rest and i am far from resting and feeling better already... after the game, we went to the wing house, home of some very appealing petite bodies for twenty year olds, and shifting subjects toward more realism, since i didn't eat anything but granola bars and some nestle's crunch all day, i ordered food and we shared beers... i still don't know why people learn to like the taste of beer, but then, i drank some too...

the day at work was another day at work... papers seem to fly past me as fast as I can read, write a few words, and sign my name these days... and since it's the beginning of another month, number crunching begins again and reports are due way before any reasonable deadline cuz the people who want the reports have little or no idea what goes into producing the reports, but for better or worse that is their ignorance and relative worthlessness, not mine...

i wrote to my sunday softball team... everyone was giving each other pep talks in email, so i let the babbler loose on them... you can see what happened over at real time... everybody's so emotional lately (oh, bad self-mocker, why doest thou sock-it-to-me... rowen and martin, eat your heart out... artie johnson too... henry gibson was jack handey before jack was born... did you vote yet?... always wear your best underwear, you never know who may see it... or why)...

so what's going on in your world today? :)

monday morning sigh

the weekday life, which in this case refers to the worklife as i once called it even when i was not working a 9-5, is ready to begin again and in spite of getting more sleep than usual last night, i am waking tired, probably because i am still in a deeper portion of the sleep cycle...

the belly bloat from a midnight snack of lasagna does not help at all and then there is the rib cartilage thing that is feeling a little better every day, but is waking me during sleep so i am not getting solid deep sleep... some deep excavations into long dormant (and semi-forgotten) memory cells hidden in an old depression cloud lingers in the mind, but even though i don't go there much anymore, music carries me through more than ever these days and looking at life from both sides reminds me that i really don't need to know clouds at all as long as i accept and make peace with them... and i do...

otherwise, it's sunny and life is the same as every other day, an adventure waiting with infinite possibilities and the excitement continues to build... so it is time to shower and head out to a desk piled with work that will keep me busy playing with numbers and analysis and reports until evening rolls around...

i hope your day smiles peacefully (or excitedly) too :)

where'd the day go?

it's along about midnight and i've not been here this evening cuz when i got back from softball there were comments galore and words to read and respond to (and lasagna to cook) and so i finally am done with comments and food and am back here with you in thereal... been listening to music today and i'm liking what i've heard, especially the new stuff mixed in with classics i love... some old british early to mid-sixties music plays now...

i survived a rainy softball day today, though the team didn't hit or field well and we lost 13-8 to the last place team... i hit two singles and a double, batted in two runs, and only walked a few, which is not bad in the rain... but having a decent day when we lose kind of sucks... i felt the restrictions trying to field thought... bending and twisting just wasn't happening...

the chest cartilage felt a little better either cuz of healing or the psychological effects of taking herbal and mineral stuff or the real effect of the stuff and there actually does seem to be some good effects from the stuff i am taking... i actually sneezed today and didn't die...

still not trying to clear my throat, cough, or laugh though... so i woke and wrote and did a bit of laundry and went to play softball and then returned home to write and write some more while cooking and eating lasagna and listening to music and that's where the day went...

where did yours go? :)

wasn't this supposed to be brief real moments?...

yes, well, apparently i can find a lot of words to describe brief real moments as exemplified by last night's entry about the few minutes i ponder life upside down in the big green chair... it could have read big green chair go boom, crawl to bed had i not detoured to the computer... and that's thereal...

anyway, further into thereal this morning (before heading out to softball), i was reading up on my recently acquired pain and found what must be remedies for old people at the mayo clinic (i always thought they were coming up with a new treatment for diseases based on mayonnaise, but that's another story), when i found (at good old wikipedia, source of infinite knowledge) that ginger root, evening primrose oil, bromelain, vitamin e, omega-3 oils, and white willow bark all may be used to reduce the inflammation and glucosamine/chondroitin sulphate is said to perhaps promote the healing of cartilage... so during my field trip to walmart (saturday afternoon, what else can you call it, a trip to the human zoo?) with precious to stock up her panty pantry (big difference there i suppose lol), i picked up most of those except for bromelain and white willow bark, which the pharmacist said i could find at gnc... i took a full day supply of all the stuff except the stuff wally didn't have last night before falling asleep (and over in the big green chair, perhaps you missed it... it was all over the news... and how many entries have you missed, at that?... feel like the little kid left out of the parade?... well, get with it, step lively, life goes on in thereal, you know) and while i am far from cured, i am most likely still alive as i am typing this entry (unless i scheduled it for upload this morning while semi-dreaming about falling last night, but that would be ridiculous, almost as ridiculous as starting another new blog or two in my sleep)...

actually, i do have an entry scheduled for uploading here next year, but hopefully it won't be uploaded and simply will be rescheduled for the following year... it is an entry announcing the death of this body... kind of like the final afterthought or even a last will and testament, perhaps, except it's just a few words explaining i probably won't be uploading any more entries and no big whoop, at least not yet (i mean, it's less than a few dozen words at the moment, which may be the ultimate final irony, aye?)...

i am way too amused by nothing and everything, so off to softball now and make your day fun too... see ya later :)

clocks don't tell time, people tell time

wow, what happened to this one?

big green boom

so there i am miinding my own dreams, fast asleep, that is, and most deeply, even, comfortably wrapped up in the big green chair that i put back together day befor yesterday or some time during this past weekand suddenly i experience the sensation of falling... i know that textbooks have told me many people experience falling-type dreams and there are volumes on the possible whys and wherefores behind such mental constructs, but as you may know, i rarely remember my dreams and hardly ever remember a falling-type dream... well, the dream did not last long... in fact, it wasn't a dream at all (so thanks for the analysis, dad, come on let's play) for i found myself awake in an interestingly odd position looking up at the ceiling and at my feet, which were definitely closer to the ceiling than my head...

i laid there for a few minutes wondering how much of the experience was lucid dreaming, because my eyes appeared wide open and my mind appeared quite conscious and i sit here typing these words watching my fingers move through physical space as if i am wide awake... ya never know, ya know?... and then i started feeling the blood pressure rising in the head and chest (which certainly did not feel good what with my current condition, which is a specific form of chondritis (inflammation of cartlidge) known as costochondritis wherein the cartlidge inflammed is the stuff between the ribs, and even more specifically, tietze syndrome, named after tietze in 1921, of course, and not to be confused with tietz syndrome, named after tietz, a different guy in a different year, not to mention a very different syndrome, which (the first guy tietze from 1921) is the same rib cartlidge inflammation as costochondritis, except there is swelling) which (the rising blood pressure, lest we forget) suggested that i might actually be awake and in a rather odd upside-down positon...

i wiggled my toes and saw them wiggle, not that something so simple would prove i was awake, but it was worth a try... i then attempted to sit up and found myself nailed to the floor by gravity and what with the chest thing with all those many names and the pain told me i was very much awake and should extricate myself from the rather odd upside-down position...

yes, the big green chair fell over backwards, hence the boom...

so i slowly worked my legs to the left and after an indeterminable amount of time, gradually ended up sideways on the back of the big green chair, which was flat on the ground, which was not easy to do without pulling on my hair with my shoulder and elbow, bno to mention the lack of assistant from my rib cartlidge, and in time, i found myself sort of sitting up on the back of the big green chair just looking around (me, not the chair) and wondering if i was really awake...

that's when i came here to tell you about it, just in case it was a dream, i figured i'll find out in the morning when i read this entry that it probably was not (a dream, that is)...

#9... #9... #9...

nite nite...

stretching the limits further still

just when i say enough, just when i feel taken to my limits of giving, need arises and i find more to give... so the laptop waits again and the tuneup waits again and furniture will wait and rebuilding life will wait and any idea of bringing down the stuff from storage will wait...

the good news is rasputin called and he's home and in one piece... the bad news is he got back from the ukraine where he spent all of his money (and the money he borrowed from me) and he found he had no job... laid off while on vacation in the ukraine, it just sucks... so instead of paying me back some as planned, i took precious food shopping today so she'd have food in the house for the next week or so and i can see more need the rest of this week, which just sucks too...

harry taught me that word... and when a child is hungry... cuz caring is a verb and sharing is why i am here...

meanwhile, mina called last week for money as well... and when i can no longer lift myself to earn the daily bread and the retirement savings i might have had is not there, who will feed me and keep me clean and safe from bugs and vermin and cold and comfortable?... alas, i wonder how many old people on the street got there this way...

so, in the end, i skipped the full day festival in deland and the party to support my softball team and take care of precious and that feels good, in spite of the loneliness and pondering of the potential future above... and tonight i rest the body and do the laundry and maybe, unpack a bit more... cuz that is best for me and my malady, i think, i am told, and so it goes... here, amuse yourself...

my place in this world?... your guess is as good as mine :}

update on the body

softball practice went ok, i pitched fine, fielding as a challenge due to lack of sudden torso movements and hitting is going to be very weak and i didn't run at all cuz i am not gonna inflame the inflamation any more than i have to in a practice... and while any sort of sudden movement of torso or deep breathing (including yelling, laughing, coughing, sneezing, hiccuping, burping, or just sighing) hurt like a knife between the ribs or in the triceps, i can play and will survive... so no worries for the body...

i'm taking precious to lunch now, so more of thereal in real time later... isn't this up to the minute reporting exciting?... am i being sarcastic?... am i kiddin?... these and other mysteries (like where's rasputin, for instance) shall be followed up the very next time i am back (which should be shortly after lunch as i am trying not to spend excess money and have laundry to do today and wouldn't mind unpacking a bit more so i can feel like i am actually starting to move in...

hope life is just as exciting, or more even, in your worlds :)

update on rasputin

waking ouchie, hoping i can swing the bat at softball practice today, but before i leave for practice, an update on the rasputin mystery (which is hopefully not nearly dramatic as i might like to make things in my babbling, aye?... dauh dauh dauauauauh!)...

i got through to his work place and was told he doesn't work there anymore... they wouldn't say any more... i wonder if that was planned (he did mention a job offer down south before he left)... if not, it probably not could have come at a worse time what with borrowing money for a trip to the ukraine and having precious losing her bright futures scholarship and her giving up her job due to school schedule and car payments and so on...

and selfishly (cuz i too easily forget and must stop that cuz i do not have retirement all nicely set up), i must remember that they owe me about $1500 for precious's car and $1500 in loans for trips to the ukraine and his sister and the last $500 i was supposed to get back as soon as he got back... i don't count the $20s or dining out i give her when she's hungry... but unfortunately, financially, it's turning into every other adopted family friendship i've known and i sure would like some of that come around cuz between them and mina and minnie, i've put off buying a laptop and music system and other stuff i'd like cuz why else work the corporate nightmare if not to have a few expensive toys... come to think of it, i still pay for precious' phone... he did let me stay at his place way back when cruella screwed me and stole all my stuff, so he gives when he can, just to be fair and balanced in my selfishness, ya know...

still, more seriously, more importantly (and more dramatically... dauh dauh dauauauauauah!), why no contact... the work news eases concerns that he's laying in a ditch somewhere, so i probably won't be calling emergency rooms, police, and highway patrol today (which was a thought after precious called last night to ask where her dad was)... i hope he is ok and planned this job change (hope it is a job change and not a sudden firing... job security sucks in so many ways for so many people in this country, including me, especially here in florida, which is why i'd like to actually get some serious savings going instead of loaning or giving away most of the extra (savings or luxury) money i earn)...

so if you see rasputin, tell him to call and let us know what is going on...

and win the dang lottery already :}

happy birthday mishy

cuz i would hug you if you were here
cuz you're squishy, mishy, and i care
cuz you're adorable and family
and you always bring a smile

for your love and creativity
may your audience always roar
i say happy birthday mishy
and many, many more