and the kids wait up

yeah, home again to find the kids, happiness and curious, waiting up for mom... it is a struggle for happiness, the poor old puppy... he wants to go to bed so bad, he walks into the bedroom then comes out and stands staring at me... then lays down... sometimes i lay down with him for a little while and he smiles... that's repeated every ten or fifteen minutes until he finally passes out after midnight on his bed in the living room... and curious curls up on the couch beside me wanting strokes and scratches and reassurances... all the while i am looking to put my hands on the keys to write the epic words that will save the universe from human madness or at least save humans from self-destruction... yeah, it's a thing...

the tv is boring and distracting, so i put on music... and i wish i could just cut and paste a playlist into a blog so i can share the music i just listened to and the mix i just put together, but i do not know remember how to do that and i do not feel like researching and learning how to do that now... i should be sleeping and i would rather be writing and listening and loving the words and music flowing through the air and me... the mix, or playlist, is called bipolar love... it is thirty songs from diverse artists, mostly soft and moody and somewhat ethereal and though it starts out in angst and maybe even agony, it ultimately find a positive perspective (i think) in sound and tone and message... wish i could share it with you and... wish you could tell me what you think... and feel...

Sail - AwolNation
He Got What He Wanted - Gavin Friday
The One - Meg and Dia
Irvine - Kelly Clarkson
Only In Your Head - Marketa Irglova (Swell Season)
She Never Cried - The Telling
Eyes Closed - The Narrative
Falling Slowly - Swell Season (Once)
Heaven's Too Far - Meg and Dia
The Sound of Silence - Simon & Garfunkel
Vincent - Don McLean
Frozen - Madonna
Glory Box - Portishead
Amygdala - Frost
All I Want is You - U2
I Need to Be in Love - The Carpenters
Wonderful - Stone Temple Pilots
Only For Love - Meg and Dia
Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd
Flying Solo - The Telling
Wide Awake - Milla Jovovich
Beneath Your Beautiful - Labrinth
Be My Friend - Milla Jovovich
In a Little While - U2
Wake Me Up - Avicii
I Still haven't Found What I'm Looking For - U2
Love is - Meg and Dia
Let Me Fall In Love - Marketa Irglova (Swell Season)
If You Can't Sleep - She & Him
Love Song - Meg and Dia

but i wish you could hear it... feel it and not just read the titles and artists...

number geeks

number geeks are so funny... actually, number geeks are usually quite brilliant, and i don't mean that in a harry potteresque sense, i mean like geniuses admire (or are jealous) of number-geek intelligence (at least the true number-geeks, not the wanna-be number-geeks, like me)... but even just being a wanna-be, i have a glimpse of just how differently the true number-geek perceives everything (and life and the universe too... and chances are if you get this references, you are either a number-geek, a wanna-be, or on your way toward becoming one or the other... though there is the chance you could just be an anomaly)... oh, no (we write amused, though perhaps not amusingly), not another secret entry of random linkage and dropped names lol lam...

oh sure, we could distract ourselves with reference links certified to be brilliantly connected in some ridiculously obscure way or maybe images of hayden panettiere (at least until she gets too old country) even though it could have been danica patrick's day... or we could get seriously enamored with sam (samantha barks, i know, poor thing... but of course i jest)... or we even could poly-wally-doodle all day with the amazing mila (kunis, though jovovich, you know, with the double l(s), would be much fun too), for all we know... sure, you never know what you might find on the internet, especially when you search for images, wah?... it's not all about libido, really it's not... and all this while watching the oscars, sheesh, huh?... i mean, barbra was there... and she sang... wow... and hugh lost out to daniel because, after all, this is america... and then, jack and michelle? (who said odd couple, not wicked seth macfarlane, aye?)...

what were the odds, anyway?...

secret threads?

perhaps the word secret in the title will surprise us with additional curious viewers looking for the threads references that may be obscure (seriously?) or hidden away like jennifer lopez's thong (seriously?) if not secret titillation in the windmills of your mind as you wonder if that was natalie portman or mila kunis in the flash-by commercial (was that perfume?) because your sexual parts are starving for the touch of your fantasy person (milla jovovich?... whatever happened to meg ryan, anyway?) as momentary as that might be (ooo, look - another sexual fantasy) and wondering if it is loneliness or lust), or lack of sleep (there's a lot of that going around lately)...

what?...

russian girlfriend

yes, i know, i have not teased myself about my russian girlfriend in weeks, probably (who's keeping track?... and what stats would you be using cuz the google analytic stats are seriously confusing and illogical and so on, or off, to be more precise), but the fact remains that the google stats tell me that more people visit from russia than any other country so Здравствуйте, мои русские друзья ... Я надеюсь, вы найдете и создать больше улыбок сегодня :)

blame google translate if that makes no sense... from another perspective, just cuz you need to know, ya know, libbo ranks mila kunis and milla jovovich as two of the five most attractive humans on the planet at this time... i know, they are technically ukranian born, but milla is Montenegrin / Russian / Ukrainian or Serbian-Russian biologically depending on what articles you've read and mila is a bit more of a mystery and jewish, for that matter, but we are just as fascinated by all this, no doubt... libbo says i should mention natalie portman, the deschanel sisters, neve campbell, natalie wood, alanis morissette, melania safka, janeane garofalo, anna paquin, laura harris, and dia frampton, just to round out the top ten or so and show that libbo is not narrow minded as we think he is... libbo wants me to masturbate now...

if this was not tmi, у вас есть открытый ум и хорошее чувство юмора lol lam laa :)

now that we're all fascinated

yeah, the blog stats continue to fascinate, along with the fantasy sports and all the other games, but ultimately, i play the fundamental game of life alone... maybe we all do and relationships are just as delusional as anything else, but it is such a sweet and powerful delusion... kind of like atomic fusion, from an emotional perspective...

i think i miss it...

sharing my love of number play is just one more aspect of personality and interest and brain that longs for a playmate (i mean, until my russian girlfriend arrives ya know)... since the amy mainzer's and milla jovovich's of the world are getting married and the mila kunis's and meg ryan's haven't noticed me yet, i am still available (amazing, i know) and the more i wonder and think and feel and learn and create, the more i want to share (and the more i have to share) and so, i'll be lonely tonight...

sometimes i don't think about it and the loneliness is buried beneath fun stuff i am doing, but tonight i feel lonely... alas, i have not felt the so lonesome i could die loneliness i once created within myself in a long time and i don't sense i am going there tonight and perhaps that is why i remain alone... is desperation the reason people mate?... it would follow that most matings do not last, but it is just a theory no matter how logical it may seem... after finding failure in matings a few times i decided that choosing someone based on the hunger, the loneliness, the desperation to not be alone, was not wise and definitely not for me... who understands this... finding someone who has made the same decision and understands the control we have over our emotions and desires and thoughts and feelings and... am i losing you?...

usually do, sigh and smile, but hey... the one might be out there, ya know? :)

stunt doubles needn't apply

yes, though not meaning macho bravado that some might read into the title, the fact is i do all of my own stunts... that's right, i take my own risks and while i make every effort to look before most of my leaps, i wonld not ask anyone to take a leak i wouldn't take for myself... of course i meant leap and intentionally planted the typo for the effect, defusing the potential macho reading and of course, that humor thing... no seriously, you don't have to love me blindly to appreciate this blog, but it might help... i am in show biz, after all... and i don't even charge for the free publicity... i've always felt that guest should sit naked between live prude girls, i mean, if you really want to maximize the awkward effect... or the girls should be naked and of course, no one should pay any attention to that or mention it even a little... i mean, as if for no apparent reason, whatever happened to stevie nelson, anyway?...

so i would provide an awkward pause but milana vayntrub is not around and we could even settle for her blonde friend, but she's taking a shower and we wouldn't want to get the blog wet (besides, she's naked and who'd want to see that, right?)... and if you haven't quite lost your mind yet, you might allow room for james corbin into your (yeah, i miss him too) craig ferguson space (what, another mila?... milla might be upset if she wasn't happily married... you can stop starting rumors now... kunis and jovovich both appreciate it...

narf :)

distracted by milla

there are a few people in this world who can grab my attention and time just passes and some do it from afar through video and words and milla jovovich is one... mila kunis and what's her name from almost famous and now a tv show too, but they are beside the point at the moment... yeah, i know, i really ought to do better than what's her name cuz what's her name is no way to treat a friend, right, but hey, she'd get it and laugh ya know?... oh zooey, should i say pardon the laughter now or just get back out of this parenthetic aside?)...

right, so milla (whatever happened to that sorta nerdy-cool oddball kennedy, anyway?... la radio?) has always been one of the coolest artists in the world for me (if you understand what i mean by way beyond the fantasy, maybe you get it) and the past hour or so i lost myself in finding dozens of songs and videos and that's just one more reason i love her (as joni mitchell sang, she sings for free) and wow, remembering how much i love music again is a wonderful alternative to sleep, even on a work night... and so often i wish someone would come along with that level of understanding (and so much more) and want to share it with me (especially when i find myself staying up all night excited by music and hello?)

... hello... hello...

but seriously, whatever else you do, don't fade away...

almost to the minute

i retire to my room to ponder love, or the lack thereof a second night in a row and 24 hours ago almost to the minute i was sitting here semi-lamenting over going to bed early and having no one to play with (and friends were out playing last night and probably are tonight as well, but i am caring for this body as the days are full of activity and sleep and rest are wise healthy life-sustaining necessities at times... hungry, probably more emotionally than physically, but a harvest cherry halls defense candy vitamin tries to satisfy the mouth and the words try to satisfy the hunger to share more and the music plays in the background (if there was a reasonably simply way to share the playlist, i would link it for you... some of the voices are melissa etheridge, brandi carlisle, demi lovato, kate voegle, lenka, meg & dia, sarah mclaughlin, rilo kiley, lily allen, elton john, jarah jane, alexa ray joel, she & him, alanis morissette, ani difranco, lisa hannigan, annie little, portishead, milla jovovich, dia frampton, xenia, john denver, and a few others... little actual thought when into the selections, whole albums just dragged on to the list and then shuffled again and again, except that i like each of the artists... i miss sharing music)...

well that was a parenthetic drift, now wasn't it?... a lot more than it shows here, actually, but then, blogs seldom accurately or adequately express or represent you had to be here moments... and as zooey deschanel sings i wanna be where your heart is home i leave you hoping that whomever you are, wherever you are, you found a smile in these words and you too have some wonderful satisfaction in your life even if, like me, there are some hungers unsatisfied...

cuz love is everywhere, after all :)