well, it could have been profound, anyway

yeah, anyway, it could have been... might still be too if there is a part eight nine ten and so on somewhere on the horizon or even in some distant future... for now, the day has proceeded into the afternoon and there are things to do other than sit and ramble words into blogs... like college football... and food... and walking the dog... and wondering where jackson went... she definitely avoids home these days... facing reality is tough when denial and delusion was a relatively comfortable status quo for years and even as she falls back into it, i am not going along with it this time so avoiding the space when i am in it is her only alternative to facing reality and making the real changes needed to grow and be balanced and be secure and safe and independent cuz depending on me for her financial survival is not helping her find what she wants in this life... maybe she finally gets it and will make the changes she needs to make in her habits and behaviors and that's enough about jackson as she deserves more privacy than this paragraph might be affording here even if most people would be shocked that i've remained silent for so long and even she knows the silence is not helping, but rather enabling... not having anyone to talk to about it doesn't help... moving along now...

it is a beautiful day with temperatures in the fifties (on the F scale... 12 or 13 on the C scale) and sun shining and air-clearing breezes and all the wonderful sparkles that come when the climate provides a bit of seasonal change and clarity... my choice to stay near home in order to spend as little money as possible limits the pleasures available, but this has been the pattern for some time now as i finally drew a firm line for myself about tapping into savings and i have many thousands of dollars to replenish in savings if i ever wish to retire and travel more leisurely and enjoy life without working (which is a precious time i've enjoyed several times before, as you may now, and hope to enjoy at least one more time before this body stops being alive as we know life at this point in our understanding of it, the universe, and everything...

and yes, it is not fair that the person who helped deplete my savings does not restrict her spending as i do (or contribute much to the living expenses), it is too beautiful a day to wallow too deeply in the downbeats that have been the mood for over a month now... even as i do not see an end to it on the horizon... perhaps a few moment vacation from the dysthymia might be in order...

serious?... you would have to look in my eyes for a while to be sure...

without that, narf :)