when i found out she stole money from my emergency fund, the betrayal stung so much i went numb... that was the day i spent $200+ on melissa ethridge tickets (the concert is in two days and it is a painful reminder) and $200+ on dinner... numb is still the overall state of being two months later, partly because there are no clear signs that anything has changed and partly because there is no processing without me forcing it like pulling teeth and so there is minimal healing... and there is no one to talk to about it... and that aloneness adds to the obstacles to healing... without resolution, there is no peace... and yet i go on as positively as i can on the surface, caring care of business and giving as much as i can... cuz that is my way... no matter how much it hurts...
still, it is not easy without walking away and moving on and i am not doing that... so i ride the roller coaster and hope for peace... and hope for hope... and sigh...
sigh...
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
stealing two months
Posted by
candoor
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Catch up (and know more)
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2014
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November
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- what softball?
- strange weekend
- and we're done
- forgot the laptop
- not enough time time time
- eighth place
- ninth place
- tenth place
- supporting musicians
- yummies in the tummy
- i miss me time
- hard cold perspective
- all been done before
- scattered pages
- yeah, right, whatever (been here before)
- expectations suck
- another night alone
- random bias about college football 2014
- why not sleep?
- cooking helps
- can't win
- anything for distraction
- servicing the car
- if i had infinite wealth
- season tickets
- subtrifuge, or something like that
- the port-o-potty diet
- sweet heart
- nocturnal tendencies
- seeing forever
- that didn't last long though
- chocoelated
- buffalo snow
- stealing two months
- skipped the evening
- imaginary stalking
- gotta find a doctor
- sleepy morning
- part two
- don't be sad
- disappointing softball
- not so real anymore
- dressed too warm
- saving some entries
- it's a sleepy sunday
- sleeping blog family
- birthdays
- suddenly tweeting
- swinging on a star
- caffeination
- been
- softball follies (abridged)
- mental illness
- minimal travels
- unreasonable assumptions
- living on youtube
- crashing
- need to sleep
- prophetic shit
- food and drink and dog
- so do something, aye?
- well, it could have been profound, anyway
- statutory stats (part seven)
- statutory stats (part six)
- statutory stats (part five)
- statutory stats (part four)
- statutory stats (part three)
- statutory stats (part two)
- statutory stats
- food high
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November
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musical distractions
If people had visible signs or meters that told something about them, what would you want it to tell you?
dumb poll (above), smart responders
all the previous poll votes were somehow erased, so, nevermind... ironically or coincidentally or whatever, the results were very close in practical numbers to the results above shown with just three votes, if you understand the mathematics behind that extrapolative reasoning... i will probably remove the poll at some point... it is a ridiculously useless feature...
SEARCH ME
the thing is, with my tendency to babble and meander and whine and allow distraction to take the lead more often than not, even in this blog that sort of meant to merge brevity with focus like some bloggers do, searching for key words does not always lead to specific information about the subject of that key word... but... here is a start at an easy way to search for key words in this blog... use the search box at the top of the blog to search for words not listed here... if ya wanna, that is... and feel free to suggest words to add to this search shortcut section... click on the words below :)
WORK ... JOB ... MUSIC ... LOVE ... SOFTBALL ... KA ... 42 ... LOL ... LAM ... LAA ... ... ... ...
WORK ... JOB ... MUSIC ... LOVE ... SOFTBALL ... KA ... 42 ... LOL ... LAM ... LAA ... ... ... ...
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