fuck depression

then again, maybe not... we wouldn't want depression to reproduce, after all... yeah, i know, bad joke, especially for anyone who is depressed... or maybe not... maybe it got a chuckle out of my depressed readers... it did from me, but then my depression is quite unique and ever changing and combined with the fact that my perspective is quite unique and every change and added to the fact that this entry may be quite unique and every change, well, it could just be my warped mind amused by the multi-layered meanings of the word fuck, especially in this context)... feel free to let me know... but bad (or good) jokes aside, fuck depression...

oh, did i write fuck?... i apologize to the offended, i meant to say frick or frack or something like that... my bad... i'll be sure to censor myself next time... if i remember... did you miss the point now?... get in line...

ok, so anyway, to be seriously serious for as long as we can stand it, we are all depressed to some extent... or repressed... or suppressed... or something like that... no one uses their whole mind, in fact, most people use a fraction or a percent of their brain... and even that tiny part is clouded in fears and doubts and thinking errors that prevent awareness and enlightenment and positivity and the energy of the eternal infinity and multiverse from shining through... is there any mind in a human that can be truly compared to a bright and sunny day?... continuing the weather analogy, most human minds are quite cloudy, even stormy, and quite cloaked in darkness...

it (the collective consciousness of humans) is not as dark as it was a few hundred years ago, or six or seven hundred years ago, but just a hundred years ago so much more ignorance was dominant in the collective knowledge and beliefs of humanity... and even today, ignorance and delusion dominate most human minds... depression is a natural outcome from that, for ignorance and delusion are quite confusing and scary for the part of the mind that seeks truth and logic and what is right... something is wrong or something feels wrong defines depression... something feels wrong and i just don't know why... and eventually, i just don't care anymore...

it is the helplessness of the dark cloud of not knowing just what is wrong or even worse, knowing what is wrong at least on the surface (life sucks, loss of loved one, job, money, freedom, or anything meaningful missing or gone in a life) and not knowing how to fix it... the helplessness of seeing no way to fix what is wrong, no way out of the sadness of losing what you had... that sucks like depression...

but how can any intelligent sensitive human not feel sad, deeply sad, and some level of depression at this point in time of the development of the human species... anyone daring to be aware of humans do sees the insanity, the suicidal choices, the cruel actions... from choosing to put poisons into our own mouths daily to poisoning the air and water that sustains our lives to indirectly ignoring the hunger and disease and violence most humans face daily to directly killing people under flags of moral righteousness, patriotism, or national security, the human race makes no sense in the suicidal, violence, and cruel choices we make every day...

so how not to be depressed?...

well (here comes my radical controversial cure-all to save the world, are you excited yet?... well, you are smiling somewhere inside at my incorrigible optimism and infinite (absurd, perhaps) sense of humor, if you love me, so that's a start)...

yes, so returning to seriousness as much as possible now, in my experience, most depression is not brought on by the weight of the world out there, most depression comes from how one perceives and processes personal tragedies, personal failures, personal confusion... for most, confusion or the unknown is too scary to live with for long so the mind shuts down after a while and all a body feels is sadness or numbness... for many, tragedy, loss, or pain, can be overwhelming to an unprepared mind (or a mind fear-driven as are most human minds) and synapses overloaded lead to loss of control and emotional overload leads to emotional shut down, numbness, depression...

humans are so egocentric (me too, but we see that all the time so let's look at the bigger picture for this entry at least, m'ok?)... that is, most do not see perspectives beyond their individual personal experience without much conscious effort (and most make none, which is why enlightening experiences, even books, movies, songs, feel like revelations and awe happens so often)... most humans do not see a bigger picture than the narrow view of their personal daily experiences...

most humans are insensitive... that is, being egocentric most have little or no empathy... most, at their core, want what they want and have little interest in compromise or reciprocal satisfaction, which is why most human relationships are not truly satisfying and do not last a lifetime, no less a decade... and that is sad... very sad... yes, that in itself is downright depressing on every level, but especially for the human living primarily, if not only in the egocentric, personal experience bubble... something goes very wrong, life seems to crash down around, suddenly, even, and there seems to be no way out because seeing the big picture, conscious awareness of the possibilities beyond the daily personal experience are so rarely thought about, that one feels trapped with no solutions, no resolutions, no way out...

so how not to be depressed?...

oh, that again, aye?... maybe there is no answer and i am just toying with my emotions, being egocentric and insensitive and all)... wait, seriously serious, remember?... well, seriously, if you read this far along and are still awake, you may not actually be depressed, but rather just bored and apathetic and caught in a habit of lazy procrastination... that leads to depression, by the way, so get the fuck up and do something while you still can... network, ya know?... but, ok, seriously stop the shinanigans, cease to tomfoolery, desist in the malarky, and find the seriously seriousness button... press when ready (like anyone ever is, come on now... shhhhh, end silly parenthetic aside)... end silly distracting paragraph intended to lighten the mood and refresh the synapses and dry the eyes and prepare us for the next thought in this intercourse (pun intended - see title)... do we need a drumroll?...

ahem, bottom line for me, and my perception and understanding and 'big picture' may only my egocentric view and my way may be wrong for you or anyone else, but for me, it is as simple as choosing not to be... choosing not to be depressed...

yes, there is a chemical imbalance in the mind associated with depression... but can science answer the question - is it the chicken or the egg?... which comes first, the chemical imbalance or a choice... does a thinking error that repeated over and over, leads to a chemical imbalance or vice versa?... who's responsibility is it anyway, nature, genes, mine, gods?... woah, we're getting serious now, aren't we?)...

my answer is it doesn't matter... i believe based on my own personal (egocentric) experience that whichever comes first, there is still a choice to be made... and that choice influences everything... including the chemical releases in the brain... run a mile and tell me you don't feel different... every action we take, every choice we make (hope this doesn't sting too much), every move we make changes our body chemistry a little or a lot... giving up, doing nothing, that is a choice that allows the chemicals to increase depression, doing something can teach the brain to work through the chemicals associated with depression... doing something i want to do in the moment i want to do it, whatever it is, can please me... little successes... making a drink or food just the way i like it... exercising the body in a way that feels good... creating something that represents how i feel, releasing the numbness or pain or anger or sadness... giving the egocentric mind what it wants in the moment...

that is my way... selfish, very selfish at times, but depression is a very selfish place, just as suicide is a very selfish choice... pushing the mind beyond the limits that seem to be insurmountable is the way out... when the mind says it can't be done, just do it... ignore the negative voice... ignore the apathy and numbness and lack of motivation and yes, ignore the depression...

fuck depression...

other than nothing or sleeping or hurting yourself or crying or nothing, what do you want to do, really want to do in this very moment?...

do it...

make it a motto:

fuck depression, do it anyway