for no obviously apparent reason here are some entries randomly chosen to explain the process or something or other continuing as if it matters like secret secrets or whatever maybe on the mind...
and now, the entry...
in summarizing the events of the day since the last entry (at least for now) in the next entry, i pondered how i feel about paying for sex and strip clubs and related subjects... it's been a few years (at least) since i went to a nude dance club, or strip club, and my perception and experience has not changed... on one level it was nice to see naked bodies and a couple were visually attractive to me (my narrow view of what is physically attractive to me is another story that i've shared before in my writings, but i don't recall where to link you for more if you want more and that's a tangent i don't feel like making time for at this hour when i ought to sleep, but suffice to say my libido is most attracted to petite fit bodies for many reasons) and a couple of faces almost were cute enough to be attractive to me (and visual facial features are also another story for another time)... on another it was sad to see the girls who obviously did not like being nearly naked but drank or drugged themselves to make it seem ok in their minds... i am not interested in lap dances or idle flirtation however, even with the few bodies or faces that were initially appealing, because paying for nudity or sexual experience was never a turn on for me and tonight showed me that is still isn't...
especially in these days of herpes and AIDS and the variety of STDs still around, i am not interested in rolling the STD dice sexually with anyone who does not share medical tests with me... alas, for better or worse (and obviously enough of me considers it better to actually do it, while some of me still loves the idea of instant unconditional love and trust at first sight, hence the alas), the ignorant idealistic romantic has become the practical realistic romantic...
and for a few reasons, like i don't see human beings as a commodity and even if i accepted money for sex as an ethically logical transaction, whether it is ego or logic, i don't see why i should pay anyone for sharing bodies when my body is worth more to me than anyone else's body... so i've never paid for sex, even in the indirect way of buying dinner and gifts and supporting someone and so on the way most people do... but even if i wanted to explore buying sex for the first time, these days i don't want to spend money for a brief sensual thrill...
sexuality among humans is fraught with confusion and fear and prejudice and superstition and ignorance and confusion and fear and prejudice and superstition and ignorance is not fun for me... in fact, i do not want confusion and fear and prejudice and superstition and ignorance in my life... beyond not wanting confusion and fear and prejudice and superstition and ignorance in my life, confusion and fear and prejudice and superstition and ignorance undermines the beauty and value of intimacy and leads to failure or relationships... all this is why i've shared sexually with so few humans and have gone some years without trying again... i can wait until i find someone not fraught with confusion and fear and prejudice and superstition and ignorance...
ironically, keeping sex on a business level sometimes can remove (or does it just suppress) some (or most?) of the confusion and fear and prejudice and superstition and ignorance, which only has appeal because of that in a world where intimacy is so fraught with confusion and fear and prejudice and superstition and ignorance (are you following any of this? lol lam), but then we return to the question of worth and this may be some sort of loop i no longer wish to follow in this entry (feel free to continue if you follow any of it and maybe it'll inspire some more, aye?), so...
no sex for you!... unless, of course, you are free (nyuk nyuk nyuk), seriously...
No comments:
Post a Comment