no new car

that is what the signs are telling me... must mean something... like it is not time to buy a new car... that's right, i decided exactly what i want in a car and it is not available anywhere in the state of florida or within a thousand miles, further, even... right, so the choice is risk the expensive inconvenience of the old car clutch giving up and no longer moving the car along the road at a most inopportune time and a most unfortunate place and order exactly what i want from the factory and hold our collective breathes for six to eight weeks, if they are on schedule... or... fix the dang clutch and consider a new car in 2012 or 2013 or 2014 or (feel free to stop me anytime)...

yup, looks like i'll be spending $1500 or more this week or very soon, but at least i will not have $300 monthly payments for a few more years... win some lose some, call this one a draw?... yeah, would be real nice if i could draw a car... life would be so much easier in cartoons...

and how was your day?

gotta buy a printer

of course by the time i get it i won't need it, but i have all these emails and offers and web pages to sort through, like dozens, and i have no printer to print the pages... not sure if there's a business center in this apartment place... not sure of anything at the moment cuz i am so tired in the brain from searching the web for cars and reading and sending emails back and forth with dealers and calculating and it's no fun, especially not alone, but that's life the way i made it for myself...

this sort of tired is so stupid, that is, brain-dead dumb and continuing to try to make decisions, ya know... just wanna curl up and let somebody else drive for a while (yeah, like there's anybody who could do that lol lam... ummm, guess you had to be there)... jackson just got home and brought me chocolate syrup, yay... she's pooped so she's heading straight to bed (hope she's not avoiding me and my self-indulgent car-buying party which does come with a fair share of moaning and groaning and did i mention i just wanna curl up and let somebody else drive for a while?...

laughing at myself is sometimes the most fun i can have some days :)

and still listening to this playlist...

hope you are enjoying your days too, even if they are unpleasantly tasked or mopey dreary chore-filled, which is how some days get sometimes... is that what today has been like?... sheesh, no wonder i'm a bleary-eyed drag... gotta bite the bullet on the car decision soon... hope to find time tomorrow if i can get enough work done in the morning... hope the clutch lasts for driving around to all the dealers... oh worra worra, did i mention someone else driving would be good? (snarky, or something like that)... come on, you just gotta love the spunk, right?...

spunk?...

narf :}

alone challenges

yes, well, my penchant (what?) for independence and not asking for help keeps me alone in this world and today is the result of those choices in life as i would be at the car dealer shopping for cars right now if i had a friend who i felt comfortable asking to drive me around but jackson's already driven me around and she's busy working a lot and others live far off and i don't feel like asking and so, i sit here another day off wondering what i am going to do about a car...

weird how this happens, huh?...

actually, better

yes, i mean, because you were so concerned and sitting on the edge of your seat and all, i am finding that google chrome is faster and perhaps more fun than IE9 (perhaps cuz it is new, but more) and the irony coincidence kismet or whatever we label the event of connection at relatively perfect timing brings the browser into permanent fixture status on this laptop as last night i found myself babbling for a few moment which lead me to this old haunt were i used to babble and frolic through words and i wandered a big while listening to the remnants (it started with 75 songs and has been whittled down to 53 songs by attrition or copyright hounds or something like that) of a playlist i put together years ago (that was my myspace playlist for years, still is, actually, and if you care to listen please note that the silence is part of the playlist, so let it be, i mean, let it play in it’s own time, ok?) and i found myself clicking on side bar links and sadly found so many not working or gone private and out of touch, but one dear favorite of my earlier web wandering days remained and just so happened to use css3 which IE9 does not recognize, but google chrome does… amazing, no doubt…

yes, some of us are still fascinated by the simplest of things :)

technology sucks

so internet explorer 9 and my credit card are not compatible so i will have to change credit cards or change browsers and while i am not a microsoft fan, i do not like putting more than one browser on a computer because it slows the computer and makes the computer less secure... one cache saving passwords and information is enough... microsoft sucks... chase bank sucks... technology sucks...

so i will download google chrome and see how that fucks things up... oh i know, stay positive and be happy, no worries, right... meanwhile, anybody got a spare winning lottery ticket they're not using? :}

nothing night

thought about going out to the car dealer but the caar did not seem to want to go, so i vegetated mostly watching girls softball and a m*a*s*h special that was tender and nostalgic and then did the rest of what i usually do every night but seldom mention (shower, fantasize, write, dream, masturbate, taunt the refrigerator, the usual stuff) and then, came here to write the words that turn a nothing night into a nothing night recorded for posterity...

fun, and you? :)

good morning sunshine :)

slept good and long and sweet, though alone, alas, but still, fun day and night yesterday and waking slowly to a new day with the sun shining and the world smiling (through it's tears, i know)... all that is missing is a ride to don reid ford where i will either find the ford fiesta i want to buy at the price i want to pay or i will find they like all the others are advertising deals they don't actually have because they've sold their entire inventory of new little cars... maybe somebody will call and wanna come get me or maybe i'll push the old cavelier or maybe i'll just goof off and rest and enjoy one day with nothing to do...

gonna go wash the sleep off now... make today fun :)

the 4am car alarm

there is a car alarm going off as car alarms do, horn honking for 60-90 seconds, a pause, then more horn honking... right outside the door... quite annoying... had to close the door and windows and turn on the air conditioner like all the other neighbors who were not awakened because they are so dependant on their shut-down living spaces and air-conditioners... such a lack of fresh air cannot be healthy, but that is florida living at it's finest... no wonder so many people come here to die, aye?...

so the tv goes on and a pitifully human programmed movie, complete with the overdramatic characters, the obligatory nearly naked helpless female sex object, and the amazingly bad acting that takes what seems like forever to leads up to a good science fiction idea, star trek: the motion picture plays to drown out the alarm...

fun night, sleep soon... wish you were here :)

games and yummy

so now there is a ton (really twenty pounds, at least) of yummy pasta and meat and cheese and in the fridge that will need to be frozen and might still be in the freezer next month cuz there's just that much... but yummy it was, for me at least... lots got eaten by everyone who said yummy too...

we played say anything a couple of times and had fun and stayed up way past a couple of people's usual bedtimes (which suggests lots of fun) and talked and laughed and it was nice to have a small gathering of friends in the living room for a change (usually we go out to other people's places cuz this place is small and until tonight, we had not actually cleared out the living/dining rooms for full use... now i just need to stack the boxes moved into my bedroom better so i can actually walk into my bedroom and find stuff... but not tonight, tonight i relax and smile and enjoy the memory of fun with friends who just left)...

too late to head over to another party, so i will apologize to those friends who wanted me there... i did want to see them too, but tiredness and more, dying clutch (car) shall keep me home tonight (most are asleep at this hour anyway)...

hope you had a full fun day and night too :)

softball and cooking

once the cleaning (or storing of the boxes in my bedroom, to be more precise) was done, it was time to shop for food so i could suddenly (cuz i didn't plan on it until a few hours ago) cook pasta and as usual i spent a small fortune and bought and cooked way too much and not there's like twenty pounds of cheesy meaty pasta (and one tray without meat) in the oven waiting for the friends to arrive...

unfortunately it is cooking almost two hours longer than planned because i got done an hour early and the guests have not arrived yet so it's keeping warm in the oven and we are starving... girls college softball world series is on the tv all day since we got back in... fun night ahead, hope you have one too...

tennis and cleaning

party tonight, so must get serious about cleaning today... bit the bullet and put the boxes that are stacked in the dining area into my room and live more like a refugee (and why should today be any different than the rest of the life, aye?... long story, no doubt, for when you have the time and want to know)... tennis is fun :)

maybe we will even keep the place looking clean and unclutered for a while too lol :)

car search

as opposed to star search, no doubt... i spend most of the evening searching the web for new casrs, for information and for the actual location of vehicles for sale for there are so very few actual new vehicles for sale that match what i am looking for... a local commercial presents a ray of hope in an advertised $159 a month lease on a ford fiesta, the second highest rated sub-compact by us news and world report for 2011 and with that research, my first choice at the moment... ford was not near the top of my list of car manufacturers for several reasons, not the least of which was their warranty which is substantially less than other manufacturers, but the reports on the 2011 fiesta lead me to consider accepting the lesser warranty in order to buy the better rated auto...

hopefully i will find one...

nite nite :)

what was i thinking?

went on a run for the border and stuff my face with much decadence... still have leftovers in the fridge... and it was a long night og nothing after a long day of catch up and customer service (and of course, investigations)... too bad there were no adorable bikini clad models running around like in the commercials...

yeah, tired and all that... hope you had fun too :)

how many ways...

there is sometimes nothing on my mind and atill the craving desire hunger longing wanting to share compels me to come here to drop a few words cuz there's always hope that the one will show up right now like when i have nothing on my mind and if nothing is here, well, how would she know?... previous entry... a billion other entries?... yeah well...

today was another day of investigations and extra work and not aa moment for the routine work, which puts me yet another day behind... that means i am only a few years behind now...

how was your day? :)

facing choices

ok, so i finally left work early and had the car checked and the estimate just for the clutch repair is over $1200 without tax and it'll still need a full tune up, tires, brake work, and other stuff within the next year and so i must decide, $2000 into a 12 year old car or $2000 down on a new or newer used car...

so as luck would have it, jackson was free today to drive me around and we went to a half dozen dealers and found that an inexpensive car is not available in orlando... the sub compacts like the chevy aveo, kia rio, ford fiesta, toyota yaris, and other like that are simply not on the lots, on some lots, no more in stock... the few i did find did not have power locks or an auto transmission and i wanted both this time... worst of all, because these economy cars are so scarce around here, the prices are a few thousand higher than in other parts of the country... so do i travel elsewhere to buy a new car or have a new car transported here through a dealer or do i look at used cars...

so i looked at used cars and the same situation... very few to choose from, some lots had none, high mileage, and prices as high as new cars in other states... this day was quite frustrating...

so i spent the evening searching the internet for cars and then searching the internet for apartments that are cheaper than the one i am in... there are a few, but more than twice further from work than here which increases travel costs and i will have to see these places myself, especially if i am moving there so i can save money so i can buy a brand new car to park there...

i will sleep on my choices and consider my options again tomorrow...

and how was your day? :}

should be sleeping, right

and i should have watched the voice tonight instead of the bulls but i forgot it was on... i still haven't seen a full episode... it took a while, but i found the video of dia singing on the voice tonight yay for the internet... she can do much better and i wish i could help goose her out of her shyness and inject her with confidence (that was not mean to be a double entendre... i think lol)... seriously, though...

so how was your night, really? :)

watching the bulls

mostly cuz it's habit cuz jackson is a chicago fan, but i watch alone tonight cuz jackson is down south and she's either partying or absorbed in the game cuz i haven't heard from her even though the bulls are frustrating... maybe she doesn't want to hear me say they need a new coach... they should have won this game, but the coach burnt out his best players and let one player, the league mvp, play one on one ball too often... that is boring, losing basketball... and he is showing he is no mvp... basketball is a team game, chicago does not play team ball...

wondering why i didn't let myself fall asleep when i started to a few hours ago, and then i look at happiness and there's my answer... so tired though... alas, happiness is waiting to go out (i am remembering why i never got another dog, so much tied to home responsibility if you're fair to the dog... i mean, five minute walks twice a day is not nearly healthy... so being me, happiness has had a lot of my time with jackson away)... lonelier tonight too...

being as independent and self-contained as i am, it is so easy to feel like nobody cares in this life... but i care, and that's enough in the end... remember that, ya hear? :)

hope you find what you're looking for (me too :)

indispensible me

sucks, really... so i made an appointment to get my transmission looked at for free and could not leave work because other people did not do their job and as usual, in the same breath the boss says you've got to stop doing other people's jobs and stay and get this done and this, of course, was other people's jobs...

tomorrow i have afternoon meetings, but i'll still try to get the car to the aamco place cuz it's getting worse each day and i should have done this last week or the week before, but taking a day off is a major challenge cuz i am indispensible... ain't that sweet? (sarcastically speaking, of course)...

home for food (cuz there was no time to break today) and now, vege cuz nothing else fits into the head (or so i choose at the moment)... so maybe some simpsons, ncis, basketball, and a very long shot if i truly want to vege, a touch of glee and the biggest loser, mocking myself, after all... you might not get the joke, but it's there... no wonder i'm indispensible, aye?...

how about you? :)

happiness is a gas gas gas

i don't know what's gotten into happiness the past few days, literally, but something's producing more gas than he usually puts out in a year and his stools are pudding, so maybe he's got a flu bug or something but he's not acting sick and eating well and bouncing around like the puppy he thinks he is so maybe it's the medicine he's on for his itching but he sure did pick a fine time to get all farty on me and maybe i haven't been home long enough while jackson was home to notice... worst thing about it is i am running out of fabreeze air freshener... where's the incense?...

i ought to head to bed soon myself... you having fun? :)

another week begins again

even if another week begins was never a title, aye?... which could have been a title itself, or perhaps will be, but nevermind that for now for philosophy semantics and other playful distractions from the mundane trivia of daily reality (e)thereal experience is for other places... here we focus on the mundane trivia of, well, you know...

work was mostly office straightening with side projects for others after the morning my-work few hours that start virtually every day cuz the place produces that many reports i must review first thing in the morning... luckily there were no investigations or follow-up i absolutely had to do myself, so i attached the piles of files on my desk... almmost got down to the wood too...

and home to give happiness attention and eat and now, relax... hope your day was semi-productive too :)

another weekend gone

weekends are too short, no doubt about that... home from softball, another loss, too many players, not enough organization, not enough execution... players playing out of position to try to give everyone a chance to play and an infield that just isn't gonna beat a good team or even a team that can hit hard ground balls... alas, we could be better, but nobody really wants to work at it...

got some laundry done... ate some of the italian dinners... gave happiness attention... got the parking permit sticker from the office and stuck it on my car, $150 too late, but done... philosophical thought of the day: being poor or being rich is so much easier than trying to balance being in the middle...

and now, too tired to ramble on much more about anything, ought to sleep, naturally... soon, hopefully... nite? :)

pathos, anyone?

ok, so the fatigue can still bring on the woe-is-me pathos (though my pity-parties are not nearly what they once were, alas, for self-satisfaction and complacency grow strong as the years wander past and still there is always hope ya know, cha cha cha)...

and cold pizza for breakfast too :)

make today grand lol lam laa :)

always hope

it's been a long time since i sat up all night vegetating in front of the tv like this (the like this part includes being naked and writing) but it was time to take a stab at feeling and dealing with the loneliness and disatisfactions with people and trying to find the words that explain what i want most from someone who might want to be with me... or at least be a true best friend (who understands that?)...

meanwhile, yummy food and snacks and just a bit of caffiene instead of a gallon tonight, so a change for the healthy even as i pig out... and there was emo on tv and tears and sniff sniff and wanting more than usual and hunger more than usual and who knows, maybe i'll actually look for someone to love (like the queen song?)... seriously?... well, closer than i've been in a decade or more... more... it would be nice to find someone who wanted to actually be my best friend in the daily life (e)thereal physical world... and if she was adorable to my eyes and attractive to my libido and interwoven in my mind (or would truly want to help me find the one who is, that would be a really sweet bonus, ya know :)

there's always hope (i hope :)

aloneness feeling stronger

yeah, so it's whatever time it is, after modnight, and it's still 78 degrees and that means the air conditioner is still on and the doors are not open because the heat outside is still heavy and humid so that means summer is approaching and the costs are going up and with jackson planning to leave at or around the peak of the electric bill season, i've got to cut back on expenses (like towing charges, perhaps?) and find either more income (not too likely) or another roommate (even less likely) or start living extremely lean (or leanly) and that could bring on aloneness even stronger than it is now...

never thought i'd be alone this far down the line.. never thought i'd be looking at no retirement savings this far down the line either... and as if the universe does it just to taunt me (or is it all just personalized coincidence over and over again and again against all odds, really?), i find rent on the tvm saved by commercials and editing from the full impact it could have (which would be profound in the current stream of moods and experiences lately, so much especially today)... there's only now... but there is no us... this could be a very long night (some distant maniacal laughter at self too)... will someone care?...

what am i doing here in (e)thereal... babble on emo, aye? :}

alright then, again?

alright then, stuff the face and did i mention that i stopped for cookies and kit kats and snacks and chocolate milk (whole milk, no less) on the way home from picking up the car?... that's right, i'm bad... of course there is still the matter of the transmission and tune-up desperately needed by the old beater box but tomorrow, maybe (doubt it) so hopefully i will work out some time monday or tuesday (wednesday?) sometimes this week to head over to a dealer to have i checked out...

so bloated but satiated with comfort food and chocolate (which is beyond comfort food for me) and the night goes on... hope yours turns out well no matter what life throws at you too :)

not my day

ok, so i vege nicely all day and then decide to splurge majorly on italian dinners for the next few days and i call and order and head out to pick them up and my car is not there... what?... i said my car was not there... who would steal an 11 year old beat up chevy cavalier was my first thought, almost simultaneously thought along with oh shit, my softball equipment, mainly, the glove... a few moments thought leads me to realize i have more than a thousand dollars worth of softball stuff and cloths in the car, not counting the cash i keep in the between seat compartment and assorted sundries...

fuck me with a qutluch, can life throw me any more curves?... so i call the apartment office emergency number and of course there is no answer and nobody gets back to me (it's been five hours now) and so i call the police and they tell me they have a report of my car being towed from right in front of my apartment because it did not have a visible parking permit... i call the towing company number that the police gave me and the towing company said i had to give them an hour notice to have someone at the lot where my car is and i searched online for a taxi and after an hour i found one and set a time for a pick up and called the towing company back and set a time for a pick up and does everything have to be so challenging (of course i had no one nearby to call for a ride cuz precious doesn't have a car and jackson is on vacation down south and everybody else i know lives on the other side of town and time is running out on picking the car up tonight and it's more money if i leave it there overnight and oh yeah, the food i ordered for pick up...

i called the restaurant and somehow talked them into delivering the food even though they don't deliver to this address and after waiting an hour for the food and eating, the taxi shows up and drives me to the car place and i pick up the car and so much for economizing cuz i am $250 poorer now than when i woke up this morning...

and how was your day?

challenges and loneliness

car stollen with all my softball stuff and more in it or, no wait, car towed because the parking permit wasn't visible, crap, waiting for the taxi to take me to the towing lot cuz i've got nobody around to drive me and feeling so lonely... challenges can do that...

fill you in later...

love spades

the game, that is... i can play it against the computer for hours a few times a week and not tire of it even as i beat it almost every time (the game ranks me as a grandmaster 1st class or something like that)... i've played 200 games since i bought it and won 190 of them and should have won another half dozen but was falling asleep and not paying attention and the opponents are the best the software has to offer and i win laying cutthroat and with a partner {all the loses came with a partner cuz i can't control what the partner does} and it is just too much fun even though i wish there was more competition in the software)...

jackson is gone for five days so i am home with happiness and intend on relaxing as much as possible though i must get out to have the car checked out later or very soon...

hope you love your games and enjoy your weekend too :)

before i go anywhere else

i try to remember to come here to catch up on the writen record of the life as i experience it moment to moment day by day and so, today was another long day of playing with numbers (one of my favorite things to do in this world) and typing up reports and sending emails to the directors to remind them of their responsibilities cuz they don't usually remember or take things seriously outside of their departments and my job is to integrate all their departments so the organization runs smoothely and treatment is better and mistakes don't happen and nobody gets hurt and regulations and contracts are followed so we are not cited by external agencies and ultimately, the kids get the best care we can provide so the outcomes are they go on to live happy and healthy lives as well as they are able...

then i came home with krystals (boo says the health monitor, yay says the taste buds) and ate and then, some old star trek movie (the tech was horrible back then) and some ncis (like imaginary friends/family, which could be considered pathetic if you don't understand that everyone is imaginary family) and wandering around facebook and the web and then some spades until i fell asleep...

caught this up the next morning, naturally... hope you love what you do in life even if there are pieces missing from your puzzle too :)

fluctuating particles

it might have been something to behold in another place and time but the little notepad that could is a bit on the other side of obsolete now and yet, here it is putting words in this box and sending them to you just like the big computers... now if i only had little kid fingers :)

serious exhaustion of the fourth kind, or something like that if i remember the number list of kinds of exhaustion i might have put toether once or a few times in some other life... still, it is friday...

and where are you? :)

whatdisay?

not as in what did di say, as in the princess di (and how many google hits will this get?... nevermind, you took a wrong turn at alberquerque or something like that)... i say what?... something about sleeping that didn't happen as i left for work before 6am and i am just getting home whatever time it is (but i swueezed in a softball game on the way, so fun fun fun, ya know?)...

lots more done today and more to do tomorrow... cruise control, but truly the body must sleep and the brain, the physical brain craves sleep and yet the conscious mind had so much more to share, to learn, to seek, to babble on about, to love, to care, to share...

wanna share? :)

should have slept, again

home after a thirteen hour day and that's closing in on forty hours this week already and tomorrow i've got to get in even earlier, like five thirty, and exhaustion is reaching not good levels, over-tired is not good tired, and no one stays awake with me and i extreme myself all by myself cuz no one keeps up and loneliness rises to bring me down but no time for lament, just press it down and let it go and go to sleep cuz the workload is overwhelming and tennis tonight was good but need sleep and energy push more another day and car concerns stress fatigue hope it holds on a few more days and make friday a lighter day if possible and neck hurts blood pressure probably way too high and sleep...

or something like that...

huh?

quick shot from wherever

gonna take a bit of getting used to, this mini-keyboard on this mini-computer but hey, it ure is sweet to be able to type in from anywhere on a pocket sized one pound laptop lol... pausing in my crazy busy week to pop a few words in here to let you know i live and breathe and hope you do too...

well, even :)

you missed it again

the whole day, night, whatever cuz excitement continues to build (especially on the left side of the neck head which might explode any day now, but what's the difference if you aren't there to see or know, aye?)... busy day busy evening fifteen hours or so and home ten or later and krystals raises the pressure and you weren't here, but the words wait cuz you are that special...

if only you'd laugh with me, aye? :}

every rug i've known

seems to be made to be pulled out from under me, which could be amusing or tragic or bullsugar, even, but here in this (e)thereal this day was like too many others, busy busy busy with work work work and a fair amount of repetitive redundancy to boot, home late to eat and do laundry alone, wondering for yet another night if anyone will ever truly understand the me before this body dies (and will it end as it began, unwanted)... oh, the drama, aye?... just tired of the maze again, but too broke to step out at the moment and in flux due to sharing too much again...

what else is new...

serious sun, softball, and fun

yeah, from 9Am until a few minutes ago i was out in the sunshine catching shade from a few clouds and skimy shadows from poles and a small building at the fields throughout the day... last game of the season, we won 18-3 run-ruling the other team in 4 innings... then we wandered between the carnival set up across the parking lot and the rest of the games the rest of the day...

we did great for a first year team that had only a few players who played the game before... we won three games and were close in three others and surprised everyone, finishing fourth out of six teams in our sub-division and ninth out of twelve teams in our overall division and to cap off the season we won the team spirit award (only one out of the 37 teams in the league gets that)... i hit well, a double and two singles knocking in 6 runs and scoring 2... pitched even better, walking none and only giving up one solid hit that let a run score... the team did great too, only a few errors, hence the score...

the carnival was fun, especially the italian sausage and other food (yeah, i pigged out instead of shopping for a car) and then there were the awards and lots of chers and laughs and finally, sun soaked, here i am home...

didn't burn, but definitely drained, good fatigue :)

hope your day was great too :)

slow browsing

ok then, i splurged (and gambled) on a new seven inch netbook for just $100 and it will take some getting used to (and i must cut my nails to type faster) but i now have a second little light weight portable computer to use wherever without having to drag the bigger laptop around and while it is slower browsing (uses windows ce as an operating system) and the keyboard is tight, it weighs next to nothing and here it is putting this entry on the net for hundreds less than a typical netbook... yay for gambles that pay off... hope you won something tonight too :)

kind bummed

just took a look at my finances (which i never do, remember?) and discovered that unless i cut out some monthly expenses (like the $250 a month phone bill that three other people share but only one actually shares when the bill comes around) and the $130 a month cable internet bull and the $165 a month storage bills and the $50 a month softball bill (at least) and the $50 a month party expense (at least) and… various other sundries like food and gas (which i probably put close to $800 a month into cuz i eat out a lot) the phone bill has got to come down… either the payments come in from those who share lines on the account or i’ve got to close the accounts… i could easily have a phone bill of about $100 for just myself with a data plan and text and such…

the kinda bummed part comes from realizing i should not buy a new car… the kicker is jackson plans on moving up north in august or September which leaves me with the two bedroom until february and actually counting dollars tells me without cutting back i will not be taking on a $200 or more monthly payment until at least then and even then, one bedrooms are not much cheaper… the car, however, will not wait until then… and there i go looking at cutting into savings again… due to loaning money and helping the past few years, i’ve cut my savings by 60%, which tears any thought of retirement anytime in the next ten years up but good… did i think the car would last forever?... well, no, but with $2000 or so it should last another few years, easy… it’s only got 81,000 miles on it and cars made in this millennium easily go over 100,000 and then some… it’s just never had a tuneup or transmission tune up or that kind of good stuff cuz it never needed it until now…

it is so much easier, at least financially, to share life’s expenses… another roommate?... not in this place i think, it really is cramped… move again, dangit, i am so tired of moving… am i feeling drained and used up and discarded again?... could be…

so i am going to a buffet tonight and stuffing my face, hope you have fun too :)

sort of catching up

i ought to sleep soon as i have softball in the morning and then must do some serious wandering around town car shopping... yes, it is time to seriously consider a new car, not that the budget is happy about that... i hope i don't get too crazy with the monthly payment cuz i don't really want to have to start actually counting my dollars after all these years (i've never actually paid attention to balancing a checkbook or financial accounting, i just buy what i want and trust myself to have enough in the bank to cover the bills)...

wonder how a $300 a month car payment will fit into life :}

must be nice be rich, aye? :}

at your mercy

the google people, that is, blogger division and all the other people who provide server space and services that allow us to connect to and store stuff on the internet (like these words, for instance)... apparently there was some problem recently and blog posts were removed and there is no record i can see of what may be gone or what may be restored and being a blogger of the abnormal kind in the sense that i have forty something blogs just here at blogspot (and even more elsewhere, i think), trying to keep track of my babbling is nearly impossible even without sudden unrecorded deletions removals blackouts or whatever happened (over the years thousands of entries disappeared due to various servers removing them for any number of reasons) and over the years i’ve started writing everything in one place, one file, so many times i’ve lost count and maybe it is time to try again, s that what’s happening in (e)thereal today…

catch up over the weekend, probably (maybe even back-up, cha cha cha :)
…

listening?

or rather, reading?... i mean, i am here if you care to know me, getting to know all about me, even... you don't have to like me, you don't even have to care to know, you can just be curious, after all, but in case you want to know, this is where i squeeze out a little time almost each day to write a few words to share and record (for posterity and you) the life as i experience it each day (with a gap or few now and then that is sometimes filled in just cuz i have more to say even when i'm not here even when it's meaningless drivel or just a simple record of the day) cuz i love to write and share and this combines the two loves and allows me to do the latter even in moments alone...

kapish? :)

i mean, you could have known everything if you were here all along, ya know? :)

home late again

work work work, but then, softball and what a ridiculous lack of wanting to win tonight (coupled with a lack of understanding of the game)... the pitcher was trying to give us the win, but we gave it back and ended up tying cuz the last two batters swung at balls after the pitcher walked the bases loaded and then walked in a run to give us the tie… if you understand what i mean, you are groaning too, and laughing cuz it’s really like wtf were you thinking?… trying to be a hero instead of playing smart, probably… anyway, that’s the softball… we are now tied for second with three other tams instead of being in second by ourselves and the team we tied is also in second…

vegging when i got home between the frustration and fatigue, but the good news is that i didn’t stop for pig out food and may have actually lost some weight this week… fun fun fun, no doubt :)

enjoy yours, ok? :)

home late

or something like that... gonna be a lot of hours at work this week, already about twenty five... so much to do, so little time... must have vegged since i got home, basketball on tv or something, too tired to tap the keys, or something...

wish someone was sharing all this, whatever it is (laughing at myself mostly)...

narf...

really should have slept

might still get five hours if i head to bed now... got lost on the web from facebook to twitter and many points between (links someday)...

miss you :)

overbusy

time... time... time :)

hey!... ho!... the future is the place to go!... click and see why)

caught in a revolving door of workload at work and the lack of appreciation is almost amazing, almost because the continued passive aggressive undermining, open disrespect, blatant negativity, and aggressive lack of cooperation is even more amazing... why i stay is sometimes a mystery, unless i remember who i am and how much i love a challenge (especially when i am not in love and sharing life outside of work) and ultimately, how much i have, hardly trying, proven to myself that humans are selfish frightened needy suicidal being that need me to help them stave off self-destruction one small miracle one day at a time (hey. we all have our delusions ya know... only mine is real)... cuz in the end, truth is, it's all as superficial as we wanna be... yeah, yeah, yeah serious as we wanna be... real?... wanna be...

or something like that :}

sleep soon, wisdom says

softball earlier, a sad showing for our team as only eight players showed up and nobody actually ready to play so a few infield errors gave the other team enough runs to win as hitting was minimal for us... i went 2 for 3, the first out coming on the shortstop catching the ball on a dead run in short right center field, alas... we left the bases loaded twice... definitely a game we could have easily won if a few hitters were awake, but we sleep walked to our first loss of the season...

home after the game, ate leftover gyro and spinich pie for dinner and then jackson got home and we played tennis... i'm getting better anf it's becoming harder for her to beat me now, but hopefully she'll get better too... we were both tired...

some tv after, sports, sci fi, and so on...

hope your weekend has been much fun too :)

so little time, again and yeah, again

waking and must run out for softball, apparently we are short players today, oh well, frustrating when people can't make it at the last minute... probably could find replacements, but too late now... try to make it fun anyway (and hope nobody gets hurt)...

fun last night playing games, though most of the night (till past 2am) played with the same three people and missed catching up with all the other peoples i see less often, but fun anyway)... hung out for more fun till 6am or so and then finally got some sleep a little while ago and here we are, gotta be out the door now... laundry later (please :)

hope your weekend is fun too...

sleeped

sleeped good, i think... not the best, cuz i did wake a few times cuz i don't have that ideal sleep place cuz the mattress is way old and even though it was a good one when it was new, it is still a spring type and they get old and lumpy after twenty years or so and the chair is not the cushy big green chair and the bladder woke me at least once, but then, i drink a lot of fluid and i was sleeping for more than 14 hours after all...

that's right, more than 14 hours of semi-steady sleep... wow, huh?... and if i had a week to continue sleeping as naturally (and as much) as the body wanted, i'd be all sleeped up again... at least i got thos long sleep period in... it is good to be sleeped...

softball torunament in an hour or so, so catch up will have to come later... a wizzing by week, after all, thanks for missing me if you missed me... hope you had fun without me and even got some sleeped too :)

wasn't here, was i?

the last day or few, in fact, this week was a blink in the eyes of this life and tomorrow is the last day and wow, am i ever treading water... i blinked and the first of may was gone (several poignant links could be linked to that phrase if i had the time to find them, but you'll just have to find the time to motivate me to find the time some time down the road... you could always hire me to babble to you, right?)... and then work went nuts with work and let's see, tennis monday and tuesday nights and softball tonight and wednesday night i slept... an auditor from the nation's capitol wednesday today and tomorrow, twelve hour work days, and so, there was i, wasn't i?...

you? :)

sleep?

yeah, really... gonna be up in 4 hours to start another long work day... played tennis again tonight, fun fun fun... probably drift around a lot tomorrow, focus on four hours sleep wanes after a few hours of desk time... so much to do though, fun fun fun...

how about you?

work and tennis

not exactly to the tune of love and marriage, but the day was just that, long day of work without a break and then long night of tennis, almost... almost cuz i squeezed in dinner in between and now, stuffed, tired, and happy with glee (not the show, the real thing lol ha ha ha hee hee hee ho ho ho nyuk nyuk nyuk :)

wunerful wunerful...

you? :)

relax and enjoy

and rest a bit between games since the first game was 10am and the next game isn't until until 6:30pm... i might nap like i did yesterday, but i'll play it by ear...

we lost again, but the disappointment is the best players are no longer showing up and the players who are showing up are not just poorly skilled virtually guaranteeing a give-away loss, but one of them is a complete distraction on the field (he doesn't want to play, but we only had ten this week and when he was told he had to play he did nothing but complain and before the game started he was asking if it was 11 o'clock yet and telling everyone it'll be over in three innings... worse yet, he played catcher, which meant i kept having to wait for him to prance around and delay the game every time a batter came up, which meant i had no control over the game and that makes it challenging to keep a poorly skilled team in the game, but they said they had fun so, whatever... run ruled in thirty minutes on error after error and no hitting at all...

i went two for two (and batting fourth, only getting up twice should tell you something), scored the first run on two ground outs (cuz i lead off the second inning with a double) and then hit a single to right with bases loaded (on the other team's errors) but they didn't send the runner from second so only one scored and that was it... 15-2, the winning team had three or four legit hits...

hopefully the coach will get some players with a little skill and focus on the game for next year because this week was the first week i really felt bored and frustrated with the just stand around and wait to lose attitude... this week it was not fun for me, hopefully next week it will be more fun...

cuz i want to tell you

yes, the party continues even through the long stretches of time that seem overwhelmed with word or stress or distractions... if only there was time to tell you more often...

you ready to join in yet? :)