aloneness feeling stronger

yeah, so it's whatever time it is, after modnight, and it's still 78 degrees and that means the air conditioner is still on and the doors are not open because the heat outside is still heavy and humid so that means summer is approaching and the costs are going up and with jackson planning to leave at or around the peak of the electric bill season, i've got to cut back on expenses (like towing charges, perhaps?) and find either more income (not too likely) or another roommate (even less likely) or start living extremely lean (or leanly) and that could bring on aloneness even stronger than it is now...

never thought i'd be alone this far down the line.. never thought i'd be looking at no retirement savings this far down the line either... and as if the universe does it just to taunt me (or is it all just personalized coincidence over and over again and again against all odds, really?), i find rent on the tvm saved by commercials and editing from the full impact it could have (which would be profound in the current stream of moods and experiences lately, so much especially today)... there's only now... but there is no us... this could be a very long night (some distant maniacal laughter at self too)... will someone care?...

what am i doing here in (e)thereal... babble on emo, aye? :}