mold and cigarettes

ok, i smell cigarettes… this is an interesting smell to smell in the new living space… perhaps the previous tenants were heavy smokers… or perhaps the habit of smoking outside by other tenants brings them to be smoking right outside my door/window… or perhaps it is mold in the older walls... in any case, candles, incense, and air freshener will be in order as well as exhaust fans… not a positive first impression, but then, we do get what we pay for and when luxury rates provide poor services, economy rates, well, provide some unwanted additives… perhaps it is an overreaction to my own body odor, strong after moving a whole day today, cleaning a whole day yesterday, and not showering between high effort days… perhaps is is adjusting to the new scent of the new apartment still venting the bug spraying i did last weekend… perhaps it is the unpleasant taste of the middle aged guy hanging around our entryway all through our move trying to buy a cigarette for a dollar from anybody who passed and maybe it was my imagination that sensed he was scoping us and our belongings and the addict-like look on his face while clutching his cigarette dollar in his hand as if it was his last was a touch of paranoia and not native new yorker instinct… fatigue influences perspective, but fatigue or not, the passing vehicles on the 408 are clearly audible through the closed windows, so i’ll either get used to it or start sleeping with music on, increasing the electric bill even more… my feet definitely hurt, no imagination needed there… and just when you thought this was a grumpy entry, if you did, well, not much… i’m laughing at the ridiculousness of complaining about the choices one makes, especially when the outcome of those choices are pretty obvious from the start… helping others keeps me pining for fjords or mortherly unconditional love and nurturing while also keeping me struggling to keep the luxuries i enjoy on the table, but helping others is the giving i love to do more than almost anything else in this life, so how could i possibly be complaining about getting to do one of the things i love to do more than anything else?... catch 23, cha see?...

so anyway, the physical senses tell me that cuticles are raw and painful, bumps and scrapes hurt on the legs, muscles ache everywhere, and that, at least upon second impression, the new environment presents a few challenging sensory and possibly, security concerns…

and life remains beautiful :)