guess we're staying

spoke with jackson about the reports of crime and troubles at this apartment complex and she decided we'd stay and since she has the higher risk, we'll stay... so i unpacked half the kitchen and found myself frustrated cuz there is less than half the room here than there was in the other place, actually, maybe a quarter of the room, if that much, so we are going to have to sort through the kitchen stuff and decide what to keep out and what to box for storage and we may need a bigger storage place or maybe we'll take a friend up on her offer to use part of the garage she rents, but i feel odd taking space in a garage someone rents without helping with the rent a bit and then, we would not have free access to the stuff as we'd have to get our friend to let us in...

so anyway, helping others cramps my style and drains my savings and will keep me working till the day i die and maybe it is buying family and friends in the long run, but maybe not as the roommates, friends, and family moved into my life before i started giving them anything (i think) and they do appreciate me as a person (i think) and they do care about me (i think) even if i know, deep down, humans just don't know how...

what?...

so anyway, the moving in continues and the longing does too, even as the searching becomes more ambivalent each year (as my spotty messages to meeting website and potential friends, lovers, and the ones would show if i published those communications anywhere (fo i?... thought no... maybe i forgot to tell myself where when i did, aye?... on and off?... ah yes, ambivalent, no doubt)... if you want to know, feel free to ask... don't expect an answer unless you look me in the eye and convince me to find the ways and means to make the time, but asking is the first step toward that end, so it's your call...

you know how to call, don't you?... you just put your lips together and...

nyuk :)