and i don't feel like sleeping what?

even if no one stays awake with me, what? (so i munch a few honey roasted peanuts and drink some prune juice and guzzle water and watch celebrity tv as if it matters)... first day back to work was no surprise, the boss avoided me and the tension between everyone else was higher than ever with dramatic walking out of meetings continuing and i escaped from the fray by simply minding my own business and focusing on my work, which naturally piled up in my absence...

and i headed out to softball after work in spite of not feeling up to par and the team decided to get cocky and put someone else in to pitch after two innings with us up 12-2 and three innings later it was 14-8 and the fourth pitcher went in for the last inning and he gave up seven runs so we lost 15-14 to a team that has not won a game and shpould have been blown out of this one, but with everybody playing out of position (i just watched after the second inning) there were errors and wild throws and just dumb plays... so we lose and the coach says he should have left me in... i shoulda stayed home, showered, rested, and went to bed early, aye?...

what has me not wanting to sleep, however, is loneliness... yes, the hunger to share more intimacy is growing again and there's nobody around inspiring me to want to share intimacy with them... in previous decades, letting this loneliness grow has lead to all sorts of foolish games in which i generally played the loser, big time, i mean, bankruptcy, homelessness, jail, you know, the places and way big losers end up...

so naturally i am wary of the power of the loneliness, aye? (and why am i still amused?... certainly there can be little doubt left about my creative madness for i survive free from institutionalization and still have not conformed to the normal brand of madness...

ok, i'll stop now cuz after all, this is the brief place... the babbler babbles on (and remembers too) in spite of the lack of time, energy, and inspiration from outside the head...

yeah, that's (e)thereal (smirk?)...

narf :)