prices coming down

on some of the stuff i want, prices keep coming down, but thn, other needs come up, like a washing machine and a dryer... so i must decide, invest $1600 in a great washer dryer that will last years, save electric bill and water bill money, help the environment, clean clothes better... or pay $30 a month for a cheap washer dryer that will cost more in electric and water each month and not clean the clothes as well... if i was not moving every year these days, i'd buy the good washer dryer, but considering i could be moving in february again, well, decisions...

and after spending yet another couple of hours searching the web for information about washers and dryers i think i've decided and it'll be $30 a month for the apartment washer dryer...

tired now, nite nite :)

just too much to do

so i planned on leaving work to relax a minute and make my doctor's appointment early but as i am packing up another emergency to investigate kept me at work until the last second and i rushed to the appointment late and that couldn't have helped my blood pressure and so the doc wants me on medication and i said no so we compromised with an aspirin a day and weight loss and now all i need to do is take the weight loss seriously (and grumble as there are people a hundred pounds overweight eating anything they want and i'm told lose 20 pounds or else, unfair to local taste buds)...

going out to shop for washer dryer and meet jackson for dinner, so there :P

calling sleep

yes, another long day of fun, starting early with a 10am softball game (that had a 7:30am wake up call) and then, tailgating with the team for a few hours (will probably cut that shorter on other weekends as time is precious) and then, home for a quick nap after a quick bit of food from whole foods (odds and ends, shrimp and an empaniada and chocolate mousse... omg, the mousse was insane) and then to the evening softball game where we won 8-4 and stay in the top three of that league - very good game all around for me and the team, which improved the whole day...

hope your weekend was as much fun as mine (exhausted with fun now :)

quick nap

between games... wow, pushing the body big time this weekend 9almost tournament level, feels great)... though this morning was a very bad game all around for me and the team... i played shortstop and batted fourth, so that tells us the level of skill on the team... sooo tired... nap, then next game...

still, so much fun, i'm pooped from it (pooping fun?)...

you? :)

long fun day

so as you may know if you read, i woke early to get to the 5k run and that was fun, off-road and through the woods along a sandy trail, rooted uphill and down, and i finished in the exact same time as the last 5k (irony?... coincidence?... exact science of universal omnipotence?... nyuk?)...

and then we went to first watch for breakfast with five friends who also ran, yum, but just because the taste buds learned to each omelettes and bacon and bagels and cream cheese and coffee does not mean it's all that good for the body, aye?...

and then went to softball practice for a few hours and the team may not win a game this year (odds are against it) as i am one of the best players on the team by far (one other is comparable, the rest don't even know the fundamentals of the game and have minimal or no skills)... but i'll get to play... unfortunately, i'll probably pitch, but i am hoping we can teach someone else to pitch so i can play shortstop... i am the best infielder on the team (as i said, odds are against a win this year, but fun fun fun)...

and now, i should go to sleep as the first game is tomorrow and i am expected at the field at 9am and need to stop for fluids and snacks first cuz they are tailgating after the game and then have another game in the other league at 6:30pm... the body loves the exercise, so why don't i do this every day (or most days?)... yeah, i know :}

hope you are having fun this weekend too :)

weekend is not weak at all

weekend is strong... most of the time, no matter how tired i am all week from the running no-sleep corporate workaholic life i live these days (and code in da head, don't forget da code in da head), as friday evening rolls into night i find the brain inside this head wired and sending out all sorts of energy to the body (i'm sure the three shakes, pizza, and five cupcakes helped a little, but that was five hours ago, at least, and it's only now that i am first bouncing off the walls... that's cuz jackson just got home and i had exciting news to share)...

so anyway, work was work, the usual, getting better all the time as i am relaxing more and more and not letting the stress all around get to me anymore (at least not lately, aye?)... we get a call from the apartment office to see if one of us can be home in the afternoon to put happiness in the bedroom so maintenance can come in and deal with the stove and closet... and then we get home and there's a brand new stove, how YAY is that?... the closet will have to wait until next week, but yay for the new stove... and then i decide to go out and celebrate with the aforementioned food...

so then i'm sitting reading the internet and find out that my early sunday team is not playing this year and nobody told me that the league starts up again this sunday, i mean, wow... so i emailed the league huck mucky-mucks to let them know i am available and i've got a team that wants me to come out tomorrow to practice (not sure if i'm trying out or if i'm already on it, but yay for the chance to play again my double-header two leagues on sunday)...

so i should get some sleep cuz i'm kind of old for all this excitement (are we laughing?... well i am) and have a 5k run at 7am (how many hours sleep can i get this time?... last time i only got like two hours and ran-walked the 5k at universal studios)... the pigging out tonight won't help... i can tell myself i was carbing up lol lam...

i just turned on the air conditioner for the first time... overheating, i am... must be hot flashes, aye?... do old men get those?... ok, i've gotta channel this excitement into meditative sleep now... hope life is fun for you too :)

how, what, why?

that is, how am i going to continue yet another blog in yet another place when i have four dozen right here at blogspot and more than that if you count all the other places and what in the world am i thinking and why would i cuz, of course, why is the ultimate question (unless, of course, you ask twitter...

in any case, another work day was only semi-productive because of computer glitches, but at least we didn't blow a lead in the last inning at softball after work (we blew the lead in the first couple of innings, but came back to win in the bottom of the last inning)... between work and home i ate dinner at home again, which marks almost a week since i've spent money eating out except for the salad for lunch yesterday (or was that the day before) and the cutting back on fats and sugars and salts and calories continues as well, may good sense prevail a few more days, aye?... and then, home for a shower after the game a few stops along the way through this internet garden and here we are...

except you are there, but we is metaphorical, ya know :)

hope you had a good day too :)

snifflopullous

yesterday i was drying out and today i became a mucous machine mostly cuz i fed the cold (never quite remember if it's the cold or the fever that the old wives feed... whatever, chaucer)... either way, starving is not a good idea, but i do know that eating less and especially drinking less produces less mucous... still, fluid flush the bugs from the body... but then, sniffling prevents sleep and sleep is needed more than anything for rest lets the immune system work... but then, so does exercise... so ultimately, it's all about balance...

duh... lol...

hope you are finding balance too :)

stumblr

right, ok, so i wrote in a dozen or so places tonight, as usual mostly my blogs but also on facebook and i found myself visiting tumblr for one reason or another but ultimately to shine some adoration on meg and dia who inspire me in so many ways from the first moment dia's smile melted my heart (and pursed my lips, oh hush, dirty old men need fantasies love too) at warped tour a few years back to the artistry meg puts into writing and craft and the music and lyrics (of course my first love) they all write and what better reason to break my budding go-to-bed-early habit than music (though most of my listening was sia, ironically or coincidentally, or semantically, at least...

even wrote a few rhymes (first love, remember, i might have mentioned it a few hundred thousand times along the way, nyuk nyuk)... it's good to feel the creative juices flow... i mean, it's magical, ya know?... meanwhile, sleep is wisdom and i seek wisdon once again tonight, even in it's diminished five and a half hour form...

hope you had a magical night too :)

duh duh duh

the ups and downs of stupidity is not as much fun as the ups and downs of enlightenment, though they may be the same removing perspective from the equation... at any point on any path there is a choice to see the end or the moment, the former can depress or elate, however it is illusion as only the moment exists in reality...

so to give myself some me time i let myself create the physical pain of infection and inflamation and muscle cramping and whatever else was going on in the cellular structure of this body and it did get me some me time but more importantly, it may have adjusted my stupidity level down a notch (there's always hope)... the proof will be in the care i choose to give this body, the decisions i make in regard to food choices, and the exercise i do in the coming weeks... life or death, that is always the ultimate decision - every moment... we humans are so in the habit of choosing death...

so how was your day? :)

taking care of home

last night i let myself fall asleep early and then slept in instead of taking care of a few things before work, but the pattern of neglecting the business of home life did not continue as i took a lunch break to finally get my blood work done (so it might be ready for my next doctor's appointment) and then stopped at the apartment office and spoke to the manager about the things we wanted done around the place (fix the range, fix the closet rods, check the toilet, a few other things... though i forgot to mention my concert about mold) and then i finally got to the back where i deposited my bonus check (did i mention i got my ten year bonus?... did i mention i passed my ten year anniversary at work?... did i mention i am crazy again?... sheesh) and then i stopped for lunch at designer greens, a semi-decadent salad place that presents as quite healthy but actually had a lot of calories per bowl or sandwich at times, but i bought lunch and dinner there which is healthier than the heavy pasta cheese and fats i've been eating and though spending money anti-taking care of business, eating healthy is not so i must find a compromise which requires clearing the kitchen so healthy {raw} food preperation can be a regular activity here) and then, back to work with less stress and pressure to get things done (it's really all in the mind set chosen)...

so back to work now - hope your day is going well too :)

happy birthday old friend

i was fast asleep when this day began, but i return to this moment to wish a happy birthday to a friend i wish i could see again today, but alas, i do not know where she is in this world is she is still in this world... our foolishness let us lose touch, but more, our foolishness let us take advantage of each others weaknesses, alas, if only we had listened to each other, but then, we wanted what we wanted and we did try so hard to give each other what we wanted, but unfortunately, we both failed...

maybe it was not our choice at all...

in any case, i hurt when i feel the loss of your contact my friend... and i wish you the best birthday ever today and the best every day ever every day... i know our intentions were never to hurt, only to love... i love you still and always will...

happy birthday sandy

slept through this evening

instead of waking up today and taking care of business (getting to the lab for blood work and getting the oil changed in the car and assorted other stuff, not to mention getting to work early), i slept a bit later and when i got home, instead of taking care of any business (like stopping for a new water filter and exchanging the coffee maker and assorted other stuff), i ate a healthy dinner (baked fish with onions on whole wheat bread, no other spices, water) and nodded off...

the body finally got a little rest...

hope your monday was good too :)

body challenges

the body can be no fun sometimes, especially when bugs (germs, viruses, fungii, yeasts, whatever) attack and get a bit of a goothold cuz the immune system gets caught offguard cuz fatigue builds up to the point where the body is vulnerable to attack and that is where i am at the moment... not sure exactly what i am going to do about it...

call the doc tomorrow... get the lab work done... keep the next doc appointment... some time to rest... exhausted when i got home this morning after staying out all night, i should have slept deeply all day but instead i was awake every two hours or so cuz there were noisy neighbors loudly playing with kids right outside the window and i had to pee every time i woke and then i fell back to sleep but only for a couple of hours... strange thing was the sleep felt like a very long time each time... anyway, i am not sure how much sleep i'll get tonight after sleeping on and off most of the day... but rest, i need rest...

watching an snl retrospective and enjoying most of the memories... gonna shower soon and then try to just fall asleep... being sick is getting old... hope you are feeling good :)

head code

dat is, the code in da head, dat is, sniffling runny nose, headache, and scratchy sore throat with coughing due to nasal drip... the monster trying to explode the left side of my head last week apparently has not given up and is now creating the head code symptoms, probably... i may call the doctor tomorrow to update him and find out if he suggests anything different as a course of treatment... the antibiotics do not appear effective, yet...

and i am off to play softball now... feeling like crap (didn't help that i played cards until 8am last night, but i ate and drank healthy food), but life goes on as long as i am breathing... must also make appointment with lab tomorrow, and call office about repairs, and call previous apartment office about ridiculous charges, and gotta get license address changed this week, and get washer dryer decided upon, a dozen other things to do... besides work, i mean... and fun, must squeeze in the fun...

hope you are feeling good and make your life fun too :)

afternoon naps

so i did not do the wise rest thing last night, instead, i ate delicious pasta (too much of it, naturally, and yes, stupidly at this point in life when exercise is dwindling and body is aging due to time (in the first case the lack of it and the second, too much of it passing, in case that was not obvious)... but the good news is that i ate a little less pasta today and took an afternoon nap and then happiness and i went out to play basketball and run around (he did most of the running around, i shot the basketball a lot) and now, as evening rolls around, ui'm torn between a scrabble party and a card party and i think i said yes to the card party and maybe to the scrabble party because i forgot about the scrabble party when i got a call about the card party (and telephone trumps internet almost every time) so the card party wins, but first a nice steamy shower...

did not call the office about the stove and did not make a decision about the washer dryer today mostly because i did not want to make decisions and deal with business stuff (balancing the free time for my brain is essential for sanity in this life and i so rarely give myself a day without business thoughts anymore, alas, the working life kills us all in the end as i alament even ignoring it, aye?)... if you are fascinated by these details, you could always ask for more... not that i have time to share more, but asking puts you at the first table at my retirement party, if i ever retire again (if you missed my first retirement party, it was at least a two year blast even though i was preoccupied with that falling in love dream at the time :)

i did do some important research for my consumer blog, just in case you thought i wasted the whole day away with frivolous play...

hope you are making the most of your day off too :)

wise would be rest

much to do, but much to not do, must to sleep for rest is needed muchly... of course i could put a sensible sentence together for those who prefer grammatical correctness and multiple syllabic linguistic literature, but who am i writing this for, anyway?... the one laughs when i laugh, and mostof the time, i am laughing, whether pompous or banal, whether appearing brilliant or retarded, i am amused, almost always amused...

cooking mostachelli so paused for a moment to do the mixing of ingredients and doing the oven cooking thing and there's jackson coming home early just in time for dinner, but she'll probably have work to do so no movie... poor baby works two part time jobs on top of her regular job so she's working more than 80 hours a week most weeks... gots dem billz to payz and as much as i love her i'm all for dem billz to be paid cuz then she can start contributing regularly to the monthly bills, ya know... yeah, i know, i don't think i'm as happy as i can be happy unless i'm taking care of someone somehow... always wishing i had more to give...

hope you've got wishing hoping and happy in your life too :)

two hours sleep

yes, i could get two hours sleep if i shower now and then fall right to sleep and yes, i want to shower now for i enjoy the heat of the water in the cool of the night, though quiet shall not visit here in this new lower rent apartment as the highway is quite constantly noisy with the doors and windows open, so noisy that the volume on the tv or music must be turned up, alas... still, there are lessons to life and the giving tree blossoms for the giving...

wide awake at four am again :)

and i don't feel like sleeping what?

even if no one stays awake with me, what? (so i munch a few honey roasted peanuts and drink some prune juice and guzzle water and watch celebrity tv as if it matters)... first day back to work was no surprise, the boss avoided me and the tension between everyone else was higher than ever with dramatic walking out of meetings continuing and i escaped from the fray by simply minding my own business and focusing on my work, which naturally piled up in my absence...

and i headed out to softball after work in spite of not feeling up to par and the team decided to get cocky and put someone else in to pitch after two innings with us up 12-2 and three innings later it was 14-8 and the fourth pitcher went in for the last inning and he gave up seven runs so we lost 15-14 to a team that has not won a game and shpould have been blown out of this one, but with everybody playing out of position (i just watched after the second inning) there were errors and wild throws and just dumb plays... so we lose and the coach says he should have left me in... i shoulda stayed home, showered, rested, and went to bed early, aye?...

what has me not wanting to sleep, however, is loneliness... yes, the hunger to share more intimacy is growing again and there's nobody around inspiring me to want to share intimacy with them... in previous decades, letting this loneliness grow has lead to all sorts of foolish games in which i generally played the loser, big time, i mean, bankruptcy, homelessness, jail, you know, the places and way big losers end up...

so naturally i am wary of the power of the loneliness, aye? (and why am i still amused?... certainly there can be little doubt left about my creative madness for i survive free from institutionalization and still have not conformed to the normal brand of madness...

ok, i'll stop now cuz after all, this is the brief place... the babbler babbles on (and remembers too) in spite of the lack of time, energy, and inspiration from outside the head...

yeah, that's (e)thereal (smirk?)...

narf :)

alone again

that is, feeling alone again... that is mostly a good sign of awakening, but the not so great sign is that i am indulging in food as a substitute sensual pleasure for intimacy with another human being, yet the fact that i let myself get sick and corbered myself into going to a doctor is a good sign of confronting the food junkie, yet tonight i enjoyed massively over-rich mac n cheese (again) and put off going to the lab for the lab work another day or few which just goes to show the dichotomy of my personality as well as anything, not that all this means much to anyone but me, cuz, as i might have mentioned, i'm alone again...

naturally lol lam laa :}

nite nite :)

should be sleeping

i did all the right things... i ate and took two tylenol pm so i would fall asleep like i usually do after i eat and even more cuz of the tylenol pm and the sleep is slow to come and the eight hours mark approaches quickly so you see, i am trying my best to take care of this body so i can be refreshed as possible when i go back to work in the morning even though the best move for me would be to stay home the rest of the week for many reasons, but gotta pay the bills (and the bills have been way too high in the past year or two at that) so, sleep please?...

rested today, mostly, pushed myself for a few hours to rearrange my room and the kitchen and and found the clothes hanging bar in the closet is broken so i couldn't pyt the clothes away so i've got to call the office tomorrow and get them in the house to fix that and there are a few other things as well, the range doesn't heat up right and made a loud popping sound, the shelves in the laundry room need to come down so the washer dryer i'm going to buy will fit, the toilet has a permanent ring of mold around the water line, all in all, very old fixtures and appliances...

so anyway, we'll make the best of it (jackson said so)... like a bad sit-com... which has me laughing again and isn't that what matters, laughing, positive attitude, and friends...

and sleep, sleep would be good here :)

kit™ are you in touch?

keeping, that is, as in keeping in touch (kit™ ©1960, 1966, 1973, 1987, 2001 and KIT™ ©1960, 1966, 1973, 1987, 2001 and soon to be 2012 or 13, at least and too as well, also, even, i mean, just in case you missed it in the original online version or, as every human being on the planet except maybe one or a few who may not have even noticed or been paying attention did not see or become aware of until now or whenever this may be read, the original hand written original manuscript {epic manifesto, no doubt} was almost hermetically sealed in a time-capsule {box} and stored in storage {the location has been moved a few times for love, but the boxes remain intact} except for those scattered pages that were partially stolen or destroyed in various thefts and natural {or unnatural, depending on perspective} over the years, just for the record and interest {as opposed to residuals} or concern {caring?} if you have any)…

in any case (what?... you expect explanations in (e)thereal™ ha ha ha, i laugh at your moxey and refer to you the babbler™ {The Babbler™ ©1973, 1999} as i continue the brevity™ finally initiated with general {and hopefully recognizable} purpose {as opposed to the funda™ ©2004 or so, which was barely noticed [though perhaps more than this, ironically] or understood} cuz you can’t always get what you want, ya know?... i mean, even you try all the time, cha cha cha), i am, since you asked (your reading this far is implicit curiosity whether you acknowledge it or not, so there, na na na na na) exhausted but less pain though that may be the tylenol masking symptoms but i am hopeful and happier than yesterday in spite of the challenges so odds are i am going to make it through the week and though odds do not mean absolute certainty the hopefulness and happiness help perspective stay positive which theoretically raises the odds if you believe in such things…

and how are you? :)

the whiners

i am sure there was a family called the widettes (or something like that) on SNL way back in the day, whatever day that was, but was there a family called the whiners or was that just todd and knucklehead (what was her name again?... lisa?), ah, how memory falls the pieces over the years... anyway, i am definitely a whiner now and then, perhaps more often, and i've realized that i think i believe i know how the whining syndrone gets it's roots and starts growing and i've got all the right fodder and stuff for the whining growth to happen... yep, i am a petrie dish for whines... it's either that or lament over the lonelies or get angry a lot and i prefer not to be angry...

like this is major tom to ground control...

or not...

just when it (or i) might have something...

no really, i feel like crap...

sick, that is...

nite...

woah and a half

the body threw me a curveball this week... all weekend i was in a funk and while the immediate environs had something to do with it what with boxes everywhere and nothing unpacked enough to actually be functional, especially in the uber cramped kitchen (realizing this is the smallest kitchen i've ever lived in and uncertain if i can fit a modern sized washer-dryer into the tiny laundry room as everything in this place is old-style low ceiling tight fit cramped apartment (except the bedroom closets, go figure) and then there's work leaving so little time for play with much more negative feedback more than positive and a visit to the bank to check the balance shows me i cut my savings by 60% since last january which is seriously going in the wrong direction and people i've adopted as family along the way still need more and take more and the pigging out indulgeance of taste buds i did last week was probably the worst caloric intact i've done in a couple of years in a single week and moving just may have finally brought me to realize i am not a fan of the mattress upon which i sleep (pea?) and then there's the loneliness, the constant companion that comes and gows in intensity and comes more during times of big change cuz nobody is around to share the change intimately in the lifetime knowing me and all the secrets true best friends share kind of way and there's the stuff in storage calling from far away and the new stuff to put into storage cuz this apartment is just that cramped and probably a couple or few other things i could point to cuz i am so good at rationalizing emotion and assigning causality and all that insurance or psychological kind of stuff, but late sunday night i started feeling really sick... during softball, actually, i started feeling really grumpy, not just frustrated (though we did win, the the infield play was starting to annoy as bnding over seemed too much to ask and moving seemed even more challenging for them and throwing, well, i don't think one ball was thrown accurately to first base all game and one toss shortstop to second turned into a home run instead of a force out, but anyway), achy in ear, neck, and behind eye on the left side and some naseua and fever and even took tylenol and called into work and today i went to the doctor more because my dear boss demands a doctor's note ever time i call in even though i might call in once a year if that much (love the respect, trust, and appreciation there), and so i have a note telling me to stay home until thrursday and i might have gone in today if he didn't hang up on me cuz he was too busy (cuz he just can't deal with not being in control or actually caring about someone at work), but i definitely can use the rest (and then the boxes everywhere scream for hard labor, "unpack me, unpack me" with all the decisions of what goes into storage and what stays available and what gets thrown out and so on), but rest i shall...

and how is your week so far? :}

guess we're staying

spoke with jackson about the reports of crime and troubles at this apartment complex and she decided we'd stay and since she has the higher risk, we'll stay... so i unpacked half the kitchen and found myself frustrated cuz there is less than half the room here than there was in the other place, actually, maybe a quarter of the room, if that much, so we are going to have to sort through the kitchen stuff and decide what to keep out and what to box for storage and we may need a bigger storage place or maybe we'll take a friend up on her offer to use part of the garage she rents, but i feel odd taking space in a garage someone rents without helping with the rent a bit and then, we would not have free access to the stuff as we'd have to get our friend to let us in...

so anyway, helping others cramps my style and drains my savings and will keep me working till the day i die and maybe it is buying family and friends in the long run, but maybe not as the roommates, friends, and family moved into my life before i started giving them anything (i think) and they do appreciate me as a person (i think) and they do care about me (i think) even if i know, deep down, humans just don't know how...

what?...

so anyway, the moving in continues and the longing does too, even as the searching becomes more ambivalent each year (as my spotty messages to meeting website and potential friends, lovers, and the ones would show if i published those communications anywhere (fo i?... thought no... maybe i forgot to tell myself where when i did, aye?... on and off?... ah yes, ambivalent, no doubt)... if you want to know, feel free to ask... don't expect an answer unless you look me in the eye and convince me to find the ways and means to make the time, but asking is the first step toward that end, so it's your call...

you know how to call, don't you?... you just put your lips together and...

nyuk :)

higher risks

after a nap i found myself wandering the apartment ratings sites and found a lot of negative ratings for this new place we moved into, including concerning crime reports of car break ins home invasions a physical assault and a shooting back in 2007... the better business bureau gives the parent company, equity, an F, their lowest score... but it's the crime rate that concens me most, especially being on the first floor... would a happy friendly rather timid dog be of any help?... alas, this is the world we live in when we cut costs... be alert and hope for the best... and check with the insurance company to be sure we have enough insurance...

after that bit of good news i wandered the plenty of fish site and sent a few more messages and proved that there's still that fool inside who actualizes the motto there's always hope and now, with reruns of ncis in the background, here we are...

once upon a time, this is where the entry would just begin... alas, i miss the babbler... maybe you remember too...

words and food (and work)

mostly work, alas, as the dull boy just gets duller... and still, life emerges in words as a dozen different word places (diaries, journals, blogs, ya know) received visits last night even as sleep begged for more attention and tonight, for the fourth night in a row i stopped for dinner and ate what could have fed a dozen starving children in some forlorn place in this world, and that is life as i knew it this week... words (yay) and food (burp) and, sigh, work work work...

and what fills your time? :)

the not sleep

that is, the sleep, not... that is, wanting sleep without getting... sleepy, stuffed, laughing me at... two days ago i ate eggplant parm for unch at macaroni grill, lots of food... that night i ate five bacon cheese crystals and chili cheese fries... dessert was hostess cupcakes and a mrs field's ice cream cookie... and some malted milk balls... hey, i was up till four am working... then yesterday i ate a fuji chicken salads at panera for lunch... then twelve and dinner was twelve (yes twelve) bacon cheese krystals, fries, and the rest of the malted milk balls... i must be gaining weight fast, no doubt... and today i skipped lunch and had a coffee before the softball game (we won 19-0 and i played 3rd in the last inning, fielding two ground balls cleanly and throwing out two runners, wow, right?) and dinner was taco bell, two chalupas, a soft taco, a five layer burrito, and a cheesy bean and rice thing with a king size kitkat for dessert... oh, did i mention soda at each meal and honey roasted nuts snacked between it all?... food keeps me going when i don't give in to sitting around vegging and letting the sugar coma come over me...

there was a whole lot more than food going on this week, a bit of sleep, but mostly work cuz yet another vice president from corporate was in town to be entertained and given the grand tour of everything and there was all the routine work to do and the annual reviews and reports and number crunching and the end of month reports and all that and the biggest surveys of the year (one comes only three times a decade) and more to come in the next five weeks and all the post survey work and the new corporate risk management work (which is a whole lot) and it is ridiculous to ask one person to do it all, but hey, that's the private corporation executive suite for you, burn the hell out of everything and then move on to fresh blood... must find ways to keep my blood fresh and not burn out, right...

and how was your week so far? :)

working late again

at least this time i decided to bring the work home so i could sit in front of the tv nodding off as i tapped the keys... just finished and son to bed as tomorrow starts with an 8:30 meeting with yet another vp... we had lunch today and i vented, which might backfire on me or might work out... we shall see...

dull boy?

make it fun, whatever you do :)

making ourselves at home

well, the couches are right-side-up and the living room is almost set and the kitchen counters are clearing (still so much to unpack, sort through, put away, and re-pack cuz less than half the stuff we've got will fit into this kitchen) and then there's the bedroom boxes, so much, so little time (space too)... still, sitting here comfy, distracted by tv, connected to the internet again, well, even though there's too little time and space, it's a warm fuzzy home feeling all over again... happiness says so too :)

so, djamiss me? :)

still loving the lemonade

finally sitting down again… cleaning the old place, then over to the new place to sort through boxes a bit looking for some stuff for jackson and then, off to the superbowl party at friends and then, back home to sort through boxes again looking for stuff for jackson and finally, after looking through every box and bag not in jackson’s room (including the cars), i conclude that the thing she is looking for is in her room and she’ll have to find it when she wakes tomorrow… alas, phew, darn…

a lot of work to do at work tomorrow, should get in early, so should get to sleep soon, but miss the written gardens and the dream to which they keep me connected (even if it is barely mentioned for days or weeks or months or years la la la, sunrise, sunset), but the internet (where i keep my gardens these days) won’t be connected until tomorrow night, so… i really ought to download my gardens and keep them with me, really… try to find time to do that this year, aye?... typing these words into this doc file may be a start… another start… another effort… hopefully not another failed attempt, aye?...

fatigue is high… muscles ache… so much more to do at home… so much to do at work this week… this year has started off busier than any in this century and maybe in this life so far… and those closest to me who could do something about it do not care… professional work ethic and corporate greed kills the best of us sooner rather than later, regardless of intentions… and the few closest to me at home are not prepared to help, even though they would if they could… and nobody comes inside anymore… i wonder if i would let someone if someone tried…

swing low, sweet chariot… love love love… wishin and hopin and so on… still lovin the lemonade…

these are the days, hope yours are too :)

good morning world

that's right, good morning world :)

c-c-c-cold morning as i fell asleep in shorts and a t-shirt in the recliner cuz i did not have the energy to re-arrange boxes for the mattress in the bedroom and i look around the very cluttered space and i miss the higher ceilings and layout of the other space… and the quiet (highway noise is obvious through the closed windows, gonna have to find the music and keep either music or tv on to block that out for sure)… and jackson asked about a planter she said she left outside the door yesterday and i didn’t remember seeing it all through the move yesterday so it could be we’ve had our first theft and things can’t sit outside the front door or else someone moved it during the move and it’s somewhere in the clutter… we should wait until we unpack before frowning over theft i suppose… this wake-up news does not help the instinct concerned about security of the environment though… i may call the insurance company and ask how much to raise the property loss coverage tomorrow… or soon...

must wake up soon and head over to the other place and do the final cleaning and turn in of keys and such… and warm up a bit… the thermostat says it’s 74 degrees in here… they did put in an electronic thermostat after forgetting they said they would, but it only took one reminder and less than 24 hours, which is a very positive sign… extremely positive, even... the vision of that guy hanging around watching us move in with a dollar bill clutched in his hand still raises back-of-neck-hair… i mean, if he was just trying to be a friendly neighbor he could have introduced himself or even offered to lend a hand like our last neighbor did at the last place… sigh, humans are a strangely suspicious species for supposedly being social animals…

must re-arrange the living room so couches can be sit upon and then start unpacking kitchen boxes so the kitchen counters can be used for cooking and must find and hook up the shower curtain so a shower can be given to this achy cold body… must unpack or move the boxes and bags in the bathtub and bathroom first… the space feels much smaller than the last space… i think i’ll check that square footage chart again, though it’s a bit late to matter now… i did have a much bigger bathroom in the other place… and definitely higher ceilings, i think that is the most omnipresent adjustment for spatial acuity…

itchy… must take shower… and very much miss the internet… it won’t be turned on until tomorrow…

maybe i miss you :)

mold and cigarettes

ok, i smell cigarettes… this is an interesting smell to smell in the new living space… perhaps the previous tenants were heavy smokers… or perhaps the habit of smoking outside by other tenants brings them to be smoking right outside my door/window… or perhaps it is mold in the older walls... in any case, candles, incense, and air freshener will be in order as well as exhaust fans… not a positive first impression, but then, we do get what we pay for and when luxury rates provide poor services, economy rates, well, provide some unwanted additives… perhaps it is an overreaction to my own body odor, strong after moving a whole day today, cleaning a whole day yesterday, and not showering between high effort days… perhaps is is adjusting to the new scent of the new apartment still venting the bug spraying i did last weekend… perhaps it is the unpleasant taste of the middle aged guy hanging around our entryway all through our move trying to buy a cigarette for a dollar from anybody who passed and maybe it was my imagination that sensed he was scoping us and our belongings and the addict-like look on his face while clutching his cigarette dollar in his hand as if it was his last was a touch of paranoia and not native new yorker instinct… fatigue influences perspective, but fatigue or not, the passing vehicles on the 408 are clearly audible through the closed windows, so i’ll either get used to it or start sleeping with music on, increasing the electric bill even more… my feet definitely hurt, no imagination needed there… and just when you thought this was a grumpy entry, if you did, well, not much… i’m laughing at the ridiculousness of complaining about the choices one makes, especially when the outcome of those choices are pretty obvious from the start… helping others keeps me pining for fjords or mortherly unconditional love and nurturing while also keeping me struggling to keep the luxuries i enjoy on the table, but helping others is the giving i love to do more than almost anything else in this life, so how could i possibly be complaining about getting to do one of the things i love to do more than anything else?... catch 23, cha see?...

so anyway, the physical senses tell me that cuticles are raw and painful, bumps and scrapes hurt on the legs, muscles ache everywhere, and that, at least upon second impression, the new environment presents a few challenging sensory and possibly, security concerns…

and life remains beautiful :)

alrighty then, or now, even

almost completely all packed up and ready to go, though not on a jet plane, and just enough time to rest a moment or few and write a word or few and get a little sleep or few... quite possible might get six hours sleep if i get to bed soon... though the shape of the mattress tells me it's time for a new bed... one of these days... even cleaned the bathroom a bit... still have to finish the kitchen in the morning...

and how was the last night of your work week, i mean, if you work the monday through friday work week, that is... when does a question lose the shape of a question?... when it sidetracks tangentally a bit too much for it's own perogative to still feel like an interrogative... was that a question?...

dangit, life is fun and she is so darn beautiful (no question about it...

enjoy :)

utilities suck

at least today, brighthouse sucks... three hours to change my address with this company... almost an hour at first and then disconnected after the csr disconnected my service and promised me fifty dollars in credit for my patience... i call back and after an hour waiting on hold for a response, i go online and click "chat" and ten minutes later a csr is chatting with me, the call still on hold (i finally hung up after 100 minutes, that's 100 daytime minutes plus the 60 in the first call plus other calls during the week that were similarly not answered)... at least the chat csr got the transfer done, but he saw nothing on my account about the promised csr, so i filed a complaint of lying to a customer and ridiculous wait times, which will probably get a checkle out of whomever reads it...

i changed my electric company address and other utility addresses online while on hold with bright house... then insurance info was another half hour (at least) on the phone... so i get home early to pack and move and spend hours on the phone instead of packing and moving and la la la... moving to a new place to save almost $300 a month rent sounded good, but so far there's no washer dryer, so that's an extra $30-40 a month and the electric bill there averages an extra $30 a month (probably due to older less energy efficient appliances and insulation) and the car insurance is an extra $10 bucks a month, so the savings drops to about $200 a month... i wonder how many other hidden increases in the monthly bills will turn up as we mosey along down the road...

sometimes i miss the days of living in a cave eating nuts and berries...

are we having fun yet? :)

wonderiful

or wonderyful, as in full of wondery, an ethereal substance akin to magic, but even better... fairy dust wishes it could be wondery, and sometimes it is... also, lack of sleep can be wondery, but then, so can many things that alter consciousness, the god trip differs from the bad trip mostly in the perspective of the one tripping... fall or fly, your choice and more, your choice whether you enjoy your choice or not...

listening to the juno soundtrack cuz i like the music (not just cuz ellen page is wondery at times, but she is, a very real kind of wondery)... so anyway, i've packed and packed and packed and still have more packing to do, but not that much and if i can stay awake after i get home from work tomorrow, i'll finish and start cleaning the bathroom and if you simply cannot contain your excitement at that news, you may be wondery too...

eyes are burning (but remembering babble and that is better than adrenaline, yeah, tripping the light fantastical wondery and oh yeah, yeah, yeah, if only the one was here... or you, if you get it too and yes, you oight know... i hope you do)... grinning with my arms up on the roller coster ride with you by my side, at least on the inside... sleep would be wise now... soon... even though 4am is rolling around... i know, and so it goes...

hope you are enjoying to ride too :)

old becomes new again

there was a time when i had more time to write and the free-associative flow of words i call babble was a daily experience of catharsis and amusement and exploration and distraction and learning and creative play and focus, a kind of all-pirpose meditative trance would flow between the ethers of collective consciousness and multiversal existence and the brain in the head of this body where i find myself now and then and the fingers would tap keys (or once upon a time, use pend and paper, imagine that) with no apparent rhyme or reason and so often, rhyme or reason flowed from wherever it might have come... those days are not these days as work consumed way too much daily time to flow off into those ethers for the days and weeks required for fully meditative obliviousness, but last night i did remember a bit of the feeling over at diaryland where, years ago, i babbled behind the candoor, a writing place long sleeping (like so many others, nyuk nyuk...

but who has time for babble today (or even back then, there were so few who even tried to keep mup with thousands of words a day)... luckily i've finally forced myself to discipline myself enough to learn to be brief (if that is what you call this) and created this (e)thereal place where you, dear readers and others stumbling in, can keep up with my life and antics on a daily basis without wasting too much of your precious time...

perhaps it is just a matter of time management, the art of squeezing a 42 hour day into 24 quality hours without loosing too much sleep over it... if you are even half as amused as i am, wonderful... see you later cuz now, i return to packing and mainlining caffiene :)

markers

i left this entry box empty apparently in order to remind me to mark the moment as i returned to a part of me long sleeping and since i did so in the next entry, i'll refer you there (next entry, that is)...

packing for the move, crazy busy week...

you? :)

would very much like sleep, actually

there is way too much to do in the next five days to sleep, unfortunately, both at work and at home... if there were two of me, i might get most of it done and slip in some sleep, but as it stands now, i don't see much sleep in the next week...

who cares, really... ah, no time for the pity party so a chuckle and a sigh and acceptance of the reality of life today, alone, with no one close enough to feel what i feel day to dy... jackson is a wonderful roommate, but she has her life and is busy too working two jobs and trying to develop a more intimate social life... no time for that for me, most weeks, just barely keeping up with the rush of responsibilities of work and this week, with the move, all around bad timing...

but here i am giving myself a moment to breathe, however choppy the breaths, for myself and anyone coming along over the course of posterity... physical fatigure is high, but all the other levels of fatigue are high as well and so, blah blah blah whine whine whine (alas, no women or song, but that reference giggles a bit)... jackson sleeps, so no music blaring as there was the last time i squeezed moving into life, but the silence is a friend as well...

just need caffiene and there's none in the house...

sigh, missing a partner is so easy at these moments...

the good news is that life continues which means there's always home so the smile comes easily once again (smiles might take a lot of muscles, but not that much energy, so even when lament laps at the door, there's always a way to smile if you know how...

hope you do too :)

time floats by

seems like slow motion, but look away for a moment and it's days or weeks, like a rushing river rapids with a slow motion feeling, weird, no doubt... mostly that feeling comes from being tired, mostly over-tired, most of the time...

another longer than planned work day thanks to legal matters and the corporate visit, but it went somewhat well... once again the hope for change glimmers as the corporate evp and i agree on the changes needed, but last time the corporat folk gave up fighting with the ceo and being in the middle of their battle was an interesting ride, sometimes fun, sometimes more stressful than fun... we shall see what i've learned about balancing the tightrope between the two...

home for food and any other night, sleep, but too much packing to do and tonight i make the biggest dent in it... hopefully i can get out early tomorrow and friday as planned or i'm up all night friday night like last time... fun fun fun :)

hope you are having fun too :)

am i missed?

i wonder sometimes when i drift away for a day or longer... when life offline gets too busy to drop a few words here or there or wherever i might be read... as the email informs me that someone i don't remember (or maybe never knew) joined my diary ring (that i don't remember creating, i think, maybe vaguely) and that lead me to consider that i haven't typed any words in my diaryland diaries (or livejournal journals, for that matter) in like, years, maybe, and so i wonder, am i missed when i am gone?...

working lots, laundry lots, couldn't find the key to the storage closet so i couldn't get the empty bins so packing not much and there are three more nights left and one of those nights i have softball so gotta get to packing seriously muchly the two nights that are left...

having fun? :)