good tired

yeah, little sleep, two parties and watched a college football game live (UCF beat ECU easily) and three softball games (won two, lost to the "A" division team, beat the "B" division team), 180 swings at the batting cages, walked a bunch of miles, and soaked up a ton of sun... long busy weekend with fun and exercise and socializing and fun...

hope you had fun too :)

fun and fear

halloween is all about fun and fear, not so much about trick or treat, but the latter has stolen all the literary mentions over the last few years, so it was this halloween party lisa borrowed... and so it was fun and i won scariest costume and the beat thing was not knowing where to park the car (so i walked from the apartment sorta...

and then, home and browsing the web and loving every minute of it (jerry?... hey moe?... fun! :)

still going (better than eveready)

yeah, so good game, big win for the kights... jackson and her mom and dad appeared to have much fun too... after the game, we went to giovanni's for dinner and it was the second consecutive time the server could have been better and this time the cooking was poor (burnt the pizza and actually served it burnt to the table) and served five full minutes apart (at least) so the veggie pie did not arrive until the other pie was consumed which was not how it was intended...

and now, out to a halloween party - keep making yours fun too :)

wake up sleepyhead

get up, get up, get out of bed (just don't get used to this sort of demand for being precisely on-time) or wouldn't it be sweet if the answer to the following question was by default, yes for anyone asking large groups and claiming to have an answers are you ready to handle the actual circumstance, responsibility, and ramifications of the event?

yeah, off to the ucf - ecs game, go knights...

some sleep, maybe

yeah, even though the computer powers made self-searching and pleasuring (via mental intellectual language) this night, the morning does not break as it used to, these days, some sleep may be all that is keeping this head containing the brain containing the consciousness i have identified as me, mostly...

so much laughter comes from the word play :)

amazing rip-offs

the toshiba corporation sells the laptop with toshiba, microsoft, and sun microsystems software on it and who is responsible for the product when incompatibility and shoddy workmanship prevents a positive customer exprience?... the customer for buying the crap...

almost an hour and a half of my life was just spent waiting for the laptop to shut down and reboot because programs froze... so much crap running in the background so much crap not compatible with other crap, so much much bullshit in american pride and japanese pride and human pride in a job well done...

the laptop hard drive is still spinning wildly trying to start up a half hour after the hour plus reboot finally allowed me to open this window and start typing... it is a crime, ethically, but it should be a crime legally...

yeah, right, so?

enjoying voices (and the combination of talent and adorableness doesn't hurt either, well, not much, sigh, {loneliness aches, heart breaks, earth quakes, chocolate cakes} will you blossom for me?) as you can continue to see and hear as you wish (yeah, right, so i am still awake and who knows, who cares, yabba dabba do dah day o ho ho ho and goblessus everyone)...

laughter is the best medicine :)

nite nite (for an hour or two)...

still awake

maybe it's the night owl, the nocturnal being i am (of course it is) and maybe some of the impetus can be found on the previous posts and the browsing and the decision to nudge myself a bit more to visit twitter and facebook and so on (but is the answer really there?... or blowing in the wind, for that matter?) and drop a few words cuz there are people i care about and it seems some will only keep in touch on facebook or other indirect ways (who said toronto?), so though less and less lately, i shall stop by the online haunts now and then... and so i did again tonight...

sleep?... wisdom is not always wise :)

and here is the real

i wandered the web for however long i was gone from here and found nothing appealing to the real... facebook no longer feels real to me, it's just another distraction from real life, just another way to avoid actual communication... leaving notes for people when they are not available is one thing, but posting public messages to no one or even sending group messages to anyone when actual interactive contact can be shared by phone is avoiding the contact and less satisfying for me than ever before... living with a real person has something to do with that, but being online for more than two decades also puts the whole key-tapping lifestyle into perspective...

as does this: a wake up call for us all (are you online too much?... is your online activity affecting your real life offline?... hope it's positive for you)... as for me, i'll keep my updates here (or wherever the next stop is for my endless babbling) as i've been doing since i first learned to write and use the written word for myself as i do (ask if you don't understand what i mean by that) for me and posterity and anyone who cares, but i hope, if you find my daily updates here or anywhere, that you give me a call and/or come on over and make it real...

enjoy your life and treasure it and everyone who is really in it and please try to remember, life is offline, here we share words for a moment and that's nice, sweet, great, and sometimes wonderful, but the real people who matter are flesh and blood right there in your physical space...

i appreciate you sharing words here or anything online... but you are welcome to make it more real and meaningful by calling or sharing offline even more, for it is then, offline, in the flesh, that matters most...

first stop (as it used to be)

as it used to be, this (e)thereal blog is becoming the first stop at the computer before checking online anywhere else because, as it used to bem, the writing is primarily for myself and all the seeking of inspiration outside of myself and my physical experiences, senses, perspectives, perceptions, and so on is an escape valve brought on by diminished self-respect, esteem, and empowering loneliness so this is a good sign after all this time alone that this first stop feels as natural and right and good as it always did, as it used to be...

some work done at work, but mostly a drifting day as the morning meetings sucked up the am and brain fatigue and distraction sucked up the pm... there is some organizing going on, but not as much as could be if my focus was sharp and my energy was higher... breakfast and some sort of mid day meal would be wise...

left early to shop for halloween since i am doing as i've done every year for the past five years, going in at 6am tomorrow to set up the haunted house for the kids and i talked the boss into throwing me $50, but the rest i'll donate myself as i do every year... the kids love it and even if no one else appreciates it, that is (the kids) what really matters...

home to eat and change and spend a bit of time with jackson who hurt cuz a very close second father figure died today and she went out to talk to someone who could help so i went to softball and as usual, we played strangely, giving the other team five and six outs every inning due to errors and hitting inconsistently, ending up with a 15-15 tie... i knocked in the tying run and the winning run was on second, but the two batters following me could not bring her home, so tie... better than the three game losing streak we were on, but we should have won the game... shoulda coulda woulda, aye?... fun, anyway :)

and home wired and hungry (emo hunger?... probably 60-70% or more) and ate vegetarian vegetable soup and spaghetti and meatballs and fat free american cheese (casserole style) cuz it was easy and watched the end of the world series game two (can a team {texas} fall apart in the 8th inning any worse?) with jackson and she went to bed and i'm sitting here tapping the keys and now, we are up to date with most if not all of what happened today and now, considering the second stop online as the body/brain is still wired but reminding myself that i must sleep some and have a very early morning and long day on my feet in costume ahead tomorrow... fun fun fun and no t-bird required, nyuk...

how much fun are you making in your life? :)

yeah, i really do want to know...

sweet music

words and music can tear through me like nothing else, sometimes even deeper than the eyes of a lover, it is like a cathartic rain or scrubbing of a wound, there may be pain at first but the healing feels so good and for those who understand, no explanation is necessary... some of the songs that cut so wonderfully tonight:

The One - Meg and Dia
Nineteen Stars - Meg and Dia
Seasons of the Heart - John Denver
Heart to Heart - John Denver
Vincent - Don McLean
Believe - Elton John
Like a Song - Lenka
The Late Show - Jackson Browne
Wasted Time - The Eagles
Don't Forget - Demi Lovato
Come to My Window - Melissa Etheridge
I Wanna Come Over - Melissa Etheridge
The Show - Lenka
True Gold - The Telling
Maybe - The Moody Blues

and a few newer ones that kind of soften the blows like anesthesia cuz they don't cut so deep, but rather they allow the mind to rest with spacey words and music (kinda) so the next cleansing scrub can begin... or something like that :)

Drifting - Jarah Jane
Party - Demi Lovato
Live Like You're Dying - Lenka
Castles in the Air - Don McLean
Dreams - John Denver
Quiet - Demi Lovato
Remember December - Demi Lovato
Believe in Me - Demi Lovato
La La Land - Demi Lovato
Late for the Sky - Jackson Browne

what does it all mean... who wonders? :)

repeat, rinse, bloat

much deliciousness at toojays, a rachel sandwich, for those of you who know, and an egg cream... yeah, i know, i was going to stop and eat light the rest of this week, but nooooo, i just had to get together with precious to catch up and of course that meant dinner on me... at least i didn't do the usual which would have been a side of onion rings and potato pancakes and a seriously decadent dessert and b-l-o-a-t would have exploaded, but instead, it just was mild... the not wonderful part is that the belly and body do not get a night off from yummy fatty food so the extra pound or few gets added on instead of dropping off... oh, and the pepperidge farm montauk cookies don't help i suppose... yummy...

work was busy and nothing i planned to do today got done... must focus better tomorrow and not allow so many other tasks pull me away (but that's the nature of the work and part of what i love about it cuz too much predictability can get boring... thing is, there's just too much work for one person to reasonably get done, so i have to take way too many shortcuts and that's the part of the work i like least, though the kid in me who still enjoys the feeling of getting over on the man {old hippie phrase, ya know?} snirks at the silly game business forces good people to play to be a success)...

we stopped at a video store after dinner and i walked out with seven used videos, holiday movie favorites and some others... yeah, i know, i was supposed to be not spending money anymore too... the most expensive video was the one precious wanted... shush... and i finally got to the post office for the first time this month and lots of junk and also, fun stuff too... time to open mail and packages... hope your day and night was fun too :)

ka-boom~!

kidding (i think)... yeah, so anyway, the car started, barely, and go figure, i went to work and the boss called me to say he'd be late for our morning meeting... so i left to go check the battery and sure enough, bad battery... almost $90 later, new battery in the old car...

we didn't get to the gym... jackson got home late and too tired and i zoned into tv with stargate universe and caprica and the blowt headache and overheating and blah blah blah all the way home (hey, whatdya think i am, a little piggy or something?... bang bang maxwell's silver hammer, ya know?)...

so are we having fun yet?

big blowt

yeah, pigged out again tonight... unplanned... maybe jackson will come home and drag me to the gym... maybe i'll go... maybe i'll do some serious exercise... slowly, cuz i wouldn't want my head to explode... yeah, stroke will do me in eventually, just don't know why i'm helping it out so much... thereal?... (e)thereal?... anything's possible :)

hope you're having fun too :)

battery low

the car battery, that is... i am hoping the car starts tomorrow and then i'll head out to get a battery check during the day or right after work... if the car does not start tomorrow, oh well, i screwed up didn't i... who's asking?... whatcha gonna do about it... oh yeah?... battery low...

meanwhile, in the oven, the ribs are cooking... tummy ribs for dinner tonight, a whole rack of baby back ribs for $7 (expiration date was 10/26, so it was on sale) and meanwhile in another room, the laundry is spinning... yes, getting some house work done... i have a load of loads of laundry and figure if i start tonight, i might actually get done by wednesday and then i can play softball thursday and go out and play friday and saturday and still be all cleaned up before jackson's parents come for the weekend on friday... yay for visitors who inspire cleaning and all that house work stuff, aye?...

meanwhile, in the bathroom, the drain cleaner is cleaning the pipes and the bleach is sanitizing the the bowl and tile around the bowl... did i mention i was getting some housework done?...

hope you're day is cleaning up too :)

the facebook life

the current most popular form of the internet life is all the rage with the largest market of cross-cultural diversity since the advent of cyberspace (following the youthful myspace craze) is, as some of you may have heard (sarcastically, of course), facebook... in pondering the place in life that facebook has taken in recent years, the following status blurb found it's way on to my facebook page:

laughing at the fact that i get text messages to remind me to check facebook messages that remind me of events i have been invited to (sometimes)... and laughing at myself for rhetorically wondering whatever happened to phone calls (oh yeah, voicemail :)

for posterity, at least :)

creamed

and the bloatedness of the day is fading, but it did not help during the second softball game as the team fell apart once again in the last inning... nobody was hitting (i went 2 for 3, but my one out was a ground out with the bases loaded, cringe)... and going into the last inning down 10-2, suddenly nobody could field at all (it was not so great before that as we gave the other team at least six outs each inning) and two of the guys ran into each other and one was hurt enough to have to sit down and so we played with three outfielders and gave up a dozen more runs or so and then nothing in return (as the home team) and another huge loss for the second sunday team... oddly, we beat last year's champs in the first game of the season and since then, nothing...

still had some fun and may be more dedicated to un-bloating and re-exercising and dropping more of the excess body weight and doing some more upper body work and maybe even cleaning up my space at work and home (cuz it's way too cluttered) and will all that make life even better?... dunno, but it's something to do :)

hope your day was fun too :)

bloated sunday

yup, ate that crap from taco bell yesterday and feel maximum bloat today... too much bean and bread, not enough anything else... yeah, taco bell sucks around here, even the next day...

meanwhile, the first sunday softball team came through in the last inning to take the lead and hold the other team for the win... i sat and watched and hit like crap, only going 1 for 3... stopping home now to watch some football with jackson (light yogurt for lunch cuz i am hungry, but way too bloated to eat anything solid) and then the afternoon game with the second sunday league...

hope your sunday is fun too :)

tweeting too

yes that's right (excited buzz), i am tweeting on twitter (where else?) and posting on facebook (occasionally these days, like once or twice a week most weeks) and partaking in all the latest fads and fashions online, in case anyone has not noticed and might want to...

the drive to communicate is a powerful force, obiwan :)

saturdaze night

major disappointment in the taco bell product and advertising scam cuz their advertising lies qhich is gross suckage... the chalupa barley had any beef, not less double, and so it goes... but we had quiet relaxing at home fun anyway... watching games on tv, playing games on the computers, and dancing with the stars in our eyes (or something like that)...

hope your saturdaze night was fun too :)

lazy saturdaze

slightly nodding off earlier, leftover pizza, college footbll, ncis, browsing a bit, facebook a bit, semi-communicating, text or few, and that's how i while away the day in the merry old land of here and now... gonna meet up with jackson in a bit to indulge in taco bell cuz the double beef chalupa has been calling my name...

hope you enjoyed your saturdaze even more :)

drifting through again

cuz something in the physical world pulled me away from the computer (and internet, and therein, this blog and facebook and all i do online) for another few days (shhh, the catch up entries will make it seem like this particular time reference is like, huh?... scratch head... and so on) full of fun and emo and work and emo and a bit of tv and some sleep and pizza and chocolate, but primarily, friends (cuz friends pull me away from the internet more easily than anything else, even more easily than games and my own inner play, but no time for the football game or introspection this break)...

might be time to catch up today though as i have no plans until tomorrow (softball at 11am and 5:30 pm with a couple of hours break in between to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine (if the weather cooperates) and whatever comes up along the way wherever i wander around town...

hope you enjoy your days off too :)

deep in sleeplessness

some tv (missed caprica, but i am apparently still signed up to automatically buy amazon digital copies of the show at $1.89 a file, which is a surprise cuz i forgot or didn't realize last year that they'd keep me signed up for this year)...

spacy head, sleeping waking sleeping smile... used to be i'd write in these moments of wakefulness and secrets or profundity or something strange (and wonderful) would emerge, but not lately... years have changed the process, perhaps, time, not enough...

alone...

yummy pizza

stuffed (me, not the pizza), cuz i ate yummy cheese dip and crackers and yummy pistachio nuts and then jackson calls with a pizza idea and so i call and order (extra cheese, onions, mushrooms, pepperoni, half meatballs) and yummy pizza arrives and yum yum yum (chomp chomp chomp) and the belly full (mountain dew too) and i am stuffed :)

yup, life is good :)

maybe nobody knows

as i write these words day after day, night after night, it could very well be that nobody knows i am here, nobody knows how much i care, nobody knows how much i want (or have) to share, could it be, really?... in reality, as much as i joke and tease and play bravado and laugh about the relative meaninglessness of the blog time i carve out of the busy days and nights of this life, is this a waste of time?...

naaaaaa :)

even if it's just for me and nobody knows or ever cares, i enjoy the time with the written word and the written word remains my best mirror, my best friend in many ways as it reflects my thoughts and feelings so i can organize the experience of my perceptions and perspectives in this life so calm and peace and confidence can come to my mind as i fall asleep and dream and prepare for another day of work and play in this world...

so whether anyone ever knows or now, i'll keep this up in some manner somehow somewhere some way and in the end, because i do care and want to share no matter what, i'll also keep asking...

how you doin? :)

it was a long time ago

and i was at the peak of independence, retired (yeah, early in life, for those new to my story) and relaxed in my country home, enjoying the freedom of doing whatever i wanted whenever i wanted and much of my pleasures came from playing in the theme parks of orlando, florida... i gave my childinside several years of playful bliss before i was too old to enjoy it... and a few memorable people passed through this life in that decade, one who celebrates a birthday today and so i smile and wish a wonderfully happy birthday to her now...

happy birthday pj

on the run

yeah, it's been that kind of day but i squeezed in time to come home and change before heading out again for softball... life is good, happy meetings, finally, and increasing respect (there's always hope, aye?) and the attitude (which is very nearly half of everything, perspective being very nearly the other half), is yay, so yay :)

hope your day was a yay too :)

it comes back as bliss

you might have noticed by now, i mean, if you've been reading me forever, that i give a lot... yup, i give and give and give and it has hurt to near death several times, at least, in this life... i mean $4 and the clothes on my back in the street near death, if you know what i mean (or even if you don't)... but the beauty of it all is i love the feeling of giving... and the amazing thing is, when someone finally does give back, it's bliss...

thanks pollack :)

and it was another busy daay with a touch of irony and a swarth of surreal, but continue we must, so we do... or something like that lol (yeah, i'm a making funny, ha ha, maybe you get it)... work, dinner, long talk, tv, and the internet before bed... missing the exercise, but the week is around the bend, so i'll coast to another finish... remember when i used to sprint the last mile or two?... yeah, sigh and all that :}

who's out there?... enjoy :)

incommunicato

inco muni cato (nano klaktu nickto?)... no really, i've been gone so long it feels like here to me... in the silence (if you have the time to follow that path to the current pause)... nobody seems to know, or notice, or care which me is here or where i might be... that's so depressing for the social being who hungers for sharing, intimacy, and some sense of belonging and being wanted... it's been so long since anyone wanted me, wanted to be around me, with me, inside me... and yet, for the child inside who always accepted the reality of aloneness that is this life, it's just the way it is... and the shared illusion of desire and wanting to the point of need is not as appealing as it once was, not appealing enough to trust another person to share that precarious balance at the moment... and it's been that way for a long long time... so i am lonely, and yet, i am here loving being and if no one understands and shares as i do, then it is what it is...

and that's (e)thereal too :)

exponential decadence

and the belly blooms again, ah, blooms, I don’t use that word enough… so many memories in that word, but anyway, eggplant parm again tonight and then, stopping at publix, a tub of buttermilk icing and soft baked Sausalito cookies and yum yum yum oh so um :)

excitement due to a very positive day at work and the wondering if it is a fool’s gold calm before a storm or a ploy to catch me off guard or a genuine change in the hands off divide and conquer management style… ah, too much thinking, whatever tomorrow might bring, today was a good day…

and yummy tonight :)

onward and wayward

sleepier than a late summer sunset, wondering why all the love in the world is wasted on those who fear it, and skipping days like stones on imaginary water, still awake and wishing ... you ... were ...

but do i even know you?

life changes

day by day, people continue to stress over the meaningless and sweat the small stuff and lose sight of what matters... i'm gonna do my best not to fall into that trap the rest of this year no matter how challenging life gets cuz life changes, it's that simple, and the challenge (and potential blessing) is to be able to adapt and enjoy the changes, make lemonade out of the lemons and savor the cherries (and chocolate, don't forget the chocolate)...

olive garden for dinner tonight cuz jackson got a gift card (still cost me $42 cuz i pig out, but hey, i ate one meal in the past three days so i dropped back under 200 and that's great considering the stressors and lack of exercise and eat-what-i-want diet i've been living the last few weeks, so there odds and common sense, nark narfm nuf said lol lam yeah what :)

updating life

so i am still awake, as if that's news, but then, who knows what is news, in fact, who knew, you know?... i spent the last few hours scouring the web for jobs and putting a resume on monster dot com and updating my online resume and who cares, right?... i mean, it's almost 2am, who's looking for my resume, no less work?...

well, having an actual day job is basically a blessing for someone looking for a job, but working or not, job hunting is a full time job in and of itself, so i'll be working nights and weekends until i decide whether i am moving on to a new job or staying with the current job... and of course, because you just have to know, i yap the keys that write the words that report it here...

it's a job, and somebody's gotta do it :}

long day, mostly good

finished up with a swollen numb left hand due to a few smashed balls at me so i did not hit well in my last two at bats in a scrimmage, but we won the actual game and two unofficial scrimmages after that, so three wins and i hit well until the last two at bats when my hand just didn't want to grip the bat anymore...

work woes weigh heavy on my mind, that is, the prospect of looking for another job in a very sparse market, but i'll keep my head up as another week starts tomorrow and hope the ceo changes his pattern of using people in my position and then discarding them... bummer, aye?

life goes on :}

so that's what i did

a week passed, or close to it, and the entries were there all along, even if nobody found them at the time... it was not the best of weeks, most definitely close to the lowest week of the past few years, maybe longer... beyond feeling unappreciated, which is often the status quo in this life, the feeling of betrayal and being used returns big time, this time from a dysfunctional family at work who just does not seem to want to see where they can improve and want to blame me because that is easier than doing what is right and fixing what is wrong... the next two months will tell me if i was actually set up to fail or if a very needed shift will happen...

i do my best to be honest and that does not fit in, but it fits me...

what day is it now?

once again I shall attempt to type the entries into the word document to maintain a file on the computer of all the words I type (write, create, whatever) as if it will matter to someone someday outside of my head (aren’t you honored that I continued to strive to do this for you?... yeah, to dream the impossible dream and all that jazz) as I slipped away into the abyss of nothingness or whatever we might call the disconnect from the stream of consciousness that is the written word that began so long ago and continues within me and without me…

cha cha cha…

and welcome back my friends to the show that never ends…

please stand by :)

the way it is

yes, all that is true (at least from my perspective and since it's the only one i've got and nobody's offering another and i am not superman or god or whatever perfect being we might imagine, i'll just accept what i've got as the way it is) and yet i am still expected to (by me and most everyone who ever knew me) to give and do unto others as i'd like done to me which means helping and giving and being there all the time and every now and then i may get a momentary ever so brief thank you (except the sweet sixteen party, that was a few hours), but little more in return (and if that was all, then ok, cuz i've still gotta be me and i am the giver, but the disappointment and even upset/anger when i fail hurts)...

what?... you've not missed the real in the (e)thereal? :}

so many people

so many people

what?... I should start every entry with a song that kind of paints a backdrop for the entry?... in fact, you think that should be one of the consistent themes or gimmicks or whatever for this blog?... almost 1600 entries into it, it’s a little late, don’t you think?... wait, you told me what you think, so let’s just leave that last tag as a figure of speech, why don’t we?... I don’t know, why don’t we?... ok, nevermind…

twitter away another day

yes, there is, as is so often the case, dual meanings (at least) in the title, for the day I finally start twittering (what?) away cuz someone (or millions of screaming fans, right?) actually cares to want to know and kit (once there was a link for that too) then I very well may be twittering away another day but for the moment today (which will be saturday when it gets here, for the chronologically confused) was a day that was all but twittered away (except maybe for a couple of hours of deep cleaning the kitchen and vacuuming the rest of the place {though not the bedroom, go figure, it’s still the warehouse it has been, no, not the whorehouse, the warehouse} cuz jackson’s new flame was visiting for the night) as I glanced up at ncis but mostly gave my attention to the college bound bowl game on the computer cuz it’s an easy escape from the world and everything that ails me (for the moment)…

it might even be profound, but that would require deeper understanding, no doubt…

wet dreams

wet dreams

i used to believe someone might care someday, but the longer i live the more i realize human beings may be incapable of caring beyond the limits of their perception and awareness and consciousness and understanding and evolution or whatever we might want to call it someday and for whatever it's worth, that is not caring in my reality...

sad to be so alone in this world today, but i still want to believe…

but that could just be wet dreams...

shoes dropping

was it today, or yesterday, or tomorrow in fact, i don't recall at the moment, but is was most likely today as the date stamp flies and suddenly i withdrew into my mind (only to return as i always do days later to fill in these days i was gone so you'd never have known i was gone unless you read this telling you i was gone, in other words, whatever, right) and i wonder how i knew i should (the video game escape started last week sometime, right?), but then, i always seem to know like the cat landing on it's feet or something like that... someday, when you care, you might understand, but the shame would be if you missed too much to understand, it is all a wste... don't feel too bad though, i've enjoyed this life even if nobody ever really knew...

it could have been bullsugar...

as if i never left

what brought me back was the sounds of silence as sung by paul simon at the concert in central park followed by because as sung by the beatles because the sounds of silence are all around me tonight as i find the amusement so deeply embedded in the word play that the isolation of my existence in this life almost goes away for a brief moment (illusionary as it is) and the peace of musical whatever comes along...

and it was good...

finally, the lead

yeah, fantasy football in real time, i finally got the lead... -almost all the points are going to other guys instead of the guys who usually get the points, but i just sqeaked out enough to take the lead and if nothing goes horribly wrong in the next few minutes, i have another win in fantasy and made it through the toughest two weeks where my primary people (tom brady, wes welker, adrian peterson, miles austin, visanthe shaincoe) all had bye weeks...

and a few minutes later, in spite of a very bad game for my players and also, every player was on a losing team this week except my kicker, i have a tought win in another tought bye week for my fantasy team... yay and boom bah, right sis? :)

little things, aye?... hope you make your life fun too :)

and the excitement continues (urp)

to build?... well, it's almost the fourth qyarter and i still do not have the just under ten points i need to win which is so against the odds it is astonomical, even... hope the fourth quarter is good for me, it's ridiculously improbable...

so much excitement, urp :)

music food and footbal

jackson had a project for her graduate certificate program
and it was select music for therapy and i was loving the thought process and joined in (thank you for taking on my music addict) and ok, so some songs for some categories are kind of too hardcore for kids therapy, but hey, i'm still a harry chapin fan lol :)

yummy leftovers and all i need is just under 10 points to win fantasy football this weeks from two guys who are each averaging more than ten points each week (on is averaging more than twenty a week all by himself), so are we having yummy musical numbers and football fun yet? :)

hope you are too :)

dumb microsoft vista crap software

it may be the end of the budding dynasty at ucf in the college bound football game as it is showing signs of freezing up and while that might have something to do with the virus scan that started running a few minutes before, i shut the game down and will hope for the best... not even three seasons into the game - it really sucks that microsoft vista screws up so many other great software programs and companies, like kaspersky anti-virus, for instance, which microsoft defender will not recognize or work with so i keep getting security warnings from the microsoft crap vista software even though kaspersky is working fine...

maybe it's time for bed, anyway... if only i didn't drink a half gallon of mountain dew, aye?... well, not quite a half gallon... three eighths of a gallon, more like it, probably... bzzzzzz...

so much fun, aye? :)

yup, still up

playing the game, stuffing my face with delicious double cheese meatball, pepperoni, mushrooms, onions pizza (that is seriously more like a sub sandwich it has so much topping on it) and mountain dew (sure, i want the weekend to end so i can wake up fresh and ready for another brain crunching work week, right), and glancing up at who are you, which is another way of saying csi, ya see (or ya don't your choice)...

i like the idea of mountain dew white out just cuz it's white which gives me the impression that it does not contain any artificial coloring which is the way i like my heavily caffeinated sugar-laden beverages, naturally, but that's not the point, is it? (sure, look like you have no clue what i am talking about or where this thought came from and you'll fit right in)...

while we're on the subject (as if we were, there you go, you're catching on now, aren'tcha), i need just under 10 points from adrian peterson and visanthe shaincoe to win this week in fantasy football... seems like i should win, doesn't it?... yay me, but one never knows do one, so i'll wait for the fat lady to sing tomorrow night, alright...

back to the game now, wish you were here...

maybe :)

nothing changed

not at the actual 10:00 am or 10:10 am or 10pm (which is technically 22:00 or not even at 10:10 pm... unless, of course, only hard core numerologists noticed and it that's the case, why won'y they tell?... keeping secrets isn't nice, ya know?...

having fun, yup... you :)

10/10/10 10:00

just happened to open this box (in my mad dash to catch up on the past few days as if those entries were always there) and there was nothing special about this minute, except that i did notice about ten seconds before 10:01 that the cable box clock said 10:00 and i pointed it out to jackson and like, ok, so what's supposed to happen (but it is the real, after all)...

numerologists heaven?... enjoy :)

gone gaming

yeah, go figure, when i have the auto-post thing set to post the 10/10/10 entry and 10:10 automatically (auto-post, get it?), i disappear for the entire weekend into the boowl bound college football video game and all the entries that were supposed to be here are not here (yet... could be a flurry of entries before the night is out though and until you got to this one, if you were reading this blog chronologically like a published book or something, you might not have known, aye?), but here is this one...

waiting for new pizza (ordered from marco's pizza for the first time... they don't have eggplant, which puts them in the secondary pile of italian food places that deliver, but the other place that had decent eggplant subs is under new ownership and won't re-open for a bit... i ordered without a menu and they seem on the higher-priced side and they have a delivery charge even though they are a half mile away) and chillin after hustling more than usual in basketball cuz i wanted to work off frustration after softball cuz the team could not catch or throw at all tonight and we lost 24-10 after coming back from 12-2 deficit in the bottom of the fifth to make it 12-10... top of the sixth the wild throws into the dugouts were all over the place and nobody seemed to be able to catch anything... i went 3 for 3, knocking in some runs, but most everybody was hitting like they never played before until the fifth (and that returned in the sixth as the top of the lineup came up) so, hard core bball after the game and much better...

and the pizza is here... having fun i hope :)

numerically poignant moment

or just a numbers game...

will time ever tell? :)

(it didn't, though i was asleep, but that would mean i was most open to any signs or communications from anywhere that might have been forthcoming or fifthcoming, even... and when i woke, the day was just another wonderful day unique in it's own way like every other day, but nothing particularly numerologically poignant as far as i could tell... anybody notice anything i didn't?... tell, i mean, you don't have to be time, after all :)

make it a great day :)

sleepy me

won a second championship in the bowl bound game with a lot of work tweaking the training and careful play calling (ok, i did re-play a couple of the games, but hey, manipulating the game is part of the learning how to beat the game process in my world and if they did not have the features built in to do it, then you can call it cheating, but i'm just using the features they provide so it's not, nyuk nyuk naa naa na na naaa :)

gonna fall into bed now, sleep until whenever :)

it's that special

or not, i mean, it's October 10th, 2010, aka 10/10/10, and except for the specialness of a completely self-indulgent relatively solitary amuse myself weekend, nothing much is different than any other date (we'll see if that changes at 10:10:10 am, aye? :)

anyway, it's matterless cuz i'm just having too much fun in my head :)

hope you are too :)

mac n cheese and games

yup, comfort food and games, it doesn't get much better than this for a solitary sulf-indulgent weekend... jackson has lots to do elsehwre most of the weekend and schoolwork to do when she's here, so i'm just playing with myself (in my head, so keep your masturbatory fantasies to yourself... unless you are a libido fantasy for me and then, feel free to some on over and share... check the bios on the website for libboland)...

yum and fun, hope you are too :)

games on tv, games on computer

not much to watch on the tube as college football is not as interesting to me today as it is on other days (more interesting when others watch with me), but the computer game is sailing right along and has most of my attention... won the championship in the first season with some extra training and play calling and goinna just continue enjoying my solitary weekend home...

hope you are doing what you enjoy too :)

unexpected phone calls

dang you bright house networks calling saturdy morning to sell your crap product (if might not have been crap if you didn't wake me saturday morning) just to tell me you are reorganizing your hd channell line up (and i don't even watch hd tv cuz i have an old tv) so here i am awake unnaturally cuz i didn't fall back to sleep after the wake up call...

oh well, back to the game (bowl bound college football and real college football in the background)... hope your day is wonderful too (even if it isn't all self-indulgent :)

where am i?

lost in sleepy game driven oblivion, a blissful place for the number-loving brain and now, waking frm an impromptu nap, gonna crawl into bed and sleep as long as i feel like it (unless an unexpected phone call or something wakes me)... wonderful night, how about you? :)

back to the game

not much interest in socializing this weekend, so it's a perfect time to self-indulge and that's precisely what i am starting to do as jackson and i went to giovanni's for dinner (yum, but the worst witress service we've ever had there as i had to ask for a refill for my drink several times {starting at the appetizer even though the empty glass was sitting right on the end of the table as a reminder} and the refill {one refill... i was considering going to the bar and asking for a drink} finally came at the end of dinner and she had to go find a straw cuz she forgot to bring one and she served another table and returned and forgot the straw... very surprising to have such neglect of service at that place... waited so long for the drink there was no mood for dessert and the worst thing of all was no apology at all as she asked if we wanted dessert or anything else and wished us a good night... clueless waitresses are the bane of dining out and this was after 8pm, so the mad dinner rush was over and the place was 3/4 empty... so there's the first major strike against our favorite neighborhood place), which was a bummer but stopping for dessert elsewhere brought the sweet self-indulgent mood back...

and then, bowl bound college football returned (though i had to start a new league cuz the game does not play with with windows vista, but i won't rant about that crap software at the moment)... and sweet night of me and the game and numbers and we are off to win some chamionships (me and the game) and i'll stay up playing as long as the eyes stay open cuz that's what i want to do (yay for self-indulgence... and for being easy to please, sorta lol lam :)

before then alone time ends

there is so much i can do and even more i do do (or maybe it's the other way around, but a lot of do do is getting done just the same) and the hopefulness in the title has a bouncey start to this weekend smiling back at me from the blank box that was once where this entry not grows... today was a good day, typically disjointed, but i've come to accomodate that as life in a dysfunctional family... and now, the weekend begins, peacefully, with music and incense and the dishwasher doing the dishes after i emptied the sink and filtered water for the fridge and sit here relaxing... it's a good night already... hope yours is too :)

whatever, aye?

i mean, like, whatever... yeah, i finally sort of updated the primary entry page to my web world (since att deleted the main gate and front door and window and so many other pages, the house crumbles, but the heart remains... and att sucks), yes, the back door has a semi-new coat of paint... the code is not perfect and will change with every screen size smaller than a 15 inch monitor, but it's new and hopefully improved and fortified with ironic explanations of what the world wide web is about for me, personally, as a writing addict... yeah, i know, you may not have noticed, but i am rather addicted to writing... so maybe now someone will find my heart within the crumbled wreckage of deleted pages that was once my home on the web and we'll fall in love and live happilly ever after... wouldn't it be nice? :)

so me and craig and louie anderson enjoy a late night snack waiting for the one to stumble by the world of words and find the secret truth buried within... it's not a broken record, it's just my favorite song on endless repeat, nyuk nyuk, narf :)

make it a wonderful tonight (and day... queue a few old songs and dream a little dream of me)... nite nite :)

time to relax

a long day of mostly distractions, but some progress was made on secondary reports that are due whenever i get them done with a deadline sometime next week or the tuesday morning after at the latest unless i decide to skip one or few) and then, softball where the fielding follies gave up at least half the 11 runs the other team got and the base-running follies cost us at least a few runs, so losing 11-9 was a crime, but fun none-the-less cuz i love to play the game... and then, a run for the border as taco bell seduced me with a double chalupa and then jerimiah's added a few more pounts but yum, it was good and then home, but not here just yet as i finally sat down with jackson's laptop and cleaned off some startup programs that were sucking memory and installed the new two gigs of RAM she just received and yay for a faster laptop and then, finally, now, here we are...

how was your day? :)

perseverence

or bullsugar, but for the moment here in (e)thereal, we'll call it perseverence and continue as if the sharing potential hoped for between the irreverence asides and casual flippancies and blah blah blah if they can't take a joke remains the deepest thread through all the writings i've ever done (remember?... responders to that knew me before i was of legal age in any state, or maybe just want to)... because if you were here, we might actually share...

played out a mock fantasy football draft after watching ncis and the ucf knights win big on national tv and the uankees pop out another victory in their dynasty of dominance in baseball (love them or hate them, statistically they have dominated their sport for 100+ years more than any other team in any other sport)... and now, craig ferguson's sometimes silly sometimes serious sometimes intelligent sometimes sophmoric irreverence shall amuse me... you had to know, right?...

oh, and i napped too... how about you? :)

as if it's important

these words, the time i spend here, the blogging, the thoughts and feelings i express hee, the life... and it is, to me, but heck if i know what it means to you... still, it turns me on :)

another busy day of data crunching, analyzing, updating reports, graphs, control charts, presentations, and assorted la dee da stuff... and a couple of meetings, an investigation, and a conference call to boot (and of course the usual distractions)...

home with food from tj's fish shack, a place i've never tried before and it's ok, potentially good if eaten there and they don't over-fry or re-fry their onion rings and clams... probably crisper if eaten in the shack... a walk with happiness... and now, tv and rest... i know, not enough exercise, but sometimes, rest if good too...

hey, it's important to me :)

as if it matters

i wrote this post hours ago and i don't know what happened to it, but it's gone, so it doesn't exist, so how can i claim i wrote it if it does not exist?... alas, the fools and the dreamers may understand and i will continue no matter what cuz that is what i do... cuz it's fun... and for a lot of other poignant profound revealing reasons that were in the [pst that is no more...

wait, i found it i found it!... the post was hiding in the drafts and so it is, exists, i mean... and just for that it'll be the next post...

exciting, no doubt lol lam :)

just love the sharing

even when nobody else does, the giving, the potential for sharing daws me back again and again... watching tv, but drawn back to share words here... watching videos, but drawn back, you know... even if you don't know cuz you're not here and never ever will be, there's always hope for sharing as long as i am...

hope your night smiled too :)

just getting home

another ten hour day at the desk non-stop number crunching (mo break for food or anything, except two pee breaks), but a few reports are done ahead of time and tomorrow's report was done on time... still, life is way too much sitting and work and not enough exercise or social life (no less love, sex, and rock and roll)...

tonight is caprica and stargate:universe and chicken portabella with asparagus and provolone and if i have half a brain, early to bed... but exercise?... i took the long walk with just before sitting down here and that's probably all there'll be for tonight... running hurts cuz of the softball i took in the chest, moving the right pectoral and especially running is seriously ow...

so how was your day? :)

waking late again

was snoring at about 8:15pm, but woke and snacked and here we are again, should have just gone to bed, right?... maybe, that's not living in the moment though... nothing exciting, unless you love words as i do), so make of it what you will...

words are out there, are you? :)

narflupuss :)

i'll just keep writing

i mean, if you don't mind (dripping with sarcasm, no doubt)... so the story continues here in my place cuz communication is what this life is about for me and whether it's two-way or one-way, my way will remain...

a quiet day at work as the ceo returned from his vacation and people were once again on their good behavior as timidity is the norm when the ceo is there... there are a few refusals to cooperate from last week when he was out that need to be cleaned up and i'll talk to the ceo about them tomorrow and we'll see what comes of it...

home, relaxing evening with tv... exciting :)

cool night air

i was so deeply zonked and wonderfully ready to pass out into bed but i realized i left the phone (my alarm clock) in the car (along with my wallet) and so i stumbled out to the car and the cool night air woke me so here i am again...

i spent the last hour or so (maybe half hour, time is blurry) searching for articles and information for jackson as she's back in school for a post-grad certificate... and music plays on the tv... and i hope the zonked comes back soon cuz the body really does require sleep and that would be more than one hour a weekend, ya know...

before that there was some football on tv while i checked out my fantasy football and wouldn't you know, my gamble to play vick over brady backfired as vick was injured early and so jackson will almost certaily win this week which probably would not have happened if i played brady over vick... alas, tomorrow or tuesday i've got to decide what to do about vick (drop, stash) and pick up a qb to fill in for brady's off week nexxt week... and there was some food in there too, but mostly drifting into slepy bliss until that trip out into the cool night air...

the bruise on my chest hurts... it'll probably wake me when i roll over in my sleep, so this might not be a solid deep long night of sleep, but rather some staggered roller coaster sleep, alas... and this is the first week of the month so there is way too much to do at work and wednesday i must reschedule a major meeting cuz i scheduled driver school to keep the points off my liscense for the bogus small town speed trap ticket i got a while back... and there's a busy mind now, so where's that zonked oblivion i was just enjoying before going out into the freshly chilled night air?...

love the weather, wonderful distraction too :)

long hot challenging day

wonderful :)

practice started early even though just six of us showed up and i pitched practice not sure if i was pitching in the game and semi-awake, a hard line drive got me in the chest as my instinct to protect my face took over and the ball smacked just below the glove into the interior aspect of my right pectoral muscle and now i have a seriously purple and swallen softball sized bruise in that spot... owie... two swings later and another shot rifled at me, but i caught that one... practice, aye?...

the game was challenging as the outfield kept making errors, balls bouncing out of gloves and throws offline... the other team might have had 2 or 3 runs, maybe if there were fewer errors, but they got 13 and worse, our team did not hit at all... i was on base three times, though twice on errors, but nobody else was hitting (or getting lucky) consitently, so we lost 13-7... then the hot blazing sun toasted us as a few of us stayed to try to raise funds for the team...

finally, after six hours in the beautiful florida sunshine, it was off to the other game and i was feeling the fatigue big time... jackson and i spent an hour cooling down at a friend's watching some football, and then, into the game with some new players, first game of the season and it was against the second place team from last season and the champion from the season before... we beat them by coming back in the last inning with about nine runs and won 16-13... we were amazed and it was fun, but i think we won just as much because we were having fun even when we were behind...

when we got to the field there were three police cars talking to people and a couple of cars were broken into, people leaving bags on the seats of their cars... sucks that people steal... and after the game we went home and ate kind of a haphazard dinner as cooking was too much work and i am gonna sit here nodding off in front of the tv until i crawl into bed... much fun today...

hope your day was as much fun as mine :)

out the door again

starting the day, gotta fly, almost slept in, will not lie, exhausted, tired, sleepy, high... softball practice in the blink of an eye...

hope you make today wonderful :)

an hour?

yes, sites i saw was updated with several new entries as i've been browsing, reading, and most of all, watching youtube videos and maybe now, i might allow myself an our of sleep before a full day of softball?...

nap tomorrow afternoon? :)

slow internet

toxic audio was good (they are an acapella group that create instrument sounds and put on an interesting fun show in case you didn't know)... coincidentally, they take requests and one slip of paper asked them to do a song about a slow internet connection in the andrew lloyd webber gendre and they did phantom of the opera with lyrics they made up about the foibles and challenges of a slow internet connection... funny, clever, very good... and wouldn't you know the internet is slow as crap sliding uphill tonight...

the italian place was good, not great... decent sauce, mostly cooked thick sliced eggplant parm, skimpy on cheese (about half covered), good cheese garlic bread, good prices... the stret festival was typical for this area, just a place to wander around and crave all the foods, but i was too stuffed to eat after dinner and just grabbed a snack after the show... excellent fudge at the french bakery, good ice cream at scoops... and good compamny...

headed to the card party after the group at the festival broke up at 11pm... and just getting home now... softball in four hours, so three hours sleep max, alas... why they continue to ask us to get up and work out before games is sad as the team does not usually do well waking early on game day, but the coach likes his control... a 4-1 record is not good enough (even though the other three teams in our division also have 4-1 records and are much better teams than us on paper and on the field)... egos are so undermining, alas...

but i am determined to have fun despite the fatigue and demands and egos and all the drama they like to cook up... cuz that's the best i can do and i want to do my best as much as possible (and i can do better at doing my best)... even with a very slow internet :)

just barely

must peel out, get a move on, hustle my bustle and all that jazz cuz dinner at winter garden pizza and pasta is just an hour and twenty minutes away and i've got to shower, dress, walk happiness, and drive there (and it's on the opposite side of town, maybe 35 miles away, which should take about forty five minutes barring traffic...

will catch up more later, just want to keep in touch...

you? :)

somebody woke me

phones are like that, they ring and wake me up... I spoke with whomever woke me, but heck if i know what is said... that's the way i wake up on the phone, unless it's an emergency or work, then the light goes on and i'm all there (as much as i am anytime, aye?)... yeah, so relax for a few hours, watch some college football, maybe, wander facebook and youtube and the net, and then, out for he evening later...

hope you had rest and fun too :)

my life

while the billy joel song does come to mind, the impetus for the title is primarily my life dot com where, after i enter some information, including a zip code, the site tells me that one person is looking for me, coincidentally, in that zip code... suspicious i am, so i log out and enter another name and another zip code and another email address and open another account and guess what... there's someone looking for me in that area too... sixteen hundred miles apart... coincidence?...

so they tell me that in the first account with a brooklyn, ny zip code, a 54 year old female is supposedly searching for me in brooklyn, ny... i just happen to by 54 years old in that email profile... and in the second account, with an orlando, fl area zip code, a 36 year old male is looking for me in orlando, fl... guess how old i am in that profile?... right, 36 years old... coincidence?...

well, to find out who these people are, i just have to pay a monthly fee... one for each account... i wonder what will happen if i enter yet another name in another zip code with yet another email address (only one account per email address)... what do you think?...

will someone be looking for me at the end of the universe too? lol :)

smells like one more internet scam to me... my life, ha :)

goes to show

you hang in there long enough and good things just might happen... after dissing jackson for a couple of seasons as not good enough for the team, the coach either realized she's not as not good enough as he thought or he's somehow turned off the other dozen girls who've been substituting in and out of the various teams he is either coaching or on playing on... so jackson not only got invited last night, but again tonight and again for their tournament this weekend... nobody even told me about the tourney, sheesh :)

better day at work, three directors and a manager showed up for the meeting i scheduled, one asked to be excused, the other has been too busy to get together for a few weeks, but does his best to cooperate and respects me... tthe director and her subordinate manager who are the least cooperative showed up fifteen minutes late and the subordinate stayed for maybe ten minutes and the director stayed for maybe a half hour, better than ever before, so i applaud her improvement... such dysfunction...

i stopped to try to get my sunday softball uniform hemmed, but the tailor was closed and since i am meeting jackson for sushi after her game, i stopped for a steak n shake hot dog (fisco melt, fries, and a chocolate shake?... who me? lol) and so, yummy funny happy day... hope yours was too :)

did i say sleep?

right, so here i am still awake... noticing i do not use the plural pronoun we much these days... feeling the solitude of the unread blog in it's realness and accepting the reality is a necessary choice from time to time... grounded, or something like that...

what would craigyferg say?...

life is good :)