i can get pissed off sometimes

at the moment i do not want to play with the sunday morning team any more... yet i paid for a plane ticket to go with them to the world series in washington dc and reserved a hotel room (money i should definitely not be spending)... but today's bullshit practice, like most of their practices, should be the last nail in the coffin as my patience wore out... the coach was 40 minutes late because the assistant coach didn't wake him... not the first time... and then, so much standing around... and worst of all, so much learning bad habits when they are actually on the field... over and over... so much laziness... not just lack of hustle, but pure laziness... one of the extra coaches brought on for the series remarked about it a few times... i kept, as i usually do, encouraging people to hustle to get the balls hit near them and follow through on throwing the ball where it needs to be next... today was even lazier than usual...

only four of the regular team showed up in the first place, the coach 40 minutes late, and just like a few weeks ago before he got there we were once again moved off the field we started playing on because someone else reserved it (after i spent ten minutes raking and flattening the mound with my cleats... the team that dumped us off had a rake and smoothed the field to make is playable and safe, wow, how ingenious... yeah, i'm pissed and sarcastic)... and again, not the first time... four other players added on just for the world series showed up, one who was formerly on our team but quit because he was disruptive and moody and didn't listen to coaching and he upset other players, but for some reason he's back... and an extra coach was brought on too... so she hit balls to the outfield while i was the ball retriever... then when we were booted to the other field the assistant coach asked me to pitch to two of the add-on players so they would hit to the outfield... i started with five balls (yeah, just five balls for a batting practice), one of which was so dead the assistant coach tossed it out of play, and eventually had none because nobody wanted to chase and retrieve them...

after pitching forty or so pitches, at least, to each of them and watching the laziness in the outfield and the shortstop and second baseman not even going out to cut off the ball (no less cover second) so they could practice what to do after the outfield finally gets the ball, the coach showed up and i asked why we were having batting practice just for those two guys when everyone else is just continuing to practice bad habits... he didn't like my question which frustrated me even more... while waiting for one of the five balls to be retrieved and thrown back into me, i said i really do not need to pitch all of their batting practice and wear out my arm as i had actual games to pitch later... the response from coach was not good... that pissed me off... i told him i should not even be doing batting practice pitching, i pitch plenty and don't need the practice, and they signed on a few other pitchers for the world series so they should be the practice pitchers - saying that would only be fair if they don't want to wear out their pitcher, i mean, if they care about their pitcher, especially when nobody was really here to practice anyway... coach tossed me a ball the other coach told me not to used and i pitched it saying the assistant coach told me not to use this one and it was ridiculous and everyone just continues to learn bad habits... coach told me leave (instead of addressing my frustration in any way meaningful way), so i left...

instead of addressing the laziness, the continued practice of perfecting bad habits, the lack of hustle to even get balls back to the pitcher to keep the flow of practice going, not to mention my standard complaint of me personally not getting any practice fielding at my position, not nearly enough batting practice and pitching way too much, he told me to just leave... that's the answer to a player who is frustrated... that's the second time he did that and it was at the same field last time... obviously driving down to those crap fields is not in my best interest... but to keep the laziness and poor play on the field (which basically validates that it is acceptable) and to tell the one hustling and pushing others to hustle to leave, that's preparing a team to go to the world series...

and i drive 30+ minutes wasting gas/money and pushing the car that is begging for some servicing for this?... and i am paying hundreds for a trip to watch this same laziness and well-practice bad playing in washington?... i am most pissed off at myself for getting myself into this situation - a team that doesn't take the game seriously should be playing just for the fun of it and not be spending lots of money thinking they actually have a chance at a world series... ah, money, sigh, alas, dangit...

and now that i've vented we come to the bottom line... if i was working and had money to burn i probably would not have let the frustration get to me as much, but that's my problem not anyone elses... it's the first week of the month and bills were due... having to take $2000 out of savings this week seems to be the undercurrent frustration and i shouldn't have spent the money or push the car to drive that far this weekend... missing a practice is better than going to one where half the team doesn't show and those who show are being lazy... missing a practice is better than venting at one... having nobody to talk to about this is very sad... and frustrating... and having nobody understand in life around here really sucks... i just expect too much from people... like maybe someone asking what's wrong when i am obviously upset about something... i suppose that is too much to expect from people i've known and played with for years...

alone again, naturally... wah wah, digestion required...

narf...