stress

seems i am burdening myself with a lot of it lately... stress over work, over moving, over money, over crap... stupid, really, stupid... that increases the loneliness as i have no friend close enough to lean on or even to vent to... alone again naturally is the story of this life mostly... and so it goes too...

spent the last few hours searching for apartments near work while wondering if i'll still be working there next year and wondering is signing a lease before january makes sense when i might move on from this job at the same time and would be better off opening my search for living situations way beyond this area... considering whether it is time to leave orlando, even... the west coast may be calling again... the north, no so much...

stress used to be cool, reason to exercise and adding to the excitement of the challenges of life like a roller coaster thrill, but lately it's interrupting sleep and that is the new experience that is not pleasant... i don't sleep much anyway, but i never found a challenge sleeping when i wanted to sleep... obviously need more exercise... obviously need to stop ignoring the stressors and use them to motivate the exercise like i used to... not growing old, am i? (ok, still laughing at that question, but want more time in the day more than ever)...

so i vent here again, (long time no babble, maybe that is the change i allowed that should be undone... if there was only more time... the song that never ends, sort of), fool on the hill style, and thank you for being out there, even if it's all in my mind most of the time :)