focused

a summer of changing eating habits and dropping weight, work and softball and video games and the occasional party with friends... this is to be the year i return this body to it's healthiest weight... or die (should i not smirk at that?)...

narf..

if he had lived

i wonder what would have happened if he had lived... harry chapin, i mean... and the question can be asked about john lennon and many others, but this is the day after the nineteenth passing of the date harry died, so the query is more about harry than anybody else...

i wonder what would have happened to this world...

it could have been babble

or not, but be that may be or not to be, the question remains even more elusive than the answer, because, after all, while we can’t see the wind, we usually know where it is cuz, well, we can feel it, but the question, who can feel the question?...

the yearning?... the burning?... the churning of desire?... what could it be?... who could it be now?... hunk a hunk a what?... between your legs?... just where is your locus of control, anyway?... blowing in the what?... you must remember this, or something… a big snake does not make you a big man, but what’s in your cup, that might matter a bit more… when was the last time you sat around with friends (or strangers) and really got into music?... playing or singing or making love, even, really into it…

you haven’t lived until you as born again in song…

someday, that may be a religious epiphany, unless people get smarter and open their minds more… there’s always hope… meanwhile, this is the story, continuing, cuz stories are like that (at least in my mind they are)… and with a 22 inch monitor to my right and a 24 inch monitor to my left and a 16 inch monitor on my lap, don’t let anybody tell you size doesn’t matter… but 16 inches on a lap is quite enough, thank you very much… speaking visually, the crispness of the true HDMI 24 inch monitor is startling, even with the lame windows vista aero crappy video features (why do they downgrade features when they upgrade software, now that is a good question… not the question, but a good one…

so this is (if you’re counting) the second file in the new electronic space (new laptop, not new blog, but the latter is rather obvious, no doubt) and the laptop teaches me a bit more about what it and the new MS Word 2007 software is about… and the little kid is all excited, naturally, cuz there are all sorts of new toys (or features, to be technical) to explore and learn about and play with… if only there was time… sigh and alas…and what I need to do, among many other tasks, is to either… (task sub-routine 1) enter every cd into a database or spreadsheet…(task sub-routine 2) install itunes and rip every cd I own… or (task sub-routine 3) rip every cd into windows media… of course they might be 10, 20, and 30, but that’s beside the point, perhaps… anyway, the trouble with the last idea is the database in wmp is not as easily managed as the database in itunes (wmp is kinda wimpy too, it seems) and it would not tell me it has duplicates until after I rip and it would take a long time and it would use a lot of memory… the trouble with the second idea is the same as the third idea except for the database being better manageable than the third idea… the trouble with the first idea is it is manual entry and takes time and I do not get all of the information about each cd… ideally, a scanner would be wonderful… to scan all the info into a database would give the best of both worlds… but without a scanner, the database seems the way to go… and so away I went…

meanwhile, back in thereal… I am noticing looseness in the usb ports already and I hardly plug in and unplug the usb connections, so the life of the port is quite possibly going to be way shorter than I’d like it to be… that could definitely suck… does any laptop brand prevent that from happening?...

and the anti-virus has been uploading for the past three hours… something like 7kps… to yes, I know (and not an amused craig ferguson I know, either… I still haven’t been able update the operating system cuz the file is too big… I haven’t had time to get back with the microsoft tech support person who emailed me… yes, an actually tech support person from ms emailed me… I was shocked (and this is a craig I know... amazing, aye?... I know… anyway, I keep hoping the aircard will find better reception if I actually go mobile with it… but there’s just not been anought time for leisurely roaming with the laptop… or writing… or much of anything else leisure… but 7kps?... so I will say it again… att aircard internet service sucks…

I’d sigh and alas some more, but who has the time…

this is what was, sort of, as I was slipping into game mode… and I disappeared for two plus weeks and the story continued, even if nobody noticed but me… it is still wonderful to find someone stopping by the check in from time to time… as if we really care, you know?... who has the time?... ah, a question… who’s laughing now? :)

catchup is not something to put on hamburgers

well, I certainly have neglected my imaginary audience, haven’t i?... not that the few of you who actually do check in here are imaginary, I mean, even though your exist primarily in my imagination and I take it on faith that you actually have flesh and blood bodies out there somewhere, but I mean the masses of adoring fans who are all up in arms beside themselves with fret and fuss cuz I’ve been gone so long it looks like then from here… or there, even... yeah, you can quote that one, it’ll be a classic someday…

as you see, I return ego intact and as delusional as ever (and looking every minute of it harry… jerry too)… and I am only here momentarily because the reason for my absence continues to exist and I just got home from work and shall dive right into that reason, a certain video game of questionable strategy and skill, not quite as exciting as the NCAA College Football from EA sports that we know I love, but a similar package (and I just received Madden 08 {for $10} in the mail to occupy my brain when I tired of the Bowl Bound College Football from Grey Dog, which will happen sooner or later cuz I do have a ssmadd oslt (super slow motion attention deficit disorder… or something like that), and this losing myself in the video game world does have ulterior motives, after all, which amount to forgetting hunger, especially the emotional kind (and forgetting to eat at all for long stretches, no doubt) and it is also a great savings plan cuz I’m not spending money when I am sitting here playing for hours and hours and on and on and all…

the ab belt is exercising me… lazy-man’s exercise… I am on the highest level of the thing and wondering why I am not feeling any pain after wearing it on it’s highest level for five or six straight hours… I mean, besides my high pain tolerance… if I did a few dozen or a hundred sit-ups (could I even?), I would probably be belly-aching for days, even though I was never one to ride the charlie-horse too much… but this thing is on max power plus on the fourth or fifth use (instead of the 22st use) and the recommended 30 minutes has extended to hours on end and I’m still not feeling the burn I could be feeling with actual exercise… but I am feeling the change and perhaps wisdom leads me to suggest that after so many years of letting the ab muscles atrophy and stretch out, this slower methodical mechanical method of muscle stimulation and exercise is safer and more productive than a sudden decision to pretend I’ve been doing a thousand sit-ups a day like I used to do… or is that laziness talking?... wise laziness?... wise ass?...

yeah, anyway, been working a whole lot and squeezed in a party or few and a little bit of softball (which is sad, and yet, excellent for healing my right heel, I hope)… we start playing again this thursday or this sunday if it doesn’t rain (or didn’t rain last thursday)… and I’ll be back to two a week (down from four a week, but that’ll leave more room for social life and alternative exercise, I mean, as soon as I get past this video football jones and tear myself away from the game… hey, I’ve been writing this for ten minutes already, the longest I’ve been at the computer in two weeks unless it was to play… email hasn’t even been downloaded, dangit… what a wonderfully decadent waste of time in the eyes of the normals, aye?... ah, I basque in the judgement of my peers, nyuk, nyuk…

of course I don’t mean you wonderful people… every one of you millions of precious hearts beating in rhythm with the babble, you are why I return… you are why I continue… you are not like those other humans who seek norms so unchallenging and flatlined that mediocrity is too radical a place to strive for… we’ll leave those poor watersacks be and continue to basque in the glow of the love and awareness and smiley hugs…

so I am fine, wonderful, even… and I can be reached at the same number and love you no less for your silence (cuz the love never ends, you know, it just goes on and on… at least that’s what I choose to believe most of the time and there are no conditions or prerequisites to the eternal infinity of blissful wonder that is imagination, so I’ll be right here waiting when you come around… at least as long as I live a in this body, that is)…

I hope all is well, so well, it’s swell (so-well, get it?)… time to play for as long as I can hold my head up, eyes open, and fingers moving the mouse… it’s is so great being a kid, really it is :)

life was going on

even though i was not recording it (and now, reading back, even if there an entry or more every single day, i was elsewhere and life was going on, within, without, and all around the town)... work and softball occupied most of the time and the video game diet began in earnest, which is what kept me occupied and focused when i was home and away from this writing space and the online world...

just so you know :)

puzzles in time

what?... oh yeah, previous entry, giggle...

(and so it will, or did, depending on where you are on the time line)

all the entries that were not here when the previous entry was written make this entry a bit more puzzling that it might have been for other reasons when it was first written, but hey, that's part of the fun of the fair (or the unfair, if you like to laugh at such ponderings with me :)

the story continues

at least that was the rumour...

hardly even noticed

the 4th of july, that is... were there fireworks?... star spangled banners?... parties?... did someone throw a teabag? (oh sure, slip a wallop of political sarcasm into the simple serious attempt to catch a bit of thereal in realtime and record it here for you and me and pesterity makes three)... but pass it did, cuz here we are in the future reviewing the seemingly empty past (alas, a past without memories is a lonely empty place... so keep your memories children, keep them well and never let them go because the more memories you can make and hold on to, the fuller your life will be and feel and wonder of wonders, you'll die happy)...

but who wants to die, anyway?...

anyway, be free...

the gym has tv too

yes, and that is what started the distraction from the catching up (if you've been reading along tonight)... i worked the elliptical thing for a while and noticed the tv above my head and after my first break i pushed the channel button... i mean, with all due respect for entertainment genius, just how many michael jackson tributes are coming down the pike (a rhetorical question, mind you)... poor farah and all the other people who died this week... watch tv and one might thing there's nobody dead but michel, ever...

there i go being irreverent again... must be the ferguson, crag, i mean draig, no wait, i do mean craig, influence... good grief he'd probably be all sorts of mock offended at the sound of the typos since usa-ers (what i tend to call what most call americans for multi-national reasons, but that's besides the point and only when i remember) can't say his name properly... ever notive how lenka sings the word can't?... she's seriously emoting in the depths of my psyche where i strive so hard to be human and frail and weak and needy and all that... a long long time ago, she'd be someone i'd almost fall in love with and hope she'd teach me how to be human cuz i was so very sure that humans (what i tend to call what most call humans for interplanetary reasons, but that's besides the point and only when i forget) could not possibly ever understand me or truly actualize the unconditional i did...

did i mention a few of those old friends and lovers and humans may have been found on facebook or somewhere recently and who knows, an old style reunion could happen any day now cuz somebody out there might be as crazy after all these years as i might be given a third of a chance... but it's jacok dylan singing now that prompted this entry, instead of catching up, that is... and that brings us back to the tv... which brings us back, however briefly, to the gym... where i, as if memory was revelation, remembered how lost i can get in the twilight zone and how much i miss the sci-fi channel and how, given that i've been without cable tv for a year or so, i did not actually miss it until tonight when i sat (and stood and moved) there doing extra exercise just to watch more twilight zone (they've got a 4th of july marathon, alas) and the commercials for the sci-fi channel shows brought on reminiscing and misty whistful vegetative euphoria i'd experience as i'd lose my mind in my imagination inspired by sci-fi...

and so i might dedicate this entry to the sci-fu (or the sci-fi, actually), for it helped ignite some long sleeping brain cells tonight... the gym work helped... and the double header softball... exercise almost always helps ignite synapses and wake up brain cells... could have been the oatmeal cheesecake too, and the rejuvenating effects of actually taking the better part of six days off just two days ago and the fact that i have the next three days off (though i am on call and will most likely go in for a bit tomorrow and saturday)...

somehow this entry got lost in the draft thing...

it's here now :)

i'm supposed to be catching up

but of course craig ferguson and food and music distracted me, not necessarily in that order, in fact, in a different order... i made something that might be called oatmeal cheese cake... first i ate cottage cheese, fat free of course... then i toasted up a sandwich of fat free cream cheese and added some cherry preserves and grape jelly and ate that along with oatmeal made with fat free cream cheese, fat free milk, some splenda, and a touch of vanilla... fascinating mix of flavors that could only be described as delicious...

what did you have for dinner? :)

you may have noticed

that i've been gone... though after i catch up with entries for the past however long it's been, posthumously or later today, it may not appear as though i was gone, or anywhere (though i am pretty sure i was somewhere and hopefully i will not write off the deep end too far as i have been known to do now and then {and for some periods, rather frequently, even when i tried to stop [no, i didn't really, did i?... narf] oh, there's so much history mystery and babbling [what?], but not now, right?} so that you lose interest or i seem like i've actually lost touch with thereal in the moment in life and mind out of not really, but maybe it's find to play there when nobody's looking, or when everybody's looking, for that matter)...

ummm, i may be back, but i am pretty exhausted (oh, well, maybe not pretty, but definitely exhausted) after a double header (won one 13-4, lost to the champs 10-7) and then a trip to the gym, which may prove i am insane since i have worked around twenty hours in the past two day and have not eaten much, but hey, i am home again and taking this moment to wave (cuz somebody might want back, right?) and let you know i am still alive and well and having too much fun for one person to contain alone (so where've ya been?)...

i'll catch up in a bit... hope you are enjoying your life too :)

if you only understood

it was never the matter you noticed, but what you did not notice that mattered the most...

turkeydander

yes, the fact of the matter is energy, but you only think you understand if you claim to and you only begin to when you accept that you do not, so live and let it be or grab the bull by the horns and hang on for the wildest ride of your life (by actually experiencing living it)...

shhhh, we don't want to wake the people...

thank you alanis

well, it was not just her or her song, but i am wearing the ab-belt on level 3 at 65, which is the recommended level for the third week... impatience, foolishness, or being in better shaper than the average fatty for whom these instructions are written?... i stopped at 65 mind you... i might crank it to 70 about halfway through, but i am definitely feeling this much more than the first time at level 1 and 50 that i finally pushed to 70... ok, 70 at the twenty minute mark (level 3 goes for 30 minutes)... wow, i am feeling this big time... will i be aching after 20 more minutes of this?... tomorrow?... well, seeing the scale touch 200 once again tonight might have been in the back on my mind as i put this belt on instead of going to bed, aye?...

ok, level three is called advanced and is recommended for week three... 70 is recommended for the third workout and week 2 rising to 80... so up to 75 at the 15 minute mark... and almost ouch... for abs that have not been actually specifically worked for many years, this might be not the wisest move, but... considering 80 for the last ten minutes... 80 at the eleven minute mark... woah, serious first (ok second) time... a bit more pain on the right side than i'd like, wonder if it is stone related... anyway, gonna keep this 80 at level 3 up for the last ten minutes... though week 3 advanced is actually 85-90, so i'm not totally crazy, maybe... 85 with 8 and a half minutes to go, woah... you know where i am headed...

maybe it's cuz alanis looked a little chunky herself :)

90 with 6 minutes left... ouch... but a good ouch... leaning forward to type is a bit uncomfortable during the pulses, but here i am typing during the pulses right now... ow, but a good ow... even feeling the pulse go up a bit... not much, this is in no way an aerobic exercise... but i am feeling the abdominal muscle strain most well about now... four minutes to go... i'm at the recommended level for day 20 on day 2 and did not take the day of rest recommended for day two... ow, getting serious, but still a good pain... 2:30 to go...

need to drop the extra weight to get any more real benefit as this is not a weight loss thing, it's a muscle toning thing... belly shrinking comes from weight loss, but the achy ab muscles tightening should make stppong at smaller portions much easier as the ab muscles will be noticed more... 45 seconds to go and 95... yeah, ow, really ouch.... but a good ouch... and it is done...

nite nite :)

still awake?

must be crazy, still, after all... ah yes, but the internet is such a sly seductress, isn't it?... it is amazing how many people in this world have the same names... first and last names, hundreds pop up on facebook and that's just a small part of the whole world, right?...

do you ever think, late at night when you are using your best internet search skills to find those few people you lost touch with along the way that they are actually hiding from you?... i know... but that would be paranoid, wouldn't it... and if you really thought that they were deliberately living their lives in hiding from you meaning you were really paranoid, maybe they should be hiding from you...

i know...

yes, the craig ferguson sarcastic irreverent seriousness syndrome is in effect... SISS is nothing to sneeze at... but laugh, yes, it is something to laugh at... carry on craig...

i know...

nyuk :)

it may never happen again

in case you weren't counting, this blogging fool averaged seven entries a day last month and while it did take six days of vegetable soup at home to find enough letters (whatever happened to alphabet soup?... is it still out there?) to provide you with the bang for your buck (note, we get what we pay for, aye?) here in thereal...

who knows, someone might actually want to share my madness one day and this blog might disappear...

or multiply...

not sure which is the scarier thought, aye? :)