too much to do

so why sit around goofing off online watching tv?... is that being human?... ok, stop sitting around goofing off with the tv and computer and internet and get to work on moving stuff around and preparing for the bed that is being delivered on thursday... yes, a bed... an actual bed is being delivered on thursday... i have not had an actual bed other than the old uncomfortable inherited one in a long time... how to fit the bed in the bedroom is gonna be the trick... move and stack a lot of boxes... put the bed on some boxes to save room... then unpacking would be a real pain so what to put under the bed... not enough time to decide, alas...

so i wandered meetup for the first time in many months looking for friends old and new and joined and rejoined a bunch of groups and so much for turning away from social networking (see previous post, aye?) and maybe i'll reverse polarities tomorrow too, but hey, i mean no harm, just following the winds i feel (and ya know we can not control the wind, bit we can adjust our sails :)

hope you enjoy your journey too :)

something about me

yeah, it's always been like this... so i don't go to facebook much anymore cuz i don't get much in the way of replies or comments there... being ignored or unnoticed is fine, but i don't have time to wave at the world everywhere so i have less interest in spending time at facebook every time i go cuz i don't find much interaction there... not that there's much reaction here or anywhere, but this isn't a big wide open social network where hundreds of people have asked to be my "friend" now, is it?... ah, so it's no secret really... my aversion to superficiality, ecclectic (and sometimes contradictory interests and opinions, and honesty does not attract much interaction, especially not in public... so i pondered this tonight as i checked in at facebook and at meetup... and whatever, aye? :)

today was a sick in the head day... clogged, running, woozy... played softball though and we won partly cuz i picked up a guy from another team cuz once again two of our players could not make it at the last minute... team doesn't mean much to some... anyway, good game fun game and those who don't show miss out... at least jackson is getting some people to pay this year... gonna try to sleep some tonight as i need to head out at 6:30 tomorrow to get tires before work... hopefully the immune system will deal with head cold bugs too...

hope you enjoyed your day :)

wow, head cold

woke up early (for me for a sunday) around 8am and was not going back to sleep laying down cuz the head was exploding with mucous and i could barely talk and sniff sniff and cough cough and so on and so i sat in the chair and browsed (in spite of google chrome having a frequent battle with shockwave that sucks time cuz it freezes and sometimes crashes the browser... and there are many hundreds of links to be uploaded to sites i saw (more than three months worth, after all even though i took quite a break from the internet late last year and i am still not really back to browsing or even getting online daily) a bit and grabbed some visuals and remembered some words and more from three of my favorites and nodded off somewhere along the way and feel a bit better now, but wow, head cold big badda boom...

still gonna enjoy the day (softball later)... hope your day feels better than mine :)

and another night bites the dust

that is, another night is ready to end (quite early, in fact) cuz the sleep mode is calling out to the brain and the cold bug is kicking the body around some tonight... perhaps it was the chill of the 5k this morning or the anger over the idiot on the road or the wandering in public mall and eating in public restaurant adding exposure to the reduced resistance and therein fueling the bug, but whatever the cause, the effect is runny nose, burning eyes, and general malaise...

today started with a 5k with E and her old friend Brian (and my friend too) who moved back down here from Virginia recently and then i was heading to softball practice when a bumper fell out of a truck (cuz it was not secured properly) and the car ahead of me hit it and spun it into me and i hit it with my right front tire and it blew out my right front tire (and the truck just road on, idiots) so i changed the ire to the donut and went home and cursed the world for the new expenses (cuz the tire needs replacing and that was one of the good tires so i'll need to buy four now and i was hoping to not have to buy any until i finally decided to buy a new car) and ate and napped and that was the day so far...

then went shopping for a bed for E tonight (cuz sleeping on the coach is not only not good for her back, but also not good for the living space as i don't go to bed as early as she does and she is a light sleeper) which is unfortunately another expense... yeah yeah, we know i never wanted to be rich enough to actually do something about getting rich, but it seems i always find ways to give away money instead of buying stuff i want or actually saving toward some sort of retirement... but i love the giving feeling as you know maybe too well, so i keep doing it... and tonight i bought myself a bed too (yes, two beds, which used to be normal married folk once upon a time, aye?) and another present as i bought her stuff... we need to get sheets and a fan tomorrow and then the spending should slow down to a steep stop...

dinner was another splurge in calories and cash as we went to red lobster, yum... and then home to relax in the living room with music and the computers (remember when people would read together?... gues web browsing is like reading so it is similar, appropriate for the ADD generation)... and so that was the day that was and was it good in the end, yes...

hope your day was and is smiling more than frowning too :)

internet connection lapses

ok, that was a forty minute crap (and i don't mean potty break) as i found the limited connectivity issue on the laptop again and after re-starting the computer could not connect at all and the laptop didn't even recognize any wireless networks and the wireless switch was turned on and a half an hour with a tech on the phone who reset the wireless modem so the signal strength was at maximum again (cuz we've had connectivity weakness since jackson got back) but for some reason this dumb laptop turned off the wireless card and the switch would not turn it back on even though the indicator light was on but windows repair detected the card was turned off and turned it back on so all is well, sort of... and whatever i came here to do or write about is out the window for now...

later, perhaps :}

sniffling lots

not sure if the big bad cold bug is getting stronger or weaker and logic might suggest it is holding it's own as i feel ok today, but the mucous membranes and sinuses are working hard and the nose is sniffling lots... changing the food intake this week too, which is likely contributing to the lower resistance, but hey, when the motivation (to eat healthier) comes i am wise not to fight it and with jackson moving back in, the motivation is stronger... the body requires a good cry (which is what the sniffling lots is, biologically) and anytime is a good time cuz no time is the right time while caught up in the working world rat race kinda game... gots to tighten the budget some though cuz i do not wat to eat through any more savings...

sniff sniff narf :}

treading water at work, cuz keeping up with the workload is nearly impossible... especially since i had to spend a couple of days in tallahassee and a couple of days packing the office (and then there was the four days off to fly up and ski down from maine) and the annual reports and plans and stuff still must be done and somehow i will find time to unpack the work boxes (what about the home boxes, aye?... lam... home to find company again, second or third time this week, which is cool and a good change from the solo life, though it still takes some getting used to... jackson made dinner, salmon and sweet potato fries and salad... i made popcorn for dessert, she had yogurt and nuts... i had yogurt for lunch, which i finally ate around 5:30 (did i forget it on the counter at home again?)... and a bit of tv and soon to bed... sniffling lots, rolling with the changes, still enjoying life and the people i share it with (yeah, ending with with, whatcha gonna do? :)

nite nite, sorta :)

hope i am

listening, that is... the first thought as i pop back in here tonight is anybody listening? and then, the more important thought is the title of this blog as i am, respectfully, as honest as possible without giving out too much of other people's privacy (i hope... if you know me offline and i give out too much of your privacy or if anyone reading feels like i share too much personal stuff, please tell me cuz it is my intention to share me and the life i live and offend or intrude on no one more than they allow... and then hope i do is my thought as i remember the query in the description always up there above each entry... i take it seriously, that's important too... wish i could read minds sometimes, especially on this subject cha know)... the bottom line is i sometimes tell myself important stuff in my babblings and i hope i am listening cuz if i don't listen to the important stuff i could crash and burn and i have had enough crashing and burning in this life... sure would be sweet to have someone looking out for me (hint hint :)

i know i give too much for my own good, but somebody else must love the giving as much as i do and together we could help each other give just enough to feel the bliss and not give too much cuz giving is kinda like flying close to the sun with flammable wings, or something like that... somebody must understand what i mean from personal experience, just wish you'd find this writing and speak up (and until you do, i am out on the edge on my own loving almost every precarious moment :)

fun night of softball... though we lost two games, boo, errors and good hitting by the other team even though i was pitching well (no walks and a few strikeouts and no errors and a few hard to make plays - one hard line drive right at me) but we were not hitting well (though i went 5 for 7 and scored 4 times, i think... i don't keep exact track of hitting most of the time cuz i love to play and not think too much when i play)... we lost 13-12 and 17-7, the second game the other team hit better and we still played only middling defense... so personally i am happy with my play, especially since i am fighting a big bad bug and feeling kinds sick, but wins are nice too...

home now, jackson's sleeping and you are up to day on life and i am up to date on reminding myself about important stuff and i am happy about a bit of mind dump too... and now it is your turn, what's up, what's going on, how are you, anybody out there? (i know you are, nudge nudge wink wink)... take care of you and keep getting better at making lemonade cuz fun really does come from inside and yes you can make it find it and share it, even if only through words like this sometimes... most seriously, start by believing in you like i do :)

nite nite :)

home a moment

to change clothes and then head out for softball... tired and sniffly, but the cold bug does not seem to be winning... feeling cluttered at work and at home... 98% of my office is still stacked in boxes and no time to sort through the boxes... similar story at home... and gotta get a handle on expenses too cuz i've gone through multiple hundred dollars in the past week (not including the trip north, mostly helping jackson)... middle class sucks sometimes when life gets expensive...

anybody wanna adopt me? :)

new life begins again

all this talk about the new super secret hellofriend commercials aside (i mean, how bright is your house, or head, for that matter), life is fuller this week than it was last week cuz two roommates are back (one with four legs and a tail who wants more attention than the other, but both provide opportunities to not be sitting at the computer as if i was not already drifting away enough, aye?... is it time for the twitter?)... laugh along, but sooner or later somebody might notice i am babbling away on almost every site i can find...

so back to work (life) and back to sharing space and time at home and back to tapping keys instead of sleeping and back to wondering what kind of fool i am (and the universe responds by providing a live feed of dia frampton (if you are here in the now) that will keep me awake past a sensible bedtime for someone fending off a big badda boom cold bug)... so what else is new? :)

home with happiness

and i mean the four legged friend i call happiness here in this blog, though i was reading about happiness last night and smiling that someone made a documentary about it... i sit here on the porch on a beautiful sun shining day loving a day off while happiness snoozes beside me and the apartment is smiling too cuz he and jackson are back... it's been a long few days since the last entry (and there are words to plug in as i wrote a bit while on the road, just didn't take the laptop so nothing was uploaded and no email or other websites were checked... thanks for the text message reminders to check in on fb and so on though lol :)

gonna nap more and smile a lot today... hope you enjoy your day too :)

catching up a bit

ok, so i commented on myself anonymously as i could not log in while away using jackson's laptop as i did not have my laptop and don't remember passwords and that provides some measure of the journey from maine to florida (that was the third night, saturday into sunday, stopping in jacksonville to visit with her family, just in case posterity or anybody {me, even} ever tries to make any sort of chronological {or any, even} sense of all these words)... and this entry is the first fill-in entry since arriving back (as i wrote the next entry a bit earlier and now shall fill in the missing days with a few words written in text messages along the road and a few more words of explanation like this cuz that helps jeep the blog flowing for me {and perhaps for you too, aye?} and in the end, time is relative after all :)

jackson just left for work, happiness smiles and watches the world from the patio/porch, i have the day off and going go back to sleep for a while... hope this mon-fri week started with a big smile in your world :)

home again, again

got home the streets way and emo was thick as expected cuz changes, well, are mixed and this was as mixed emo as anyone really wants... stay positive and do what feels right, right?... unpacked car, rested a moment, then out to start a new softball season with jackson running the team (very yay) and lots of news faces (a few way too new to the game it seems) and so it'll be a teaching/learning season and we will have fun not expecting to win... we played one of the better teams and we would have won the game if not for many errors or with a little more hitting and the final was 10-5... was good to see the team and one of jackson's oldest friends joined us this season, extra special that, so we brought home pizza and watched the playoffs here and then, bedtime... home again, again... good long weekend away from the work world shared with best friends... yay for life :)

hope your life is a yay too :)

day third, i think

the second drive day brought us through some rain storms and into jacksonville... lots of deep breaths and emo cuz, well, major life changes are like that especially when one is torn between two places and two different lives, but pros and cons balance out in the end when you do what feels right and in the end, smiles and laughter was returning along with being home (though visiting jackson's parents, her old home, on the way to our home)... family was much fun and good emo, babies (2) liked me and wanted to play... dogs (4) liked me and wanted to play... family liked me, i think, and jackson puts up with me most of the time lol... no more living alone for a while, big change (way understatement)... pros and cons... family is good... wonder how much i should not write when i am beyond tired, i mean, cuz i tend to hide next to nothing when i am wide awake after all... smile everybody? :)

sleep is good too...

road tripping

the drive was wild... white-out storm flakes and wind for the first five hours (or longer, even) from maine into new york city... stayed on the main i-95 the whole way figuring it was the biggest and most likely to be cleaned road and the plows and salt trucks and emergency vehicles were out there, but there was no keeping up with the storm so we car-skied out of new england often just guessing where the road was and trying not to get tripped up on the ruts... fun at times, but skiing at 60+ mph in a 2000+ pound vehicle loaded with another 1000+ pounds of stuff (and no snow tires) for five hours was tiring... finally gave the wheel to jackson in southern new jersey and was more cramped than comfortable the rest of the way as the car was seriously packed and happiness shared the floor space on the passenger side, but we made it to virginia and ate dinner and i went to sleep... she did some work and went to sleep a bit later... we slept good, i think...

road trips are more fun when not rushed and not crammed into a small vehicle (and good weather helps too), but it was a fun day and best of all, jackson and happiness shared it... so goes the life lived day-to-day in this (e)thereal world... hope yours is fun too :)

long travel day

this was a long travel day (which might have been why it was entitled long travel day, but then, one never knows, does one?) with the flight arriving in portland at almost 11am and the cold on the ground in the teens, so bundled up in my many layered outfit we went wandering around outdoors in downtown (or 'old portland' as i heard it called) which was fun even without spending a fortune... gelato was warmer than the air temperature, but seriously delicious... bought a couple of t-shirts... then met jackson's friend for dinner before heading back to her place to see friends she lived with and start packing the car... hours later, the snow started falling and the weather report said a lot of snow and so instead of getting some sleep, we headed out the door for the trip south...

fun, fatigue, and lots of emo... welcome to my world :)

so sleep on the plane

no sleep, the place is almost done, time to shower and head to the airport... and another chapter begins...

still working home

so many things, so much stuff, how do we know when we have enough?...

so anyway, jackson's bedroom is almost ready for her, the living room and dining room are almost clear, the kitchen is almost clean, the laundry is almost done, and my room is almost not a mess (we smile proudly at our accomplishment :)

vacuuming is gonna wait until we get back cuz it's a weeknight and i respect the neighbors... i sat down to rest a bit and wrote a bit and now i am wondering if i should sleep cuz i have to leave in less than four hours and have another half hour to hour to do and then shower and so maybe a two hour nap in a bit... gonna be very different around here when i next sit here typing... living alone is a lot different than living with a friend and a dog... for one thing, i'm gonna have to start wearing clothes again... and be more responsible... and be less lonely too :)

i miss the night... even night tv (though it is the night itself i miss most)... kelly ripa is on on extra... she knows how to be so cutesy adorable... reminds me of heather locklear before her implants, only more energy and cutsier... i miss girls too... which leads me to notice that the belly is bigger than usual tonight... feeling bloated, yet i didn't eat much today... wonder what is growing inside... hope it's not gas, that's awkward on a plane... i did add some old frozen broccoli to the stir fry shrimp and scallops i made tonight... craig is about to come on the tv... haven't seen him in months... i miss him too... am i starting to ramble?...

laughing is healthy, hope you do it often... nite nite :)

busy day off home

yes, home, but busy... still played two ncaa football games already so fun is part of the busy... three loads of laundry and starting on the boxes (re-arranging so they are nowhere but my room/closet so jackson's room is empty and the living/dining rooms are ready for whatever she wants to do with them as she and happiness move back in this weekend) and cleaning as i go and that's the day so far and ahead and how are you? :)

hope all is well and you are enjoying your day too :)

not so much

first thought was that i am keeping track of my writing not so much as i used to and then i also realize that i am writing not so much as i used to and then i lament like who cares, really? and then i laugh cuz what's it matter in the blink of the eye that is this life and then i long to share more not so much and then i love being alone not so much and then i feel old not so much and then i exercise not so much and then i i i i i am too egocentric...

not so much?...

miss me?... i do... miss you too...

beyond fatigue again

though this is beyond the last beyond fatigue, i think, with the addition of body aches and charlie horses that i have not experienced in years (possibly cuz i laid off exercise for almost a month and possibly a reaction to the statin drugs in the red yeast extract i take daily to supposedly lower my blood pressure and the aspirins i take daily have some effect of the pain affect this body feels so stupidly i have given into pills after a lifetime of refusing even an aspirin... i am sure it has nothing to do with the barbecue wings and onion rings and cookies and m&ms and barbecue chipd i had for lunch and dinner, nor the taco bell and crab cakes and cupcakes i ate yesterday for lunch and dinner... nor the large coffees, hot chocolate, mountain dews, dr peppers, cherry freeze, and other sugar-caffeine drinks... nope, it's all modern medicine's fault, surely...

alas, cuddling with myself again... later :}

just cuz i need sleep

does not mean i will take it... so the nfl playoffs are on (at least i did not start playing the video game... yet... and i must be awake in 6.5 hours for more softball and the body has not rested or healed etc etc etc... taking aspirin daily could be a dangerous thing if it masks a small pain that could turn into a major injury or death, even... could be modern medicine just wants people to die more comfortably with fewer complaints... so clever... multi-national corporate government religious conspiracy, no doubt...

did i mention i need sleep? lol lam lal laa :)

and then the dream

i wrote the following entry in a private blog i share with an old friend/lover/soulmate kinda gal (and that odd and possibly cavalier or even contradictory description of her is all you get, nyuk nyuk, cuz you don't ask, now do you?... narf :)

one of those lonely days... don't have many (if we don't count the constant loneliness of the hopelessly hopeful romantic, of course) when i have many choices of activities with different groups of friends and spent most of the day (7am to 6pm) with softball players who are not really friends, but teammates and fun and so tired from a very long work week and softball last night and four softball games today and outdoors 11 hours and achy overtired slightly injured body and not satisfied with the friendliness without depth that in spite of the fun i am staying home tonight... so most of the day i was lonely in a crowd and this evening i shall be lonely alone cuz the longing for more deeper sharing rose up to yank my chain today... need rest, need healing, need sleep, want writing, want sharing, want love... might write, thought you'd understand and that lightens the loneliness a little which is why i write it here... thanks...

some daily touches are heavier than others, aye? :}

and that may give you a slightly deeper bit of (e)thereal that i only sometimes write in this blog (or maybe i do it more than i remember?... this is a slice of life blog (chock full of what may appear to be casually inserted links sometimes, not that those insertions are subtle or secret suggestions that you click on them and learn and know and share more, naaa, whatever would give you that idea? lol lam lal laa), a daily touch of the experience i know in the real, after all) which brings us to the title of this entry... see, the entry quoted above was called alone in a crowd and that is often a large part of my experience in this life, but this entry touches upon the bigger picture, the dream that someone will come alone and actually understand me and understand and share a deeper connection with the experience of life as i know it and in turn, actually start to really know me and share me and hopefully vice versa...

sharing the deeper, and then the ultimate - sharing everything (impossible, perhaps, but it is not impossible for two to want to and actually always constantly strive for it)... that is the deepers (ultimate) dream in this life and it's come close to coming true a few times (which is more than most can say, or so i tell myself to keep hope alive and reassure myself that it is still possible) and hopefully will again...

so how was your day? :)

life, even as

comments from old friends always inspire a huge smile, especially when one comes from a mysterious blogger why deleted all of his blogs and now haunts the blog-night like a phantom of the blogosphere... we'll have to write the musical (or something) one day... or night... we would both like to find the right christina to play the part, feel free to send photos and resumes...

got pictures of winter in maine yesterday, large mounds of snow burying cars... i will be flying up there on wednesday to help jackson pack her car and drive down... hopefully it's all melted by then cuz i don't have boots or a scarf or gloves lol...

my day was long and tiring and achy and dusty and sneezy and i could have used seven dwarfs to help as was the week and i have a softball tournament this weekend starting 7am tomorrow and three games before noon and at least two more in the afternoon and i forgot about that when i told another friend i would pitch for her team later tonight and i twisted my back packing and moving boxes yesterday at work cuz they are carpeting the offices and i am way behind on work after two days in tallahassee this week and more two days packing and the usual meetings and extra meetings and trying to fit some work in cuz it is annual report time and i have two departments to report on and the neck pain grows worse when it comes and it comes and goes more randomly and more often lately and this body does not bounce back like it once did and otherwise, life is wonderful :)

gonna eat now, rest now, and head out for softball in about a half hour... loving life, even as i work too much and the body ages :)

sleepless is a state of mind

sleepless in seattle is on... i will cry again... got back from tallahassee a couple of hours ago and was about to play a little game and let myself fall asleep when i found the last scene of sleepless in seattle play out and as if i never saw it before, i was a puddle... and then, just as i was sighing and letting it go, it starts again... so i am watching... sheesh...

good road trip... just today i was reflecting on how i was way ahead of my time because i was emo way before emo was invented... laughter followed... yeah, gonna go back to watch now... hope you are enjoying your week :)

all is well in the end

so i book rooms at the best western and we get a great rate, something like $67 a night and i lay down for a moment waiting to head out for dinner and get a call that the place has no hot water and might not have hot water until tomorrow so we check out and head up the road to the marriot and spend $119 and wow, what a difference... you get what you pay for, for sure... not gonna skimp again, especially when the job is paying for the room cuz this place is immaculate and expansive and ultra comfortable and the other place was older and had some mold in the bathroom, signs of the room not being cleaning daily... wish we were staying longer...

so an early day tomorrow (and today started at 3AM) means i should get to sleep early tonight... hope your day turned out as well as mine did... it's a wonderful life :)

the trouble with going to sleep early

is that i typically sleep in four hour segments so... going to sleep early usually means i wake about when i am most awake (being nocturnal) which is just after midnight until about 2-3am... like right now... and then i sometimes wind up not going back to sleep and that is not best for the body cuz the body really does do best with eight hours sleep each twenty-four hour cycle...

at least i remembered that i had to call the cable company to reschedule the cable guy cuz i will be in tallahassee tonight and so, the gable cuy, or cable guy, will be visiting on friday night... so i adored her a little more (and her too) and felt much better :)

how do you spend your nights these days? really?...

ice cream sleepy head

chocolate ice cream after soup and yogurt for dinner and sleepy now... long day starting early tomorrow (that includes a 4-5 hour ride) and even longer day the next day (with the same ride returning) so sleep would be wise... so much to do, so little time...

hope you are finding your way to have fun to (in spite of it all :)

forgetfulness

i think i forgot to pay rent this month and there was no reminder (or threat of eviction) notice in my door so maybe i didn't forget but i don't remember going into the office and paying rent so i will call tomorrow and check... i woke to use the bathroom and the thought popped me back out of bed after i laid back down to check my back account and amazing, the online bank site is down for maintenance... i check my bank account online once or twice a year and what timing, aye?...

so i am awake now... slept almost five hours and another four hour block would be great, but the brain wants to check this and also write (the babbler never sleeps) so i will do that and hopefully the site will come back on line shortly... it says ten more minutes, we shall see... i am full of complaints as several have been piling up over the past week so maybe i will dump them in the complaint blog (if i remember what they are lam :)

so how are you? :)

the surface

mostly daily life outside of me is more frustrating than anything else lately, though that's cuz the world is full of confused people... inside, mostly happiness and merriment more than ever, though still loneliness too... so each day i have a stack of little (and maybe a few big) things to vent about and sometimes i do... and if i have time there are zillions of wonders inside to babble on about and sometimes i do... and always i wish there was more time for the later...

that is life, daily and so on... and it might help if someone (an individual personal friend) had the time to care and ask and want to know, but no such person exists in life for me these days, so it is easy to forget ignore and simply move on rather than record, digest, remember, and share the highs and lows of life these days... that is sad for the writer, for the peanut gallery, for the little one, for the bottom line, for ego, for most of me... and maybe it's ego, but i'd like to think that is sad for the world too... but for better or worse, my worth does not need validation from outside nearly as much as it used to... though i sure would like some cuz i would like to feel connected to the world somehow...

today fast food, the cable company, smoking neighbors, and from within, loneliness and a touch of sadness provided frustration... the ncaa football game (xbox), words, dreams, sleep, fast food, text messages, and my senses experiencing everything provided happiness and merriment... that's the surface summary, the daily touch... and that all i share is this surface summary and that i rarely have the quiet time in the middle of the night to express myself this way is the touch of sadness... and this entry summarizes life these days and the writing inspires my smile...

thanks :)

habits

so i've gotten in the habit, say 70-80% of the time, maybe more, of taking the computer and phone (which easily sits on the portable computer tray that neatly sits on the just0the0right0fit table i have across from the bowl) into the bathroom with me which increases the odds (and opportunity) of my tapping keys each day for an entry... some days more than once... sure, you can focus on the less desireable aspects of this information and make groaning noises and even hold your nose, but hey, it works (probably cuz i have not figured a way to bring the xbox in here... oh, so now you're laughing?)...

it started out as a simply wonderful day partly cuz i slept twelve hours but also cuz i thought it was thursday until i opened the front door and found the newspaper outside... i only get the paper delivered friday, saturday, and sunday (and only cuz there was a really great deal at groupon cuz, now you can laugh, i have only taken one of two papers out of their plastic bags in the nine or so months i've been getting delivery and that was probably in the first month... yeah, no interest in the news (cuz i want to know the truth, ya know?) and no time for the comics or sports or fun stuff... at least i finally got the big pile of newspaper logs to the recycling bin last month (would i be looking up nonchalantly as if you didn't catch that?)...

work was, as usual, different... the usual busy friday morning cuz our admin assistant no longer works friday (i do the work she usually does all morning) and then, just as i am settling into some of my other work, five almost simultaneous investigations fill up the entire afternoon and then, as i am packing up to leave, all hell breaks out on one of the units (thanks in large part to mismanaging staffing, which happens way too often) and i finally tell myself it's ok to leave at about 7:30...

the neck is hurting a lot tonight, even with aspirins... it may be time to head to the doctor to see if i want to spend the money it'll cost to do tests to see if the cause can be identified (and thousands of dollars later they still might just say it's muscles spasms or some such... working in the health care field most of this life gives me a somewhat skeptical and even cynical view, mostly because i know how much profit there is in the health care {why do you think the lobbies against public health care are so powerful, same reason the oil and tobacco and other lobbies are, big bucks} business and it sure is a business)... gonna stop typing now... still love ya though :)

yeah, i know i am not always wise

like for still being awake with work in a few hours and not enough time to get a full 4 hour sleep block in and the cold bug being headed off a little by all the herbal stuff i took but without the rest i am just setting the body up for a immunal crash... immunal, is that a word?... wherever's the infection control nurse when you need her?... anyway, i actually did have too much babble to sleep on so i did (babble, that is) and me and my sixteen followers there are feeling much better for it... imagine that, sixteen followers... i know, why?... shhhh, i love the fact that they are there even if i am not sure i have anything real to offer them... they will never know how much they are appreciated, even if they do find this entry :)

enjoying the imaginary devotion of unknown followers on google-blogger aside, i really ought to get some sleep... didn't even play the game, though i did do some searching and browsing (the babbler always has questions and the internet has the answers, that's just how it works, though it couldn't tell me which episode of the animaniacs had the phantom of the opera parody... alas, imperfection leads us to strive to improve, a fine thing for a performance improvement director, aye?)... i hope you enoyed your night too, even if it was in dreams :)

dangit, not a cold bug

yeah, felt sniffles suddenly late monday afternoon at work... should have taken stuff and gotten sleep the past two days... today at work felt more sniffles... was with a guy sneezing his head off on saturday night (or was that friday night)... exposed to sick people at work often... jackson came down last week bringing seriously resistant bugs from up north (she's been sick more than a month) and two weeks ago (perfect timing for the incubation period according to the infection control nurse who's office is directly across from mine so we see eye to eye when we sit at just the right angle and look up) a new flock of orientees came in and brought cold/flu bugs with them...

staying up past 6am last night and the sudden 35 degree temperatures outside are not helping i suppose... think healthy thoughts and just keep just keep swimming, right :)

sleep soon

cuz there's always hope... so i lied when i texted nite nite to jackson some five hours ago... ncaa football got under my skin, or infected my brain cells, once again... unfortunately, after about a dozen seasons, i finally found out that it is as badly programmed as the actual bcs system (i'll probably go into it somewhere else when i have more time and feel like complaining, but suffice to say, as harry would, it sucks without the music)... of course it's just a game and i want to stay up longer playing it, not griping about it, so back to it i go (just wanted to stop in and say hello and let you know how my night was going... the day was the usual work work work... dinner was delicious... life is grand... still, i really ought to sleep more)... no really, i really ought to sleep more (stop lol... who you talking to willis?) :)

anybody wanna help? :)

just cuz i am off

doesn't mean you are, right?... so checking all the messages i left for people here and there and other places and finding no responses seems like wow, a lot of free time has gone by and nobody responds but then, it's been less than 12 hours really so all is well and i must remember this, whatever this might be... after all, it took a potty break for me to return to the computer today, solook who's talking... then again, maybe you don't want to look at the moment... pardon me, i am still recovering from a chinese food orgasm...

wonder if they used msg...

anyway, hello out there... mostly watched and played football today with a pause for ordering and eating chinese food from the best delivery place i've found for most of the items i ordered... the meats were a little overdone, but everything else, amazing... crispies were crispies, crunchies were crunchy, soup was too hot to eat when it arrived (and still five minutes later) and nothing was cold or soggy, which is kind of amazing... i am ready for a nap now...

love your day - and share it :)

even here

getting real (not even referring to the moment of finding demi lovato's fix a heart which, though simple and perhaps even juvenile lyrically {but then that does depend on the scale upon which we are measuring maturity or whatever we choose to call being whole which is yet another relatively unrelated aside}, still rings clear in my experience), but rather considering the blog experience (and the bigger picture of modern communications from the first telegraphs and telephones that in so many ways shrink the world and appear to bring people together on a large scale, though dependent on technology, and provide the safety of distance and filtering... but still also provide the unavoidable reality of the dilution of intimacy and sharing and reality that comes from distance and delay) and how it has effecting, affected, and even molded you, me, us, and the perspectives of reality we each perceive and attempt to share...

but then, whatever, right?...

let me know when you feel like sharing something and i'll take it all more seriously (and until then, i shall continue to flit and flutter and smile and laugh and be just as serious as i feel like being moment to moment cuz after all, all we are is dust on the wind (shall we nyuk nyuk now? :)

don't be sad, cuz... well, be sad if you want... be as you are... and if you let me know, well, then i will know and we might start sharing, even from a distance and through delay, which is better than nothing... and who knows, it could be the start of a beautiful friendship (have i dropped enough lyrical, film, and other diverse pop culture references yet?)...

it's been a good weekend, all in all... spent some time browsing videos and listening to music and enjoying the audio-video experience again... watched some football while playing some football... played games and partied with friends... touched on ancient emotions and long buried history and remembered stuff that reminded me how much i love sharing and all the different levels of sharing and how much i miss some levels of sharing i have not shared in days or weeks or months or years, even...
and yes, even here in this pour-whatever-comes-to-mind-out (however briefly compared to the babbling places) blog space, i find the limitations of technological dependency and distance and delay ironic as i love to share this way even as it takes time from the other levels of sharing i miss so much...

back to the old there is never enough time thought?... does it ever really go away (of course not, so why waste time asking, aye?)... and how are you tonight? :)

did i sleep?

i think so... i got home feeling good so i played another game and i must have fallen asleep some time after the game cuz i woke a little while ago cuz i set my internal clock for the afternoon football games cuz it is just about playoff time and i wanted to catch the giants cowboys game and did not know it was on in the evening so i am watching the jets play a quite pathetic game (the fact that they might be in the playoffs leads me to wonder how mediocre has the nfl become... i have not watched much football this season and hardly watched any tv the last few months, so it's catch up day cuz i like to know who makes it to the playoffs and who wins each season (and love the stats, ya know) and this is a 3 day weekend so it was the best time for this...

happy new year... if you happen by, say hi :)

addicted to aspirins?

it may be that, at the doctor's advice (that he gave me last year or longer ago as i have not seen him in at least a year, or is it two, alas, i am not the best patient), i have become addicted to aspirins... i take an aspirin, 325mg, each day along with red yeast extract... i pretend that is better than taking the prescription meds he wanted me to take (as did the previous doctor who said she did not want me as a patient anymore... did i mention i am not the best patient?) when somewhere in my head i know it is basically the same statin chemical that is in the prescription drug... shhhh, don't tell me...

anyway, i find that on days off when i forget to take the aspirin and yeast i have some serious neck pain, moreso in the chair after typing a while, but definitely serious enough to stop the typing and get me out of the chair and cause frustration and even a bit of serious concern now and then... back to a doctor?... perhaps... anyway, i am not a happy patient to find i am hurting when i do not take the pills cuz the aspirin is masking something that could kill me (extreme case) which is why i never liked taking any sort of pain killer (cuz pain, like fear, is valuable information that can keep one alive and ignoring it {or masking it} can lead to more serious pains and illnesses and such)...

oh yeah, and happy new year (still laughing, dangit, right to the grave i suppose :)

yeah, and happy new year too

home from the party i did not know i was going to until a few hours before i left... some people i had not seen in ages were there and it was great to see them and fun and games and food and fun and thank goodness aspirins work on controlling the neck pain, alas... and a bit of remembering how out of touch with and uncomfortable i am in this body was a positive negative (if you get that) as - - - sat on my lap and i felt the belly against her and i felt the slouch (i don't want to hear how good my posture is by human standards, i have my own and haven't been living up to them for years now so shut up peanut gallery and do something before it's too late when you die to admit you don't see eye to eye with yourself ya know?) and it was not positive for me...

maybe that'll get me to do something about the belly... if i stop laughing at myself long enough to take myself seriously, that is (hush unless you are really ready to take on the most stubborn child you ever met or haven't met yet... fair warning, ya see)... oh, yeah, and happy new year too :)