wow, again

only the second post all week (unless i add some later, shhhh) i think cuz i am indulging the game player in me and taking a break from the daily writing and daily blogging and almost daily internet browsing (including facebook) and most surprising is my break from even this daily (e)thereal kit that has been going on for a very long time (years and thousands of entries)...

no worries, i am only pausing and self-indulging and loving the self-love that represents and is in actual action and still crave the sharing that brings me back here (and other more social media places) and will likely not be gone for long (as this second post this week kinda demonstrates)...

love you for your patience... love me for mine too :)

hope life is smiling :)

xbox confessions

i connected the xbox tuesday night...

i have ncaa college football for the xbox...

do i need to explain any further where i have been this week?... laugh all you want, i love the escape into the game after years away...

my thumb is in pain though :)

and ok, so i am lonely more than every lately and escaping into the game is a wonderful distraction... so many people in daily life... none but work people in mine and it's a paranoid negative environment so there's no closeness with each other or in each others lives... not sure who has it better (i rejoice in the lack of drama and drainage of energy and celebrate the semi-freedom and relative independence in mine, even when the lonelies want to crush me, i'm still under there celebrating... kind of like the bottom article of clothing, only the dirty laundry pressure i feel is from desire to share within me, if that makes any sense in comparison)... everybody else has stress of relationships and family and deaths of loved ones and yet, but i do see them rejoicing in their own way at the plans and shared experiences...

so i didn't turn on the computer for the past few days... played the game all tuesday night and then went to work... slept as soon as i got home wednesday and then went to work... played part of the evening then slept yesterday then went to work... and here we are... i think the only reason i am at the computer is cuz i am, ummm, pooping... i don't think i pooped since tuesday... yes, you probably didn't need to know that, but hey, it's the real... if i didn't have leftover subs and pasta, i might not have eaten, though there's always lunch at work if i remember i sometimes get hungry... work absorbs me almost as much as this particular video game... anyway, yes, babbles on the toilet seat (botts) has another page in it's book... laughter may abound, but i'll be playing ncaa football shortly :)

at least the computer is on again :)

happy you day :)

i will be back to update someday

sure, be overly dramatic in the title... this moment is brought to you by caring, because of caring, i am here for a moment to tell you i love you even if we are out of touch or never met and i especially love you if we have met and you are reading (cuz if you are not reading, you aren;t even here, right?... unless you're just staring at the screen, in which case, wake up and start reading or find something else to do that won't put you to sleep... unless you want to sleep, in which case just keep staring at the screen... if you try reading you might fall asleep even faster)...

i have had a busy week and will catch up this weekend, i hope (a busy weekend is planned), but more, i finally connected the xbox... nuff said if you know me...

love ya :)

just relaxing

there is probably lots i could do, especially around this place (hey, i did start a laundry), but today will be mostly relaxing... lots of softball over the weekend, i might motivate myself to run later, but everybody i know is working and this is the last day off so i shall indulge...

an amazingly poor showing in softball this week, seven games and we were close in every game but i don't think there was one win now that i look back... yeah, i'm not sure, i play to play so much more than i play to win, but every game was a give-away by errors and nobody scored more than 9 runs against us, but my teams average score was around 3, which is pathetic in softball... some weeks are like that (but it sure would be sweet to have one team that actually has the basic skills at all positions and actually practices and plays like they want to win, ya know :)

fun anyway and fills the social void... if i had a softball partner, activity partner, best friend sharing it all then winning and losing wouldn't matter but on my own it is more fun to win than lose cuz it provides that illusion of success through caring about each other as a team, or something like that... next weekend i'll be missing parties (halloween) and softball cuz i have concerts to go to (nobody to go with to the josh groban concert, alas, nobody i know is into groban)...

feeling the lonelies, but feeling euphoric too cuz days off are so rare and rest is so sweet :)

not enough, but better than nothing

not enough exercise but more, not enough socializing, but better than nothing for a night off... just went 1 for 3 in the game, couldn't find the ball... pitched ok after the first inning once i found the batters weak spots, but nobody in the infield made a play so every ground ball became a runner on base except for the three to me that i threw out... the team didn't hit and lost 9-4... only three of the runs should have scored, maybe less, but errors are killers in softball...

splurged (in calories) on taco bell tonight... not as much as i usually get though so i am far from stuffed (and even a little hungry)... being good about the cakes and snacks and chocolates and sugars and just need to step up the exercise some more (yeah, seven softball games a week is not enough)... anybody wanna run with me? :)

work wakes me

was taking a beautiful afternoon nap and sure enough, work calls... well, not work, but the state calling about work on my personal cell... i called work and straightened out what was needed for now, but so far no real day off in the two days i took off... maybe tomorrow will be a real completed no-work day off...

relaxing with tv after lunch (leftover fish from last night) and would have liked another hour of nap time, but i am just way too important to take afternoon naps, aye?... everybody roll eyes... so how was your day? :)

find myself awake

with softball on my mind... maybe i said too much (haven't said enough) and should have vented in a private place that only the closest friends can read, but they are called meaningless complaints, public or not, because i don't think anybody reads them and they change nothing outside of me (but they are enormously helpful for me as they vent frustration and organize thinking and lead to logical happy decisions, so like it or not, i write... after all, i write first for myself and share with anyone who cares and communicate when someone indicates they want to and most of the time no one does, but just in case you wanted to know me, the words are out here...

another way to hope to find friends, ya know? :)

gonna rest today, maybe some laundry and cleaning and probably a nap... softball later as the team we played yesterday needs me to fill in for their pitcher... i play with some of them thursday nights and am more friendly with them than with most of my sunday team (as i said {if you follow links and read me elsewhere}, we are all one big softball family... i play in five different leagues and have played in all the leagues around town and the closest softball friends are usually spread out as they may be a few from each team... one of these years i'll see about putting them all together :)

and now, as i wipe some bleariness from my eyes, the excitement of a day off begins :)

home again (rinse, lather, rinse, and repeat)

a wonderful day of sunshine and exercise and friends and fun and losses and food and relazation and more exercise and more friends and more food and now, tv sports and internet wandering and more relaxing... ever notice how close sunshine is to sinshine?... on the keyboard, i mean... just saying... anyway, how are you?... hope your day was just as much fun and even more shared (cuz that's the only way mine could have been better :)

sleep well and make tomorrow even better :)

skidaddling

that is, hurrying out the door to get to the softball game after showering and drinking water and taking my vitamins (did you know the word vitamins can mean 'i love you' in friendspeak?... yes, well, now you do :)

make today stupendous :)

oh come on now

sleep would have come some twelve hours ago, or more, if i let it and here i am still buzzing with excitement and blurry bleary-eyed thinking cuz i love the night so much i never want it to end... and some thing it's just insomnia lol lam laa :)

tv and internet (facebook and youtube and alternative news and more, see the links if you know where to find them... what, you want the easy link here every time?... i will not enable your laziness tonight... call me mischievous, lazy, mean, rumpelstilskin, or whatever you'd like, so there) and writing and emo-ing and dreaming and wishing and hoping too...

hope your night was as much fun :)

just keep writing

that's what i do... nobody has to respond (and more than 99% of the time no one does) and that is beyond my control so i just keep writing because everything feels better after i express it for through expression i review and understand by re-expereincing and that is worth the time and energy... and i will continue to put the words out here in the public internet because the sharing is still the point of life for me and this way i share even when no one is here...

stopped by facebook to read and 'like' and let some more people know i exist cuz somebody might reach out beyond a comment or 'like' or continue a conversation off the internet as the social internet is one more way of reaching out to the world, but as with my many bloggering adventures and avenues (and side streets and alleys), this is not the point of life (sharing offline is), meerly one more potential means to an end... not exactly sure how to ask my local facebook friends what they are doing at any given time (like is anybody going to 'taste of maitland' on monday night?' or even 'any girls wanna play softball tomorrow' {cuz we may be short players tomorrow}, or just hello... hello... hello... a la pink floyd), but it's still a public place too say something in many ways and so i do)...

earlier was softball practice for about 150 minutes and i ran around for most of it because before that was all-i-could-eat shrimp at red lobster (with precious) and i did (eat all i could eat shrimp)... almost napped when i got home, but munched a few nuts and drank some gatorade instead and now will sit back relaxing with half an eye on college football and half an eye on the internet...

are you doing what you want to do in this life? :)

strange threads

facebook threads, that is... i just spent an hour, maybe longer, conversing with a couple of friends on facebook in a randomly absurd (but quite amusing) kind of way and i went back to read it (cuz it is not easy to read it while typing rapid fire responses back and forth) and i found the two threads i gave all that time and creative energy to are gone... not sure why... did we offend someone?... well, probably, but people are too easily offended... maybe the two friends deleted the threads as they were on their wall and they have the right to, but i hope not cuz that was a lot of fun and time and typing and i'd hate to think it is gone and not readable... whatever the reason, if i don't get to read the thread, probably won't be doing that again...

some of you would have loved it :)

good softball loss

we should have won, the 2-3-4 hitters were coming up with the one on and one out, but we lost by two... i went 3-3, but unfortunately got picked off first on a leaping line drive catch to the first baseman... silent coach at first didn't help... and in the last inning i heard the coach yell come back so i went back to first and the batter walked to the dugout and we find out the umpire called the ball trapped by the right fielder and i was out at second... we need to get our coaching together and i am going to coach myself next game until i can rely on coaching... not happy cuz i should have known better... but anyway, we lost 12-10 and if not for a few errors and base running mistakes and a few bad calls by the ump (really bad that cost us several runs), we would have won... the team we played has been undefeated for years and may bend the runs to get there (they only had seven or eight regular players today and picked up enough to have ten when we only played with nine, but i guess they don't play by standard rules... it's a church league and the preacher/pastor is on that winning team and they are all the best players and most competitive personalities... kind of typical church hypocrisy from my perspective, but i love softball and get to play, so politics, religion, and even unfairness can be ignored)... we lost to them by one run in the finals last season... we'll see them again in the playoffs...

back to relaxing a little tv and maybe i'll check facebook... hope your evening was fun too :)

relaxing afternoon

only a few work calls so most of me still consider it a day off... just sat here enjoying time home alone, wandering the internet, glancing up at tv, texting a bit, cooked and ate some lunch, all in all, wonderful afternoon... relaxing too :)

hope yours was just as good, or better, even :)

this strange affair of life

likely this belongs more in bullsugar than here as i watch the saddest music in the world (maybe, aye?) and reminisce about the rather odd (some might say warped) perspective of the canadian sense of humor it only fuels the overall wonder, excitement, and sadness of this strange affair of life in which i long to share everything beyond the limits of any human imagination with every fiber of my being as none have ever dared before and remain alone perhaps because no one else has such a limitless longing (or dares to actualize it) and yet, it is sheer bliss...

i ask you, is there anybody here as happy as i am?...

narfissimo lol lam laa :)

just the way it is

i can amuse myself with meaningsless complaints (and let most people read me in reverse) in this blogging life and just as easily in life out there (so easy to be misunderstood) for no apparent reason (and so many comments left floating where we may never find them again), or i could trust people i know to be there when the ache to share cries out (even though nobody is there or here most of the time), or i could go private and write only to myself and give up on humanity (how dark and dreary, i mean, even stephen king has love in his life partner, right?... but then, he publishes... imagine if he wrote what he writes and shared it with no one, now that may be the scariest story of all), or i could lose myself in the facebook life (like the girl in the commercial, you know?), or i could zone into youtube (the true reality tv, almost), or i could dive into the internet and read until the end of time (whatever happened to libraries?), or i could leave it all behind and start elsewhere and stop reaching out and only respond to those who choose to reach out to me...

squirrel...

feeling alone

yeah, well, nobody who cares knows about my challenging week (cuz they are not around day to day) and nobody who knows cares much... sucks to be sick and alone... the stone passed, and i survive another day... pain, fighting infection, drinking lots of water... finally ate something after getting home (another long corporate day with the usual blind leading the blind at the top working hard to justify their jobs so they can keep their high salaries), the half leftover egg salad wrap and half leftover pastrami sandwich and leftover french fries and lots of water... hopefully we do not have a repeat of monday night (cuz this is what i ate monday night... no pickle tonight though... wondering if it's nitrates that fuel stones... they are uric acid stones, so the body is too acedic, or something like that... yeah, whatever, i know... anyway, another challenging week continues)...

and how are you? :}

sick workaholic

dry heaves, bloody urine, stabbing pains, can't keep anything down, can't sit still, the joys of a 24+ hours kidney stone... and i headed into work at 6am (cuz i couldn't sleep all night anyway) and who cares, nobody at work, that's for sure... had monday to catch up on as nothing planned was done due to external surveyors surprising us with an investigation again... got most of what i wanted to get done in spite of the physical distractions... had a two hour orientation training to do (only had to rush out to the bathroom a couple of times to dry heave)... then a one hour meeting to chair with corporate people there and the usual undermining challenges from the don... could have been worse... then the rest of the day meeting with the corporate people who were there to grill me on what i do and there just was no way to be as sharp as i could be, but hopefully they dealt with the fact that i was pissing blood, dry heaving, and passing a kidney stone with a grain of salt... yeah, grain of salt, ha ha...

and now, try to sleep...

fatigue

came home early, ate, and laid down about five hours ago to sleep four hours... woke about an hour ago and read some words from a friend and responded as well as i could and a bit of writing and a bit of football (can miami wide receivers get any worse?... and i have brandon marshall in fantasy and he could have had two touchdowns and another 60-100 yards easy if he could catch the ball... sad night for my fantasy team... so unpredictable... my team has scored the most points in the first five weeks and yet i am 2-3 because my weekly opponents had their best weeks the week they played me so my total opponent score is highest in the league too... bad luck, long season, but my team is falling apart with injuries)...

visited by investigators at work again so nothing got done that needed to get done tomorrow... i'll wake and head in about 6am to catch up as much as i can... feeling alone tonight... feeling the reality of the fact that nobody puts me first in this life and everybody who cares is not close enough to really know me or share daily life... so i come here hoping...

how are you? :}

sweet exhaustion

oh so sweet and slightly painful exhaustion... walking is slightly painful and even slightly challenging as each muscle movement requires conscious thought to prevent stumbling or even falling over... it feels so very wonderful, fantastic, rejuvenating (and alive, most of all, alive)...

two hours sleep after a very long day of softball and batting cage and after a brief evening nap, hours of playing games with friend and then a two hour nap and more softball and sunshine and then, squeezing out my last reserves for a 17-1 win in the afternoon softball game and then, a request to fill in for the next game for another team and then, another request to fill in for the next game for yet another team and i was hitting and running and scoring all the way through (besides all the pitching) and the muscles know it... oh how well they know it... can i hear my body talk?... oh yeah... and i love finding it's voice again :)

wish someone was here to experience it with me (and share their body talk too)... but it is no less wondrous and magical and real alone (cuz it's my experience, after all, and as much as sharing can happen, nobody else can actually experience it)... ah, but dreaming of the the shared illusion is still nice though (like the beach boys sang :)

hope your weekend was as magically delicious as mine :)

home late, wake early

wake early tomorrow morning that is, even though it is tomorrow morning already so what i mean is, wake in three hours or less... ridiculous, i know, but tonight was fun and so i hung out until a little while ago and was wired when i got home (as usual) and instead of exercising (and masturbating) i came here to write and after writing a bit here and there, it is time to let the brain rest and more, let the body crash cuz it is tired...

one more entry that no one may read, but the words are here for the friends who care and that is what i need to fuel the hope for more sharing with someone caring to know me and what i do every day... and if you are out there, thanks and hope you are smiling too :)

good nap, could have been longer

but there are fun and games awaiting me at a friend's house just 20 miles down the road and so it is time to shower and head out... are you making your weekend fun?... hope so (even if you are not reading and have no clue these words were ever here)...

pickles

omigahhhhddd, yes, an expression of sheer pleasureable surprise (or surprising levels of pleasure) well beyond omigosh, i found pickles... not just pickles, but pickles... i even gave it a recommendation at facebook and i have never given anything a recommendation and i even posted the recommendation on my wall and i've never posted a recommendation on my wall so you know this is serious, right?...

oh go ahead, mock me, i'm doing it :)

rachel sandwich, excellent (fyi, there are ratings above excellent, but rarely does any food get an excellent outside of nyc and even more rare does any food get above excellent anywhere... whyat, you didn't know i was a food critic in my spare time?... well, actually, i am not a food critic, i am a food rater... i ignore the crap whereas critics seem to revel in finding and complaining about the crap... just stuff you came here to know about me, right?... meanwhile, outside the parentheses)... knish, very excellent... coney island ny hot dog, very good... egg salad wrap w/bacon, very good... yes, i just had to splurge and sample several menu items... cuz every good fridge should have at least some delicious leftovers for a few days, yum...

gonna nap now :)

silly, sleep already

the weather channel shouts at me from the tv and i've been writing serious and silly stuff and just remembered craig fergy's son was on so i switched over and started listening to liza minelli cuz she is kinda fascinating in a classical 20th century show business kind of way
and why the heck am i not asleep cuz i have to be up at least at 7 tomorrow to get to a tournament at 8 to play... six hours sleep if i hurry to bed now... gonna have to break my caffeine fast tomorrow (haven't had any in almost 2 weeks)... yeah, so nite nite, i hope :)

fumbly bumbly win

but a win nonetheless so we are 2-0, i think... i am already losing track of the records in all the leagues... that's cuz i love playing so much more than i love winning (but still, winning feels better than losing almost every time)... and the tournament tomorrow with the beer drinkers should be fun... should sleep soon, but post-softball excitement happens (as does hunger, but i'm not giving into hunger tonight... last week the bug to drop at least some of the extra weight bit and it's been sort of a week now of light dinners which is the key to dropping weight (fewer calories, but even more important, very few calories after dinner...

so good night for the softball team and for will power... how about you? :)

home from work, off to play

that's the life i know today... almost everything i do is fun, even if i'm the only one... not that others don't have fun too, but i mean, even if i am on my own, you know, no partner sharing the work or play or anything... lots of friends and momentary partners to share whatever i want to share but bouncing from person to person is less fun than sharing everything with someone one so a touch of the lonelies for this moment of touching base between the work and the play... work was good, got lots accomplished... off to play now...

make your life fun too (and hope some one shares it all with you :)

sometimes i wonder (softball)

that is, sometimes i wonder why some of the better players try so little... we tied 7-7 and the other team should not have had more than 2 runs... so the team that nwon the championship two seasons ago (and then took a season off) is now 1-1-1... last week we lost 6-1, nobody's bat came to play... i got up to bat twice, one hit... they always put me up last when i probably get as many hits as anybody on the team, but they all want to hit home runs so there are lots of pop and fly outs... one guy hit two home runs, they walked him the next two times he was up... i went 1 for 3, the adrenaline just doesn't flow much on this team... not exactly sure why they play, but hopefully they'll show up for the playoffs...

almost on time with work stuff this month and quarter... having fun and getting organized better and better in spite of the dysfunction there... and less lonely at home, though still lonely, maybe just less sad about it... probably would be even less sad if i actually unpacked everything and moved in... waiting for someone to share that process is kinda futile... futile is no fun... ok, unpack more this weekend... sleep soon now though cuz more softball tomorrow night after another long day and then, long softball weekend, so...

nite nite :)

heading into a softball weekend

if the weather cooperates... last week all my weekend games were rained out... got the thursday and friday games in though... so tonight starts another marathon... tonight, tomorrow night, saturday tournament, sunday morning and then, sunday afternoon... still not enough softball, but the body needs some rest... no wonder i don't have a softball partner, who is crazy enough to want to play as much as i do, aye?...

hope you make your free time as much fun as i do (you can :)

alrighty then (sorta)

sleep is good for the body and mind, yet i do not give the body and mind i loosely (and only occasionally) call mine quite enough most of the time... i did what the body and mind would like me to do last night though... i fell asleep somewhere between six and eight, waking only a couple of times to drink, empty bladder, roll over, and then woke just before six and laid there until about six thirty when i got dressed and went out for a run (18:59.1 for the five laps which are about a half a 5k) and then showered without rushing, washing the hair twice and adding conditioner before washing the body so it set a bit before rinsing and then sat here typing a comment to a friend and bit of babble and soon i shall dress and head out to work... this is the way mornings would be every morning if the universe provided the 42 hour day i keep requesting... ah, but in this 24 hour day world, i would miss the evening and social life and creative play (already do after just one day)... so balance, precarious as it may be, is the only answer short of winning the lottery, getting financially lucky in some other way, or becoming a successful at the money-grabber game... as i do not enjoy or wish to play the latter and have not had the good fortune of the former two, i walk on through the wind and maintain, as well as i am able, some form of the precarious balance...

hope your day starts out smiling too :)

sleepy

wonderful night last night that almost didn't happen cuz i forgot all about it until about five minutes before i had to leave to get there on time and zoom, yay... tonight, sleep is calling loudly and i am about ready to give in...

hope your week is as wonderful :)

how to not sleep

how easily i forget lol lam laa... yup, this was amazing... and i know i shouldn't stay up all night, but sheesh, you try living (or sleeping, no less) in my head after that... good luck... you really missed another amazing experience (but you can catch it and make it your own, check your local theatres :)

the music of the night is ringing in my ears, singing all the way home in the car, and about to unpack the cds to find the soundtrack, yes, finally unpacking the cds after two moves... the power of the music of the night, aye?...

wish you were here :)

back to the same

all investigation day which means nothing else got done, not even all the follow-up for the weekend... since my back-up decided not to do the work on friday, there was more for me and the admin asst to do today... and so much anger from down the hall, not sure why... so lack of cooperation and dysfunction reign supreme and so it goes... no longer playing that game though, so i will decide for them when they don't want to talk or answer questions or decide for themselves... i am remembering how so many people would rather be children...

and home to turkey cheese burgers... too lazy to make anything else... and soon, fall asleep to the football game, if not sooner... what are you up to? :)

cleaning, laundry, facebook

instead of softball, i filled the day and evening with cleaning, laundry, football, and facebook... cleaning and laundry and football went on most of the day and evening and the tv was in the background all day and evening... i sat down to facebook a couple of hours ago cuz comments started coming into my phone and it was nice to get a little attention from the world outside my head :)

i will write more another time, i am going to head to sleep now... i hope you had a fun filled weekend too :)

and the changes

lately, as in the last week or so, i've not always been coming here first when i sit down with the laptop as an old friend (still crazy after all these years, and all that jazz) started a shared blog and she has been writing almost daily or more and i respond there before coming here because, after all, one of the primary purposes (like maybe 49.999% of the primary purpose if there are just two primary purposes for the daily blog and this blogging life in the first place) was and is to share, care, communicate, and interact, so the tenor and immediacy of this (e)thereal place may be changing and a glimmer of the possibility that the time to move on to yet another daily might be approaching as something like (e)threal as in the (e) real thrill (if threal is defined as real thrill) is gone, or returning, depending on perspective, but for the moment, here we are…

rain rain rain all weekend and some actual catching up on sleep but not nearly enough todo much more than scratch the surface and… yes… realizing surfaces once again… so it rained here the entire weekend and all my softball was cancelled except friday night (we just squeezed in the game)... and i went out to play cards with some friends last night, but otherwise rested more than i have in more than a year and it just barely scratched the surface of the rest this body actually needs... alas, giving away too much money in this life has taken decades off the potential life span and as it appears now i may be working like this until the day this body stops being alive... very sad, but at least i love what i do for money almost all the time...

and now, waking to shower and explore another afternoon…

hope yours is smiling too :)

pain in the neck (again?)

yes, actually, still and continuing to increase, no less, but while it is somewhat non-existent (or at least manageable), let's remember that today started with a beautiful morning and had all sorts of babbling adventures in personal communications and private blogs and then i started catching up with myself, though that was interrupted by the neck so i took a nap and friends woke me to come over for games so i drove a half hour in the pouring rain cuz that is where the party was and had fun... resisted stopping for junk food for the third day in a row, though i ate some junk processed chicken junk, some nuts, and some chocolate at the party and then some soup (which makes third day in a row of soup which cuts the calories but is probably full of more sodium than necessary even though some of it was labelled low sodium and made with sea salt) and then i came home and finished catching up with myself (though it was a false alarm as the focus dissolved into mindless babble as it has not in some time), but then we knew it would takes weeks of sleeping in to actually catch up so no surprise and probably why i am just plodding through life instead of resting...

still wonder if it's better than nothing, aye? :}

catching up with myself

sort of... starting with this blog... it is plugging right along approaching 2300 entries and satisfying the purpose i think i had for it when i started it, so a good feeling about it continues as i continue it and it continues me... some oddities or ironies or tid bitz, for that matter, raise an eyebrow and a smile, like this blogger dashboard that lists all of my blogger blogs (well over 50 now, yes, i know) tells me i have two followers but when i check it only shows one follower and that follower (hello if you check in here) has no posts in a blog design i like to look at (and love the title) and i have no idea if the second follower is hiding somehow or simply a figment of the blogger dashboard's imagination and then i consider that my previous incarnation for daily blogging has 11 followers (and more seem to join periodically in spite of my lack of updating there) and there is an equivalent discrepancy in actually listed followers when compared to the blogger-generated number of followers so either there is a way to hide from someone you are following here or blogger has a glitch in their counting software (or figments, at least) and then i consider that the almost 2300 posts here have a lifetime total of just over 8000 page views (with the most viewed page is the most viewed page (like by 30% more than the second most viewed page or why the most referrals came from here today, but that may be beside the point) and all those posts only have a total of 223 comments so far (considering some posts have up to a dozen comments, i’d estimate less than 1% of the entries here actually have a comment) and that suggests i have silent visitors who either happen by searching for something and/or a few regular visitors who find the literary expression of my daily life leaving them speechless (i know, it is so amazing i can barely find the words some days… right, and i am still looking for that unicorn for that commenter who wanted to buy one too and if you are not laughing with me, then please cheer up cuz life really is too short to take anything so seriously that you cannot find humor in even the worst of it… i care and will listen, seriously, so please don’t feel alone) so all this to say (or suggest) that i took a look at what i do here (in terms of writing this blog) today and why i do it and while the dream of sharing and interacting and finding friends and pleasing an audience (and fame a fortune, on a more distance sarcastic fantasy type of dream) and the one remains as strong and real as ever, the daily purpose is still to put my thoughts, feeling, experiences, and activities into words so i can remember and evaluate and record them for myself and anyone who cares or who may someday care (and posterity, good ol’ posterity) and in the end, to catch up with myself…

yes, so it is agreed as you know as well as i that i love the rare introspective moments and what better way to turn a beautiful morning into a wonderful day...

and how are you? :)

a beautiful morning

rainy here, played softball last night in the wet (as i believe i mentioned last night, where've we been? lam) but today's tournament is rained out so after registering the text message notification of cancellation and turning off my alarms and using the potty, i slept in for the second day in a row and while it was not max sleep, it's more rest than i've given this body in at least a year (two sleep in days in a row) so yay for this closer-to-rested feeling :)

it is amusing how a dreary, dank, rainy morning can be the start of a beautiful day but it certainly is... guess that is what working too much and playing too much and neglecting sleep and above all else, living in this land of year-round heat and humidity and sunshine will do to a perspective :)

hope you loved your morning too :)

gotta sleep

good night, we won big, something like 18-4 or something like that, and that made up for last night when the slugging team mostly popped up and lost 6-1... now i must get some sleep as i have a tournament starting at 8am tomorrow...

anybody wanna be my softball partner? :)

day off

so rare, and it's almost gone... raining outside... so much to do, post office with boxes for jackson, cleaning the place from dishes to boxes to laundry, softball tonight if the rain doesn't continue, and the day is almost gone but the body so needed to sleep-in... a week of this would be a very healthy experience, but alas, not soon... i do have time off scheduled for the end of the month and the next two months... and day time tv still sucks (the worst movies live there) lol...

we care though, right?... whomever we are :)

enjoy your day too :)

does it matter?

i might decide to ramble into (e)thereal as if i was here all along, but the fact is i am back after being away for several days... does it matter?... to whom?... or at least why? (but beyond me would be nice too)... and would it matter if it was (e)threal?... i mean, threal, ya know?... wait, did new votes happen while i was away?... someone was here?... omigosh, i am not completely and utterly alone?... does it matter?...

meanwhile, just in case we know each other and i never knew, do you prefer left brain or right?... does it matter?... how and why?... you should know that leaving a word is not like a commitment, or sex even... i won't mock you if you don't want me to... or read your mind, either... deeds, not pants... so as irreverence is as irreverence does, i am now #117953755839471529254 on google+ (it could have been bullsugar!)...

flowers die, send money instead...

narf :)

home a bit

left work a few minites early to get home a minute after five to rest and maybe nap before heading to softball (which is only a little crazy cuz i am feeling a little better, even though the body is quite exhausted from the recovery phase of whatever bug was bugging it) and naturally, shhhh, sleep a bit...

who are we?

vaguely remember

i watched some monday night sci-fi last night and fell asleep before ncis tonight and still have much challenge crawling out of bed tomorrow cuz the digestive flu sucked most of the energy required for movement out of the body and that is why i am here now, days later, updating this day as if i was here today, whenever this was...

time is such a relative silliness...

body blows

it was about this time that i got home from work and might have stuffed my face with some old burgers that had been in the fridge for a couple of weeks cuz they defrosted in the cooler at the softball field three weeks ago cuz nobody brought a grill and the second week only half the burgers were cooked and last week nobody brought a grill so i decided to eat some that looked and smelled ok (and i am throwing out the rest) and i was so very exhausted and fluish (so maybe it wasn't bad burgers, really) and i didn't have the energy to do much of anything but drag myself to work and then respond to a friend in a few private blogs and so, did ya miss me?...

does it matter?...

da?

long fun weekend

and i'm not letting it end in spite of the fatigue and obligation to wake early for another workday and work work work... but bloat bloat bloat will probably keep me awake awake awake for a bit longer... so let's catch up...

back in the day i woke and left to help a friend move and many hours later, i headed to another friend's place to play cards and then after midnight, i headed home and sort of did whatever until i finally got some sleep until a few hours later when i woke and headed out for softball and then a few hours later, headed to another softball game and then a few hours later, ate ribs at gator's dockside and watched some football and then a few hours later, headed home and sort of craved a sonic hot dog and found myself heading in the wrong direction on the 408 so i got off and there on the corner was a sonic so i ate some hot dogs and headed home... and shakes, i got chocolate shakes too... called an old member of the old family and discussed probate and estate and disposition of property or something like that and said we'd stay in touch... and then, here we are, bloated big time and bleary eyed and euphoric with fatigue and ego-strokes (went 5-0 in softball the last four days) and sugar salt fat food and dreams and hopes and la la la la (music and stories and stuff like that too) and . . .

hope you had too much fun too :)

busy weekend

heading out for a full day of softball now, gotta run... catchup later :)

mostly newish

which reminds me that if i had to answer the religion question as a youth i sometimes answered mostly newish and people sometimes assumed i meant mostly jewish, but that's besides the point... i was inspired to open (note that i did not say create) and new repository for words (note i did not say blog) and just came here to mention (note i did not say announce) it discretely (note i did not say subtly) in your (not i did not say our, though i am here doing it too, rather comfortably, no doubt {note i did not say without} lol lam narf {note i did not say snark or laa} what?) and i've got to go help a friend move now but it's a wonderful moring and with the help of the design itself, that other thing i did not actually say exists and excites me for some apparent reason that will be explored a bit later...

life is so much fun in words :)

when someone cares to know

and the excitement of connecting with another human again (even though this is not a new falling in love with the hope of the one feeling but rather an old friend with a history of love and hope and nurturing and also beating each other to a pulp at times cuz that's what best friends do too kind of feeling if you know what i mean) has me awake and doing better and feeling (and seeing things) with a renewed optimism and calmness and almost, wonder... and so in a response to a simple wish for a good (or magical, even) day, with the believe someone wants to know for real, i responded and what came out was this (which is what the (e)thereal is all about, after all)...

the day was ok, stupid work drama, ridiculous passive aggressive interference from the director of nursing who is quite uneven and even more uneven narcissist ceo who flips on and off from micro-managing sadist to scared little boy refusing any responsibility by blaming everyone else and finding fault that requires the micro-managing sadist to come back out and fix things that are not wrong which puts everyone on edge and at each others throats... so peace... as the DON is easy to ignore in spite of the risks of having her in that position and the nuisance of her meddling and deliberate undermining inaction simply takes extra time to pass... so i wait her out and life goes on... i really would be happier elsewhere though...

interjecting the thought that if they read this, maybe they will learn something... or retaliate... or both... and it feels really good to realize, to actualize, that i've once again reached the point where the truth is more important than self preservation... and now, back to the response to the simple request to know how my day went...

the evening, on the other hand, was much better... softball win, 9-1, knocked in two runs and scored once (did not hit as well as last night, 1 for 4, but pitched even better than last night... the only run they got was on an error)... then went to the other team i play for on fridays when the first team is not playing and cheered them on as they won... hung out with them a while after the game... drove home feeling wonderful, but lonely, but driving with the window open more aware of my senses than in a long time... especially the smells... first it was burgers... then it was chinese food... then it was a swamp smell... then it was a sweet green smell... then it was a woodsy fire smell... and then, home... hungry but not enough to eat... have a 7:30 wake up to head to a friend's house to help him move... should sleep, but want to share... so i shall write and dream and hope and that inspires a smile :)

kinda magical at that :)

it is good to believe someone cares to know even more than usual, ya know? :)