ok, actually, sorta

written yesterday to a friend, i share it now just cuz you want to know... or maybe i will if i ever read all this... or psterity, maybe posterity will want to know... whatever there is to know, that is... time may tell :)

so wow, i shuddered reading someone suggesting i watch some tv and wait for another day to come around... and yet i laugh... watching tv and waiting for another day to come around is one way to insure (or ensure) that i remain alone forever since i'm not going to meet anybody who might love me or live with me or share mad passionate sex with me by watching tv by myself at home...

yet this week, feeling sick, i passed up on a "haiti benefit" on tuesday night and a lobster dinner tonight (and a trivia dinner tuesday night before the haiti thing) and i don't want to go to a dinner party tomorrow night cuz i am still tired and really ought to just sleep for a few days, but i said i would go tomorrow so i will go... and friday night i promised precious dinner...

and i started writing the comment that turned into this entry almost an hour ago and the phone rang four times and life is just like that these days... busy but not intimate... sharing time, but not heart or depth or dreams... and much work... and i know this describes many, if not most lives, even lives of couple and families who live together, but that doesn't mean i will ever stop wanting to share more (incorrigible, remember? :}

i am feeling a little better, just wanting the endless sleep rest that my job and social committments do not allow (and it's been years)... it's the job that will not relent cuz even if i stop being social, work is still there... one of these days i will take a vacation for myself and head off somewhere and sleep for days and the theory is i will wake rejuvenated and back to me...

if that is still possible (hopefully, partly cheesy grin :}

take care of you :)