how many days?

as if I forgot how to come here and type, but no, i was elsewhere (links to follow, perhaps, if anybody cares... maybe even a whole new blog... what?)... so time passed... and nothing changed... and everything changed... that's life...

it was all too challenging, painful, and unbelievable to write about... sigh.

wasted a lot of time on facebook . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . sigh... (yeah {yes, even}, that is the sound of time passing in links in multiple ellipses, ya know... for explanatory notes or details you'll just have to care enough to reach out and ask... or wait for the paperpack)...

and I mean I may actually mean wasted... at least for now... but then, waste is relative to perspective, discovery, and personal value... i mean, all this could be wasted time too... on the other hand, it's good for me, even if nobody ever knows...

who cares?... there's a blog for that too (laugh, wink, and la dee dah)...

so where've you been?... in case it matters to you (and you miss the dirt, drama, and details {and emo} you've come here for all these years), you might find me here now... I hope you are well...

What I Said (every now and then)

every now and then
I will
travel back in time
I will
remember a rhyme
that will
lead me to sublime
and will
reveal an old crime
or maybe this
something we miss
something we feel
being here
being good
being real
what we had
was not bad
in the real

Remember me?... remember reading me here?... remember anything about the dream of you being there? It was another time... it was another place... it was another fantasy with yet another face. I miss it now. I miss you now. I miss you now.

A year later and the changes happened just as the might have been foretold in many real entries before this here and elsewhere. the illusion of sharing only last as long as it is shared. People move on. Year together dissolve into memory and often memory dissolves into the ethers (or aethers), the unconscious (or subconscious), the nothingness where no though returns except every now and then... like this (my way) or that (your way) and here we are.

Still refusing to say goodbye, even though we are gone.

Sometimes though, when tomorrow pauses...

Narf :)

Getting Scary

I can't be sure where I will be in a couple of weeks when the lease runs out here. Jackson has not offered her couch because it is Brandi's house. I kept paying for a two bedroom place just in case her move out of state did not work a few years ago and it didn't work so she had a place to come back to and I paid most of the rent and all of the utilities for most of the years we lived together. She says she can't help me. Ouch.

I am going to see if Curly will let me stay in the unfinished room he's used for storage in a house near here for the last few years. I lost a lot of friends helping him out of a serious jam, testifying in court for him. Hopefully he will let me stay there a while. It's not comfortable, but it's got a roof and a toilet.

Job, please.