what happened?

for weeks, months, even, i would get home and turn on the tv, ncis when it was on, sci-fi when it wasn't, usually... and while the tv occupied the background, i tapped on the keys here and other places (not to mention facebook and twitter and... wherever)... everybody was happy and in touch (even the 99.99999999999999% who never let me know)... then suddenly, impulsively, even, the xbox that sat in the corner for months (since way before jackson moved) was connected and the ncaa college football game was turned on and nothing will ever be the same... well, nothing is ever actually really the same cuz time changes everything and everything with time, or in time, for that matter, but don't ask me in time for what... in any case, or event, even, i disappeared, sort of, and here i am again...

that's what happened, but not what i was asking in the title... maybe the babbles will finally pour out into where it belongs and this will get back to brief daily updates of life as i know it... wouldn't it be nice?...

work, lts of it, but nothing i had planned (like catching up on last week) cuz ahca walked in and the dance lasted until 5 and i decided that was enough... so maybe tomorrow i start catching up... endless, isn't it?...

meanwhile, in romania, look what i found... !...

good day for you? :)

sleep must

that is, i must sleep... just for the record, anybody means any body as in you, dear reader... a simple nod of your head might suffice if i could see your head, but a simple word might be easier than setting up a video recording studio or even turning on a web cam and creating a feed that i can see somewhere, live or not, youtube, even...

the point, i ponder, must be to continue, even when continuing means singing the impossible dream... kapish?... anybody? lol lam laa :)

played the game today, ate a little, rested a lot, cleaned nothing, no laundry, mess expands, doritos were good, lonelies raining down (like that song, rain on me, or something like that)... it is after midnight, do you know where your childinside is?...

work early tomorrow, a day too soon, but thems the breaks sometimes... sleepy now, groggy brain, curling up mode... and in spite of the rain, much fun and smiles, hope you found smiles today too...

not enough time

for me... that is so sad... but then, i do make the best of it even as it means living in a messy space for another week or so (how long has it been?... since july?... yup, long time to live in the clutter of semi-unpacked and semi-packed boxes and piles of stuff awaiting sorting, discarding, and putting away... how does that old song with so many edges go?... a man needs a maid... a woman too, honestly (as my girlfriends will all attests with smiles)...

wonderful weekend, wonderful week off, wonderful wonderful... just not enough rest time, clean-up time, or me-time before returning to the working madness tomorrow morning... so i put off the clean-up yet another day (madness for most, giggles and only slight sighing alases and a grunt for me) and i put off more writing for yet another day (more sighs and flutters of lonelies), and i put off sleep for another day (eye-rolls and sighs and a bit of deep mourning over loss of life-span and a grumble or two), and i head for the fun of the fair (me-time) all by myself (cuz nobody is here to share it, alas, again, ladeedah lament lol lam laa and all that jazz {not to mention alliteration}, kapish?... anybody?)...

so how are you? :)

home again (no ring)

as in ring-a-ding-ding, whatever that means... back from ft lauderdale and wanna do so many things (from writing {so many places to so many people and more} to reading {so many missed words in so many places on and offline} to chores {need a week, at least} to sleeping {not soon, alas} to playing the game {please please please?} to talk to friends {alas, who might be awake, dear gardens, dear google, dear gethsemane) to . . . well, much more... time time time, is telling me a story that ends with the conclusion that there is never enough time (at least not until you find the one and live happily ever after, but that's colors a horse in a different story)...

wonderful fun, just not enough time to get everything done... including writing words for myself and for you... but continue i shall (including sudden semi-secret subliminal messages to everything, the the one to old friends and new, to someone, to no one, to me and to you), even if it is never enough (where oh where is the tape with that song and theme, alas... missing music haunts my nights, phantom memories haunt my days, hope the story turns out right, wish the music would return and play... cuz i'm better when the music plays)... or so it seems (omigosh)...

hope your weekend was wonderful fun too :)

morning after

not hung over, though bloated and achy and a bit numb... have to check out soon, so shower and head out to the fields to watch and support orlando softball (since we were knocked out of the tournament about 10:30 last night) and then the long drive home... yay for being off tomorrow... boo for not being off tuesday cuz work needed me... alas, stop - no work thoughts, fun day ahead...

hope yours is fun too :)

loving the fun

could have been better, yes... like i could be in love and have the perfect partner to share everything in life... or more to the immediate activities, i could be pitching for one of the other teams and actually have a good chance of winning championships and tournaments (two teams asked me to be their pitcher for next season already, but loyalty is important too)... or i could have better eating habits, for that matter (and not so easily laugh off the fact that i don't... though i eat a heck of a lot of veggies and salads and healthy food and have better eating habits than most americans, it is relative as is everything and i definitely eat too much of everything in one sitting cuz i love food, which is the whole oral stimulus thing that brings us back around to the physical aspect of being in love (though the emotional and mental sharing is still more important for me, say 42, 32, 26, if we attempt quantification of importance, for the moment at least, and perfect partner thought which ia par for the course after such a long day of physical play and night social life play)... but hey, it can always be better... bottom line serious now, fun was had by all, i think, definitely by me...

back from the party, you expected less of a ramble? :)

more please

not that the body wants more at this very moment (though some of it does), but i really want more of these marathon physical endurance exercise days and wish i found time and motivation and most of all friends who would share days and weekends like this with me more often... we played the tournament, five games, and did much better than i thought we would and i will catch up with details later cuz right now i am heading out with the youngsters to enjoy some night out fun...

hope your weekend is fun too :)

resting between games

finished up the morning round robin with a win afer losing the first two (we almost won the first game but some errors cost us the game in the last inning... so will be seeded in the lower half for this evening's two-loss elimination begins...

gonna lay down, close my eyes, and see if it is nap time :)

hope your day is rocking with fun too :)

g'morning

yes, here we are in this semi-seedy room with the bathroom bugs (please no bedbugs, please no bedbugs) and the mattress that should have been thrown out twenty years ago (it has a visible indentation on one side and has no support left anywhere) and it rained last night (and may still be raining this morning) and off we go to play softball for at least 12 hours... are we fools or masochists? (laughing, so at least fools) and then... way too much fatty ribeye last night, so the kidneys are telling me how stupid i am, but i had a social dinner with the team until 10:30pm (so didn't get to sleep early so the body is telling me how stupid i am for not sleeping enough) and hopefully i will not produce a stone today and be incapacitated tonight or tomorrow for either more softball or a long drive home... and then there is the most likely outcome of this tournament, five humiliating loses and we are done, cuz these guys are way too new and inexperienced to play tournament level ball, but fun, that's what we are here for, fun... and what else is new?... shhhh, now that all that is out, time to head out the door and start the day worry-free with nothing but positivity, right?...

all the challenges of this physical life aside, make today wonderful because you can... i know i will...

no really, you can :)

g'morning

yes, here we are in this semi-seeding room with the bathroom bugs (please no bedbugs, please no bedbugs) and the mattress that should have been thrown out twenty years ago (it has a visible indentation on one side and has no support left anywhere) and it rained last night (and may still be raining this morning) and off we go to play softball for at least 12 hours... are we fools or masochists? (laughing, so at least fools) and then... way too much fatty ribeye last night, so the kidneys are telling me how stupid i am, but i had a social dinner with the team until 10:30pm (so didn't get to sleep early so the body is telling me how stupid i am for not sleeping enough) and hopefully i will not produce a stone today and be incapacitated tonight or tomorrow for either more softball or a long drive home... and then there is the most likely outcome of this tournament, five humiliating loses and we are done, cuz these guys are way too new and inexperienced to play tournament level ball, but fun, that's what we are here for, fun... and what else is new?... shhhh, now that all that is out, time to head out the door and start the day worry-free with nothing but positivity, right?...

all the challenges of this physical life aside, make today wonderful because you can... i know i will...

no really, you can :)

softball weekend

while i stumbled across this atrocious abuse of power while checking on facebook because i am sharing a room with someone who pointed me to facebook because he added a dozen or so friends from the team to my account, i am trying to stay positive about humanity as i am here to enjoy a weekend of softball and friends and fresh air and exercise and fun... and being away from home (and the xbox), i even have a moment to update (e)thereal (yes, blessed we are, and of course yes, sarcastic i am)...

i do miss the comments you never left :)

make your weekend fun, ok? :)

life or sleep?... life

so i took no sleep into the 5k at 8am yesterday (drove downtown 6am to pick up the race packet and then took a nap in the car for a half hour or so) made for a long nap during the day after the run and then a rush to get to the dinner (forgetting nothing would be open so i couldn't pick up the veggies or ice cream that was on my tentative list... luckily someone else picked up veggies and abby (who was making the party) knows me well enough to have picked up extra veggies and ice cream... when i bring stuff i bring a lot, so they forgive my not bringing on occasion)... and then dinner and so on until after midnight left me crashing when i got home (don't even remember what i did when i got home) and now i am busy doing laundry and packing (and trying to squeeze in a little cleaning cuz the place is a mess) and running late for driving down to ft lauderdale, so... all that to say i shall not have many words here and yet, i am squeezing in some time to check in and keep in touch...

should be leaving now to make dinner with the team, but alas, i will probably not leave for a couple of hours at least cuz there is too much to do around here and i do not want my last day off (monday) to be a packed-with-house-work day if i can help it (probably can't help it... or i could just ignore the mess longer :)

work, eat, vege

mostly vegged with the game today... got lots planned for the rest of the week so the purely me-time vacation is over... tomorrow 5k with friends, then something with them, then dinner at their house... friday i leave for ft. lauderdale and i forgot all about trying to find out who has the key to the old people's apartment so i won't be checking it out (or staying there free for that matter, though i suspect it smells awful and may be bug infested) as i start a weekend softball tournament friday through sunday (though we may be through saturday night) and then, rest monday cuz it's back to work tuesday cuz they just couldn't get along without me for a full weeks... they are sad at work, really...

the 5k is 6am so i should sleep, but sleep is against my nature sometimes :)

yeah, i know (with or without emphasis)

from craig ferguson to stephen wright, the inflection or lack thereof fits the bipolar meanings of the title if you follow, or even if you don't... i am not exactly sure just when i practically gave up the lament over no comments (those who know me are laughing, those who don't are wondering a bit, or maybe not), but we all know it is only as lonely as we want it to be out here in blogland... or offline life, for that matter... we are what we are, silent spectators watching the world go by without much more than a whisper of acknowledgement (i just seem like i acknoledge a lot out here with all these words, don't i?)... if we are not laughing, well, then i laugh alone :)

fun with the game at home today... tomorrow starts a very busy weekend... wonder if i am gonna go through game withdrawals... only sorta, cuz that's how i roll... if you only knew what i know, you'd understand and be laughing aong... i hope you are at least pleased to find some words cuz as much as they are for me, they are out here for you too...

please take care of you :)

today was tomorrow yesterday, ya know?

so it started somewhere back here and in a strange short and winding road, bounced around some thing like this though quite possible in reverse order, like-speaking, and more ironic than there may ever be time to explain cuz time is relative after all and i will always love you, even if it seems to always be at some future* date* or not*

someday we'll all understand

*links will likely not work as they are future entries


PS... Happy Birthday Shari :)

obviously blah blah blah

what i means is, obviously there is a flood of babble waiting for the fingers to connect with the keys again and this is not the place for such as the previous entry begged to become and that could become a monthload of entries here (as if there was never any time away, as has been done before, no less), but discipline has kept this blog briefer than any other daily blog (the funda were not daily, after all, and all the other brief snippet blogs aren't either and it is easier to be brief in a special purpose blog like those i elude to kinda hoping you'll find them and like them, ya know) and so it shall be again (we hope), the daily (e)thereal (or did a new one already start somehow somewhere elsewhere without my even realizing it?)...

fun softball today... no work today... no work this week, yay... screw the unappreciative workplace and that's all the mental energy it gets... fun ncaa football video game today... kicking butt as the ucf coach trying to go to our third national championship in the six seasons i've been coaching ucf (already won conference usa five times and was invited to the acc this year so i have better chances to get into the bcs championship game now... goal is get an invite to one of the big conferences and kick butt there)... and loneliness for love, as usual, but enjoying the social life i have... pigging out a bit more than is balanced lately, but still eating lots of healthy fruits and veggies and balance most of the time... ignoring the living space a bit so it's quite messy, but nobody comes over so what me worry ya know... watching a little nfl monday night tonight and remembering i keep forgetting fantasy football each week... and missing you, but what else is new, aye?...

yay for updates :)

neglectful, i have been

yes, in yodaspeak or not, neglectful, i have been, as i have been playing elsewhere offline for much time now and those who know me through facebook wonder and those who know me through blogs wonder and those who know me through the phone lines ask and know i have been away from the web, but well and happy and enjoying myself and still, the writer, the blogger, the friend to you dear readers wakes feeling sad that i have neglected you... as the photo that has been my profile photo here on blogger for the past month or few suggests, the writer and writing interests has been slipping through the shelves and as usual, that represents so much to me (and you, if you understand me)... it is not the best, but not the worst of times either and adjustments to shelving take place now and then in this life... the hope is the best books remain aloft and those that end up on the floor understand the floor is where it all begins for one who cleans by dumping everything on the floor and putting everything where it belongs as it it is all brand new stuff)... i miss you and wonder if you understand the irony of the but of a fact that i have missed myself for quite some time now (much longer than the last few weeks away from here, in fact, much longer than this (e)thereal blog with almost 2500 entries existed, but that is a long and winding road of a very different horse that we will not beat, dead or not, for the whole ramble that this entry might have been belongs behind the candoor or some other elsewhere, gaimanspeak or not, if you follow anything i've ever said/written, ya know?)... i miss you more now and hope to be back for more sharing here soon...

and you?...

where been?

mostly working... and playing softball... and playing the video game... even skipped an out-of-town wedding i was invited to cuz i did not want to give up a whole weekend away from home cuz i really need to squeeze in rest between work, softball, and video...

and i didn't want to skip the weekend softball...

i really ought to make time to clean this place this week... it's still in the disarray created when erika moved out with stuff kind of everywhere,... but there's just so little time away from work that i want to fill it with fun... and nobody comes over anyway...

not much new, aye? :)

number eleven, number eleven, number eleven

hey, it worked for number nine...

someday, i may write an entry fitting of this date, but for now, i leave these words here to be uploaded at the scheduled aforementioned time just cuz i love numbers and who knows, whether we know it or not, it might actually mean something somewhere in the universe, maybe even here...

and so i did, amazing, perhaps, especially since i have been away from writing daily and away from the internet and touched the computer only once or twice in the past week or two, but here we are... see what numbers will do?... or was it something more intuitive or profound, even... like please help my friend become mayor for a day by clicking like on her video (pass it on, she so deserves it) cuz some things (and people) are magical, ya know?...

there is something profound somewhere, if only there was time to find it... maybe before the numbers go away...

ok then, again?

yes, i have the audacity to be so deep in the blissful abyss of self-indulgent game playing that i somehow tore myself away from the addiction to writing that has been one of my best friends since i first found crayons make marks on paper (while other nursery schoolers were just eating them, aye?), but for some reason tonight i decided to return as i usually do instead of playing the game (and now i'll be up way too late cuz i'll play at least one game before going to sleep, silly addiction to fun) and sure enough i find messages for me (one here, a few elsewhere) and then there is THIS!... PLEASE CLICK AND LIKE THIS VIDEO cuz you love me, right?... you'll be helping my friend become mayor for a day and she so deserves it {not just cuz she's adorable, cuz she really cares so much i shudder to think of her actually finding out the world so does not} and i will love you even more than i already do) so it was meant to be and so on, the whole being here thing...

and i miss you too...

wow, away

we have reached the point where i am even ignoring the phone and that is quite self-absorbed, if you know what i mean... not totally ignoring, but not responding to it (as in looking at it when it makes a sound or answering every message)... and just look at how few entries have been here lately... as if i needed proof that nobody would notice if i disappeared... i feel your emptiness, once known as z0tl (short for he who was once known as z0tl, but when have we ever been formal here, aye?)... sure, the sense of humor survives anything, even, well, anything...

i lucked out and made it to the bcs championship game and won... it took beating #1 florida and then having florida beat the new #1 alabama and then iowa beating #4 michigan and michigan beating #3 ohio state and there i was slipped up into the #2 spot to play #1 oklahoma... so ucf is the national champion and has the most all-americans of any team and i won coach of the year two years running and did i mention i kinda love that game?...

meanwhile, softball kinda sucked this week as my teams went 3-5 this week... double headers and an extra monday night game didn't help... lack of hitting and errors and a few walks all combined to close loses... walks are weird... most weeks i don't walk any... my hitting was eh, probably batted around .500, which is not good for softball (for me at least)... i did strike out a bunch of people, but just not enough... no wonder i prefer the video gasme world at the moment, aye?...

anybody miss me? (here, there, or anywhere?)...

so what's up with you?...

yeah, i really do wanna know...

doing list

as opposed to a to-do list i suppose... yeah, though i could use more variety, i am keeping too busy to think much... time consumption (or investment, depending on perspective) the last few weeks:

1. work (office)
2. sleep (home)
3. playing softball (including organizing and coaching and hanging with softball friends) (outdoors and out places)
4. playing ncaa college football on xbox (home)
5. daily living stuff (bathing and such, cleaning and laundry, cooking and eating, and so on) (home and out for eating)
6. other socializing (out public places and friends homes)
7. other exercise (running, gym, etc) (home, other places, and outside)
8. writing (home, mostly)
9. internet wanderings and reading (email, facebook, etc) (home mostly)
10. reading other than internet (home and away)

wonder what i am leaving out... anyway, the primary difference in the last few weeks and the prior few months is a major decreases in #8 and #9 and an equivalent increase in #4… prior to the last few months, the difference would be a zero for #4, decreases in #1 and #2, and increases in #6, #7, #8, and #9…

fascinating, no doubt :)

probably not sleeping as much as the above makes it seem though... so i ought to get to that now... but now you know (and i know you've been dying to) what i have been doing with the bulk of my time... still love to read, just not a priority... someday i will ask you for a reading list (with a why for each item) so you really ought to gert back to reviewing reading stuff in your blog for that purpose, ya know ;)

sleep dangit

yeah, so i am loving the ncaa college football video game so much i am sleeping less and doing other things less and laughing at the world around me as i distract myself from most of it with, yes, the video game...

and you? :)

kinda amazing

the time passing without the daily writing, that is... amazing with a capital smile too :)

or is that this =)

one of these days i'll be back catching up like crazy... for now, just cuz i love you and care about you and don't want worries or frets in your world about me, i am here to let you know all is well, wonderful, even, in spite of the same old same old challenges from humans and life (one last stab from the family that i'll explain and deal with another time) and my self-indulgent time continues yay yay yay :)

so i'll cheat by repeating words i wrote to a friend who wanted to know what i'm doing and how i am as if it's just another (e)thereal update, ok?... well, it's ok, believe it :)

today i played the video game, then went to softball practice, then went to a birthday party at a sports bar, then came here... squeezed a shower and cgange in after softball and will play video a bit more tonight after writing a bit... have four softball games tomorrow so i must convince myself to sleep some good sleep tonight :)

see, that's just like an (e)thereal entry, right?... and yes, everyone out there and reading (and many who are not) and all of you caring and asking (and not asking too), this is true for you... i missed your words too... i missed writing too... i still am loving the self-indulgence though :)

and the time away from words and the internet and facebook and browsing and blogs is good too because so much of the time i spend on the internet is a distraction and the game provides a different kind of distraction and change breaks monotony and monotony is not good so this change is good and i am still going out to my softball and friends stuff (birthday tonight, softball thursday, friday, today, and tomorrow), david sedaris with a friend last sunday... the only thing i skipped was the josh groban concern last saturday cuz i was tired, had softball in the morning, had no one into josh to go with, and was really into the game last weekend (first weekend with the game i think... losing track of time lol lam and loving that :)

thank you to the friend who inspired me to respond (and to the friend who got me to a sports bar for her birthday so i got into a college football game (lsu is a dirty team that should be sanctioned for the foul play of some of their defensive players, but of course that's not gonna happen cuz the sec brings in too much money for the ncaa... human corruption and hypocrisy still stinks, but whatever, that's out there and i'm in here and humans are on their own this week... besides, you can lead horses to water, you know... and nobody can help anyone who is not ready for the help and the denial and delusion is profound in humanity and if you get what i mean in this parentheses, feel free to come a little closer... the ways, including the phone number, are easy to find) that i turned on when i got home... first time the tv has been on tv in a week or more... going back to the game a bit now... hope you are loving your life as much as i am loving mine (even if it is all by yourself)...

you can do it too :)