wow, food

i ate so fast i almost didn't taste it and definitely did not savor each moment or really realize how much i ate and now, the bloat, but still, bliss :)

yummy dinner after a busy day that did not stop for lunch, morning meetings and then all day investigations watching videos and interviews and dancing with olves, or something like that... and motivating myself for some bball or gym or both in a bit, gonna try to sleep more than two hours tonight (eight would be good), and loving every moment more than ever... see, life does just keep getting better if you let it :)

hope you do too :)

one hour at a time...

in one day at a time mode these days, in fact, at the moment, in one hour at a time mode, which is spooky while trying to live a responsible working life because the infinitessimal infinity of the ever approaching one moment at a time mode that leaves this earthly rhelm from time to time time after time...

survived a half a box of cepacol and a few dozen cough drops and three acetomenaphen and benadryll tabs and a few plain acetamenaphen tabs and the head cold bug that slowly fades slowlyal weekend and tonight, instead of catching up on sleep after hardly sleeping last night and not much over the weekend, i am wired with words rambling all over facebook and the web and no one may ever know, not even you, because it all happens in thereal in real time and that was not now...

reading now, i wish you love :)

almost beautiful

the mind blows every time love is allowed in and out freely and the turn on is so sweet (cuz you never know what might happen down the road when some subtle {forbidden?} attraction is allowed to skyrocket in flight or something like that), if only i was not snorting up snot all through dinner, i just might have come off with a bit of classy old skool new york style... give me a reason to be, aye? (thank you portishead lol lam :)

meanwhile, i made it through another day in spite of the horrible fear and trauma inflicted upon most of the world by the horrible fear and trauma most of the world inflicts (please, no more religion or politics tonight, ok?... there, that's better, now the world is almost beautiful again, even if the fantasy football draft did not go too wel tonight, snarf), stuffed the mouth with deliciousness, hugged a future creative genius or two, and enjoyed everything (and tomorrow, with fewer sniffles, it'll be even better, aye? :)

hope your day was almost beautiful too :)

so naturally i'm awake

i mean, after finding this on my facebook news feed (after the previous entry, mind you) and rolling through links (and more all weekend upoaded to the new linkage blog) and feeling a nagging pain in my pitching arm for the first time in all the years i've been pitching and still recovering from the head cold (and coming down off the medications, which hopefully did not disguise an injury) and simply not wanting the weekend and life to end (cuz there's no social life chance for romance at work), naturally i am still awake...

and how are you? :)

sometimes i feel

like nobody really gets me, or cares to, and that is such a very lonely feeling when i want to share... it could be that i am into too many things for anyone to actually share all the things i am into and in trying to find people who share all the things i like to share i do no spend enougyh time/energy with any one person to deveop a truly deep bond - or maybe i am deeper than everybody else (or maybe that's just ego or self-pity) - or maybe it's true... i welcome someone to help find the truth (cuz this sort of thing, assessing the nature of sharing and hy i do not share as much as i want to when i can share everything so easily, takes two, i mean, other opinions can help, but at least one other person who realluy takes the time to know me is kind of necessary or it's all just propositions in my head, cha know?)...

see, thereal is usually surface thoughts and simple reports of everyday events, but there is a deeper thereal too and this entry touches on it... sometimes i want to be in love again... used to be i wanted that all the time and it dominated my motives and thoughts and actions and that got me quite used and abused because i could freely give everything and others do not seem to do that as easily as i do... it's not an all the time want anymore, at least not on the conscious level... but in these moments when i feeling like sharing everything unconditionally trusting and loving, i really want to be in love...

i welcome someone to share that too :)

drying and a bit better

sitting home alone nursing a head cold, the cold tends to dominate thereal, especially as there are so many other places for my web wanderings and other places (link facebook, twitter, etc) for communicating so this is the repository for a brief synopsis of thereal for myself (or anyone who cares) and the body has dominated the microcosm of experience that is this life as i know it... and so, shower, dress, and out to softball... rah rah rah :)

i really should sleep

but the generic benadryl did not work tonight... could be cuz i got involved in a social consciousness discussion over on facebook and those serious conversations always wake the brain up even though i let the news put me to sleep just as often...

who's interested, anyway? :}

pizza and snot

yup, i'm full of pizza and snot today... jackson supplied the pizza and it probably helped produce even more snot, but it was good... at least the cold is still just beating up my head as the food stayed down without discomfort... i might not have eaten today if jackson didn't bring pizza home cuz nothing int he house was appealing, but i ate... feed a cold?... probably have a fever too...

gonna try to sleep tonight so i can play softball tomorrow... and work all week... life just does not leave room for getting sick... someday my nurse will come... or princess...

hope you had fun today :)

thanks for all the cards and letters

yeah, i survived the night, barely, and took more medicine so you know i am sick this time... the head is so clogged, ears rining and sounds/feels like i've got ear plugs in, eyes pounding and glazed, sinuses pounding and begging to just explode, nose dripping dripping dripping, and back into the throat too so caugh (cough too) is trying to help the head explode and so...

must find energy to do laundry today, at least five days worth of work clothes for the week... no way i'm getting out to get the softball pants hemmed today (i just got them last night, after all), so i must find a couple of rubber bands to wear them tomorrow... and shoes, must get the blue shoes out of the car and try to dye them black... and maybe some food, though the head is dominating everything and there's no appetitie... i did drink two larg cups of vegetable juice and took vitamins (hoping the kidneys will survive)... yeah, it's a challenging weekend for the body...

and you?

can my head explode now?

actully took a tylenol pm last night, first time i took medicine in a very long time... sinus and frontal lobe explosive pain would not let me sleep and so, medicine... sucks, cuz now i have the dry scratchy throat and cough that comes with it, a side effect of benadryl or the progression of the cold bug into the lungs, one will never know unless it gets majorly serious (and i'll blame the benadryl)...

being sick sucks...

forgot my head

that's cold, that is, a head cold, sudden onslaught head cold, to be more precise... there i was working all day and feeling fine and i get home and sit down for a few and sleep sucks me in and after a hour's nap i wake with a sore throuat and runny nose and clogging head and out to softball feeling like crap and back home (we tied 11-11 finishing the season 3-2-2 and i was only at three games) and the head pounds and nose drips like a faucet and throat scratches and screams and wow, sudden onslaught head cold...

how was your day? :}

but still your time runs down

slept for at least five hours and woke with thoughts and dreams swimming and so i am here cuz sleep was not coming back (and i almost never remember dreams, aye?) and time continues... jackson's feeling better, though still not 100% and i'm doing all the driving and meanwhile, the hospital bill for a few hours in the er and a ct scan was almost $4000, which is insane and coupled with the insurance company supposedly paying only about 60%, capitalism at it's worst... don't get sick in the usa unless you are very wealthy... and anyway, life goes on...

i've been working, how 'bout you? :}

sleep not

jackson woke me at around 4am kinda frantic and after a few hours at the emergency room, turns out she has vertigo and an infected eye... add first day of school at the university that is between the er and home (and between work and home) and driving was madness and still worked past 5 and went shopping after work and ate seasoned fries and sun chips for dinner with mountain due and nodded off before 8 and was awakened to talk to jackson's friend about stuff i bought and here we are... am i still awake? :)

cards, fun, friends, packages

just getting home from another late night card party with some sharks and bleary in the body from sluggish organs and must wake tomorrow to get to the back to send some funds to minnie and still, mail and packages to open... buying stuff through the mail and forgetting to pick it up for a few weeks still feels like presents :)

new copies of some favorite books, Time Enough For love, Catch-22, Johnny Got His Gun, The Number of the beast (thought the latter is more nostalgic than favorite as it was the longeast book i read in one sitting as a little kid... the potter books and others have surpassed that, but it's still a good memory... and some bills that need paying... and four tickets to the Jamlando Woodstock Festival that I thought I ordered but forgot until I saw on facebook that the festival was tomorrow night... see, presents :)

anyway, exhausted, but slept till 2 some 14 hours ago or so, so...

hope your night was fun too :)

pushing the clock

another way of saying making the most of time or squeezing all i can into each and every moment, especially when i take unexpected days off work as i did yesterday and intend to today... good rest yesterday, more on the list for today, and healing the kidneys and exploring the web for creativity and you cuz that is why we're ehere (ehere?... typos can be so telling, we are e-here, after all), after all...

so the latest new blog that will keep track of the browsings i do has begun with a flurry and the video blogs continue to grow (over 160 vids, who's gonna care to watch them all and talk to me about why they were chosen, aye?) and all the other blogs are still active and growing at various rates...

and you, what have you been up to?...

stayed home

yes, while happiness continuously stares and begs for attention (and food when i cook/eat), i focus internally as much as possible to heal the kidneys and body imbalances (which i ought to document where it belongs, but organization takes time and i don't have much time for myself or words or thoughts or introspection or anything else these days...

and caught up in this preposterously dysfunctional culture, i forget the essence, the… bullsugar?... perhaps the influences of the sites I saw in my browsing of the web (it’s about time I returned to recording browsing (or browsings, for that matter, aye?) this week brought deeper thoughts of well-being up from the deeper consciousness and today I have a little more time for them…

maybe tomorrow…

fatigue, so...

i mean as in sooo much... exaustion... bball the last few nights, one on one with my young athletic roommie... kidneys sick, much sediment and some stones over the past 24 hours... extra fatigue... way much... so way... much... working lots, as usual... still kit...

you?...

wonderful day

didn't eat, drank sugar-water and protein water, played softball and basketball, exhausted the body to cramping (that meant it was time to stop), and decided not to eat before bed (best decision of all) so i might finally change the pattern of late night eating back to a healthier pattern tomorrow...

we won the game big, in the rain, finally (i took the lead and called out coaching instructions every inning and hopefully nobody took offence {since i am the coach, after all} and the team did not self-destruct even after shutting down in the hitting department after the first inning, which was aided by errors from the other team in large part caused by aggressive base running i encouraged by coaching 3rd)... and basketball was played hard, 3 games of 21 and a couple of around the world and fun, fatigue, and friends finished the night...

meanwhile, the poll below deleted a couple of votes without telling me... strange screw up by blogger/google... and after spending a couple of hours wandering around facebook reading, writing, watching vids, popping a few more vids into my vlog blogs (talking the lingo, aye?), and giving my brain some exercise, it is time for bed... what'd you miss? :)

hope you enjoyed a wonderful day too :)

who knew?

there are 119 videos, amusing and profound, silly and serious, controvesial and soothing, pop news, but who notices?... and there are 38 videos that somehow effect my affect and may even represent me in some way, but again, have you noticed?... and there are 108 posts in the afterblog, the place i go after all the web browsing and blogging is done to wait for my princess to come (or something like that), but yet again, did you know?...

and on a lighter note, there are 228 entries in bullsugar, the latest path in the blog gardens where irreverence is king and seriousness it queen and you never know what the babies will be, but, yes, you may see the pattern by now, who knew?...

and there are 1,480 entries right here in this daily life blogs where you can know me and so many others, some with a few with thousands, some with hundreds of entries where you can find silly observations or get to know my deepest innermost secrets sitting out here on the web for anyone to find, but (all together now), who knew?...

narf...

lol lam laa :)

virus attacks and other fun

my virus software tells me i had a whole lot of virus attacks, but the odd thing is the dates go way back to 2009 and all of them (14 or so) showed up in the report just a few moments ago and i disinfected or deleted or whatever all of them and the virus program safes all is well now... but why suddenly did 14 things pop up as a threat when they were on the computer for a year or more... amd then more, as if they just activated or were noticed by the virus scan software... maybe it was a friday the 13th thing... puzzles i do not have time to explore...

fun night... slept late today, then relaxed and napped and when jackson got home, played basketball with her and pollack... home to shower and out to the party (late, but after last night i wanted to spend a little time with jackson and pollack and also wanted the exercise)... still played at the party for 4 hours and just got home a few minutes ago...

catching up on this week's sci-fi shows (love free on-demand tv), eureka, haven, and warehouse 13 and maybe a few others (like ncis, aye?)... no softball this morning, but a game in the afternoon, so i'll sleep some in a bit and that was saturday...

hope you have fun with yours :)

sharing words

still loving the sharing of words, though more focused on the random self-expression and creative play than on the personal communication and intimacy of words in recent times... so today, after waking naturally, i wandered to through the web and after following random links from facebook people i have linked and writing a rhetorical response to a certain quasi-celeb-doctor (if i don't put it into an entry somewhere and link it here somehow, you can find it on my facebook wall, if you are interested), i stumbled across an inspiration that might touch me more personally than most and all i can say is yay :)

hope your day yays too :)

waking happy

that was once so the norm that it was taken for granted and while it is, essentially, still the true daily norm for me, it is also true that i wake not wanting to go to work some days and that is not so much because i do not like the work i do, because i love it, though there are some challenging relationships in the dysfunctional family of my workplace that , depending on the contact planned for a given day, will diminish my enthusiasm for wanting to be there, there are just too many work days and not enough complete free days in this life of late...

so thank goodness for saturdays :)

thank google

wow, i am actually making a pun on the standard thank god idiom because i am surprised that google actually finally created a spam blocker for comments and all i can say is yay, thank google lol (and laugh the laugh that a happy atheist laughs when they say thank god, i mean, if you know what i mean :)

meanwhile, i have been leaving the laptop in the bedroom lately and hanging in the living room with jackson (and tonight with jackson and pollack, who came over to play some bball) and so anyway, that's where i've been (i mean, on the off chance anybody missed me, aye thirty three billion fans? :)

working, eating sushi, playing ball, hanging out - that life :)

hope yours is too :)

day pass

busy week, away from the home computer a lot cuz i am leaving it in the bedroom and hanging in the living room and so, writing less, kit, less, and days pass... found this entry incomplete and not uploaded and i don't recall why the title feels like it should have more layered meaning, it just does...

are you out of touch with thre real?

8910

ten seconds after the minute, to be precise, the moment is, well, a moment... but maybe it'll be profound in retrospect... numbers can be you know, even if you don't :)

hi ho :)

instead of sleep

so what i did, instead of going to bed after nodding on on the couch, was eat a half slice of pizza, a crab cake, a shrimp cake, two pizza crusts, and a partridge in a pair tree... ok, so no partridge, but a tall glass of dr pepper cherry... so i am awake three hours later and spent the last three hours wandering facebook, meetup, and my sites responding to messages and updating some links...

classic, aye? :)

long fun weekend

sleep-in saturday morning and relaxing day lead to a much fun impromptu card party that left an hour nap befpre sunday morning softball, but that ended a bit early and i skipped batting cages to come home and nap... waking for the afternoon softball, i found the games were rained out so i met friends for lunch at mellow mushroom and much laughter later, i was appointed an officer of the pink pussy dining club (honored, i'm sure) and laugh laugh laughed all the way home to meet jackson and a neighbor-friend who is also an officer of the ppdc but i forgot what name i gave her) for basketball (and the knee hobbled, but fun nonetheless)... and sleep would be good now :)

hope your weekend was as much fun as mine :)

a new day

one day a week i wake up when i want to, mostly, unless the phone rings before noon or something else wakes me... today i woke at 11:58am and the phone rang at 12:01pm, just as i sat down in the living room without the phone... phones seem to know how to do that... in any case, the one day a week that i wake up when i want to is the only day that clearly feels like a brand new day these days cuz all the others seem to blend together as i wake, rush through the brief morning ritual of preparing this body for human interactions, and head out the door to the dance (though one day a week i head out to stand around at a boring softball practice, which is even more meaningless to the brain that knows it ought to be sleeping than the dance) and focus outside of myself for at least nine to ten hours...

i love brand new days :)

feeling weird

in a most peculiar way, naturally... exhausted from a long workday and then diner with precious who needs me to co-sign for a student loan cuz she's going back to school and wants to stop working (fine time to co-sign a loan for her, aye?)... it's been tough on her since her dad took off... dinner waa delicious and i am sorta wired (that love of being needed still charges the batteries in spite of the drain on most everything else)... the foggy exhaustion of human repetition and the constant excitement of understanding giving is the answer (and 42) so connected with the universe in so many ways and alone again, naturally...

sleep want i

so much... i almost forgot about you (don't forget) just like the time-life collection, romancing the 70's (ok, so nothing quite like that, but there is a seriously deep similarity in some ways and means on some planet candora somewhere for the singer in some of those 276 plus songs)... maybe you had to be there (maybe?), but when plain white t's appear on the tonight show (or who'd ever have thought jimmy fallon would be so old school and craig ferduson so avant gardener?... chauncey?... anyone? the robot skeleton dude really ought to have been named chauncey, ya know?), anything is possible...

and where have you been? :)

didja miss me?

i was gone a whole day and a half and a half, yup, yesterday skipped right by somehow, watching NCIS with jackson after work and wandering elsewhere (uploaded a few entries in other places and clicked around facebook cuz liking is so easy and there may be some sort of rorshak-like revelation in the likes if you take the time to put them all together... or something like that :)

yeah, you missed me :)

winning is losing

yes, we gave away seventeen runs and only scored thirteen, so we lost, but we shared sitting out and as someone asked to pitch the last inning, i sat out and the sub putcher walked six or seven runs and a few errors and they scored eight runs and oops, we play fair, everybody gets to play, that's a win even though we lost again...

the weather sucked and we were delayed almost an hour due to lightning and rain and personally, the left knee hurt enough so i asked for a pinch runner every time i was up... nobody was really ready to do that as the team really is not in the game when they play, but it's recreational softball for non-atheletes and it's fun, sometimes :}

hopefully the knee will get better soon so i can get back to serious gym work and weight loss and lol and taking all that seriously once again (stop laughing, i am sincere, just enjoying the self-indulgences while i am prevented from being perfect (lam) and if you don't get it, well, perhaps another time :)

if only we were sharing it all :)

knee hurts, feel like crap

that's the real... not sure why... just bloat?... maybe some imbalance in the pancreas or gall bladder or liver or kidneys? (yeah, i know, it's time for a check up... find a doctor... trust a doctor?... perhaps next week)... maybe crashing from caffeine-sugar and late nights, likely lack of sleep, and the bump to the knee not healing as immediately as it would have in decades past, alas, is this the aging process at work? (who's smirking?)...

dying is gonna be very lonely if i don't find someone like me who does not die at the thought of dying but rather celebrates and appreciates every moment of life we can share... but that's life amidst the humans, so far...

hope you are making today wonderful, i shall too, in spite of the aches... softball in four hours, you are welcome to come out to play - or just communicate... i'm gonna wrap the knee and enjoy the life i can live :)

a little sleep

yes, that nap eight or so hours ago would have been sweeter if it lasted longer as i am just getting home from a card party and have softball practice in four hours and a game in just over thirteen hours and the knee is eally aching, dammit... happiness is awake, eating, and wanting attention and to go out... i guess i have his circasian rhythm all screwed up because mine is so nocturnal... he's staring me down at the moment as if it is his usual walk time and not his usually middle of the ngith sleep time, poor confused pup...

most seriously though, i must elevate and rest the knee a few hours, and sleep would be wise... and dropping thirty pounds, npo doubt (at least twenty to get back under 185... that would be good for the knee too, but by the time i could get twenty pounds off, the knee better be better)...

grump grump grump, where is my florence nightingale, anyway? :}