figures

cell service has sucked today... and wouldn't you know, i decided to explore the computer a bit more and discovered that i can send ext messages from the computer to the cell phone and vice versa... so i dug deeper and found i can check my usage and stuff and then...

the att communication manager froze...

here we go again... a few weeks ago when i updated to windows vista sp2, the att connection stopped working and i spent two hours on the phone to get it fixed and it turned out i needed to uploade an update to be compatible with windows vista sp2 that microsoft nor att naturally did not tell me about... and today, the manager locked up again...

turns out the tech support person, after an hour and a download and following the instructions posted on their website, admitted that there is a known issue with windows vista compatibility even with the latest att software and so the feature manager won't work, but i can still connect to the internet as long as i don't use the features... so why use the att software when it is not compatible with windows?...

because using the windows software is feeding the monster, the microsoft monopoly created by subtrifuge of most every other software through incompatibility issues... heck, even other microsoft software has issues... heck, even the operating system itself has issues, maybe more than all the other software's issues combined... crap makes crap... incompatible crap craps incompatibly... or something like that :)

i'm more frustrated and tired of microsoft crap and suckage than it may seem, but after wasting another two hours on the phone with att suckage, and crap, it's time to rush into the shower and head out to jackson's party... happy new year everybody :)

it's good to be king

well, ok, so it's good to be in a relatively autonomous job where i can adjust my hours most of the time, especially when the cat is away, as in my boss being on vacation this week... so i told everybody to leave at 12 knowing they would probably stay later cuz they are consciencious and get work done on time most of the time and they were still conscienciously working away when i left at about 2... such good professionals, mostly :)

so anyway, here i am after shopping for the party at jackson's tonight and what to do... nap and shower, that's the wise move... unfortunately, i woke up after the tea this morning and am pretty much awake for the duration...

maybe i'll play on the computer a while (how novel, aye?)...

too much sleep is not enough

twelve hours sleep... and i wake blurry as can be, puffy eyes, out of focus, full of mucous, gonna drink caffiene (hot tea) as soon as i get to work for the first time in months... i woke several times during the night cuz i seldom sleep more than four hours without waking cuz i sleep in four hour cycles and i rise back to the semi-conscious level of sleep every four hours... always been that way... if i wake during a rem phase, i am a blurry zombie even if i slept twelve hours (oh, that's what happened, aye?)... thing is, by this evening i'll be waking and tonight i'll be up all night cuz i got twelve hours sleep... the strange rem sleep cycle of this brain-body baffles scientists, but it works for me...

it just doesn't for for this life where work is expected five days a week and there are only twenty four hours in a day... yes, i said what i said and i meant what i said, an elephant's faithful, or forgetful, or something like that...

oh well, off to work i go, hi ho...

eve-n now

if may be new years eve for most of the world, but it is a bittersweet memory for me for oh so many reasons that i will not get into at the moment cuz the mood is not here and the time is not here and i am not here, but still, somewhere deep down buried by time and confusion and way too many scars, there is something magical...

happy birthday mel

blurrry

worked and home again, and wasting my time... something froze and i had to reboot the laptop and i had set it to check the disk on the next reboot, but should checkdisk take three hours?... so i nodded off and all the amazing things in my head dissolved into dreams i don't remember... alas, what a waste...

and more than 250,000 files?... talk about technological bloat, more than 250,000 files?... what the heck for?... i put ms office and two other programs, an security program and a game program on this laptop since i bought it... the laptop came with so much bloat, so many extra programs... it can take ten minutes to shut down and re-start and three hours to checkdisk?... how long will a defrag take, or will it hang and never actually finish like xp used to do...

hours wasted waiting for the computer to check itself and fix itself and what a waste...

vista is the worst os yet...

working today

yup, in just a few hours i'll be trying to stay awake at the computer and trying to concentrate on whatever work i decide to do today and while i've got nobody standing over me telling me what to do and pretty much complete autonomy over my daily activities and workload, there's still a lot of information to process and provide to a lot of others and skipping all these days it going to make january an insane month for putting it all together...

yet sleep does not call me at night as often as it calls me during the day... the quiet darkness of night calls me to explore and wrute and listen and sing and let my imagination dance... i remember when the night called fo making love as well, but people seem to get less and less nocturnal as they age... conformity destroys so much potential and wonder... still, i continue hoping for the magical balance of sharing to return and until then, i enjoy it all by myself...

hope your day sparkles :)

well that was exciting

and will be quite painful in the morning... and probably the most powerful sign and message that it is time to re-negotiate my lifestyle and habits with myself quite immediately, though it may not be done as immediately as it ought to be... see, in my rush to get the laundry out of the dryer so the next load can get into the dryer so it wouldn't wrinkle more than it already had in the time it sat waiting for me to remember i was doing laundry (finally) so i could make it to the tv in time to see the opening of craig's show (cuz it's vital to the continued peace on earth and good will toward men and women too that i actually witness the opening of craig's show, even though it may be ridiculously pointless to risk life and limb to get in front of the tv when the show is a rerun, but that's besides the point), i slipped on a dryer sheet that i neglect to pick up regularly out of sheer laziness and perhaps some sort of depression or at least apathy and ambivalence on some level (and pondering the possibility of actually breaking a hip and laying naked and motionless in agonizing pain for days until someone came over cuz i didn't show up for work for a week and someone finally decided to call the police to check on me or something and sadder still that if might taken longer due to the holidays, not to mention the awkwardness there would inevitably be due to the nudity) and fell quite profoundly hard to the floor...

really quite profoundly hard...

seriously, ouch...

hard floor too, being a fake tile substance in the kitchen... i don't think i broke anything, though i have a very high tolerance for pain and the three specific areas of concern that struck the floor quite severely may just be too numb to determine the actual extent of the injury with great accuracy, but hoping nothing was borken i must reflect that it is a combination of luck, seriously strong bones, and amazing reflexes that surprised me as i landed on my right firearm/elnow flat enough to the power of the blow was distributed along the entire forearm and therein hopefully did not strike with enough force to break anything and thn there's the right knee, which has been taking a beating this past year in softball and did not need to be part of this exciting event, but i am still thinking nothing is broken, however i am probably quite accurate in assessing that this will be quite painful in the morning...

yes, there is a modicum of swelling and discoloration already, being the slippage occurred only ten minutes ago, so i would advise myself to put ice on it if i was going to take my advise... holding ice to three different places is such a chore though, aye?... hurt less and heal faster if i keep the swelling down, sure sure, but there is work in the morning and i really ought to get the laumdry done so i can get some sleep..

where's my nurse, anyway?...

alas, alone sucks sometimes...

so anyway, i hope your night was just as exciting, though a whole lot less painful :)

life and death and friends

well, i slept lightly, but longer than usual as i did not get out of bed until a little while ago and i decided it was time to take jackson to dinner to one of her favorite places cuz she let the vet put her cat to sleep yesterday cuz a fourth surgery in the last few years was probably not going to help enough and it was time... so i'm heading out to remind my friend that while death is sad (not the part she needs reminding about at the moment, aye?), it is also the time when true friends come around to actualize the fact that life continues...

i'll be back later and may actually get something done around here before i head back to work in the morning (five days off and nothing done around the place, lazy dummy... but the relaxing was great... would have been better if i slept more and deeper, but anyway, life does continue)...

may you find your way to remember that too...

oooo, look at all the dark clouds up there

yes, because i am under the weather, you see... i decided to spend the evening adding cds to my laptop hard drive cuz i have hundreds more cds than are currently on this hard drive cuz i most of the cds were on the old laptop that died and the mybook hard drive that i have not hooked up to this laptop, ever, yet, so there is a serious need for more music on this laptop and that's what i've chosen to do tonight while i sit here waiting for the weather to pass overhead...

and some crap tv in the background...

how are you? :)

under the weather

wherever did that phrase (title) come from?... wherever it came from, i may be there... headache and overall queasy kind of feeling that did not simply disappear with ibuprophen and now, a major increase in tinitus volume in the left ear, a sign of rising blood pressure and other chemical imbalances for whatever reason (paging dr. house)... chocolate or caffeine overdose or withdrawal?... something i ate?... flu bug?... whatever the cause, the body is not feeling very good tonight...

hope you are feeling better...

all through the nights

yes, the real is quite full of emo tonight... and to think, i almost slept through it, but something woke me and the sleep went away and i found magic and the timing could not have been better as i am off tomorrow so the night calls and i answer... and the words flow... and the only things that could make the night better is a return to optimal physical balance and to share it all with the one...

all through the nights, the dream survives...

and that's the realest of them all :)

memories

the sound of music flashes on before my eyes (cuz my fingers press the remote, it's not magic) and the flash-backs to some of the most wonderful sharings of this life fill my head with misty memories (and my eyes with warm fuzzies)... this is when i miss sharing intimacy most, when i feel the wonderful emo that lives in memories cuz as much as life is a celebration for me every moment, the intensity of sharing intimacy does increase the visceral experience exponentially... the best thing about this moment, besides the feelings, is the fact that i can still feel them even after all this time (after all these years, too :)

do it again?... wouldn't it be nice...

back to relaxing

although i have several hours (at least) of cleaning and laundry and packing to do, definitely more than several hours, i am relaxing and sitting here with a bit of a tv conundrum (cuz the sponteneity of tv programming ads a variation and surprise, yeah, dullness of a life alone sometimes is most evident in front of the tv)... star trek generations is on opposite the sound of music and of course, football... i lean toward football cuz it's the least distracting and i can do other stuff (chores, browse the web, listen to music, write, etc)... but the hills are alive!...

are we having fun yet? :)

softball returns

cuz practice makes better, or so the theory goes... but the frustrating thing for the sunday team (yes, the league championship sunday team) is too many players on the team do not take practice seriously and we do poorly and they reinforce bad habits and better doesn't happen nearly as well as it could and should in practice... frustrating and a waste of my time, but i support the coach's intentions...

the hamstring is feeling much better, but i am not running more than a trot until the tournament (three weeks)... and how is your day? :)

web knowledge

been all over the place, watching videos, reading heavy stuff, laughing at nonsense and irreverence, sighing deeply at tragedy and cruelty and human stupidity, and generally enjoying my brain a whole lot... some of the journey is even linked around in my increasingly daily diverse dribbling diatribes around the web... ya see?...

that's my e-the-real, how's yours? :)

being on-call

well, another child arrives and it is time to head into work... after a shower... so i do head out before tomorrow, but not for the social fun... and while i am gone, you can watch some stuff viewed today about the work i do

really?

well, the intention was to sleep until i woke naturally, but the phone rang a half dozen times already this morning and hile i rolled over and ignored most (after glancing at the phone for the number), the last one was work and as i am on-call this weekend, and i almost did not have to go in, but i will go in later as the admissions to the children's psychiatric hospitals do not take a break for xmas this year... the nurse was going to do the assessment for me, but a few issues popped up and she probably won't have time, but it was sweet of her to offer and give it a try...

so awake and will head to work later, but for now, continued vegging is all that i intend to do... dear friends will be watching it's a wonderful life and then wandering the city of celebration, florida to see the festivities and lights and stuff (they have snow) and then playing games and having fun and i am contemplating heading down there (at least forty minutes away), but for the moment, no intentions beyond vegging...

it is a wonderful life :)

waking

sleeping until i wake inside... i do not recall the last time that happened... and this absence of this experience is the single most unhealthy thing i do to this body... yet, when working a corporate desk job, there is little alternative...

so i will enjoy today and endeavor to continue this pattern another day this weekend cuz, after all, it's a gift from santa...

hope you enjoy your gifts as much as i enjoy mine :)

and so john lennon sings...

yes, the xmas song... but war is still not over, alas... and still i can indulge my private party in my seclusion with illusions without delusions, if you follow the drift (no snow, radio)... listening to my playlist, play1, in case you wanted the detail (you'll have to work on motivating me to type out all the titles though since i don't have the system hooked up to print the titles and artists into a blog post or file or whatever)... it starts off with meg & dia singing going away followed by bright eyes singing i must belong somewhere continuing with demi lovato singing the middle followed by rilo kiley's instrumental science vs romance... one of the tentative names for this playlist is the fifth song, flying solo by the telling (which is followed by jackson browne's before the deluge and if that doesn't mean anything to you, well, never mind)...

anyway, i like it i like it i like it... and hope you're having fun too :)

my xmas present to myself is...

staying home alone... not with the movies this year, cuz i don't have a dvd player at the moment and don't have enough vcr tapes to hook up the vcr and mostly just cuz i am too lazy and uninterested in vegging into watching the toob lately (been more than a year now, actually, as i didn't even plug the tv in until i was living here more than eight months and now turn it on mostly out of habit to hear voices when i'm home and not listening to music as if the voices on the tv make me less alone... talk about delusional thinking, aye?... but then, it is the human way, especially during the holiday season, nyuk nyuk narf)...

yes, so i have every intention of parking this body in the big green chair with some tv, maybe, and some music, definitely, and some internet and writing and games and cookies and chocolate milk and whateber other goodies i find... and then, sleep in heavenly peace, yeah... this bit of self-indulgence is gonna be sweet :)

home early like everybody else

cuz it's the night before xmas and all through the xian world, people are faking holiday cheer in order to leave work early and fit in with the crowd... i prefer my xmas in movies where the illusion is more real (nobody said bah humbug, gigglepuss, just marking time with my own kind of smile :)

whatever you are doing, may it be your choice and with much merriment and lots of happy happy joy joy :)

continues

more videos popping up, tuning in, turning on, tapping out... yes, the video, or blogs, are growing, though they are not me making vlogs, they are me collecting videos from you tube and other sources and putting them in my web world just cuz i can and want to... look around, you'll see :)

the game's afoot :)

who needs sleep?

yeah, just in case someone local sumbles into this madness, i do wanna see movies, but time marches on and yes, (yeah too), i am still awake as if craig ferguson could not put on his show unless i showed up to watch... and then there are all the delicious snacks...

so much to share...

wanna see movies

Nine
Avatar
Sherlock Holmes
Disney's A Christmas Carol
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel
Precious (Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire)
Where the Wild Things Are
The Fourth Kind
Old Dogs
The Box
Amelia
2012

actually, i saw avatar already, but i'll see it again, especially on the full i-max 3-d cuz the universal studios is not the biggest one in the area so, it stays on the list... there are others i would see if you wanted to see others, but these are the ones i choose for the moment... wanna see movies?...

is it boredom?

nope.

(at least not for me :)

still awake again

yes, i fell asleep just after eating, missing the 8pm tv show i so long for each day (can sarcasm get too syrupy?) and waking somewhere in the 9pm hour and turning the internet on again (in so many ways, aye?)...

enough, let's check mail...

another late work day

it never has to end, the work day, and i must remember that as i start expanding a spreadsheet database late in the afternoon because the hours pass quickly when waiting for crap ms software (excel 2007 freezes so often it's sick, and i don't mean a good sick) and wanting to finish the next stage of the build... anyway, home again...

eat, sleep, wisdom may previal tonight :)

awake another day

wanting more sleep, but four hours and up and out the door to work again... the craving to share wakes me from green chair slumbers these days more often and the bed does not hold my attention for long...

so hi ho, hi ho...

cuz there's so much more to say

no matter how tired i get, no matter how apathetic or depressed, ambivalent or frustrated, there is always activity in the synapses, always creativity in the pauses, always more to say… someday I hope someone will understand and reach the same place, with or without me… somewhere, some time, some way…

with me would be nice too :)

not again

napped for two hours after home made pizza and the brain was running laps as i laid the body down in bed, so after realizing the words had to flow cuz the brain got enough sleep (two hours, the body says, the brain is insane... poor body) and here we are after babbling elsewhere for a while...

no tv, so maybe i'll pass out again soon... hope you are enjoying your brain... and life :)

home again

the place is a wreck, piles of laundry, boxes half packed/unpacked, and just way too much stuff i do not use sitting around gathering dust... the habits must change, which is probably the best reason for me to enter into another roommate situation...

we should know by the end of this week, i think... in the mean time, i should try to get some sleep tonight... and start eating less sugar, fat, and party food... so get on that, right... uh-huh...

don't go figure

i mean, yeah, still awake... absorbed by the internet video revolution and all that, some of which you can find here or here even more, here...

and so many other places to wander through the night...

wired crossing

the party continues today as the food was good and the leftovers were even better after i got home and the madness that would have been exploded here somehow popped over to the bullsugar perhaps because i hope it's not as real as it might be or perhaps because i enjoy the pretense of confusion and mazeology, or something like that...

yeah, anyway, this babbling may be meaningless in the end, even the breif serious attempts to keep in touch, but if just one person believes, then the faries do not die...

i mean, hope your day was fun too... and get some rest :)

pppppp party

and it continues, manic, madness, marvelous fun... eyes burning sleep walking (and driving wired on adrenaline and the cool night air) home again, home again, but what of the sleep?... two hours, almost, this morning and jackson wakes me to shop for apartments and we visit a half dozen or more, ashton, fountains, tortuga bay, traditions, alafaya woods, grandville, arden, river park, have i left any out?... and it appears that traditions is leading the pack with river park a possible second... more to come, perhaps, or perhaps not... jackson will calculate numbers and we shall make the decision whether more shopping is necessary some time soon...

and then the party with more food, fun, and friends (after lunch with jackson, the bloat balloons) and i buy two chocolate decadence signature cakes at publix, the ganache and the midnight decadence, for the freethinker's party and it is good to see many people i had not seen in months and then, as that party winds down, it's off to the next party, fourth of the weekend that started thursday night and one more to go, this afternoon (sort of tomorrow, but less than eleven hours away)... no softball, i think, for the body craves some rest for the sake of rest and healing and recovery and rebuilding and... rest...

and more food and chocolate, decadent self-indulgence, and cafeinatted beverages, and into slumbers i once again slide...

right on right on

so besides being still awake, bloated by pizza and pasta and ice cream and chocolate and dr pepper cherry, and feeling the stress/strain on the body inside out (including the heart muscle), i started yet another new blog, the thirtieth (approximately) here at blogspot...

scary, no doubt...

feel free to voice your complaints there (nyuk nyuk, narf :)

try to sleep, aye?

but i slept all day and while i might have vegged and fallen back to sleep at the normal human how tonight, instead, i went out to yet another party and feasted on junk food and sweets and dr pepper and came home wired once again and so what if i am going to get up in the morning to apartment shop and then head to a party in the afternoon and another later in the evening and continue on through the night... life will continue, with or without me... and i;ll enjoy it while i can... so, more food, drink, and be merry... all by myself, since no one who keeps my ridiculous hours is here at hand... and i hope you are enjoying every moment of your life too :)

and then...

i wonder how many times i titled an entry and then with or without ellipses or parenthetic subtitles), but anyway, this came forth from a response to a comment that summed up the day just fine, so it's an entry cuz it's e-thereal...

yes, it's been a long day... up early for work and work work work and mostly wandering around doing as i please (cuz directors cando that, oh so important and all, ya know), but it's still work work work (and fun) and then softball, unfortunately, as the team got knocked out of the playoffs tonight, which is fine on one level as i need a break and this team can be frustrating due to inconsistent committment, effort, skill, balance, and too many players) and also has another pitcher (my two championship teams don't) and then off to hang with the team while waiting to head to the midnight movie (3-d i-max premiere of avatar (with free passes at universal studios, cool, aye?... it was great, especially for tree-huggers) and then hang a bit more and home to home-made pizza and middle of the night tv cuz twilight zone fit perfectly with the sci-fi arty mood) and now... chocolate cream (or creme) pie... life is good...

i have no intention of going to work today, naa naa :)

and as if this wasn't a wonderful enough day, there, to widden my smile even more, a comment from a dear old friend that inspired a quick catch up of the day that became this entry... isn't life amazing?... fun?... simple?... well, life is something, isn't it?...

whatever it is, enjoy it :)

one more day

one more day in one more year in the life, to be lived, to be shared, to me treasured, cherished, and remembered... cherish was the word, yes, and only one truly knew, and only a few ever even listened to the story, as the beatles sang, is there anybody going to and then, as tim rice wrote will no one stay awake with me and then, the day is done, gone, and poof, into the past, the history, posterity, and the memory...

but who remembers, really... who knows...

the real?

all those years ago, long before this blog began, long before RealTime™ and behind the candoor and planet candora and the live journals and the online roots (at least one of them) and the letters, the years before the internet when I wrote so many thousands of letters to friends, lovers, imaginary lovers, imaginary friends (yes, each of these could be linked to yet another website themed somewhat around the concept in the words, really, and less than a tenth of a percent of the written gardens ever made it online, but that’s a boast of a different horse, so get on with it, will ya?) and even before then, when I filled many thousands of pages, pads and books of all sorts, writing daily for year after year for decades and a lifetime, yes, even before all that there was a child in love… and today, we celebrate…

happy birthday amy

give in, please

sleep, yes, sleep has become the obsession of the subconscious (and just about every cell in the physical body)... it is only the conscious mind that that loves to play so much that it simply shrugs off sleep and continues continues continues doing whatever it is i am doing whether i am out with people and hoping someone stays awake with me or after i get home and let the web and words and whatever slip through my mind and dance without reason and play without meaning and even glance up at the tv when the music isn't playing and lost in the sleep deprived psychosis is the depth and dream and whetever else was me, once upon a time...

so i slept tonight :)

blurry head

another day of work (on call weekends keep me running running running and eating almost to my heart's content (with gallons of caffeinated beverages) certainly does not help as the extra food just makes the body work harder to digest and process and store and then, the extra pounds just make the body work harder to move, every movement, and then, the night after night playing ball or going to parties or simply staying up to watch craig, yes, craig is my secret lover drinking me to drink power shakes in the middle of the night when i really ought to be sleeping (as it was in the beginning, so goes the night, yes, one long night, of this life)...

just look at the date, for crying out loud, it's amazing i've been so sane for so long... please, take care of yourself... and your children... for the night has no mercy on lovers who give up on love...

quark...

pushing every envelope

yes, to be somewhat precise, i've been pushing this body every which way but loose (which is probably one big reason the hamstring frayed a bit, tight muscles, not loose, and all) but i am having fun and meeting fun people and hanging with friends and even if i am still longing for love somewhere inside, the suface is stretched out so thin that smiling is all there is left to do...

party tonight, party last night, party tomorrow... this would be so much easier if i wasn't so responsible for so much at work every day and 24/7/365... yeah, i did go into work today before the party, then rushed to pick up food and a present or two at barnes and noble cuz it was one of those bring food and presents parties and then we had fun...

i should try some sleep on for size now, aye?... have fun out there :)

too late for tv

which is a blessing since i watch way too much tv these days and it is draining what remaining brain cells i have of their potential for the leap to the next level of conscious awareness that i have flittered with a few times in this life, but found it not as fun as the sharing that can be done on the lower levels of consciousness cuz without someone else there, the sharing is one sided (which isn't actually sharing, if you follow even a bit of the flow of these words)...

so anyway, a call came in inviting me to a last minute game night in deltona, which is north almost half way to daytona, and i headed up and had fun and am just getting home... pigged out a bit, which is a foolish start to this weekend as i have two more parties and not much exercise planned due to the injuries... but fun, much fun and the solitary sensual pleasures of food is better than none...

on the injury front, the knee is still on and off at the poimnt where it was hit by the batted ball and there's some sort of ache when weather changes which really sucks and probably had a lot to do with the hamstring pull... the hamstring is getting better, i walk up and down stairs ok and only have pain when trying to bend or push off, so running would not be wise, but i should be able to drag myself to first base if they need me to play thursday night... sleep and vitamins and the right food helped a whole lot, now if i only get more sleep next week...

so on goes the music (i really need to get the hard drive loaded with the cds on the shelves so i can actually listen to all the music i've got and then decide what more i want and make mixes and get back into music and myself and the life and times of the person i used to be before i gave myself away to folk who wouldn't nurture or appreciate what they had... yeah, a really truly best friend would be a nice blessing too...

so how was your night in your life? :)

long week, but got some sleep

as you will know already (how's that for playing with tenses?... wait, i'm not done) if you read the previous posts that have yet to be written (O-O, what a word geek, aye?), on monday night i pulled a hamstring tagging up from second to third on a short fly ball to center and then limped home from third with the tying run in the bottom of the seventh on the next batter's hit... we won the game and tonight, the team played without me and won the first game of the playoffs... next thursday is the rest of the playoffs and i will see how the leg feels, but i definitely will take a pinch runner if i play and make it to first base...

in other news, precious totalled her second car for the year last night and i was sleeping... she's ok, though spent some hows in the hospital getting checked out... the worst bruising came from the seat belt... i thought she had an airbagm but i never rode in the second car so i suppose not... the first accident she was hit from behind while at a red light... this time she couldn't stop in time when someone stopped short in front of her... the SUV had a damaged bumper, her car received a totalled front end... the benefit of driving a gas guzzler, i suppose...

i am taking tomorrow off, mostly, to take care of business, so i should sleep some tonight, but at least i did sleep more than ten hours the past two nights, which is wonderful (says the body and mind) and also why i haven't been here... so to all the silent millions of fans out there who love me and miss me (and the few who actually leave a few words now and then), all is well in the real and while all could be better, i've got fewere complaints every day (mostly cuz i'm a day closer to dead and understand the logic and wisdom of not wasting time or energy on worry or stressing over the small stuff, but there may also be some greater depth and stability to the balance and peace within the psyche, yeah, it's not just apathy and ambivalence, nyuk)...

much more to come in previous entries here, there (which may be real time, behind the candoor, or even bullsugar, but wait, there are even newer blogs budding out there if you're clever enough to track them down... shhhh, it's our little secret until the tabloids get a hold of the photos and text messages and twitters and pull a tiger woods on us), and other places... life is good and amusing, as usual... and just think of what getting a lot of sleep might do to the profundity and candor of the babble, aye?...

narf :)

pre-existing conditions

"If the universal health care reform bill dies again, it will be due to pre-existing conditions."

yeah, craig ferguson, the sickest (in a good way, of course) thing on tv these days (replace oprah with him and the next revolution may just begin) did say something quite similar first, but i like the wording above better because it holds both a warning and hope for ultimate awakening to the need for and rightness of universal health care and a direct reference to the money the lobbyists pay to elected officials to get them to vote they way (the pre-existing conditions, get it, wink wink, barf)...

oh all this social consciousness is getting me nauseous... or is that amused... what we need now is a slippery squeaky clean naked teenage girl innocently playing with herself in the shower completely unaware of the cyber camera set up to share her gifts with the world... yes, that'll clean up what's wrong with the world...

no, you are not supposed to know when i am serious and when i am kidding all the time... it is carefully planned that way, even as it does not seem so... you may never know the truth, at least not until you can handle it... let me know when you decide to accept and give up your delusions and we'll have a serious talk...

narf...

nauseating culture

slowing down to see an accident, going to auto races to see crashes, watching boxing or ultimate fighting, gung ho warriors invading other countries, and the prostitutes pretending to be moralists all over the world as they sell sex and religion and soap and gossip and war and butting into other people's lives and corn flakes and judgmental false superiority and above all else exploitation of anything and everything with guilt and fear all in the name of making money and the pretense of family and god (in that order)...

and oh, how humans love to tear down their heroes... are people really so insecure that they swarm to the lynching just to somehow feel some false sense of superiority watching someone else fall or fail or get beaten, destroyed, or somehow get put down?... and the latest exploited target of all the suck-up faux-news media and gossip hounds is tiger woods... have you found this blog entry by googling for dirt on the once greatest golfer and one of the most popular cultural icons of the past decade?... is if cuz he's black? (oh sure, and is Britney or Lindsay or Letterman black?)... no, the bigger and more loved the star (and the more sex involved), the more ardor there is to take them down and tsk tsk them all the way to church on sunday cuz that makes you better than them, right?...

so afraid of sex, of reality, of truth, the human race lives in the delusions and fears and ignorance perpetuated by greedy power hungry control freaks for millennia... am I all that different?... yes, but I fake it well on the surface so you may never know…

snark…

ouch, dangit!

pulled a hamstring again, only the second time, but definitely set myself up for it by not stretching enough on a chilly night when i worked a twelve hour day without eating or drinking and slept maybe two hours the night before and at most four hours a night the previous week or few and it's probably been a year since i actually slept through until i woke naturally, maybe longer, and definitely several years since i took time off and just slept as much as the body/mind wanted for a week or so (which is the best way to tay healthy and long a long life, but that's not really the priority for our culture cuz there's no profit in it)...

we did win the game and I scored the run that tied the game in the bottom of the last inning by beating out a ground ball to first (sprint #1) and then beating out the throw to second on a ground ball to short (sprint #2, the second baseman bobbled the ball), and then beating out the tag up throw from short center from second to third (sprint #3, pulled the hamstring), and then limping home on the single to right that followed… and the kids on the team may never realize what it takes to play at a higher level than they do in a body somewhat older than theirs, but hey, my other teams appreciate me (nyuk-ish)…

so i could get all sorts of philosophical (and cynical) alluding to the limited awareness and delusional childhood in which humanity remains steadfastly (and vehemently, arrogantly, and violently) submerged, just a step or two away from the children they were believing in santa and the easter bunny in the younger years of individual life times, but hey, I’ll just focus on healing and raising my consciousness even if that isolates me all the more… ah, alas, and narf…

if you only knew :}

yes, well, ok, then

so the week that was worked itself out, much playing of the college bound game and other vegetative play and the distinct absence of online time and minimal exercise and much wandering aimlessly through the wilds of here, there, everywhere, and nowhere...

and now, after all that, connected to the net via a borrowed 'home' public (and way much faster than the att aircard) wireless network and tapping on a new easy-on-the-lap keyboard and randomly lending half an ear or eye to the various and sundry new and old tv stations collected by the new digital converter box and digesting a ton of italian food and mountain dew and nursing the left wrist and laughing at myself and the futility if attempting to live an enlightened life of wisdom and logic with humans and wondering how much more catching up or other entries i will drip from the brain in the head on the body i inhabit these days tonight, i smile and wish you well and hope you enjoy yourself, here, there, and everywhere...

and even nowhere too...

life smiles :)

and happy birthday harry...

...wherever you are :)

does this work?

apparently, it does... work, that is... a new keyboard is now plugged into the laptop so i have an even lighter, cooler (as in less warm) keyboard on my which leads me to realize i could use a esktop for this sort of at-home tapping of the keys and the laptop for away from home tapping and so what?... well, it's something happening in real time in the real life, so it was time to come here to update as i do relatively daily, more or less (this week less, obviously, but perhaps we'll catch up instead of sleeping tonight)...

it has been an odd week, but all is as well as it gets, and i home you can say the same in your experience in your life too... now let's see if this will actually upload :)

home

the next entry showed us that the new laptop i bought tonight worked... what also worked was/is the internet connection i am tapped into... i am not sure if this connection is the apartment complexe's or the apartment complex next door or a business nearby or someone who lives nearby because i don't know how to find out who a connection belongs to and it pops up as a public connection that lets me connect to it and it is simply called "HOME" and i hope all my personal information and passwords and bank accounts and credit cards and identity and dna and mojo and the secrets to the universe and my personal private exclusive connection to god (or what everybody seems to call god) isn't invaded and infiltrated and accessed and stolen and used and abused and violated and raped and murdered and ruined for all time just cuz i am using this public wireless connection...

oh, the drama, aye?...

anyway, as i will say in a previous entry yet to be written or uploaded, ATT SUCKS, again, and MICROSOFT SUCKS, again, and that is why i am on this "HOME" network connection... if this is someone's personal home connection i mean no harm and thank whomever it is who left it public and would not use it if i knew it was not supposed to be public and the owner did not want me to, but as an old friend who moved far away to the great northwest used to say so amusingly (with sincere sarcasm), nobody told me!...

yes, so anyway, this works too (see next entry)...

and so it doesn't go

as i was saying in the next two entries which were written in reverse chronological order just cuz i was gone from this public key-tapping for this week cuz i slipped into the gamer addiction once again (which may be the subject of yet another catch up entry that will be written later and uploaded prior to this one, or so it might seem), the internet stopped working suddenly on the day of that is chronologically tomorrow if we take the date-stamp on these entries seriously and the only reason i can figure is the ridiculous automatic updates from microsoft (sucks), yes microsucks does it again as the computer automatically updated to vista service pack 2 and instead of making life easier and simpler, it somehow disconnected the ATT (sucks) internet connection and it will not reconnect and it will not re-install and the att (sucks) tech support is not 24 hours so there's no help until tomorrow (when i will be at work, of course) and once again i wonder why i am letting the stressful obstacles remain and maybe i'll changes things tomorrow (or next week)...

yeah, so anyway, the internet was gone until i found the public home connection i found in the next entry that is letting me catch up on this week tonight... i think it may finally be time to actually move into a place that allows good internet, aye?...

so it can go again :}

catching up, sorta

pay no attention to the date-stamps behind the curtain, the great and powerful oz has spoken... or something like that... yeah, so i drove out to the field on sunday because i've been asked to come out for softabll practice for the past few weeks and had my other sunday league and sure enough, i sat there for almost two hours and nobody showed...

so i called jackson and we met to play tennis and then i actually went into the rental office of her apartments (which is where i lived for seven years) and found that i could get a one bedroom there for less than a one bedroom here and i probably would have stayed there if they offered that last year when i moved (so inconvenient of them, aye?) and i stopped in the rental office for the apartments next door and they could be lower than here too and both would have real cable or dsl internet and tv and so am i a step closer to moving and saving the $200+ each month i give to this place for going month-to-month?...

so i look around at all the stuff i have and wonder why i have all this stuff and must find time to pack and or sort and discard some crap and then figure out when and how to actually move the stuff and then, maybe move into the place and... how long has it been?... well, that's another story for a deeper more time-consuming blog...

yeah, so anyway, it was a long day and an even longer week, and odd, rather odd, yes...

odd...

really bad movies

there's a new station among the digital tv stations i get with the new digital converter box i connected a few days from now (catching up on a week in one night makes for strange time references that i enjoy for the potential confusion they might present that becomes a puzzle for posterity, but that's beside the point) and there's no info on this channel so i'll look it up on the web one of these days but anyway, it's apparently a station that the science fiction 3000 club would love cuz there's a really bad black and white sci-fi movie complete with the obligatory human moralizing on at the moment and earlier there was a silent movie on so it's an old time station that shows really bad movies and shorts about whatever, like the really detailed visually descriptive first-person narrative philosophical short from the 1950's or 1940's, even, about what it is like to be and how to be a top notch janitor, or other oddities...

an odd week, i believe i might have mentioned that somewhere...

yeah, so anyway, i pigged out on italian tonight, which is actually several nights from not, based on date-time stamps, for what they are worth or matters, and mountain dew too... but that wasn't actually what i was going to say in this entry... tv can be quite distraction, like the infomercial for the dvd of the midnight special that would probably be oddly nostalgic to watch and listen to, which leads me to mention that another technological failure for this week (the same day, ironically, call if black sunday for tech, i supposed) was the digital converter box that the government paid for (you get what you pay for, once again) and wal-mart was not offering refunds and they no longer carry digital converter boxes so i am stuck with it and out the money unless i call the rca company to find out how to get them to stand behind their product that did not last half a year... yeah, so more american tech joins the parade of suckage this week...

so i bought the new converter box and it gets more stations more clearly, but it shrinks the aspect ratio of the pitcure so there's a black border which just makes me wonder all the more (as i did in the next entry or the one after that) why i stay in this over-priced place that has crappy tech service so maybe i'll get out of here before the end of the year which would be a nice holiday present to give myself...

what else is new? :)

when was this?

whenever, the week that was unfolds somewhat backwards as i catch up in somewhat random order as the events of the real come to mind and pop into these entries with new environmental distractions in the form of at least a dozen new tv stations thanks to the new and improved digital converter box, but what about the rest of the real?...

yeah, well, so there was the pigging out and the thursday night softball that i watched because the coach wanted the other guy to pitch and they lost big time to a team that had not won a game yet, but that's the way that team is and i just show up and play when i am asked to play, not really feeling part of a team but rather use it as practice for my real teams, two of which one championships in 2009, as i've mentioned here or there... meanwhile more personally important softball news for this week besides the great and odd (odd week, remember?) tournament is that my left wrist really started hurting and i believe there may be a tendonitis inflammation flair up that will interfere with batting and possible fielding as well, alas)...

and there was the tech suckage thanks to microsoft (sucks) and att (sucks) and sun java (sucks) which keeps trying to update over and over (as does adobe too) because the tech giants do not make their software compatible so nothing works well (have i mentioned how much vista sucks lately?) and are we (as a species) really as stupid as we are?...

as if to prove the point, apparently tabon's is the british equivolent of golden corral or shoneys or duffs or whatever your local all-you-can-eat stuff your face meat and potatoes and pasta and all sorts of fattening stick-to-your-ribs foods might be called... and the justification for the waste of resources and unhealthy eating is the complaint about how the economy is bad and how tough it is to make ends meet and cheap filling comfort food helps and yet, the obvious visual huh? (besides the long-standing ridiculously questionable dentistry, or absence, thereof) is that almost all of the people are very obese which means they are eating way more than they need to eat which means they are spending way more than they need to spend which means they are doing the usual human ignorant self-destructive self-fulfilling failure patterns that is so typically human, alas, can i go home now?...

and just think, i took three days extra off this week just to celebrate the holiday and never did... more yesterday, written later, hope you enjoy the journey...

ridiculously, this should have been

yes, though these words are written a week after the the celebration that wasn't, but should have been, the party continues on the deepest cubliminal levels as it has since the first celebration that was a very private affair in the closet where everything changed (and you can make of that what you will cuz it's fun to let you speculate about the depths not explained cuz if you really want to know the answers, my friend, are blowing through the blogs, the answers are blowing through the blogs... nyuk nyuk, narf...

tributes are such odd affairs...