We Did Have Fun Once, Right?

I just don't want to let go of the sharing we had, whatever it was, I want it to have meaning and lasting effect on our affect in this life. I just want to remember the good times and resolve the unspoken frustrations, the challenges and betrayals, so I know I was not just used and it meant something to you too. I want to believe it was more fun than stress, more fun than anything else. So I don't let go and I keep coming back because I want to know what it meant to you to live with me all these years.

There's always hope (so I hope), ya know?

I just want to know.

Narf :)

Today (Once Upon A Time)

The real, aye? What is real? is it what the majority believes is real? Is it what you feel? How can you tell? And do you tell? That would be telling, no doubt.

you know I used to think it mattered
so I would come here every day
writing as if you were reading
as if I had something to say
now I know it doesn't matter
it is just a game I play
believing someone cares
and love will find a way

A year from now and then a hundred days and two score more, that is the time, in case it matters. This appears here so the entry that was here can be advanced another year so it would always appear as the first entry visible when coming to this blog. Is that real? Is it illusion? Is it truth or a lie? Is telling real? That would be telling, ya know?

Still awake?

So anyway, did anybody i actually know in life offline ever really read this? (or take it seriously?) Could be all in the side bar over there (glancing to the right). And tomorrow may know, but it isn't telling, cha cha cha.

Round and round and round we go
where we might stop, nobody knows

Naturally there will be more, even if it seems over.

What Was Real, What Is Real

Maybe you were never here
and maybe you never cared
maybe you just used me when you needed me
I hardly ever see you now
but you still call when you need something
even now

and next year
and next year
will it still be the same
will you leave me alone
until you need something

we all need something
I need honesty
I need someone who cares
I need loyalty

we all need something
I need a friend
someone who won't leave
love without end

and still I keep this blog alive
somehow to keep this hope alive
that you may stop the lie
and be a friend someday

and if that time ever arrives
I hope I am still alive
so your heart doesn't hurt
because you stayed away

it is still not too late to keep your promise
to not abandon me like all the others
it's still not too late to be the person you want to b
it's in your heart to believe we are all sisters and brothers
imagine all the people sharing all the world
the dream really can come true
the goodness in your heart has the best of intentions
but what is real is what you do

what was real, what is real
is you only use me when you need me
but what is real can change in a moment
you can be the friend you want to be

another year
it is next year
will it still be the same
will you leave me alone
until you need something

we all need something
and when you need me
I'll still be here
I'll still be there

we all need something
and I need you to be
the person you want to be
so you can know peace
stop being afraid
to be who you want to be
true to your word
a true friend
true to family

the end of this song is waiting for you...

b

So many people promise to love forever, to always be there, to always care. So many people just drop that promise when someone else comes into their lives. So many people are torn by betrayal, living in fear, afraid to share. You don't have to be one of those people. Live up to the ideals of your steeple. You don't have to abandon your friends. You can prove your love never ends.

Yeah, yeah yeah.

Everyone I've ever loved has left me. Still somehow I believe in the possibility that human beings can be trusted. There are almost seven thousand entries in this blog, almost all written while living with my BFF. At least that's what she called me. A while back I lived with someone who called me the love of my life for eight years. We even bought a house together. I don't hear from her anymore. I gave everything I had to another who let be take the role of father to her kids and she left me on the street with nothing, literally, nothing. It took me more than a year to rebuild a life. Then there was first love. We were forever, or so we said. BFF is supposed to be forever too. Forever doesn't mean the same thing to me I guess.

There were others I trusted and they took everything I could give until I had nothing left and they left when I had no more to give them. All called themselves friends. All took everything I could give and left as soon as I had no more to give. None stayed in touch, except one, but mostly by text unless she need something. Yes, you.

I don't know why I continue believing in human beings when I have so much evidence that people can not be trusted. I just keep believing there is someone who can give it all the way I do and keep hoping I will find her and she will want to share it all with me.

None of the doors ever close. None of the blogs ever end.

That was real, this is real.

Narf :)

The Wandering Away

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