libido

recently a good friend asked me why i am not in a relationship and i went over some reasons, like the fact that the libido part of my brain is am rather narrow-minded in what is visually attractive to me and while there are other reasons for my choosing not to reach out and touch, if the right person came along i doubt i would pass up the chance to reach out and see if there is a mutual physical attraction, but people like cami ford (the best thing about brighthouse) do not just appear as i go through my daily activities... there may be hope for mormons yet, but of course there's still the no sex rule... skin tight clothes, but no nudity... am i already detecting double standards and hypocrisy?... and have i just demonstrated why i am alone?... did you see that coming?... or that?... ah, yes, laugh and the world laughs with you, ya know...

meanwhile, when someone attracts libbo (especially visually {skip to the current list here... yes, there is a list}, yes, i am seriously sensual and very visual and not at a loss of other senses at all), she will know... yeah, we can laugh at the candor and/or respect the honesty or do whatever you like, but i know what i like...

late late whatever

sometimes the brain is just itching to write something so clever it would change the world, but then the food's ready (and i don't mean a tallahassee fruit loop) so what can i do other than put aside the keyboard and reach for the food cuz i don't want hot food to get cold cuz it tastes better hot and if i didn't cook it then ignoring it is an insult to the cook and i do not like insulting cooks so by the time the taste buds have orgasmed (and the cook might come along too) whatever clever words were carried away by winds unknown (maybe a secret santa?) and the best we can do is watch half a mechanical man infer that cleaning your chimney is something dirty...

now really, how can cleaning be dirty?... perhaps if you don't do it well... anyway, it is that time of night again, time to sit back and watch craig ferguson mock everything as only a man-child going through some sort of eternal puberty can... i think there should be a contest for the guest who turns reddest while on his show...

oh canada, where art that?

sleep is good

oh yeah (with a deep and resounding reverberating smile ya know?)... the body feels uber super wonderful (though the arm aches a bit, healing continues) after all that walking and bouncing and fun yesterday and they is partly cuz i ate healthier yesterday and partly cuz of all the exercise yesterday, but mostly cuz i slept... sleep is good for the body... soooo good...

and the head is smiling too cuz with so much sleep, there is a happy grogginess now... the deep-sleep-drugs are still alive and kicking... i will wake in a bit and maybe then i will catch up on thoughts that transcended through the brain while i slept (perhaps even dreams, aye?)...

hope today is sparkly :)

sleeping tdl (to do list)

one of the to do lists that waits for more time and motivation is this to do list of things i'd like to do but not at the moment (so these things on this to do list are waiting for time and motivation just like the to do list itself, aye?... ummmm, ok)... since this sort of came out of the sleep cycle, the list may seem random and maybe even in need of some organization like as in to do on the web and to to asap and to do around the house and to do soon and to do eventually and to do with others and to do after i do something else that needs to be done before i can do this and so on, but hey, it's a list... 

• search for all the profiles of me on the web (some i didn't even create like 
• search for all the profiles of me that i've created on the web
• find a friend offline who wants to share the search for who we are on the web
• put labels on all of the entries in all of my blogs
• see if the labels make any sense
• consider making sense of the labels if they don't seem to make sense
• edit my writings
• publish my writings
• make enough money to retire
• retire
• clean out the car
• buy a new car
• buy a new house
• fall in love again
• reconnect with old friends
• share uninhibited sex
• remember me
• actualize me
• clean out the boxes in the bedroom closet and bedroom
• unpack the books and find shelving for them
• read more
• get stuff out of ny storage and sort through and so on
• sort through and organized all the music i've got on cds and on the computer
• run more
• exercise more
• remember i have abs
• organize this and other tdls (to do lists)
• create an abbreviation list for reference to all the random abbreviations i create
• include what i intend to mean with the labels on that abbreviation list
• find, update, or recreate my personal dictionary
• share my personal dictionary with close friends so they might understand me when i talk to them
• find time for all this
• find a friend who wants to know me well enough to find time for all this
• continue this and other tdls

so anyway, there's what came from the relatively deep of last night... who knows what might come from relatively deep sleep another night... or even from seriously deep sleep once the arm no longer nags, aye?...

are we having fun yet? :)
 

not quite yet

and we lose the option of sleeping four hours, most likely, as the entries for the day of the date (it's no secret, really) and the time of year... we have come a long way from woodstock, even from woodstock two, or three, for that matter and the fact is nobody knows... unless you want to... so perhaps i can close my eyes and sleep now...

a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

no coincidence, aye?...

nite nite :)

12/12/12/12/12/12 again

lol... wonder what profound thought might appear here... time may tell, if i live this long and remember to return to this blog... cuz ya see, like the previous post, this post was scheduled years ago, perhaps by the mayan's themselves, cuz there was a possibility that i would not live long enough to actually post this manually, but apparently i did, sort of...

and if i didn't return, i hope life is wonderful :)

apparently i returned, or am returning, and this is the real 12-12-12, 12:12:12 entry cuz the last one that pretended to be the 12-12-12, 12:12:12 entry was actually the 12-12-12, 00:12:12 (note the subtle numerical changes), for whatever it means...

so has the world changed while we slept?... or while we were awake?...

12/12/12/12/12/12

something to do with time and space, i reckon... reckoning, that's what the mayan's said, or maybe that was the more modern interpretation... in any event (and who knows what events might be any), this entry was written in bits and pieces over the course of time starting last year or before and is all set to be posted at 12 minutes and 12 seconds after 12 on the 12th day of the 12th month of the 12th year in this millennium, for whatever it's worth to numerologists or anyone else...

maybe i will provide some actual daily life before posting, aye?...

coulda been you

from the land of couldabeen :)

missing links

as i drop them into entries
as the days slide passed us now
i wonder how many will never find your eyes
(not to mention your heart and mind)

and rather than believe
they have been a waste of time, somehow,
i shall believe they will be shared someday
(that some day we will find the time for rhyme)

and so i leave them here to be found
cuz that is what makes my world go round

(and then i thought out loud) . . . hmmmm, there is a rhyming pattern in there, however complex or meandering, that inspires my smile as much as the message within the words that form the rhyming pattern if you know what i mean... almost a month and almost as many entries (and links to other entries) as days gone by and what might have been is wistful and whatever will be will be as it's always been (meta-time-ically speaking)...

(and then i shared the day) . . . another long work day without taking a break cuz it was almost time for normal people to go home when i looked at the clock and home just in time to make a sandwich and catch the ncaa women's tournament with jackson and nod off in the chair and wake to find myself here with an entry box waiting for words... so here are the words and now, where is bed? :)

KIT! :)

and so it goes and yes i said it right there at the top in the title it coulda been you this entry was too but instead, it was to someone else who wasn't here either so in the end it was to me and so it goes and so it goes and i am... the only one who knows :)

if you ask why i am smiling, you most likely do not know me well enough to understand my answer and so it may sound absurd, but if you do not understand my silence, you will not understand..... my words . . . my words . . . my words :)

number eleven, number eleven, number eleven

hey, it worked for number nine...

someday, i may write an entry fitting of this date, but for now, i leave these words here to be uploaded at the scheduled aforementioned time just cuz i love numbers and who knows, whether we know it or not, it might actually mean something somewhere in the universe, maybe even here...

and so i did, amazing, perhaps, especially since i have been away from writing daily and away from the internet and touched the computer only once or twice in the past week or two, but here we are... see what numbers will do?... or was it something more intuitive or profound, even... like please help my friend become mayor for a day by clicking like on her video (pass it on, she so deserves it) cuz some things (and people) are magical, ya know?...

there is something profound somewhere, if only there was time to find it... maybe before the numbers go away...

lost in her eyes

well, wishful thinking, but seriously lost in the internet tonight as i've sat here for more than eight hours wandering mostly youtube watching and listening hour after hour and you can find much of my wandering and viewing and listening linked in all of the sites i saw pages specially tonight and tomorrow (remind me to fix that link tomorrow if i forget) culminating in the sheer adorableness and musical gifts of zooey deschanel who helped me finally completed the specific sites i saw for amy's birthday (though natalie portman and mila kunis {especially the last link} inspired the title of this entry and sheesh, where are faces like hers around here, sigh and all that)...

alas, and where did the actual physical world romantic i once was wander off to?... not to mention the imaginary one who wrote thousands of loves songs over the years... zooey would understand... yup, i am in love (yeah, lafs {love at first site} once again) with zooey and her music (adorableness is powerful, but mix it with a sultry sweet voice singing all those standards and it's linda ronstadt and melanie all over again) and still, mila's face melts me (seriously lafs)... superficial?... i so wish i had the opportunity to find out (as i laugh myself off to la la land now :)

nite nite and make it a wonderful day :)

thousands

over the years i've written in diaries, journals, blogs, and wherever regularly so that just about every day i record thoughts, feelings, perspectives, dreams, fantasies, whatever may be borne of my own mind or just passes through from sensory input... there are more than a few threads, strings of entries (or posts) from different perspectives in my head and more than a few of the writing spaces have more than a thousand entries, this one included... if you ask why, the simple answer is i love word play, literary expression, and keeping in touch with myself and the dream of communicating with others, especially the one... care to read and ask for more and the deeper layers of meaning, reason, and rhyme (and the secrets of the multiverse, even) may appear for you as communication personalizes...

here in the primary public writing space i am skimming the surface most of the time and even those i mention are re-named to respect privacy (for others seems to want much more privacy than i do) and even when i am away from this writing space for a day or few, i am still writing somewhere... writing is for my mind what singing is for my body and spirit, exercise, release, play, connection to the core and flights of fancy to freedom and infinity (and beyond :)

if you have an affinity for the written word (or for singing and/or music), perhaps you understand... you are welcome to read along and encouraged to share your words as well, here, there, or anywhere... communication is one of the primary gifts this life offers and i love giving and receiving... hope you love what you do too :)

woke, slept, woke

relaxing day, walked and ran with happiness, ate baked clams, nodded off during really bad sci-fi movies, babbled, and filled out 93% of an eharmony profile cuz it's free this weekend... meanwhile, they only found seven "matches" for me in the entire world and only one lives within 100 miles... they won't allow a free trial to see photos, so it's pretty much a waste of time as i am not approaching anyone on a dating site without seeing their face... if someone contacts me, i'll respond, but i'm not re-locating or looking for a long distance relationship so, it was something to do... i did get an interesting report from all the profile information that i'll put up somewhere for you to read... somewhere like here...

later :)

time goes by too fast

yeah, a harry chapin song comes to mind and i've been off in my own little world (mind) but this time i might remember a bit more than last time cuz i recall downloading and uploading dozens of videos to the pop news blog that i know everyone just loves to enjoy...

someday :)

it's good to be delusional, as long as the delusions are hurting or condemning anyone, ya know... so otherwise, jackson is off to chicago and it's just me and happiness for the next week or so and i head back to work tomorrow (alas) and i shall find a way to carry the wonderful remembering to explore my own head back with me into the mad mad mad mad (etc) world...

hope you've been great (and now too :)

holy time moving

i was enjoying whatever i was doing yesterday and last night so much that i fogot to come here and tell you about it... must have been fun... it was something about enjoying getting into my own head and wandering the web wherever it might lead and softball in the evening followed by basketball (cuz softball was not satisfying physically) and then cooked dinner and wandered youtube and the web all night and then, slept all day (almost) and the nocturnal clock is buzzing and the excitment of feeling the nocturnal clock buzzing is bouncing all over the place and so, yay :)

been so long

since an all-nighter was so refreshing... from the depths of the buried treasures (and the sadness that they were buried so long and still remain mostly buried, but at least remembered to the euphoria of remembering) to the pleasures of the momentary experiences of letting music envelope me almost as it once did (shhh, we do not need to notice the almost at the moment :)

the past six or seven thereal entries (and dozens of others, some linked, some not) tell a story of a life, a week, an eternity... and while you had to be here to begin to understand, perhaps you will care to want to know one day and in that wanting, the story of a life continues...

till tomorrow :)

ups and downs

life has been presenting a series of lemons of late and sometimes, i tired of making lemonade, no matter how sweet it comes out... and while i can continue to find humor in everything, i also tire of having to look for it or create it, i mean, sometimes i just want the sweet humor to just be, ya know?...

challenges at work from a director who refuses to cooperate with the program (she's got a goal to be less oppositional, but she's very passive aggressive so she is only succeeding on the surface)... unfortunately, most people are professionally superficial there, so... challenges continue...

challenges at softball from the male egos who do not team well...
from drama queens who do not team well... from professionals who are fun, but too busy to team well... ah, grown ups just don't team well... that's why there are so few really good teams... lots of talent, but few teams...

challenges at the social community from the human race into which i have never comfortable assimilated... some of the reasons are above, but mostly, the reasons are beyond explanation in common language, incomprehensible and all that... kind of like god...

ah, in the end, challenges are so amusing (if you see things through my eyes)... so i'll just mosey on off as i do every day (and night), singing softly to myself, whatever i am doing, and laughing at the futility of the challenges... while i may tire of doing it, i still prefer sweet humor to sour or bitter or frustrating challenges, so i'd rather be tired and happy than not tired and sour or bitter or frustrated... so never mind, aye?...

hope your day was amusing too :)

anybody here?

yeah, i know, it's a hopefulness based on hope alone as i check to see if anybody stopped by any of my online spaces almost every time i return home, especially since starting this e-the-real blog where i stop in for brief updates and the waving the waterboys sang of all those years ago...

another game party with some of the funnest people in orlando and even though i was nodding off and so ready to sleep before i left, a little caffeine and sugar and i was playing and here we are, ten hours later, groggy but more awake than i was... friends and fun and the night...

maybe i'll get two hours sleep before morning practice and somehow i'll get some pants washed (or maybe i'll just stop and buy another pair of pants) for work this week, but after practice i'm hoping i don't stink too much so i can nap somewhere downtown before the party and the afternoon game so i might rejoin the party after the game (hoping i still don't stink too much) and somehow squeeze in getting the pants washed or bought and getting some sleep before starting another work week...

it's not like this is any sort of revelation (speaking of redundant thoughts), but there really are not enough hours in a day on this planet... i need to find a planet with 42 hour days, that is the answer, ya see :)

hope you are enjoying your sleep and your day is even more fun when you wake :)

happy birthday nic

to all ships at sea

and anyone keeping in touch or interested in what's going on in the daily wanderings i loosely call my life... i might have been done by now, but instead, i've dragged my feet for weeks and today included and watched most of the superbowl and so, there's still more packing to do... all night, perhaps, with a deadline of 7am so i can shower and get to work to do orientation training... i should be home by 10am, which will give me an hour or so before the maintenance inspection and another hour or so before the movers get here... it's so exciting to be wondering if i am going to get it all done on time...

the oven is going through it's clean cycle... hopefully it does not set off the seriously sensitive smoke alarm in the middle of the night... i need two large burner trays to replace those cuz i only have small ones, which means i must have used the big new ones somewhere along the way... or gave them away... so a trip out to the store is going to be part of the morning trip to work... by then i should have everything done... and get wrinkly hands, since i must have given away my gloves too...

am i getting tired?... yup... am i getting lonely again?... yup... do i wish someone was here to help, or at least to keep me company?... yup... am i going back to packing and cleaning now?... yup...

lol lam narf :)

back to packing

moving (like movies) really should be a shared experience, which is is why i am leaving these words here for you so you can imagine you are (if you are here) or were (if you are here now) part of the experience...

someday i hope to move all of the boxes from storage just north of niagara falls to somewhere near where i live so i can unpack and get all nostalgic and mushy and i so wish someone would share that experience, but that person would have to truly love me or somehow earn much closeness and want to be much close to me cuz the memories in storage go back to the beginning of time as i've known it in this life...

for tonight, we could explore why the harry potter films and world appeal to me so much (as if being an unwanted orphan was not enough), but even more, we can share the packing experience... yeah, so thanks much for stopping by and being here and sharing cuz moving is so much more fun when shared, ya know :)

continue continue

no, i did not order little ceasar's pizza, just emphasizing what i must do through the night until i am done... breaking for a moment to eat cuz amidst the backing i decided i would cook spaghetti with shrimp and onions in an enhanced sun dried tomato and roasted red pepper alfredo sauce (less than ten minutes prep and the time to boil spaghetti for cooking time... the shrimp were frozen cooked 100-150, two bags {two pounds} and for the sauce i started with two jars of classico alfredo sauce, one sun dried tomato and one roastted red pepper, added a couple of squirts of tarter sauce, a few tablespoons of ken's valdelia onion salad dressing, a quarter cup of sabrett's onion topping {usually used on hot dogs} and microwaved covered for 2 minutes, stirring, two more minutes, stirring, two more minutes, then add some grated parm-ramono-asiago cheese and let six until the spaghetti was cooked... really yummy sauce that could have only been better if i took the time to reduce it for thickness... i could have added cream cheese though, hmmm, next time :)

i love it when a meal is delicious and it takes longer to eat it to cook it... best of all, just one pot, one collander, a fork, a large spoon, and two microwavable bowls to wash (used a hard cardboard dixie paper plate as a cover)... of course the purist understands the limitations of frozen and pre-prepared sauces and additions, but still, flavor was YAY :)

no extra salt or butter/fat spread and no bread even, though i'll defrost the frozen garlic-cheese breadsticks for next time since i cooked enough for the next two days so with the leftovers already in the fridge, i am done cooking until monday in the new apartment so i can scrub the kitchen and oven and be done...

ate while typing this entry and now, back to packing :)