just a life

while some of you tell me (and i so appreciate it) that i have some profound messages and valuable insights and i truly treasure your praise and respect (not just ego, you touch my heart by valuing my writing), at the bottom line it's just a life, one life, the one i experience and observe, that brings this blog and the writing in it to you...

i want to share a lot more than i do... so i write when no one is around to share... these days, while i am not working, i have a lot more time alone so i am writing a lot more... stating the obvious, yet it is part of the understanding i wish to convey here... if i write something of value, that is a wonderful feeling for me, but it is still icing on the cake of sharing that this blog is about...

it's just a life... just don't tell ego, aye? :)

and more

yeah, talking 'bout more words 'n stuff, yup, lot's more, gotcha some more out there you missed again, cuz, after all, you missed this one (smirkalicious) and so, that's life.... and another day given to the work, the job, the human race... and another day missing the life inside and the sharing, the live, the life, the music, the words, the intimacy, the magic, the more...

good day, all in all, hope yours was too :)

growing closer

the list, that is... yes, it's a look around thereal in thereal, this blog page, that is, and we find that the section on the right entitled come a little bit closer just like the old song by jay and the americans (oh go listen, you know you want to) or even this guy, but that's only a deeper reference to the concept of the section and all i am trying to point out (oh really, all?... even gilligan knows better, nyuk and all... oh really?) is that the array of linked pages to choose from (or to wander in order listed) to get to know me better (i.e. come a little bit closer, get it?) is growing to stretch well below the length of the page (being the left side entry length of which i refer to, ya see) and that, my friends, just may be the epitome of defeating the purpose of the brevity upon which this blog was founded...

it is becoming apparently obvious that the babblers have been neglected too long... and that is thereal too...

shoulda, coulda, woulda

yeah, slept good last night (not great, but good) and skipped dinner and felt the bloat go away and got home today after an almost two day fast and wasn't really hungry but boom, i eat anyway and suddely i'm hungry ,i>after,/i> i eat dinner... emotional hunger is ridiculous, but i ate some smart start cereal and chocolate milk (fat free) for dessert and once again, feel the bloat...

i did write a bit and downloaded some of the blogs as an xml file (with no formatting) and am looking for a way to actually download the blogs as whole blogs... and att just sent me an email telling me they are discontinuing their web site service so i must find a way to download all of the pages over there in the next few weeks or they'll go pooof, all gone, like the disney sites did... the words are worth saving, after all, cuz someday...

anyway, shoulda skipped dinner tonight and reinforced the fast, maybe some grapefruit and a yogurt... coulda gotten back on the lighter eating lighter body track... woulda been a good thing instead of just a good idea... yea yeah yeah yeahhhhh (thank you beatles :)

so how was your night? :)

must have forgotten

even the title is deja vu, but i was so absorbed by browsing the web last night (and most of yesterdat, even as i nodded off) that i forgot to blog, here, at least... i left comments in various places and rambled on a lot, actually, just not in any of my blogs... i think...

it was a wonderful blurry time, it was... but i remember being inspired quite wonderfully to believe there may actually be some hope for humanity after all (i know, i'm so easy)... there are bound to be links popping up here and there sooner or later, so stay tuned for another mad love affair, or something like that...

and work, the usual for a first work day of the month, beating the bushes for the data from department heads, preparing reports, and since it's the first of the year, finishing up the new databases and spreadsheets for the new year... this director stuf is way too easy, really, even when the brain has to work overtime to put together stuff in half the time it would take the ordinary superman...

life is too much fun with self-mockery :)

after a nap

of almost exactly 4 hours (i wonder if am i the only one with such a precise internal clock or if it is an abnormality of my mind... another explanation for my aloneness, if i was looking for one) and i flip on the tv to listen to and glance up at football games (but find that the news is blaring the usual stories about people who died or got hurt or did other stupid things last night and worse, the top news story is the fox-bright house war... what a culture)...

hope you are healthy, happy, and enjoying the heck out of everything :)

web knowledge

been all over the place, watching videos, reading heavy stuff, laughing at nonsense and irreverence, sighing deeply at tragedy and cruelty and human stupidity, and generally enjoying my brain a whole lot... some of the journey is even linked around in my increasingly daily diverse dribbling diatribes around the web... ya see?...

that's my e-the-real, how's yours? :)

right on right on

so besides being still awake, bloated by pizza and pasta and ice cream and chocolate and dr pepper cherry, and feeling the stress/strain on the body inside out (including the heart muscle), i started yet another new blog, the thirtieth (approximately) here at blogspot...

scary, no doubt...

feel free to voice your complaints there (nyuk nyuk, narf :)

for no apparent reason

sometimes i put off uploading a new entry because the current entry is pure genius, or more precisely, poignantly full of some information i with everyone could and would read and if i put another entry out there, that current entry slips into the abyss of the archives where some of the most brilliant (or personally representative of me) entries sit unnoticed for years or even, forever... so rather than delay the pending flood of entries that are bubbling up today in the few hours i have to sit and vegetate here in front of the computer and tv (not that there's anything on the boob toob around here on saturdays), i will include links to the profoundly vital entries i am overstating with delusions of grandeur and poor spelling right here and elsewhere as i ramble on today and possibly, other days as well (look for them, that's the game, even more of a build-up, aye?... ah, the self-mockery of self-importance and arrogance of narcissism still amuses me after all these years)... and since we know you wouldn't have been able to sleep tonight if you didn't know this, you can thank me later... and so, onward...

yes, in the interest of your sanity and future children we might have, let it be known that you must have all of the qualities (did ya see, did ya see?... it's a link!... shhhh, don't tell anybody) and more to get close to me, though if you hum a few bars you can fake it for a while, especially if loneliness is strong, but then you need to know that we only would be sharing fantasy bubbles that burst at random moments (even if they are euphoric and/or orgasmic before they do), so forewarning and all that, aye... seriously, your sense of humor must be flexible or it'll brobably break trying to keep up with mine (mine does pilates in it's sleep) if you really want to get close and try to know me... one test could be if you laugh at, and more importantly with craig ferguson, then you may have enough silliness in your sense of humor to appeal to my lofty tom-snootery (you'll have to write in for the definition if you don't already get it)... ah, but you may already misunderstand and be put off by your limited mind...

meanwhile, if you really know (or study, which requires a post doctorate degree, but kindergarteners have been known to get it too) a look at my history it should relieve any sense of offensive superiority you might have assumed i assumed, or presumed, or consumed, for that matter as the power of words demolishes any modicum of composure anyone might have when they arrive (but before you start thinking it's just like old times, i give you the word and remind you that you really don't know what's going on or what is real until you look into my eyes and sit and talk honestly for a spell cause all this internet babbling is fun and amusing (to me, at least), but cuz i love to play with my head, your head might get played with as well and even though i mean no harm, you might find confusion in my delusions and if we don't share the same illusion then misunderstanding is likely to follow, so take me with a grain, or a truckload of salt, for that matter, ya folla?...

are we having fun yet? :)

am i rambling again? (with linkage!)

well, there's the original babbling that i've done ever since i could hold a crayon and scribble words on paper eventually called the written gardens that finally found some public viewing on my website (99.9% words cuz i don't take the time to learn the visual presentation stuff) and then the diaries, journals, and blogs and more blogs started proliferating on the web about twelve years ago and the progression from personal babbling to keep in touch (kit) to the thousands of pages on the first online journal through live journal and early diary land days (or nights, to be more accurate) to the blog spot times that bring us to the present (and so many others still active tangentially growing off the tree of madness that is the writing jones i enjoy so much), this has been a long strange trip and a long and winding road and much fun...

looking back (and around) i realize that i must find time to set up an ftp program and download all of my pages and update most entry pages as they are quite out of date (a few years for some)... but that will takes days, maybe weeks, and there is no such time in this life these days so everything i've ever posted on the net could just disappear one day and much of the babbling and rhymes are not saved anywhere... though there is always the wayback machine that has surprised me with blasts from the past at times, but anyway, this is an aside more to myself than to you even though it does provide you with some useless knowledge and therein ought to qualify as rambling, if not babbling, aye?...

and in the last week or few, after a pause during the summer of this year, it appears that i am feeling the babbler demanding time enough to overcome the demand for sleep (which is usually the case) and all-nighters are brewing and well, i guess the answer to the title question after all that introductory linkage is, hmmmmm, it's a possibility or even, hmmmmm, could be... cuz babbling is much like cartoons and as i believe the immortal words of one of the royal family of toons, bugs, said so well and we all know anything is possible in cartoons...

nyuk, nyuk, narf...

life is like 200 motels

or was that 200 blogs?...

softball in about seven six hours, so maybe i'll get four hours sleep, sweet four hours, but if there was only 42 hours in a day i might get eight hours a day, maybe, and feel more refreshed and all..

maybe it's time to buy the netbook so i can tap the keys in more places, especially in bed...

wherever i might lay my head...

I went somewhere else to start again

to start again
to start again
to start again

to start again
to start again
to start again

to start again
to start again
to start again

to start again
to start again
to start again

to start again
to start again
to start again

and the voice in the wild (is it fear or the quest for truth or some higher power or the challenge of love or the dare of freedom or the curiosity of the child or the cat or the moon) asks how many times must a man walk down or must a writer start a blogging space anew... and why, maybe the real question (what maybe, understate me will you not to distract us from the point, after all), why i start again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again (what?) again...

but who's asking, really?

maybe it's just to prove i am alive

blogging, i mean... i started writing to talk to myself, to express myself, to figure out what i thought and felt about everything cuz if i could make sense of things in words, then things made more sense in my head... especially the abstract things like love and right and wrong and colors and flavors and the price of tea in china, or something like that... anyway, i am alive, i am here (who?)...

the body feels yesterday and while more sleep would be really nice, the good wobble and ache is an old friend, so yay and all that... off to work now, see you later - make it great :)

where does the time go, dangit?

must wake in four hours to shower and dry off (it's cold outside) and dress and drive to the softball tournament (so much for getting enough sleep, dangit) and i got home around 10pm and re-laced part of my softball glove cuz it's old and falls apart now and then and then updated behind the candoor and realtime too, and checked out some other stuff and found myself nodding off just a moment ago so i'm off to bed and la la land and will attempt to blog later and should have bought the laptop dangit...

nite nite :)

what in the world

am i doing still awake?... well, tonight, i was lost in the audio-visual fun of a few people on youtube... check my video blogs for a touch of the night... i did not get to the gym and i did eat cashews and some pineapple soda and some chocolate mousse and some orange soda and oh well, the weight will wait another day, aye... but the night was much fun... meanwhile, it's ridiculously late and work will need my full attention tomorrow, so i am putting a frap in the fridge and heading to bed now...

nite nite :)

the more things change

so i stayed home to do laundry and unpack and sort more and clean and make it to the gym and none of that got done... i did write more and uploaded more and added more bottles to the internet seas, but none of the other essential stuff... must do laundry tomorrow to have clothes for work the rest of the week...

well, i'm heading over to rasputin's now to watch the game... i thought we were going to frogger's (and there's a big group going to a froggers in a better part of town), but raspy is a homebody and we'll stay there... there'll probably be more smoke in that house than in any sports bar and if i'd have known i'd have said no cuz i've already been to one smokey sports bar this week (the places i go after softball do not allow smoking inside cuz they serve food) and besides, there might be people to meet out of the house, but i don't want to disappoint him so i'm heading over...

shower before, shower after, 45 minute ride ther, 45 minute ride back, and no way i'm going right to bed when i get home cuz i'll have all this juice in my head... i'm gonna be a tired puppy at work tomorrow... whatever you're doing tonight, make it fun :)

what? back already? don't you have a life?

just moments ago, or so it seems, we woke out of a four hour nap to head shower, shave, dress (mustn't forget to dress in this culture... that's one of the most important rules in the hitchhiker's guide for this mostly harmless planet cuz it's definitely not mostly harmless to naked people... isn't it ironic, don't you think... apparently, few do, but anyway) and out the door to buy tires for precious and while waiting, we looked for stuff to do...

the tire place is kind of next to the library, so we went in and i now have a couple of new cd stacks to import and listen to... yay for libraries... and then precious was hungry so she chose taco bell and then it was back to the car and here we are again, one step closer to that stairway gilda darling was dreaming about in the previous entry... can i get back to my rhymes now, the muse wonders...

or wait, actually, there's all that babble to sort through, so perhaps, until another nap comes knocking (or the gym, i did promise myself an extended gym session (going for calories and fat burn instead of time and cardio) due to the snacking i've been doing the last few days... weeks... holiday season...

so what's up with your day? :)

missed opportunities

i'm home (and finally awake as i slept almost twelve hours today, waking and moving to another location to see if i was ready to wake up and fell back to sleep) and the sugar hangover is fading (that's what woke me a few times and sent me back to sleep)... eating now, having returned from the gym in the past hour (and while there, getting a phone call about a game night gathering tonight that was full-up when i checked this morning so i made other plans {gym, dinner at home, and relaxing} so the gathering misses me and i miss whomever might have shown up, but that's life... people always drop out of these game nights at the last minute and i'm not into sitting around waiting for the chance that maybe an opening will happen when there are so many other things to do)...

so i ate, wrote a reflective rhyme in another time, and now i am going to gather together a dozen or so entries that have been scribbled in a word file over the past week or two and upload them to wherever they go... at least that's the plan :)

i have no idea

why i am still awake, that is... yes, i am still awake... rambling on behind the candoor and in RealTime™ for hours on end after spending hours on the phone after pigging out after telling myself i must get sleep and rest and eat better and as soon as i get that rest, get back to running and call the girl who asked me to call next time i run… then i can find out why she asked, after all…

sometimes i am deliberately denser than a lead wall, i think…

but the brain loves the release :)

meanwhile, in the real world

as the babbler cheats and presents more words than anyone ever wants to share and in RealTime™ the babbler pushes the brain to exhaustive giddiness on little more than ego energy and habit, here in thereal, the body aches and the brain fizzes and the physical experience sucks tonight (as it did last night) and all i want to do is sleep… whenever i feel like this i resist believing it might actually be a bug/germ/virus or something real and imagine it is likely to be a stupid depressive choice in my subconscious wanting some selfish me-time… proof would be in the blood tests, perhaps, but i won’t go for those again as too many false alarms of late have me turned off on modern medicine because they want thousands of dollars now… so read me elsewhere if you read me at all and here in thereal, i’ll take another nap now as somewhere in my head, wacko sings hello nurse as a lullaby…

nite nite :}